I've mentioned in the past that, while my demeanor towards my SO is awesome and I do almost everything right with him and skip along beside him like a puppydog (hyperbole to convey feels. no actual skipping took place and I don't have a convincing canine impression), my demeanor towards his friends had been lacking. I would get annoyed at perceived childishness or disregard for others' schedules, and loud political banter in public. I would take on the drill-sergeant/mom persona when talking to them and treat them like idiots, trying to get them to behave.

I realized after a while that although I treated SO wonderfully, his friends were only seeing the way I was treating them, with condescension and disrespect. There was a good chance they assumed I treated SO the same way. In essence, I was making him look bad, and like he had a harpy of a girlfriend.

The next several times they gathered, I smiled, said hello, then promptly locked myself in my room to avoid saying anything mean, because I didn't trust myself to be pleasant or else seem fake.

Today I surprised myself. SO and I were studying in our bedroom when I heard a door open and close in the house. I nudged him and he went out to investigate. I heard a group go "Heeyyyyyyy!" and realized that his friends had decided to drop by, unannounced, on a school night, during finals period, with liquor in hand, to hang out with SO. Normally I would have been livid, and gone out there with a "don't you realize......" but I didn't feel any anger.

I tore off my jammies and threw on a nice house dress (classy comfy casual) in 20 seconds, put on a smile, and went out to see everyone. Said hellos, accepted hugs, took coats, asked how life was going, cleared off the messy table for them (exam week), and put on a pot of tea. They happily shared some of their liquor with me, and as soon as they settled in to play some games and asked me to join, I told them "I've got to get back to studying. Thanks though". If I didn't have exams to study for, I feel like I could have joined in on their games without going drill-sergeant this time.

No stress, no anger, minimal disruption of studying, and since SO has afternoon classes, he can stay up late if they want to, no problem. I'm off to bed so I can wake up early, but I was honestly surprised enough at my behavior that I wanted to share before bed.

Remember, how you act around his friends is probably how they think you act all the time, and it reflects on your SO. Don't be a drill sergeant.

Edited for clarification.