Feeling sad for a hypergamous example

Wissenschaft85 · 2017-08-16T02:18:56+00:00

I believe that both are at fault (him not improving himself during the relationship, communication problems from both sides, her not being upfront about what was going on) HOWEVER she cheated because she wanted to.

She could have a) Get a divorce if she wasn't happy anymore or b) Have couples therapy and communicate her issues. She took advantage of him because she could.

[deleted] · 2017-08-18T14:50:01+00:00

Someone who cheats is always in the wrong in my opinion. We are more than a combination of our baser instincts.

CleburnCO · 2017-08-16T04:39:08+00:00

Women can't love someone that they see as lesser than themselves in life. Status touches a part of the brain that you can't touch by being nice, funny, or smart.

You see it in pre-selection and how it influences attractiveness.

Respect is integral to love from women. Respect is the outward sign that a man has passed the selection criteria to move into possible relationship territory...and it's hard to respect someone that you perceive as lesser in some way.

He learned a hard lesson. Sad deal, but totally predictable.

Calliope101 · 2017-08-17T16:17:19+00:00

Hi all, noobie here!

It sure sounds like she has a lot to learn as far as communicating in a relationship. Communicating well means talking about all the stuff that makes you feel awkward. It means being good enough with expressing your idea that your partner understand and doesn't feel attacked. Communication skills aren't instant. They take time to develop, and need to be refined from the beginning of a relationship.

But you know, there's something else that strikes me as very odd. This man seems like he became quite resourceful when he wanted to look for his wife's cheating. But not resourceful enough to get a driver's license right away? That doesn't sound like a minor detail. That's not following properly researching and through on an important responsibility. Hollywood romance tricks just don't make up for a man who will not pull his weight every day.

Hypergamy seems like kind of an excuse. My gentleman totally gets how important it is to maintain his drivers license or insurance or make his payments. He's responsible, worthy, and amazing. I love him with all my being. OK. Yes. He makes less than me. So what? He's no beta bum. And he gets a phenomenal dinner cooked for him every night. ;)

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-08-18T15:12:53+00:00

Most people need to vet harder in relationships. Most people rush into it, and it make sense on a certain level, life is so short. It's hard to meet people. Most people are slogged down with work and trying to survive.

The base problem becomes even if you vet hard, people do change over time. Or they fully realize the parts of them that were hidden well and the other person ignored or didn't spend the time to discover.

In any modern relationship, man or woman, you have to be prepared for the other person to leave you, at any time, for any reason. Marriage. Kids. Money. Promises. You could have saved the person's life and given them a kidney or bone marrow, and it doesn't matter. The person can walk at any time for any reason.

People who cheat or do other horrible things do so because they are behaving in line with their character. You can't blame the "victim" for the choice made to hurt them, the only think you can blame them for is choosing a crappy character person in the first place.

Most likely, he was ignorant, but not stupid. He likely did the best he could and didn't know any better. Most people are like that. Some people though are stupid, meaning they know the risk and the odds against them and human nature and take a bad bet/high risk situation anyway.

Character matters the most. Nothing else matters if they don't have good character. A person of low character is a turd. You can cover a turd in expensive frosting. You can blitz it with fancy packaging. You can serve it on gold plate with diamonds around the edges. It's still just a turd with whip cream on it.

Once someone reveals their horrible character to you, then the best bet is to leave. Kids together. Money locked up. Property involved. Got a dog together. At some point, who cares. The reasons to stay will never be worth lying in bed next to a low character turd.

I think part of the issue here is Person A believes, if I did something different, said this or did that instead, this would not have happened. And that's just not true. No matter WHAT YOU DO, people will BEHAVE IN LINE WITH THEIR CHARACTER. Sometimes it's a question of time, but the results are always inevitable.

I'm sorry for your friend. Pain is never easy.

Most people are painfully simple in their motives. The hard part is getting past our own issues and hopes to see them that way.

loneliness-inc · 2017-08-17T14:20:32+00:00

Whose fault was it?

Hers. 100% her fault. If there was something she was unhappy about, she should have spoken up. She said romance but it meant nothing to her when he was romantic, so either she was lying or she didn't know what she wanted. Either way, she's responsible.

He obviously didn't realize what he was doing wrong (caring too much and not improving himself)

Let's stop for a moment and appreciate this very question. He's wrong for caring too much?!?! (I agree with you on the self improvement part).

If he doesn't care about her, she complains that he doesn't car. If he cares about her, she loses interest. He can't win. It's up to her to change something and overcome one of her impulses. She doesn't get to have it both ways.

Was she in the wrong for cheating or was it his fault for not setting the standards?

Women have agency. Women can chose right from wrong. Women don't need men to set standards for them. They may enjoy it, but as grown adults, they don't need it. Once again, she's squarely at fault here.

If this type of story happened to one person, it would be a personal tragedy. But this story has happened to countless people, hence the creation of TRP. Men are waking up to the insanity brought about by entitled western women. Along the way, we're waking up to female nature that's been present forever.

Aomicb · 2017-08-16T03:04:53+00:00

If there had been a lack of sex and romance for a long time it may have been irreparable. she has been feeling unattractive and unloved because of it for quite a while. I don't know how you can undo making someone feel unattractive. Why didn't he want to have sex with her? Sometimes good intentions and relationships just don't work out. You can learn something and move on to the next thing and get it better next time around. Always sad and painful when it ends though.

nawinter77 · 2017-08-16T22:16:31+00:00

Who knows who was at fault, in their relationship which none of us are privy to the day-to-day experiences between each other? I'd argue it's none of our business, too.

If you want to remain friends with both... definitely keep any fault finding thoughts you have to yourself.

zeeohsixer · 2017-08-22T15:09:26+00:00

Who is at fault ? Well, that's really tricky. When you're neck deep in a relationship and its not going well it's easy to end up chasing your tail. Lots of us men have been there, although this gentleman was certainly on the more extreme end. It's only after such a relationship ends and some time passes that you get that 30,000ft view that one really needs to logically/objectively diagnose what went wrong. Send him over to TRP if you really care about him.

Wissenschaft85 · 2017-08-16T05:56:16+00:00

Hypergampy might be the rout cause but thats largely a subconscious instinct. Its not how woman think. What might have happened was that this woman married a man because he was a good provider but she wasn't quite attracted to him sexually. Either that or he became to beta once married and that killed her libido. Once she met another man she was attracted to sexually, she cut off sexual relations with her husband. Men are more willing to have sex with multiple partners but woman often will cut off sex with someone they view only as a provider. Now the woman may have thought, hes a good husband, I still love him, but this new mans makes me feel alive in ways I haven't in a long time. This is what TRP refers to as hamstering. Coming up with any excuse to justify illogical behavior. No doubt this same wife would be greatly offended if her husband had done the exact same thing she was doing herself.

Lesson for ladies: If you feel the need to cut off sex in your relationship, the relationship is dead. Don't fool yourself into thinking its anything else. No sex in relationships mean you don't want to be physically intimate anymore and your mans going to notice that immediately.

"He obviously didn't realize what he was doing wrong (caring too much and not improving himself)."

Thats not his main problem (though being too beta in mindset is a big problem). His main problem is that he didn't vet his woman good enough before deciding to get married. If she can't handle being lonely while hes working his ass off to provided for her then she wasn't good wife material. A good wife needs to be a partner in the worst of times, not just loyal and loving only when fortune is good. A good wife is a strong woman with high self-esteem and doesn't need constant attention from her man. In short, it most certainly was his fault for not setting the standards.

oasie · Thu Aug 17 16:34:48 2017 UTC

I think hypergamy is a lame way to excuse really bad behavior on a woman's part.

If you think about it, Red Pill Men (or so called) don't really hold women up the standard they think they do. They keep spouting stuff about how it's just our nature and we can't be helped.

suddenlystevie · 2017-08-25T23:43:15+00:00

Not your relationship, not your problem

Title	Feeling sad for a hypergamous example
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	13
Comments	30
Date	August 16, 2017 1:45 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/feeling-sad-for-a-hypergamous-example.73297 https://theredarchive.com/post/73297
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6tyuyy/feeling_sad_for_a_hypergamous_example/