For Single Ladies “Late to the Red Pill” Part I: Motivations for being RPW, Facing the Wall, Dealing with N-Count

In a perfect world, all ladies would discover the Red Pill as fresh and dewy teenagers, ideally guided by the loving hand of traditionalist mothers. They would have dedicated their formative years to self-improvement and self-sufficiency, becoming proficient in the domestic arts, cultivating their feminine wiles, developing a unique and exquisite personal style, and saving themselves for the exceptional men who would become their husbands.

Alas, we do not live in this perfect world. Many stumble upon the Red Pill after the prime bloom of youth has been wasted on FWBs and focused purely on material success at the expense of personal happiness. Just as TRP newbies experience an “anger phase,” new RPWs often experience a “guilt and shame” phase when finally awakened to the reality of male and female relationship and sexual dynamics.

This post is intended to offer hope and guidance for any lady who wants to implement the RPW philosophy in her life but feels she may have arrived too late. This is the first of a series of posts, and will be most applicable to ladies ages 25 and up. The first few posts will focus on single ladies; future posts will be dedicated to women who are married or in LTRs.

First, what are your motivations for wanting to be an RPW? If it’s because being on your own is too difficult and exhausting, and you just want someone to take care of you, then you’re in the wrong place. The most challenging thing about becoming an RPW is changing your focus from what you can get out of men to what you can offer them.

Second, let’s take hard look at “the Wall.” TRP defines the Wall as the point in a woman’s life (22-24 years old, if you ask Rollo Tomassi) when her SMV begins to decline.

In reality, most women do not wake up as undesirable hags on the morning of their 25th birthday. When and how quickly your SMV declines depends largely on factors within your control. Do you live a clean lifestyle and are mindful of your health and physical appearance, like Rachel McAdams? Or did you burn yourself out with smoking, hard drugs, binge drinking, and reckless behavior, like Lindsay Lohan?

From the RPW perspective, what the Wall actually represents is a fundamental shift in power dynamics between men and women whereby the value of a man’s ability to provide commitment begins to exceed the value of a woman’s ability to provide access to sex. This is why the guys you met in college were willing to transition from FWB to boyfriend, but the mature and established men you’re meeting now are unwilling to commit to you just to secure sex on tap.

It’s imperative to adjust your dating strategy to emphasize your RMV. What qualities do you have that are truly unique and remarkable? How will being in a relationship with you make his life better? In what areas are you fundamentally compatible?

The one advantage that you have over the younger bodies you may be competing with in the dating marketplace is that, at this point in your life, you should be secure and self-aware enough to be able to answer these questions and use your knowledge to hold a man's interest beyond the initial attraction phase.

Third, how do you deal with your n-count? Other than the Wall, there is perhaps no subject discussed in this forum that gets us ladies riled up more than n-count. If any talk of the “cock carousel” makes you feel defensive or doomed, know that just because you can’t re-write your past doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t control your present and future. This means learning how to vet properly, controlling your impulses, and enjoying the rewards of delayed gratification.

If a man considers your n-count a deal-breaker, move on and don’t hold it against him. You’re not the right woman for him. If, on the other hand, a man expects no-strings-attached sex because you’ve done it in the past, you’re under no obligation to acquiesce. He’s not the right man for the woman that you are trying to become.

On the plus side, the older you are, the less likely you are to meet men who will outright ask you how many men you’ve slept with in the past. But that doesn’t mean that men won’t judge your sexual history in other ways. Have you cheated on your past partners? Were you ever a sidepiece? Were you ever pregnant? Do you have any children out of wedlock? Do you have or have ever had any STDs? Did you ever have sex with someone to advance yourself at school or work?

If confronted with these questions (either directly or in a roundabout way), you need to be upfront and honest—both with yourself and your prospective partners—about what you did, what led you to make such poor choices in the past, what you’ve learned, and most importantly, what you’re doing to prevent making such choices in the future.

Yes, this means some guys might “next” you. But a willingness to be vulnerable and selfless, and not try to manipulate and control your partner’s feelings and reactions by lying or withholding information, is a necessary part of becoming the type of woman a man can love and trust.

Besides, women who actually take responsibility for their mistakes instead of blaming men and society are in such short supply these days that some men might find such frankness and self-reflection to be rather refreshing.

Coming up soon: For Single Ladies “Late to the Red Pill” Part II: Nun Mode, Realism vs. Settling, Vetting Mistakes