Do not be beholden to your parents after you marry your husband!

Hello RPW, frequent lurker of this subreddit and I love the advice I read on here. I wanted to share a bit of advice I learned from my own marriage and also observing other women's marriages.

Once you marry your husband, HE should be your number one priority and advisor in life. NOT your parents. I can't tell you how frequently I see this. A woman will get married to her husband, but she still continues to be beholden to her parents. She still continues to obey and consult her parents the way she did when she was living under their care.

I did this in my own marriage. The first few years of my marriage, my husband knew I was beholden to my parents. When my parents asked me for a favor, I IMMEDIATELY sprung to action to help them. If we were running late to a family dinner, I would stress my husband out and become flustered because I could never be late to see my parents. Whenever my parents would visit the house, I would spend the whole day cleaning beforehand. When my car broke down, I would immediately think to ask my dad how to solve the problem (because this was normal for me my entire childhood). When I was sad, I'd call my mom to cry and vent instead of going to my husband. When my parents called me on the phone, I would always drop whatever I was doing to take their call, even if I was doing something with my husband.

My husband picked up on this, and it made him feel as if I valued my parents and their input more than him. It made him feel as if he was second to them. I never realized my husband felt this way, because it was normal for me to rely on my parents and I relied on them my entire life. And when I got married, that behavior didn't just shut off. I continued to be beholden to my parents without realizing it was hurting my husband's feelings and undermining him as a man.

I see this frequently with other women in their marriages. One of my female friends just made her husband quit his job and move back to her home state so she could be close to her parents, because she couldn't handle living across the country and being away from them. After the move, their marriage slowly fell apart because it's obvious she needs and values her parents more than her husband.

You can still love and respect your parents and be close with them! BUT your husband should be your number one priority, and I would suggest you take some time to examine your behavior toward your parents and see if some of your actions undermine your husband in favor of your parents. Your husband should have no doubt in his mind that HE is your number one loyalty and that HE has your respect first and foremost, before anyone else, including your parents.