~ archived since 2018 ~

Field Report

September 23, 2020

About 5 years ago I was unhappily married when I stumbled across the red pill on reddit and began learning that I had 1. Chosen unwisely for a husband and 2. Made matters worse by being a terrible wife. I learned and incorporated a lot from RPW but ended up getting a divorce, which was his idea but I think was for the best. But I decided to do things differently in any future relationships because of my understanding of the red pill. After almost a year of nun mode following the divorce, I started dating again and am now happily married to an amazing, high quality man. Here are just a few of the things that this subreddit has helped me to do better.

1 I got crystal clear on what my own life values are. I think this came with time, maturity and life experiences to really know and understand who I was and be ok with myself—it really all came together for me in my mid twenties (after I was already in my first marriage) and I would NOT recommend doing things in that order lol. Along with getting clear on what values I did want, I also chose to leave behind a lot of the cultural/familial values I had been entertaining that I didn’t truly want: things like the pressure to have kids, the religion I was raised in, and some of my mom’s ideas about sex, health, etc.

2 I looked for someone with very similar values to my own. I didn’t realize how important this was until it was too late, the first time around. I specifically chose to date people who had similar hobbies to help narrow my search, since I think what you do in your free time is generally indicative of your underlying values. Plus I value lots of quality time and shared hobbies with my partner. I found someone who not only shares my favorite hobbies, but is also kind, speaks my love language, extremely mature, puts in effort and makes our relationship a priority, sooooo attractive, physically fit and healthy, hardworking, in a successful job, very intelligent and thoughtful, financially well-off and careful, loves to try new things, social, shares my religious views, patient, takes strong traditional masculine leadership and initiative in every aspect of our relationship, forgiving, appreciates and encourages my femininity, fun and funny, is emotionally articulate and able to have hard conversations, comes from a healthy loving family, and is working on goals for the future that I am so excited to be a part of. It was easy to vet when I knew what the lack of many of those things looked like, plus the RPW guidelines helped me keep my eyes wide open.

3 I loosened up a lot. I caused so many unnecessary slights in my first marriage by being uptight about the small things. For example I used to always choose the cheap brand at the store, even though I knew my ex preferred the name brand. It was annoying, disrespectful and definitely not worth it to save a few cents.

4 I stopped being codependent and got control of my thoughts and emotions. I used to let a small thought, or my partner’s mood, or an assumption I made trigger me into a downward spiral. Now I choose which thoughts and emotions to entertain and which to discard. I choose not to take things personally, and clarify or ask if I feel like I’m getting a message from him I’m not sure about instead of making an assumption or blaming myself for his feelings.

5 I started things off on the right foot with sex. I used to HATE sex, I know there was tons of emotional and religious issues in my first marriage that was keeping me from being able to enjoy and give freely with sex. I decided from the get go with my now husband to initiate sex every single day, do things like flirt and wear sexy lingerie and perfume that I never really bothered to do, and choose to intentionally enjoy and be crazy for my husband. I have discovered that I actually LOVE sex and I was totally missing out in my first marriage.

I’ve learned so much from the mistakes I’ve made and from this page. I’m definitely not perfect and I still have a lot to improve on, and I know we will experience lots more challenges over the years, but I am just so grateful to be in a solid marriage to a wonderful person.

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Post Information
Title Field Report
Author katwithclass
Upvotes 120
Comments 18
Date September 23, 2020 8:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]xun117 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Aww congrats !! Such a good story. Just wondering how old you were when you divorced ?

[–]katwithclass[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

25! Thank you so much btw

[–]itatifc8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Congratulations on the happy marriage!! ❤️

Can you elaborate more on how you changed to enjoy sex more? ie did you use any online resources or follow any steps? Also, did you find it easy to be more sex-positive since the new relationship gave you an opportunity to reinvent yourself?

[–]katwithclass[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I think it was just the fresh start and being able to have everything else in our relationship be right. I am not the type that could enjoy sex when other things in the relationship were so wrong, so I never realized how wonderful it could be. Reading material: everything I can find from Ian Ironwood labeled “girl game”.

[–]gotgame7407 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great to hear

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link


[–]katwithclass[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not sure what you mean...i was very unhappily married long before I ever found the RP, and my marriage now is much happier because of what I learned from it. And I never said this would work for everyone, just that it worked for me.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh I read it wrong. I thought you said you were happily married, not unhappily married. My comment is pretty much worthless lol. I’ll delete it

[–]katwithclass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

lol no worries

[–]jonmarli0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oops I meant “it”. That stands for interracial doesn’t it 😳. I have no problems at all with interracial dating. I’m in an interracial relationship

[–]chivelily0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing!

[–]appleblossom70 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Love this! Can you elaborate more on number 4? Were there any resources you found particularly helpful in working on it? I'm struggling with this a lot and would love some help.

[–]katwithclass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely! I get you completely and I still sometimes have a bad day with these every once in a while but not every day like I used to! Two life changing books for me were:

-The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (read multiple times)

-Get Out Of Your Head by Jennie Allen (from a Christian perspective)

if I ever get like a negative thought or emotion, I try to stop and ask myself questions about it. Here is a long list of example questions to meta analyze your thoughts and emotions.

“What triggered this for me?”

“Is this because of an assumption I made?”

“Is there any real life justifiable reason to feel this way?”

“What could be other possible explanations for this?”

“Can I intentionally change my mood right now?”

“Do I have to keep feeling like this / entertaining this thought?”

“What thoughts and attitudes could i take on to change my emotional state right now?”

“What might happen if I continue feeling/thinking this way, versus making a change?”

And probably most important:

“What response from me would best help my partner right now in this situation?”

[–]ohisama0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Just a suggestion, please insert a few blank lines at logical breakpoints. A long continuous block of text is hard to read and keep track of the progress.

[–]katwithclass[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I have line breaks before and after each paragraph. Are you suggesting that I make larger line breaks?

[–]ohisama0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes. From the start of point 1 to end of point 4, it's continuous text. There's no break with a full blank line. Personally, I would also insert a blank line or two within the point 2.

[–]katwithclass[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just added an extra space between sections! Hope that helps 🙌🏼

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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