I would first like to say that this problem has to do with my father in law not my husband.

My husbands parents and grandmother live with us. My father in law is very old school Korean. He believes in keeping to as much Korean tradition and culture as possible. The problem with this comes in the form of my grandmother in law who is 83 and has very serve dementia and end stage lung cancer. My father in law refuses to send her to a nursing home. He says it is his duty as a son to take care of her. He said putting her in a nursing home would be abandoning her.

This means that because she lives with us me and my mother in law are her 24 hour carers because she needs to be watched constantly and can do very little herself. We have to keep up with her medications, doctors appointments, and therapies. We have to bathe her and take her to the toilet. Her mobility is becoming limited so I have to help her with get around. Her behavior is erratic and unpredictable. She has severe trouble communicating which leads to violent outbursts. Most days she has no idea who anyone is or thinks they're other people. There are days where she can't remember what her name.

The worst part is the emotional toll it's taking on everyone especially my father in law. Every morning when he gives her medications he has to tell her she has cancer and that she's dying. It's beyond heartbreaking and can't be good for him mentally. It's hard watching someone who was so smart and vibrant not remember their own name.

And we can't do it anymore she requires far more care then we can provide. Her condition has worsened beyond the point where she needs professional help.

I have 2 young sons(four and 3 months) who need me. I feel like I have to ignore my children to keep caring for her. My oldest son is deaf and mute so requires a closer watch then most children his age. My mother in law health is not the best and she shouldn't being doing as much as she is. My husband tries to help but he has a very heavy workload and travels often.

Me, my husband and mother in law have talked with my father in law but he won't change his mind. He says it his duty as a son and our duty as a family to take care of her.

I really don't know what to do or say that will change his mind.

I'm sorry if this a little disjointed I just need to get this out there. I really need help.