~ archived since 2018 ~

Do not put your life on hold waiting on Prince Charming

September 3, 2020

Are you a Special Snowflake? Do you melt at the first sign of adversity?


Then what motivates you to wipe your eyes, swear like a sailor, or kick something, or run a mile, or whatever it is that gives you the determination to keep fighting and make the changes to improve things?

Or are you a woman who wipes her eyes, decides to be patient and then taps into her success of being vulnerable, submissive and a soft place to land, happy to step back and wait for a man to take care things? If so, then how do you get by if there is no man around?

There have been a number of posts from young women espousing their dreams and plans for the future and that is a good thing. The bad thing is no one is keeping them accountable in terms of reality. I am hoping that some of our more experienced participants will back me up when I say:

Let a good man lead, but do not make your life plan dependent on a good man to take care of you.

As much as a man wants to provide for and protect his woman, there are times this is out of his control. If you can’t step up and make the effort to take care of things on your own in these situations, then the outcome is not good.

Do not throw away any opportunities to better educate yourself while searching for the right man. You never know how this knowledge can add to the quality of your marriage.

If you really want to be a SAHM you had better accept the fact that you might not be living in your dream house and furnishing it from Wayfair. Instead, to make life as comfortable as you can and make ends meet, you may be canning food, gardening, sewing, and scavenging thrift shops to re-purpose furniture. These are admirable skills, but they are skills that have to be learned and that takes time, so start to learn them now.

If you are not interested in this then you better find something you are good at that brings income into the household. Your beauty, your skills in the bedroom and your cooking may keep your man happy, but they won’t account for much, if times get hard. And nothing will ruin a marriage faster than money problems.

I am giving advice that I hope will give some young women a reason to pause and reexamine the reality of their expectations of what a marriage will entail. Do not expect any man to be your meal ticket, because the ones willing to do this are the men you will despise down the line.

I am not saying every woman should go to college. There are alternatives out there. Learn a skill. Skilled labor is becoming a rare commodity in both male and female pursuits. And some skills are interwoven. If you don’t want to work with a bunch of women, learn about carpentry or auto mechanics, or web design, or welding, or landscaping, and so on. The list goes on.

The best thing about finding something that sparks your interest enough to educate yourself is the excitement that comes along with it. It is something to think about when you are doing mundane tasks and it something that gives you a sense of purpose outside the expectations of everyday routine.
Furthermore, it makes you more interesting.

Before Covid hit the area where I live, there were many classes and workshops available at community colleges, continuing Ed courses at high schools and libraries, parks and museums that were affordable or free.

You don’t need a fortune to pursue an education in a skill or knowledge that interests you and it may pan out as a way to earn some income in the future. If you do decide to invest money in an education make sure you choose a field that offers a good chance of employment.

There are no white knights out there to rescue you. Your best bet to a good marriage is to bring skills and knowledge to the table that indicate that you are ready to pull your weight in the coming years.

edited to say thanks daniella thanks arkasia

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Post Information
Title Do not put your life on hold waiting on Prince Charming
Author stevierose789
Upvotes 174
Comments 63
Date September 3, 2020 7:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-not-put-your-life-on-hold-waiting-on-prince.203516
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/im09ph/do_not_put_your_life_on_hold_waiting_on_prince/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]blushingoleander34 points35 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

I agree. in a lot of ways our skills are the only guarantee that we carry with us for life because you can't unlearn something. There is disability there is divorce there is death there is job loss there are recessions there are jobs that go away and never come back.

It has never been the case that women didn't work. My grandmother worked part-time as a lunch lady to help the family make ends meet and she had nine kids and remained married to my grandfather till the day he died. It has nothing to do with feminism.

I don't judge women who choose to work. I also don't judge women who choose to stay home. There are up and downsides to everything and there's no perfect solution. The one thing you shouldn't do is have no plan b. I think sometimes around here women forget that RPW is supposed to be a way of interacting with men. it really has nothing to do specifically with living a traditional fantasy lifestyle.

Unfortunately the women who do stay at home don't often talk about what sacrifices they might have to make in order to be able to do that. we give the impression to young women that all you have to do is find the perfect ideal guy and you're set for life. So much can change over a lifetime. Which goes back to it never being a mistake to learn a skill and be able to take care of yourself competently.

This is it particularly salient post for me at the moment. I know a woman at work who divorced in the last year. She gets alimony for a set number of years and she got part of his retirement savings. she has a job making very little money and kids who will be out of the house around the same time her alimony goes away. She cannot support herself and she will not be able to retire but she never learned how to take care of herself so she also can't curb her spending. I don't know why she divorced I don't know if her husband was terrible or if it was frivolous and it's really irrelevant. The problem is that she doesn't have anything to fall back on other than a $15,000 year skill-less job and savings that she is quickly depleting.

The red pill is supposed to be looking at the world as it exists now. We can lament how sad it is that we have to go to work and that two income households are the norm for most people. But that doesn't change the fact that that's what it is. We can lament the divorce rates but that doesn't change what they are. We can lament that we're probably heading into a recession where a lot of jobs that haven't already been lost will be lost but that doesn't change what it is.

I'd say we can't live the way that we did in my grandparents' day but again my grandmother worked.

[–]stevierose789[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah! A voice from an experienced RPW. Thank you. I have been some what horrified by comments from girls working in dead end jobs who refuse to educate themselves because they don't think it will be necessary once they get married and have kids. They look at marriage as a way to opt out of having to be responsible for themselves. They want to be taken care of. All women enjoy being taken care of by a man she loves. The sad fact is there are times a woman has to take care of herself and if she isn't prepared to handle that then she will often fall apart.

[–]MirriMazDuur6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It has never been the case that women didn't work

I feel like because we never learn about the history of common people and the household (like we learn about wars and treaties, etc) we have a skewed view on what it has meant to be a wife, historically. A woman didn't just cook a chicken stew, she had to behead the chicken, pluck it, eviscerate it and then cook it. There was a time when there were no sanitary products, no disposable products, no specialised cleaning products that you could buy, so the women had to make cloths, to boil them and iron them to keep everything sanitary. My grandparents didn't just grew up without washing machines, they grew up without the gas stove, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner, dish detergent and running warm water. Apart from that, there have always been washerwomen, weavers, tailors, then hair stylists and manicurists, jobs that women exclusively did since forever.

[–]AnarchoNAP2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

because you can't unlearn something

This just isn't true. Almost all, if not all, useful career skills need to be kept up with or you will become obsolete.

[–]danyixa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As someone majoring in cyber security this is very true especially in the tech industry. Things are changing rapidly and you need to learn about it and stay informed or else you won’t advance.

[–]blushingoleander2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

That really depends on what the career skills are. and being able to brush up on a skill is a lot different from learning it from scratch.

Plus as somebody who has to do continuing education to maintain licenses for work, the continuing education is kind of a joke. I could walk away from my job for a decade and come back and not have a huge amount of relearning.

and there's no way to say this without being snarky and I don't mean it to be but, if you're a stay-at-home mom and not in the workforce how do you know?

[–]Hammocknapping3 Stars4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They’re allegedly just a stay at home something. No kids.

[–]AnarchoNAP-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Who’s alleging that?

[–]AnarchoNAP0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Interestingly, I was not assigned a husband at 18. I don’t get how ANYONE wouldn’t know.

[–]blushingoleander-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I mean again my job wouldn't require relearning skills it may require brushing up on new information. My husband's job wouldn't require relearning skills. I know a lot of friends that wouldn't require relearning skills. I learned to sew when I was 9 I don't have to relearn to use a sewing machine every time I want to do something even if it's been a decade since I touched it.

I don't know what it has to do with being assigned a husband at 18 or not.

[–]AnarchoNAP3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but sewing isn’t a career skill.

If I wasn’t assigned a husband at 18 that means I had at least one job at some point....

[–]blushingoleander8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I worked in a bridal salon for a while, sewing is very much a career skill if you are a seamstress. Plus that's something that could be done on alternate-raise-kids hours & still have a more or less traditional life with a pretty decent skill to fall back on. Bonus your kids would have awesome Halloween costumes.

[–]stevierose789[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, but sewing isn’t a career skill.

Ever hear of re-upholsters, drapery makers, fashion designers.....?

[–]Nandemodekiru6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not to mention tailors

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Hard agree. I have seen too many women who rely on their husbands for family finances without ever understanding how savings, budgeting, or investing works. They don't understand how to pay bills, manage a portfolio, or even access the family finances. I know a woman who lost literally millions of dollars to the IRS after her husband's death - he'd been evading his taxes and he died before the IRS could catch up to him.

[–]stevierose789[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I have to admit I was pretty ignorant about investing until a couple of years ago. Fortunately once I was ready to learn, my husband guided me through buying and selling in the market with some of my retirement investment. I am a very much a play it safe girl, but I did do okay with my choices. Unfortunately unless a woman studies finance and business there are not very many places to learn about investing unless you want to go through a broker. Then you pay some one to manage your money. It is hard to learn this stuff on line when it is all greek to you at first.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That is true, but many relatively few men are trained at finance and teach themselves. I learned from a friend who is trained in finance and he basically told me that as long as I stick to traditional stock trading "going long", stay away from risky stuff like options, and research on the companies I am investing in, it's not too dangerous. He also reassured me about index funds, since very few (probably less than 10%) of fund managers are able to beat the market. An index fund won't make you a millionaire during an upturn, but it shouldn't make you a pauper during a downturn either.

[–]stevierose789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the info. My husband taught himself. There was one hard lesson during the dot.com bubble that kind of turned me against the market until I understood that he had learned from it and in time became pretty savvy about where to put his money. I make my own choices, but I pretty much take all of his advice.

[–]clemangerine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I poured through the different retirement plans my employer offered, Googled and reddited the hell out of all these abbreviated fund names. I still have no idea what I signed.

[–]AquaSerenityPhoenix9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree. I always grew up with the idea that when I was an adult it's my job to take care of myself. Once My husband and I became more serious we talked about what our relationship would look like and we choose the traditional route.

Now that I'm a homemaker I am thankful for my experience. I understand how hard it is to work and make ends meat. So i work my butt off to make it easier for my husband. I don't always succeed haha, but I try.

Cooking from scratch, going without, learning copycat recipes, meal planning, sewing, learning skills, doing odd jobs for extra money.

It's a challenge and it's not for someone thinking they will thrive in that relationship looking at their partner as a paycheck. I will let my children know how important being able to take care of yourself is. No one wants to carry their partner along, especially competent people that work hard.

[–]stevierose789[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No one wants to carry their partner along, especially competent people that work hard.

I am afraid that this idea of a woman expecting her husband to carry her is what lead to the RP concept that "a woman is the oldest teenager in the house".

[–]AquaSerenityPhoenix3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I believe this too. I saw it so much in my early 20s. All these women I was acquainted with this toxic ideas of what the men they were interested in needed to do for them.

I never grew up with that minds set so I always thought I needed to work hard to be worthy of a good man. For a long time I didn't think I could measure up.

It brought a lot of conflict with my husband early on because he was redpilled and i wasn't. I couldn't understand his opinion of women (I still think that's an issue with RP men but that's another beast). Once I stopped taking it personal I realized he was right- to an extent.

[–]CuppyBees18 points19 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I agree with a lot of your points here. I am a SAHM to 1 child, we live comfortably off of 1 income and I don't bring in any extra money at the moment. I also don't can foods, or sew (beyond clothing maintenance). However, I also have a degree in child psychology and am prepared to work if I have too; I'll also be furthering my education and returning to the work force once our kids are older. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to rely on your husband to provide financially, but there should always be a "plan B" of you returning to the work force if something were to happen.

[–]stevierose789[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

but there should always be a "plan B"

This is exactly what I am trying to stress. If you are single and working and you have the time and opportunity to learn something that interests you and adds to your knowledge and skill set, you are wasting precious years if you don't take advantage of it. This is the time to ensure you have more than just one path in life. The road that seems easy and straight can have nasty curves up the bend.

[–]CuppyBees3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Absolutely! Not even just if you're single, but, before bigger responsibilities creep in, you should be ready for what life can throw at you. I graduated after I had married my husband, but before the house and baby came along. Everyone thinks that having a plan B is referring to divorce, but so many other things can happen.

[–]stevierose789[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A plan B is your way to be a support system in a marriage. It is using your brain and your talents to add to the quality of life for your family. It is a way to have your husbands back and take the pressure off of him in uncertain times.

[–]Ok-Firefighter-226612 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

There is some overlap between RPW and this “femininity” movement happening on the internet right now. I think a lot of these women are very young and they are listening to youtubers who are telling them they don’t need to be able to support themselves.

There was a thread the other day started by a girl who dropped out of college because she wanted to be a SAHM and her rational for doing so was word for word something I’ve heard in a Mrs. Midwest video. A lot of these are young girls aren’t thinking for themselves and are just doing what the internet is telling them to do.

[–]stevierose789[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I never thought I would see the day when once again women make a conscious decision to be completely helpless as a means of survival. This was well and good in warrior times, but it ain't such a good idea today. I hope they wake up from their fantasy, because there may be a few rough years ahead of us from the covid fall out and they may be forced to step up or perish.

[–]ManguZa1 Star5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In warrior times women have to be useful more than now ! Some people have just fantasies that never was real...

[–]Throwaway2303065 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is a pretty awesome post. I'd add that before the Industrial Revolution, women worked in the home/farm ( as u/hammocknapping describes) and even sometimes outside the home--for example, single women working as live-in domestic servants or farmhands. In the home, it seems like the focus was on labor, not so much on cozy domesticity or super attentive motherhood, in contrast to today's homemakers.

What different and probably unprecedented about the work women are encouraged to do today is that work is seen as self-actualization for the benefit of the woman alone.

In the past women worked under the supervision of their husbands or families for the purpose of advancing the entire family or household. Today, career focused women work independently, outside the home, with the purpose of advancing their own career or self actualization goals, which could entirely independent of the goals of their husbands or families. That's modern feminism--not work itself.

[–]stevierose789[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Today, career focused women work independently, outside the home, with the purpose of advancing their own career or self actualization goals.

Yes this true. And again I would like to point out that I am not bringing up the question of whether a woman should have a career. Building a career is a different scenario than finding a niche that you are good at that and can be economically advantageous. It is the difference between selling your homemade bread to the local cafe and starting your own bakery. Some women are not interested in careers, but would like to be able to contribute to the family finances.

[–]Hammocknapping3 Stars2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

[T]oday ... work is seen as self-actualization for the benefit of the woman alone.

While I can’t disagree that this applies to the women who post Instaham photos with hashtags like #bossbetch and #werk, I don’t think that it is the case for women who work low wage, low skill and/or service jobs. Most women work because that’s what’s best for their families. Having a SAHP is great if that’s an option, but food, rent, utilities, clothes and healthcare aren’t optional. Not every woman with a job had a career and not every woman with a career has one solely for her own benefit.

This is true in my own life. My husband and I follow the FIRE philosophy. I work hard to achieve shared goals like making sure I’m financially independent before I turn 35, and in a position where I can shift to project based freelance work that I only have to take of its works for my family. I’m also working so we can pay for a vacation home/income property in the next year or two in order to help fund our shared goal of traveling more.

I like my current job, but I could certainly find work that I enjoy more. I stay in this job because it provides basically free benefits for myself and my husband that are far better than benefits at another job, and it’s incredibly flexible.

[–]Throwaway2303061 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I very much agree that most women work for practical reasons, not because they're striving to be boss babes. However, I'd argue that the boss babe narrative is pushed loudly and incessantly by all media and entertainment geared toward women.

It's especially pernicious because it glamorizes only white-collar, corporate career women (CEOs and various corporate execs, academics, maybe a handful of women in STEM) who have the resources and time to pursue self actualization through a career.

[–]TheBunk_TB2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Licenses+skills>gen studies

[–]fairydust912 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post 👌😊

[–]fairydust911 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What skills would you recommend apart from a job? I would love to learn some new skills.

[–]stevierose789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the skills that was most useful to me was sewing. I have made draperies, roman shades, comforters, bed skirts, pillows, cushions and altered and repaired clothing.

I took a continuing ed course at a local high school on re-upholstering furniture and saved a fortune buying and recovering used furniture. I even had fun changing the style of a couch by cutting down the frame. I was confident enough to try this because I had also taken a class in simple wood working techniques from the same high school.

During the four weeks of this class, I made window boxes, created a wood valance to fill a space between the cabinets above my sink, and made a false drawer front to cover a grate under the sink.

If you are interested in improving your computer skills, libraries will often offer courses in this. Explore classes in landscaping and gardening. For a couple of years when I was a stay at home mom I grew flowers and dried them to make wreathes and baskets to sell at craft shows. I also taught a class about growing and drying flowers and herbs at a local museum.

The next time one is offered, I would like to take a class on basic automotive maintenance for women. I am also learning to shoot a gun and plan to take the next available concealed carry class, but that is another story.

Sorry to have written a novel, but I was excited to point out some options I knew about personally.

[–]danyixa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it’s important as women to lift each other up. There’s nothing wrong with working women or SAHM. I see so many “tradwives” put working women down and have this notion that working women are “masculine” or “bad mothers”. Lots of times, these working women have to work to make ends meet, or maybe their husband can’t work if he’s on disability. I think learning a skill is super important because if something happens to your husband and he can’t provide anymore, you have to step up and take matters into your own hands. Whatever the reason may be if your husband can’t provide whether it be job loss, disability or death, it’s important to make the best out of the situation so you can live comfortably.

[–]Whateverbabe20 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

What's the point of being a redpilled woman if the guy doesn't even take care of you? I can get love by having a regular relationship, I don't want to do anything extra if I don't get anything extra.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

A redpilled woman doesn't think in terms of tit for tat or covert contracts.

[–]Whateverbabe20 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but that's within a redpilled relationship. If I have to live like a liberal feminist couple I'm not gonna act like a redpilled wife.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

There is no liberal feminist or conservative equation in this. A successful marriage requires that both partners come to the table ready to work for the benefit of the team using the skills and knowledge they have. The more skills and knowledge each brings offers more opportunity for the marriage to survive. Being a redpilled wife doesn't give you an excuse to sit on your ass and let your man handle life while you work on being beautiful and the goddess of fun and light. I don't know how you think a redpilled wife acts, but I think it is far from accurate.

[–]Whateverbabe20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being a redpilled wife is not my only option.

But if I chose to do it, I would never submit to a man who could not be a provider. Working from home or having a side hustle is fine, but I'm not going to cook, do laundry, keep the house clean, etc. And work 40 hours a week. At that point I'm working harder than him and I wouldn't be able to respect him anymore.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being a redpilled wife is not my only option.

Being a redpilled wife is dependent on the man you fall in love with, the man you marry. It is a skill set to keep some men happy, in fact most men happy, but it does require work on the man's part to give his partner what she needs to be motivated to use these skills. I never said a woman should be submissive to a man who could not be a provider. Instead I was pointing out that there are times that a man cannot provide due to life's circumstances and at those times it is really a benefit when the woman can step up and bring some income into the home. This is not an excuse for a man not to live up to his responsibilities. Instead it is a way to have his back when he goes through some hard time in his life and give him the support he needs to get back on his feet.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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