Background: A few months ago, there was a fire in my boyfriend's apartment. I was practically living there at the time, but luckily I still had my own apartment. We had plans to move in together once our leases up, but due to the fire the timetable had moved up. Anyway, because of the stress of the fire and the following chaos, I had fallen off of the RPW wagon so to speak. I had lost my cool and I recognize that. In fact, it was my actions and attitude during those couple of months that brought me back to this community. I'm not proud of what I said and did during that time and I don't condone it, but there was one specific interaction between my SO and I that I think illustrates perfectly what it means to be a RPW.

The Situation: As many of you know, one of the biggest challenges when merging lives with someone is realizing that you now have two of everything. Which means one person (not necessarily the same person) is going to have throw some things out. For me, it was hardest to let go of my kitchen things. Its my domain after all (disclaimer: this isn't really the right way to think about it, but that just how I was thinking about it at the time). My stuff was a bit newer, smaller (an advantage when moving into a small kitchen), and of course, my style. His stuff was better quality, bigger, and of course, his style.

Our arguments culminated with the toaster oven, of all things. I would not back down and insisted that we keep MY toaster oven goddamn it! At that point he looked me in the eyes and said "If it means that much to you, we will keep your toaster oven".

The Lesson: I was shocked that he had let me have my way. After-all, its the exact opposite of what RPW said would happen. But looking back at the situation now, I understand how it was exactly RPW. Prior to that I had already proven to my SO that I prioritized him and keeping peace in the relationship. So when I held my ground about the toaster oven, he didn't think that I was being bratty or controlling (even though I can now admit that's exactly what I was being). He assumed that for some reason unknown to him, that this toaster oven was somehow special and meaningful to me, that it was something so important to me that it was worth fighting over. Which is silly, its just a toaster oven... (I say this now, but its not like I'm rushing to pull his toaster oven out of the closet or anything, because yes, he insisted on keeping his anyway lol).

And this is point: the less we use our voice, the more powerful our words become. If we keep the criticisms, disagreements, and arguments to a minimum; then when we must (respectfully) criticize, disagree, or argue with our captains (which we all must do from time to time because even our captains are still only human), we will be taken more seriously and he will be more likely to heed what it is we have to say. But if you are constantly criticizing, disagreeing, and arguing it becomes another drop in the bucket. Your words are just meaningless static that he needs to tune out.

So every time you want to correct your SO, or make a suggestion, or second-guess his plan think of it this way; you have a superpower, but every time you use it, it becomes weaker. Is this particular suggestion worth weakening yourself for? Or would you rather save your powers for something bigger and more meaningful?