~ archived since 2018 ~

Field report: being nice/complementary to your man

February 28, 2021

Okay this sounds like common sense but bear with me lol!

Hubby and I have been together for seven years now and have had some stressful troubles with IVF recently etc. I think it’s quite easy to fall into a pattern of just speaking neutrally to each other with the occasional nagging about things. I realised recently, what would I be like to live with? Like he comes home from a competitive and cutthroat corporate job to a wife who is at best neutral, at worst grumpy and complaining.

So the other night hubby offered to cook, he’s really not much of a cook and I enjoy cooking so I usually do it. Usually I would say “thanks. that was good, just next time I would XYZ” and list all the changes I think he should make. This time I was like “thanks! this is delicious, it’s fun and different when you make things for me!” and he beamed happily. He’s already planning his next meal to cook and has written on the calendar weekly nights he’s going to cook for me. This is a guy who has previously no interest in cooking at all!!’

He’s also bought a new hedge trimmer and mows the lawn and trims the hedges every second week which takes hours in the hot Australian summer sun. He’s quite proud of this and sometimes wants me to come and look and I think ugh and I don’t bother or I just say “nice. thanks”. I went out with cold drinks yesterday and took a couple of minutes to look at what he’s actually done and told him i thought the hedges looked great etc.

I guess the female equivalent would be getting all dressed up and making effort to get just a lukewarm response. Would that inspire me to do it again or make me feel good? No.

It’s not about falling over yourself to give insincere compliments or giving them a gold star every time they do something, it’s just a general mindset shift of remembering to be positive and pleasant.

TLDR: I’ve started consciously being more positive to my husband and the effects have been great so far.

Does anyone else have any examples or experience with this?


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Post Information
Title Field report: being nice/complementary to your man
Author aussiedollface2
Upvotes 191
Comments 17
Date February 28, 2021 4:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]HazelMania 84 points85 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Being nice to the people you love usually has a positive effect on your own mood as well. It's a shame not many people understand this. Nothing in the world is more important than enjoying and appreciating the small moments with loved ones.

[–]aussiedollface2[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re so right! It makes me feel better too xo

[–]blueberrypanda1 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amazing comment. 100% true.

[–]RP_Bear9 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What an insightful comment - thanks so much for posting this!!

[–]DeLovehlyCoconute 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This, so much. Positive interactions matter a ton. Ones like these are incorporated into the five love languages as well.

[–]All_Lurk_No_Post365 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is awesome, you've hit the sweet spot. Us men crave compliments/admiration for things we do the way women crave being adored. You're doing an A+ job here. *Thumbs up emoji

[–]RP_Bear9 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Could not agree more with your comment. Imagine a world where all women had this wonderful attitude! :)

[–]sushi_30 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this so much! You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.

I love how you say that it’s the equivalent of us getting dressed up and receiving a lukewarm response. Very true. Great insight!

[–]sculptedmermaid 25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is so great. I agree wholeheartedly they just want to make us happy and they love a woman they can “win” with. Really reminds me of Alison Armstrong’s work if you’re familiar with her.

[–]aussiedollface2[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ooh I’m not? I just googled her though, she sounds like a very wise woman. Thanks for the reply xo

[–]sculptedmermaid 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Really? I thought probably you were sharing from her work. You’re in for a treat you will love her!

[–]merabaid 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love Alison Armstrong and she has a wealth of information to consume. I've been working my way through it for the last 7-8 years and totally wouldn't have my relationship without her.

[–]Egypt-7000BC 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Appreciation ladies, it works!

[–]RP_Bear9 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What a beautiful message! I am so impressed with the wisdom on this RPW board, such as this insight. Perhaps this is a message that all people everywhere need to hear.

[–]merabaid 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. As a parent I've learned to acknowledge effort and so this has found its way into my relationship too. I always used to correct things not done my way Ive learned there are better ways to do that. First compliment or show gratitude for the effort and don't add anything more. Let it settle in that they are appreciated then you have a choice, either accept that their effort does the job or set up a way of communicating your preferences with no pressure.

Favorite ways to do this are to make a post it with step by step instructions or send a video saying something along the lines of "I really like it like this, what do you think".

[–]ihearthandbags 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great reminder!

[–]Jaywoody21 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good job improving your mindset to better your marriage

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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