Okay this sounds like common sense but bear with me lol!
Hubby and I have been together for seven years now and have had some stressful troubles with IVF recently etc. I think it’s quite easy to fall into a pattern of just speaking neutrally to each other with the occasional nagging about things. I realised recently, what would I be like to live with? Like he comes home from a competitive and cutthroat corporate job to a wife who is at best neutral, at worst grumpy and complaining.
So the other night hubby offered to cook, he’s really not much of a cook and I enjoy cooking so I usually do it. Usually I would say “thanks. that was good, just next time I would XYZ” and list all the changes I think he should make. This time I was like “thanks! this is delicious, it’s fun and different when you make things for me!” and he beamed happily. He’s already planning his next meal to cook and has written on the calendar weekly nights he’s going to cook for me. This is a guy who has previously no interest in cooking at all!!’
He’s also bought a new hedge trimmer and mows the lawn and trims the hedges every second week which takes hours in the hot Australian summer sun. He’s quite proud of this and sometimes wants me to come and look and I think ugh and I don’t bother or I just say “nice. thanks”. I went out with cold drinks yesterday and took a couple of minutes to look at what he’s actually done and told him i thought the hedges looked great etc.
I guess the female equivalent would be getting all dressed up and making effort to get just a lukewarm response. Would that inspire me to do it again or make me feel good? No.
It’s not about falling over yourself to give insincere compliments or giving them a gold star every time they do something, it’s just a general mindset shift of remembering to be positive and pleasant.
TLDR: I’ve started consciously being more positive to my husband and the effects have been great so far.
Does anyone else have any examples or experience with this?