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Does anyone else fear wasting their youth on a man because they so often eventually cheat?

December 11, 2022

I don’t know, I realize this is just insecurity talking. But men talk about how women lose value as we age and become less attractive, I can’t seem to shake the fear a man will use my best years and eventually abandon me for someone younger. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it. I often think about resigning myself to a life of solitude in favor of having my heart inevitably broken when I’m no longer “ideal”

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Post Information
Title Does anyone else fear wasting their youth on a man because they so often eventually cheat?
Author todorokiswife
Upvotes 101
Comments 67
Date December 11, 2022 12:03 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]SecretFeminine 64 points65 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Info: how old are you? This concerns me less as I get older. And I am constantly dating my husband. There’s more to femininity and seduction than a young, hot body.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]SecretFeminine 60 points61 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Take Laterals advice and figure out how you can continually level up. Beauty is an asset that depreciates but like I said, that is only a tiny portion of attraction and allure in established relationships. Also, if you’re choosing cheaters, fix your picker.

[–]MysticalMelody 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fix your picker. Love that.

[–]Outside_Set_9458 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

The problem is, men like both tho. You have femininity and seduction don’t mean he won’t cheat with young hot body

[–]SecretFeminine 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men are not animals. Some certainly like to sell that they can’t resist their natural urges but there are plenty of high value, faithful men. You’re right though, when we date our husbands, we have to remember that he has alternatives.

[–]KittinAnn 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

They should remember the same. Women also have options and alternatives.

[–]SecretFeminine 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course. Reciprocity is key. But at the end of the day, we can only control our own thoughts and actions.

[–]LateralThinker13Endorsed Contributor 142 points143 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The women who lose value as they age are those who coast on their youth and beauty - things that naturally decline. A wise woman cultivates other values to offset this.

Men do this already, by increasing their skills, competence, and financial worth over a lifetime. So what are YOU doing to improve your worth?

Because most men don't cheat at all, and those who do, generally dont out of an unfaithful nature: they do so out of neglect.

[–]misssdm 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your comment is so legit 👏

[–]yohanya 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so spot-on!! Work towards being irreplaceable and invaluable

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been with the same man since high school. I am 24 now. I stuck by him through college when he was broke and now he is building a career for himself. Although I had some learning/growing to do, (I am naturally “hot headed”) I have been slowly teaching myself to become more feminine and let him lead. I learned how to cook, and even picked up a few of his favorite recipes that his mom makes. I am pretty good at it now. I make his plate for him every time he eats, at gatherings and at home. Due to financial reasons I have to have a job to help pay the bills, so we split housework but I do most of the deep cleaning. I am the same weight I was when we met, tall and thin, under 115 lbs. I dress nicely and take care of myself, and I also have a high sex drive. Anything else I could do?

I love him very much but worry all my efforts will be lost when I am no longer young and pretty, and that someone else will just be able to take him from me..

[–]Perry-91 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

As a male who has just come across this reddit and has similar views hello everyone!

From a man's eyes there are 2 major things.

  1. Attracting them: Men value looks, youth and fertility. There are of course different factors as he might be older and already have kids so age and things are way less of a factor for him etc.

  2. Keeping them attracted. This is where i feel the main stream media and feminists has misled women. This is where I will focus.

You keep them attracted by being feminine on the inside also. This is by how you act and dress, being a good sexual partner, looking after yourself and giving a damn, just like how he needs to be serious about his life and being a man and protector for you and your potential children.

You will disagree at times that is normal but not arguing with him every single step of the way, letting him lead and visibly showing that you will support him in what he does, EDIT: doing small gestures for him and verbally expressing your appreciation for what he does, because he probably doesn't get much from other people i.e at work where he probably spends moat of his time.

This will hold his attention and defy age as men are very attracted to femininity on the inside as well and this is intentionally missed out by the MSM.

[–]Ill-Ad7948 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Precisely, great advice.

[–]Perry-91 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you👍

[–]thepretendchristian 40 points41 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don’t lump all men in the same box.

Some men actually do want to be married and build a family. Most men don’t bother marrying at all unless they KNOW for a fact that’s the woman they are going to die with (most divorces are initiated by the woman).

[–]PathfireNeon 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i read this to my wife, and she said, “i think you’ve been meeting the wrong guys… because not all guys inevitably cheat.” we’ve been together married for 15 years, married when she was 23, and i would never 🥺

i gotta say the internets automatic assumptions that only men play games get to me sometimes…

[–]sunglasses903 Stars 62 points63 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, it’s a legitimate fear. This is why it’s very important to secure a ring/marriage and not just a relationship/sex. Wives provide a lot more for their husbands and families than just a young hot body. Make sure you are learning how to be a wife.

While your fear is legitimate it also exists for the men. Plenty of men out their sacrifice for their wife and child and wife decides one day to cheat on him and divorce him and take half of his possessions and the kids.

[–]Ill-Ad7948 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, great advice. I’m sad I didn’t come up with it myself. Learn how to be a wife!!!!

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I'm 30 and I've never been cheated on (or cheated, for the record). I'm married, but I dated a lot in my younger years. It is not just to be expected. When men sense that you hold yourself in high esteem and you will not tolerate bad behavior they either live up to the standard or get scared off and go back to women they know they can mess around with.

[–]mindyourown_biz 2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I think this is my problem. I should have dated when I was younger but I didn’t. I had young men show interest but I was always reminded by my parents to focus on school. Now I’m almost 28 and alone and don’t have much dating experience. I’ve had 2 long term relationships though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Two serious relationships is nothing to sneeze at. I'm sure you've learned valuable things during those two relationships. 28 isnt over the hill by any means. Idk what your situation or goals are but I found my husband by looking for men who were 5 to 15 years older than me and found a lot more husband material than then the 22 yos I was dating.

[–]mindyourown_biz 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

My issue is I don’t know how to weed out men. At the moment I’m only still 1 month post breakup but I’m sure my dating skills are rusty. How do I find things out about a man without outright asking? Because I’ve certainly been lied to/had truth withheld from me in the past.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

What info are you trying to get exactly if you dint mind me asking

[–]mindyourown_biz 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Information about his true character, his values and goals, his past. How to tell if what he says actually is true. I’ve had a seemingly perfectly mature and ready to get married guy before and in the end he finally revealed to me he had a very young child with a past fwb and had been married before in his early 20s. Like I’m sure there must have been signs that I must have missed that he was hiding something.

[–]JustaTcup 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

When you ask people for the truth make sure you show them that the truth won't earn them repercussions or punishments. People are much more apt to tell you the truth in this circumstance.

But there's nothing wrong with just asking. You can't really ask someone about their character though. You have to watch their actions to figure that one out. Goals, just watch to see if he's actually doing things that support those goals. If not, they were probably created goals or he's just not able to reach those goals.

Decide what you want in a man. Don't add too many useless details like "He has to have a beard". Stick to things that are more important and then measure him up against those things to see if he "fits".

And don't be distracted by looks. I feel like this messes a lot of us up. Ignore the looks. They won't last forever anyway. Pay attention to his actions. Are they ethical? Does he keep promises? Keep his word? Is he there for you when you really need him? Things like this.

[–]mindyourown_biz 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I see, that’s what I need to do, write a love list of some sort so that I’m not clueless walking into this dating game.

The thing about children and having been married before, I’m not being too picky am I? Cos I’ve experienced neither of those things, however I do expect to marry someone a little older than me, I’ll be 28 in a few months. I want to know at what point/age am I narrowing my dating pool too much by requiring a childless/never married man?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think it should be too hard to find what you're looking for, especially if you look for late 30s, early 40s. I don't think it's horrible if they have been married once before if the split was amicable for the most part and they aren't still in each others lives. Its smart to make your desire for marriage and children clear but In my experience, opening a new relationship with how much you wanna get married and have babies will scare even a traditional man away because he doesn't want to feel like his life is now planned out. Basically framing your desires for those things in a way that benefits him really reels them in like, "I want to be there for you and no one else" or "I wish I could cook dinner (or insert helpful activity youre good at) for you all the time." This implies commitment and what you bring to the table (loyalty, helpfulness, whatever you feel is your best trait) without seeming pushy.

I don't believe in "testing" men in elaborate ways but one little thing you can do to test if they are lying is to accidentally on purpose get the details of what they said wrong. For example, if you think a guy lied about the nature of his last break up, saying he ended it when you suspect she actually ended it, you can ask weeks later something like "When your ex broke up with you, how long did it take to get over her?" If he is a liar, he'll probably have forgotten the lie he spun and just answer the question. If he told the truth, he'll politely correct you. If he gets angry at you over your mistake, get out of there because hes a dick no matter what the truth is. Of course there are some con men out there who can lie and keep on top of everything they said, but they are probably less than 1 percent of men, the average dishonest guy is not one of them.

[–]mindyourown_biz 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, this is really helpful I appreciate it!

[–]JustaTcup 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know I might be biased on this one. I don't want anyone who has been married before or has children either. It just won't mesh and it's like I'm interrupting someone else's family, so I understand. And I also want someone older than me, but that's just a preference. I'm flexible on this one.

About the point/age part, as I've noticed anything over about 35 it starts to get pretty difficult to find.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Very good points, totally agree with all this

[–]JustaTcup 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Ill-Ad7948 27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I do not have this fear at all. If you believe that all men cheat then you are doing yourself a disservice. Majority of men in the world are monogamous and do not like sharing nor being shared. I feel like once you understand men and people in general your fears will dissolve. Don’t listen to hateful people (of either gender). Discernment is all you need for choosing a spouse, making sure your values, morals, goals, and lifestyle align. You have to show up like the type of man you are trying to attract (don’t dress too revealing, don’t go to clubs, don’t do drugs, be physically active, be loving and kind, don’t be sexually promiscuous, have the qualities you look for in men, etc.) at this point just become conservative or religious😭. But seriously be who you are trying to attract, listen to the types of men you are trying to attract as well, they may have advice for the types of women they are looking for.

[–]MysticalMelody 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

(Conservative or religious? So tempted to pick a fight over that bias. I know those words have a shine on them for some people, but they engender much different values, from other perspectives.)

However, I do agree with the premise of what you are saying. Like attracts like... Be as mature, intelligent, and interesting as you would like your partner to be.

From the perspective of 20+ years of marriage, I'd like to add, make a point of learning now how to communicate well (fairly) in an argument. Then you can fight for your marriage harder than you fight to win an argument.

I think I went off topic 😂. Cheating isn't inevitable. Vet well, wait for someone who proves he's worthy of the work it takes to stay together. Then do the work. Good luck.

[–]Ill-Ad7948 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What’s your fight about “conservative or religious”? I want to understand your stance.

[–]MysticalMelody 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's the apparent bias that only a conservative or religious person will be monogamous. Monogamy has value and benefits, regardless of one's politics or religion.

Edit: Thanks for asking. 🌸 I still don't want to fight. Politics is a minefield these days.

[–]Ill-Ad7948 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, huh. I’ve never thought that way, I don’t associate labels with specific things like monogamy. The labels are more a mindset to me (people subscribe to the ideas). People who subscribe to their specific labels don’t even follow them to a T. Also majority of people in the world are monogamous so I just assume the labels refer to their beliefs on politics, gender, God, lifestyle, food, modesty, etc.

[–]artwithapulse 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Choose well and treat kindly.”

This feeling lessens the older you get too ❤️

[–]Cultural-Afternoon72 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

An unfortunate percentage of humans are trash... trash knows no gender. That said, I think it's a fairly common thing to worry, at times, that you've wasted time with the wrong people. Having some level of insecurity is perfectly normal. I would say if it's a constant/regular thing, if it starts influencing your behaviors, or if the insecurities start to negatively impact you, it's worth talking to a professional about so you can get tools to keep those feelings in check when you need to.

[–]SplenduhP0py 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Believing all men cheat is already putting you in a bad state of mind. A lot of people cheat, both men an women, but a lot of people also don’t cheat.

A lot of man will still waste your time even if they never cheat which imo isn’t much better.

Speak your feelings to your potential partner your fears and wants. Let it be known as soon as stuff starts getting serious so theirs no misunderstanding.

[–]JustaTcup 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh my. I don't view men like this. Most men don't cheat and even the ones that do tend not to leave. It's us who file for divorce mostly. Men stay even when they're miserable usually. I've often found that cheating is the way some men cope with being miserable. Dead bedroom usually or wife lets herself go physically.

Stay attractive. Don't let yourself go. Watch after your weight. Don't drink or drug. Eat healthy. Take care of yourself. Stay pleasant. There's just no reason why you would have to suffer something that isn't even statistically probable.

He will still stay anyway even if you're not "ideal" but why do that to him and you to begin with? Just take care of yourself. Pretend you just met and you're still trying to impress him. Never give up that mindset and you'll both stay very happy.

Think about what you have to give and not so much about what you want to take.

[–]CarabellesNotebook 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have this fear too

[–]mindyourown_biz 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never feared cheating but I do feel like I wasted my early 20s on a guy who was never going to marry me. He didn’t cheat on me that I’m aware of, but like he did monkeybranch at the end of our relationship 😬

[–]SharpenedStinger 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

From a male perspective, we fear similar things. With how many options women have that are just a swipe away, we fear you'll eventually cheat as well at the slightest hint of trouble. We fear the grass is always greener mentality that so many young people have now because of online dating apps.

[–]Puddles_Mary 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The best thing you can do is vet. Trust is something that has to be built over time. And this is something you can definitely discuss with someone you're in a serious relationship with.

[–]kaliflower77 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I 100% have this lingering fear in the back of my mind at all times.

[–]Asies36 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t fear because my dumbass already wasted my youth on men that set me back in life from HS through college. So I guess it’s wasn’t about cheating that was an issue more so than the problem was them being broke or losers/unmotivated to do anything productive with their lives. I clearly had some type of daddy issues. Because those experiences scarred me I haven’t had any interest in dating since then

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The more you fear something, the more your mind implants that in your subconscious which then affects how you operate in life. Please choose love over fear. If you find a man and truly love him and want what’s best for him, you won’t fear him cheating. You’ll give him the space to communicate with you openly and honestly about his desires without you being reactionary to him. I think this is the best way to do things.

We can not control our men- even if we are doing all the right things- if a man wants to and can cheat, he probably will. If he is not worried about losing his access to sex, he will step out. If a man can be honest and vulnerable about his biological urges and desires and you don’t judge him, his love and devotion to you will only increase. He is a man, he is designed to spread is seed.

It is up to you to gamble- love is always a risk but can have great rewards. Do you want a man who is only as loyal as his options and will go behind your back? Or a man who is upfront with his desires and will disclose his actions while agreeing to very reasonable and smart terms that will decrease the risk of him leaving you for another woman or forming a connection with her.

[–]Easy-Distance1 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ahhh well if you marry in the top 20% of men ( it's really only them that tend to cheat, which women tend to confuse with all men cause they get the most attention from women ) which I could see being a potential issue. But I think you're more in fear of letting yourself go thus making his eye wonder. This is under the presumption this HVM would decide to marry you. Not a whole lot of up side these days with no fault divorce, virtually no upside for men & the failure rate surrounding it. TBH

[–]Neither-Suggestion78 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never give a man a reason to cheat. As I always let him lead in the relationship and I only am in relationships where there is true desire and chemistry. So basically nothing is off-limits, and I’ve learned that that’s the way I like it. Pleasing him pleases me and in return he gives me great pleasure.

I’ve never had a man cheat on me. I am 48 and in a relationship with a 42-year-old man. My longest relationship was a 20 year marriage. I have never had a ONS and all relationships long term and not a big number.

Don’t worry about wasting time if you are delirious for his touch and he is yours - otherwise run don’t walk away.

Also I am a very confident woman who works out daily. eats healthy and is an extreme athlete. It helps if you care for yourself as it gives you the confidence to do things you never thought you could or would and men are visual creatures.

[–]Laurely4u -4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ask your fiancé to put his house jointly into your name, then you can guess his levels of sincerity

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men don’t just eventually cheat. Boys cheat.

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Title: Does anyone else fear wasting their youth on a man because they so often eventually cheat?

Full text: I don’t know, I realize this is just insecurity talking. But men talk about how women lose value as we age and become less attractive, I can’t seem to shake the fear a man will use my best years and eventually abandon me for someone younger. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it. I often think about resigning myself to a life of solitude in favor of having my heart inevitably broken when I’m no longer “ideal”

This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service

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[–]bbs540 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s how I feel about women. I dated a lot from 14 to 20, but every single girl wronged me in one way or another, and a few of them cheated, so I stopped dating. Dated one girl in the last 6 years(26 now), and that didn’t last very long. Definitely much happier and far less stress this way, along with major improvements to myself mentally and physically. I’m not ready to create a family right now anyways, so there’s really no point other than avoiding loneliness, which risks pregnancy. I have 1-2 years left of college then maybe I’ll reconsider it

[–]fatbitchonline 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

i totally relate to this! my boyfriend is a wonderful man who would never do this to me, but sometimes i just get that nagging insecurity because this is what we see so much of. honestly, when this happens, you just have to look at the person you love and think about how they’ve treated you. if they’ve been treating you the way you deserve, that worry starts to melt away and you’re left feeling silly and full of love. :)

[–]Ray1975 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think a bigger issue is that a lot of women let themselves go after getting comfortable in a marriage.

[–]kadk216 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. I love my husband and I am not scared he will cheat on me because he has earned my trust and never done anything to lose it. I used to be pretty insecure and had to learn to get over that. My husband has always been faithful and I have no reason to question it.

My husband’s mom actually cheated on my FIL for 10 years with one of his coworkers. If anything, I believe women are more likely to cheat because women have far more opportunities for sex. He, somehow, found a way to reconcile and forgive MIL (which is still crazy to me - but I understand why, my husband was only a toddler and it would’ve ripped the family apart). Most men are not cheaters.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cheating is sensationalized online. You like one post about a woman discussing her past partner’s infidelity and you get another 20 post on your feed about more cheaters.

Truth is cheating isn’t as common as the internet likes to make it out to be. But the internet will always talk about it because cheating videos get views

[–]Margareydragonslayer 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes :(

[–]weatherfrcst 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Cheaters have many tells. They’re the ones that don’t have other standards in life. Also a man who understands sex doesn’t come from girlfriends but from wives, is less likely going to be a cheater

[–]lizardscales 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As I bond with a woman their physical features become what I prefer. A younger body is only superficially more attractive and do not have the physical features of the woman I have bonded with. I see women of all ages that I find attractive and what they have is the feminine form. If you can maintain your vitality and basic shape I wouldn't be worried on the physical front.

There is no way I would give up or cheat on a woman that I find attractive, that I have invested in and that I have bonded with for a younger woman.

[–]Middle-Pepper-7521 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most men don’t cheat bc most men don’t have options. 33% of men haven’t had sex since turning 18. Over 50% of men are single. Most men rarely get laid. What happen is woman ignore the average men and go with the most popular, sought out man by women, get surprised when he cheats, then blame most men for cheating. Most women that get cheated on have a nice guy that won’t cheat in the friend zone

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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