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Do not fall for the lie of having fun now and settling later while you in your twenties or be involved in meaningless relationships.

January 29, 2020

I very often see most people in their thirties and forties post in many subs including this one asking if there is hope for them to ever find love. What makes them feel the pressure? What makes them all of a sudden to feel like they are going to spend the rest of their life alone?

Society now has us believe that we should explore as many options as possible in our twenties (which is not necessarily a bad thing) before settling on one in some few years down the line but the truth is as the years go on, the options keep trickling down.

Imagine this scenario, there is a meeting about to begin in a hall, people are settling down as they wait for the speaker to begin his speech. Most people will naturally pick the best spots to sit in and with people they are comfortable with. Now imagine you come in late, and find that the speaker is already giving his speech and it's silence all across the hall, you see a chair in the middle that is free and you want to sit there but there are also chairs near you. As you try to access the chair you want, people start staring at you and you feel uncomfortable and you finally decide to sit in the chair closest to you.

I feel like that's what happens to most people in their thirties, they get a sudden realization that most of their friends and people around them are engaged or married and that they didn't commit to any relationship or were involved in many meaningless relationship. To make matters worse, external pressure kicks in, so it's not about finding a suitable partner for you anymore but trying to fit in and be like the rest.

It's why I believe one should take the relationship in their twenties seriously, vet the people coming to your life and ask yourself the question, is this a man or woman I would like to have children with, is this a person I can create a meaningful relationship with that can lead to marriage, is the person working towards a future that can be relied upon. If the answer is no, do not proceed, remember in your twenties there is no pressure, it's why it is a good time to find a good companion for yourself.

Chances of settling become higher the more you get older.

This also cuts across all types of relationships, the more you grow the harder it becomes to create new friends so also make a point to associate yourself with ambitious people in your twenties.

The fear of missing out is not real!!!What are you really missing out? Sex? I find it more appealing to do and create good memories with a few individuals who are guaranteed to be by your side than with a multitude of people who will leave you at the end of the day as you cry by yourself to sleep all alone. You get to choose the memories and life you create with the right people by your side.

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Post Information
Title Do not fall for the lie of having fun now and settling later while you in your twenties or be involved in meaningless relationships.
Author cknyakina
Upvotes 249
Comments 29
Date January 29, 2020 2:09 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]amadexodus68 points69 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Just to add, taking dating seriously by starting early goes both ways. You should be vetting the men who come along while you’re young, assessing them as a possible spouse. But you should also be vetting yourself and striving for self-improvement, which does lead to the intrinsic reward of being a better future marriage partner. A lot of people in their twenties (including me, I’m 23) are told to just have fun and not take themselves or their responsibilities seriously. We’re told that these super serious adult things will just work themselves out, or that there’s no drawbacks to being reckless/aimless because #Yolo and you can work on yourself when you’re ready to settle down and be a serious person. This too is a lie.

[–]cknyakina[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So true. One gains more confidence and self believe as they work on themselves. And it's so beautiful when you match with someone who shares most of your life goals and they are constantly working on improving themelves.

[–]amadexodus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly how I felt when I met my Captain (or rather met him for the second time 6 years later since we were acquaintances in HS). I was blown away not just by how much he had worked on himself but also on how we seemed to be on the same page about certain values. We didn't start dating until ~1 year after that as I was living in another state at the time, but our friendship slowly blossomed and I saw that we had even more long-term values/goals in common than I originally thought. It's only been 5 months, but our relationship is truly the best I've ever had by far.

[–]jonmarli1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see some young people overcome with anxiety over finding a spouse or starting a family- and to those people I say relax, you have time. (And the bitter truth is that they might find someone and they might not. But they can work toward their goal of marriage and family without being an obsessed head case over it and they'll be better off no matter what happens!) But they should also be taking the rest of your advice and working on self improvement and staying away from junk relationships!

[–]BigendBlueAnt29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely agreed. Your post reminds me of this Ted talk I saw a while back:

She also touches on careers and general personal development in addition to relationships.

Your 20s shouldn’t be thought of as a free pass for consequences, nor should they be “practice” for anything. It’s still your actual life, and each day is as real as they’ll be in your thirties and forties. By all means, take the time to figure out what you want and don’t feel like every relationship is super duper high-stakes, but like you said, treat every one as a vetting process. I partnered up for life (so far!) at 24 and I don’t regret it one bit — on the contrary, in addition to all the benefits of having a loving relationship, it also gives me a sense of security and stability that’s priceless.

[–]LookingForEquanimity7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What I wouldn’t have given to have heard that ted talk in 2013... when I was 24.

[–]DunboyCastleInTheSky1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m already seriously partnered and hoping it will be for life (same age as you) but I love what you’re saying. Feels extra empowering! 💖

[–]AriesAsF15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent advice. Also a person can still 'fall in love' with relationships they know logically they shouldnt be taking seriously. Women can also fall pregnant by men they were just 'exploring'. One should endeavor to take all relationships seriously and properly vet their partners, regardless of age. Dont dick around just because you're young. Why risk it? Have high standards from day 1.

[–]healthyelegant25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is all so true. I could have fallen into the trap of "exploring my possibilities" and the pressure from society to do it really did get to me. Hell, even my mother encouraged me to sleep with men before committing to them so I can make sure we were compatible sexually. While her reasoning made sense at the time, this made me a little more promiscuous than I should have been when I was a teen. I never lost my virginity, but I had a bad reputation in high school for making some stupid drunken mistakes. Everyone thought I had slept with a bunch of guys, but I was pretty innocent and just decided to make out with a few guys I shouldn't have.

I was lucky to meet my husband just as high school ended and we were going into college. I didn't know about Red Pill then, but I naturally vetted him and determined he wasn't someone I should give up easily, even if I wanted to start college "single". We've been together ever since and have grown up and changed for the better. It took us 8 years to go down the aisle, but we were strong from spending our 20's together, rather than sleeping with random strangers we met at the bar.

[–]dingusfunk29 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

From a guys perspective: those of us who use our twenties to build our careers, learn skills, and overall become a better person want to find a woman who does the same. Those of us who want to use our twenties to party and have fun and sleep around will settle for a woman who did the same.

The ladies who want to party now and "settle down" later should ask themselves this: are you okay with marrying a man who has no career, no skills, and no interests? Because those are the kinds of guys who would settle down with you.

[–]redditisplatinum0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

But I think there are guys who have great careers in early 20s but also go out with a lot of women and party. I see the same case for a few girls. What do you say about them?

[–]dingusfunk0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If they're partying they're not really putting any thought into their future relationships. They might be making decent money, but sleeping around permanently damages your ability to make long-term connections with people.

[–]HildaEast1 Star0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a pretty big difference between partying and sleeping around. I have never slept around, but I partied a lot in my early twenties (1-2 times/ a week). I party way less now (1-2 times/month), only when there is a great party, but when I do I go hard.

Since 27 I don't drink alcohol for health reasons, though. I love putting on an amazing outfit, having deep conversations and loud laughs with interesting people and to dance to amazing music. My boyfriends have always been the same as me in this regard: we always party together.

Since 19 the only time I was single is 27-30. My 3 boyfriends throughout the years have all been very successful. And I'm doing pretty well for myself too.

[–]HappilyMrs6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The judgement you get for settling down young makes it so tough too. Hubby and I met when I was 15 and he was 18, we got engaged at 16/19, married at 19/22. We relentlessly got told we were too young and stupid and would regret not going out in the world and exploring our options.

We'll have been married 17 years on Saturday. We've outlived most of the marriages of the people who criticised us. It's not too young if it's the right person. You grow and change together.

[–]Kenjataimux21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My Grandmother was married at 15, lived with my Grandfather until thet both passed in their '80s after raising 5 kids (1 of them my mother) . They were from another time when it was acceptable? now I suppose he' d be jailed or on a sex offenders register and I'd not exist.

Good luck to you no matter what.

[–]jfiscal7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To riff and your great metaphor...

In so many parts of life from mundane activities to more serious life choices, the general attitude is to "get while the getting good". When you go see a speaker, you arrive early to get a good seat. When buying tickets for sportsball or a music event you do the same thing. People literally line up in advance to get movie tickets.

You start working early to apply to colleges to get a good head start, you prepare for trips and chores in advance. For Thanksgiving you thaw your turkey in the fridge.

So why is it that this wisdom (common sense?) Is thrown out the window when it comes to encouraging women to marry early?

Sucking strange dicks and fucking randos and engaging in serial monogamy is the lifestyle equivalent of waiting 3 hours before dinner and putting your frozen turkey in the oven. Arriving to a speaking event late and throwing a tantrum because there's no prime seats left (or any seats).

We laugh at the dipshits who miss paperwork deadlines and limited edition product releases but we're supposed to laud and celebrate women who apply the same habits to their romantic lives

Thanks God it mostly happens to libtards

[–]catlover38005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mostly with you until the libtard comment- gross. So childish and uncalled for. You can talk about general differences between the right and left without being demeaning you know!

[–]Almcoding-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great comparison! Are there any studies regarding the libtard comment?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This especially applies to women. Our SMV (sexual market value) drops as we age, while a man's (of value) rises as he gains experience & financial stability.

[–]TrumptynsMommy20193 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So true. We also have to work harder to prevent a man's wandering eye which is why grooming is absolutely a MUST for women!

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For men whose eyes don't perpetually wander, they only wander if their needs aren't being met. Most men stay very loyal if they're treated well, RP style, because hypergamy and branch swinging are predominantly female traits.

[–]Maschalismos1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

while a man's (of value) rises as he gains experience & financial stability.

I’ve heard that on various manosphere forums, but is that true? I have always been told that women find older men - even as little as 7 to ten years older- creepy and repulsive.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not gonna lie, I personally don't find most older men attractive. The ones that keep themselves fit, healthy and well groomed are though. My Fiance is 11 years older than me but even I was surprised when he told me his age.

[–]Almcoding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Woman prefer usually older men because of their confidence and financial stability. Sexual experience is a big confidence booster for men...

[–]BubblyCandidate0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]PatnarDannesman-5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No point buying the cow after the milk has spoiled. Find a nice guy with a good job and a good future ahead of him when you're in your mid-teens to early 20s and still in your prime and have something to offer.

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No point buying the cow after the milk has spoiled. Find a nice guy with a good job and a good future ahead of him when you're in your mid-teens to early 20s and still in your prime and have something your looks and fertility to offer.

FTFY. Though your comment's a bit off-topic, since it's really speaking to women in their 30s-40s.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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