~ archived since 2018 ~

Dear Men - RPW is the women's sub

May 31, 2022

This is a reminder that most men do not belong on RPW. The coming changes to TRP have not changed this fact.

Men who are here need to be here because they are experts at red pill theory. The way you prove this is by spending time gaining status on the men's subs. So if you are endorsed here or at TRP then you are welcome to be here.

There are extensive rules outlined in the rules page for male participation. The big ones are that you must be older, married/ltr-ed (this really means that we want you to have enough experience in a relationship with a woman that you aren't speaking theoretically) and understand RP.

Men's questions are not permitted as posts or in the comments. Men's personal preference are not advice since we aren't trying to date you. Men's ideas of what a high value man would or would not do are questionable at best and unlikely to be helpful. Men talking to other men can be done off the sub.

This is the women's group. We ban liberally and without warnings. If you don't know if you belong here, check with a mod.

And if you want to talk about the red pill, go sign up at

This has been a public service announcement.

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Post Information
Title Dear Men - RPW is the women's sub
Author pearlsandstilettos
Upvotes 140
Comments 59
Date May 31, 2022 12:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]Hellokittynole 57 points58 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

I sorta feel like males should be banned altogether because masculine men would not invade feminine spaces in general so anybody commenting is probably not worth listening to anyways.

This is a great PSA though.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 25 points26 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

We've always felt that men's voices should be heard. We wanted those to be men who understand RP and like women but that the right men can be helpful to the sub. And over the years for everyone who has wanted a women's only space, others want to hear the men's take.

The challenge is getting the right men and we do our best here to cut the wrong ones out. You should see the ban list.

But even if we say "no men" we will still get men coming in. Without having a closed group (which them prevents others from finding us) there will always be people coming in who we don't want.

[–]OmarNBradley 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I frankly think that most of the men who post here do it to get validation from women that may or may not be forthcoming to them IRL. They know that this is a space where women are unlikely to be overtly rude to them so they spread out and make themselves at home. It's easy to tell which ones enjoy schooling the little ladies.

It's frankly gross. I'm of the opinion that men should not be allowed to create OPs here, period, and most male commenters should be banned. For some reason they have a real mental block with the fact that just as women generally give bad advice to men on how to deal with women, men generally give bad advice to women on how to deal with men. The exceptions are few and far between.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I don't disagree with you about men coming to look for validation. Personally I think that if women don't want men around, they should not interact with them. There are plenty of men who would wander off if starved for attention.

I have seen men give good advice that gets reported simply on the basis that he's a man or someone doesn't like it. It's hard in an RP sub. There are a lot of "leave him" and "yggg" voices at the moment. There are threads that I could easily remove most of the comments and I just don't know what to do there so instead we leave most of them and hope it balances out.

[–]OmarNBradley 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah the “just leave him” can sometimes be tough to parse, because if there is an OP that goes “my boyfriend plays video games and smokes weed all day and barely works and leaves a mess everywhere, how can I get him to be different,” and there have been a few of those lately, it is impossible to give actionable advice that will have the effect the OP wants.

I personally have tried to square that circle by responding that they’re not married and this is part of what vetting for commitment entails. But lately there have also been a lot of men piling up to say of course he won’t wash dishes, why should he? Or they skip the part about the boyfriend being a layabout and respond as though he is a high-earning techbro. There are a few guys who give good advice but by and large they seem to find it impossible to realize that an OP is asking about her own specific situation, not about the preferences of any man who happens to be wandering by.

Modding can be a huge pain in the ass. I have done it and the temptation to arm-sweep everything right off the table can be great. I have a lot of respect for the people who put more effort into it than that!

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are definitely cases where the "leave him" advice is warranted. In those cases the only things that make me twitchy are the "run girl". It doesn't show that the commenter has any basis or even a reasonable view of things. And then the longer term the relationship the worse it is to say "just leave".

But I'm totally with you that it's a vetting issue and women should be made aware that if they make the decision to stay, this is what they are getting.

But in the scenarios you are talking about with men saying "oh well high value men will never do xyz" yeah, I meant what I said the other day. I'm going to start telling them high value women don't give blow jobs (and then banning them). I'm very fatigued of everyone who defines high value on behalf of the OP, particularly men who have no understanding of what a woman feels is high value.

I never thought I'd miss the terms "alpha and beta" but at least we could point to definitions and talk about them as traits.

[–]LadySandcastle 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Whether the advice is good or not seems irrelevant if they come in and comment when they have 1) never posted in the men's redpill and 2) show either no signs or ltr or their post history clearly shows they're single. They're breaking the rules then...good advice or not, unless I misunderstood and comments from ALL males are allowed?

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

So you'd prefer to forgo good advice simply to uphold the rules?

That's not in my genetic make up. I tend to look at what is being said first. If it's helpful and it's RP then I don't look further. If it's a problem then I look to see if it is coming from someone who should be here or not. For me the content is more important than the source.

I know not everyone is like me in this regard but I'd be going against my nature to do otherwise.

[–]LadySandcastle 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most of the time yes, because rules add as much objectivity as possible. If some people are allowed to break the rules because the moderation team subjectively likes the content well, what is the point of the rule? Picking and choosing who gets to break them and when is unfair to the community in my opinion.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I understand this perspective but I believe that good advice that leads to happy relationships is the most important goal of the sub.

The rules are there to help us towards that goal. If we follow them blindly then we are throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

In a practical sense, I simply don't have the bandwidth to check every person's post history for every comment. When I created the off Reddit Telegram group, we did decide to keep it to women but we are able to invite people in so that's a much easier task. This is an open forum and someone once told me- eliminating feminists (and men) is like playing wack-a-mole.

I think some women (and I'm not saying this is you) expect that if we just cut out all the men then the sub would florish. I have serious doubts that is the case. RPWives doesn't have men and that sub is very quiet. Perhaps private groups are different but I suspect that has to do with the make up of the group itself.

[–]LadySandcastle 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I enjoy much of what the endorsed men here contribute. It's the one-offs that come in that I find is controversial. Like you said they can offer good advice a lot of the times despite not following the rules. However I originally replied because of this:

I have seen men give good advice that gets reported simply on the basis that he's a man

They could be reporting it because this sub states it's against the rules, assuming we're talking about men who aren't endorsed here. This is where I feel torn. What if I like the advice a man gives but it gets removed because the mod team thinks it's bad advice, and he doesn't meet the criteria. Most of the men that come in and give awful advice could be reported under "not redpill" and you could do away with the men's only rule and it would function about the same in my opinion.

I appreciate you taking the time to give me your perspective. I've lurked here for several years before ever commenting and it's always been a great resource for me.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think any man that comes here and posted “keep his stomach full and balls empty” as advice needs to be banned automatically! It says a lot about a man’s value if he thinks it’s appropriate to speak to women in that manner yet I see it all the time. It’s just classless

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Maybe back in the RP heyday there were men who came here and gave quality advice, but now almost every time a man comes here they're condescending and argumentative, incels looking to fuel their hatred of women, or just plain unhelpful. I'm sure there are some users who I don't realize are male that give good advice, but off the top of my head I can only think of one.

[–]Hellokittynole 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. It’s really awful and I think it would be a much more pleasant space if males were banned altogether. The men who would invade a woman’s space are not going to be good men and I have not yet anything positive or useful from a man. They’re always belittling or just commenting their own preferences of what a good woman is while they themselves are frequent visitors of incel subs.

[–]TheBunk_TB 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

were men who came here and gave quality advice,

Reddit has unrightfully booted many off.

[–]OmarNBradley 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's as may be. That doesn't mean that the remainder should come here to lecture the little ladies.

[–]TheBunk_TB 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can't lecture on this. You do get some credit for a cool username

[–]gd_reinvent 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I enjoy reading from guys like Vas though. There are some guys that really are super cool and give solid advice that women just don't give.

[–]Hellokittynole 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There should be a space for maybe both mature redpill women and men to interact but I still think even if a man is giving solid advice he doesn’t belong in the subreddit for women. Men need their own spaces just like women also need our own spaces away from the opposite sex. This is just a personal opinion. I think the net good of men being allowed to interact on this subreddit does not triumph over the bad.

[–]gd_reinvent 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There is purplepilldebate but that is not a good place to get advice from men.

[–]Hellokittynole 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Purple pill is just for men and women in general to interact and discuss. There should be a space, if it doesn’t already exist, for redpill men and redpill women to discuss. I don’t think the women’s subreddit should be for that. We deserve our own space just like the men do. I never dare to intrude in male focused communities, I think we should be extended the same courtesy.

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I enjoy reading from guys like Vas though. There are some guys that really are super cool and give solid advice that women just don't give.

Thanks for the props. I do what I can to help, with the understanding that RPW and RPM often have different life goals. That said, if the Lady Mods here ever want me gone, all they have to do is PM me and tell me they want me gone. I mean, they could ban me, too, ofc, but I would like to think they'd give me a "Hey, could you kindly scram?" note first. I'd prefer the revolver with one bullet in it, rather than a ban, you know? /shrugs

[–]LadySandcastle 16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree. They almost always speak from their own perspective and never a woman's, much less an OPs looking for advice. I can't help but wonder what kind of man sits on reddit in a female advice sub of all places...not the sort I'd take advice from at the very least.

[–]TheBunk_TB 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

what kind of man sits on reddit in a female advice sub of all places

He learns about women and the inner workings of the women in his life

[–]LadySandcastle 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The point of this sub is for women to use red pill theory to better their lives. The insight a man can get from this is relatively minimum but their continued contribution is large.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree

[–]DelicateDevelopment4 Star 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I really hope that men will always be allowed in this sub. This is probably the only place where women are enabled to understand men. With respect to my opinion it should by no means ever be a women only place and it should also never be a place for only "soft truths".

[–]SereneDesiree 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm grateful we have such excellent moderators. You really go above and beyond to create a wonderful culture for us.

This space has a very specific feminine presence. I have noticed recently that a lot of men are giving advice which comes off as harsh and out of touch with the environment.

There are plenty of places people can go to receive harsh treatment, but the lovely thing about this subreddit is how welcoming we can be of vulnerability.

It would be a shame to ban all men. I've read some really lovely and insightful comments from them over the years. I just hope that we can emphasize that they are visitors in this space, and should remember to act graciously.

[–]cohost3 25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Can we also look at banning people who are always posting feminist or feminist-lite comments? There are so many “just break up with him” type comments. Then I look at their post history and they were a part of FDS.

[–]TranslatedSky1 Star 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I second this. I have nothing against feminists - after all we have RPWs who are feminists and who make the two work for themselves… but the comments that instantly jump to break up as a solution for most LTR situations need to go.

[–]LivelyLycheeModerator[M] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We actually have a rule against this: “Leave him” is never the first option. We remove them when we see them but we don’t always catch everything. If you see one, definitely report it to us and we will take care of it. Repeat offenders have been banned for this.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, we can and we do and if you have someone in particular in mind (now or in the future) drop me a DM and I will look at their post history.

[–]TranslatedSky1 Star 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for posting this pearl, have been seeing so many entitled male comments lately. This is a feminine space and completely agree if I wanted advice on commitment, I’d be taking it from happily married / LTR’ed / experienced women or men. In that order. Ignore the nasty comments.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem. Every once in a while we need to remind folks of the rules. The nasty stuff will always be here because it's Reddit but we do our best

[–]LoveWitchXo 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for posting this. A lot of men will comment on my post to give me advice and it’s simply condescending and unnecessary.

[–]Key-Progress-8873 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for the PSA. I will respectfully follow it and I will stop posting. A while ago when I found the sub I had a rule for myself that I will post comments only if I feel like my male POV adds something of value. I have generally received good feedback, but over time I found myself posting more and more and sometimes it has been thoughts & comments of lesser value. Sometimes I realized that myself and deleted them. In any case, this is your space and and it is more natural for me to find mine.

[–]Columba-livia77 17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm predicting a lot of salt from men who don't belong here.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 47 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Unlikely. Every man who reads this will assume that the rules do not apply to him. Then he will be shocked that we banned him "without warning"

[–]TheBunk_TB 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I politely remind anyone that wants to post anything that might skirt the rules to contact a mod first. Get input, etc.

Most mods won't condemn you for asking.

I've made errors and many mods will work with you if you operate in good faith.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your prediction came true! Where can I subscribe to your psychic services?

[–]Cheesepit 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. I've seen some condensing comments of hate lately when people ask for advice. It felt uncomfortable and it made me not want to be here.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's hard because no matter what, Reddit is an open forum. When they aren't permitted to comment, some men will take it to DMs which we have no control over. We do our best to remove the nasty stuff but it's a Sisyphean task.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a big believer in women (and men) having private spaces to discuss things with their own sex. Even the most red pilly RP men change the landscape just by being here. You only need a couple of experienced female mods to keep things on track in my experience.

I'm part of a private sub that excludes men, and they will ask for verification before letting you in. The culture in there is so nice. A private sub obvs wouldn't get the same foot traffic as an open one, but maybe that's a good thing.

[–]aigars2 -5 points-4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Don't you think that's kind of non democratic and sexist and segregationist to exclude certain group from conversion? There's even not a lot of men here. That's as bad as any misandrist sub.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why should we be democratic? This is a women's sub for women to talk about women's things. Very few men have anything valuable to add.

[–]aigars2 -5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Might be true to some degree about the women part but how can you presume by default that a man's opinion is not valuable. Because you don't like it? Such an opinion even contradicts this sub

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't presume. I've been involved with RPW since the day it started like a decade ago, and in that time only a VERY small handful of men have contributed anything valuable. 99% of the men who wander in here don't understand RP theory, or they do and they're here to push the male imperative.

There is value in having a space for women to talk to each other without a bunch of internet dudes throwing their stupid opinions around.

Understanding that men and women are different and have different things to offer does not contradict the idea of this sub at all. Have you heard of "don't ask the fish, ask the fisher(wo)man"?

[–]Sea-Contract-447 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She’s not presuming that all men’s opinion/advice is useless. She is saying that, in a sub about women for women, few men have input that will actually be valuable. And the men who do have valuable input are to be endorsed rp contributers, older, and married/ltr. We never said men can’t participate. Read the entire post next time.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Classic case of a self-important dude on the internet. He's probably never had sex, let alone a healthy marriage to speak of.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anyone who uses the word "sexist" does not belong on a red pill sub.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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