Friendships with non-red pill women

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2016-03-22T00:25:30+00:00

The danger here for you, is that first time you and your man have some big problem and you feel like confiding or getting things out of your head. You talk to one of your new girl palls and all the sudden you flip in your brain and now you're one of them. Because it feels good to be validated when you're hurting and you are without family to draw from, it's going to suck you down to the ground. You don't want that now so don't make any room for it later.

I'm a loner and it's no biggie to me not to have gal pals, but the few women i share my most trying times with are NEVER going to team woman the situation. It's happened to me before and I made such a disaster of the situation because of it that the relationship was lost. Then i was not only alone, I hated myself because I could see how I placed myself in the position to be open to that kind of thing and to act on it.

ReclaimingFeminity · 2016-03-22T00:00:38+00:00

As far as the man-bashing goes, take a page from Laura Doyle - if you hear it starting, shut it down by changing the subject.

blondie_brownie · 2016-03-22T00:53:50+00:00

I would rather not have friends like the ones you've described, and just be alone. I believe that the people we choose to spend our time with have a lot of influence over how we grow; so, you really need to consider what effect these women are having on you and your attitude. I wouldn't go on the trip to India, and I would slowly distance myself from the friend group. Learn to be comfortable with being alone, take classes and meet people that way, try meetup (or a similar). Look for women who you admire and aspire to be like.

zoebear22 · 2016-03-22T08:44:18+00:00

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

While I don't believe the above to be a hard and fast rule, there is a lot to be said about the importance of who you surround yourself with. I think it's wonderful to be around people with diverging opinions (ie. differing religions, political views, anything really) to my own as long as they add something positive to my life. Maybe you have other shared interests or something else. From what you're saying about these people however, they seem to be bringing your mood down and encouraging negativity. Bad news! Focus on making friends!

Also, regarding the trip that you are dreading. Life is short. Cancel if you can stomach it. I know I sound brutal for this but it's just not worth it!

Littleknownfacts · 2016-03-21T22:09:55+00:00

I don't think the problem so much is that they are non-redpill, it's:

a) they are single, if you are in a relationship is best to hang out with other women in relationships. And...

b) >Except they are the masculine/feminist type women. I value their friendship because they're always so willing to spend time with me but I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

It sounds like you don't really like them at all. In this entire post you haven't said one good thing about them other than they are willing to hang out with you. That is an awful reason to keep anyone as a friend.

That more than anything is why you should distance yourself from them.

timeforstretchpants · 2016-03-21T23:56:13+00:00

This was me! I moved to Asia at 26 and initially had a hard time finding good female friends. Keep looking! My friends came from my time volunteering and taking language classes. Classes are doubly good because even if you don't make great friends, you'll be learning language/cooking/art/whatever.

And the good thing about expat life (where I was, anyway, ) was that every few months new people would move in.

StingrayVC · 2016-03-21T22:04:46+00:00

I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

I already feel terrible spreading my judgment online.

Making truthful observations are not passing judgement.

As to your post, I'm introverted so giving you advice from my POV is simply, entertain yourself. Presumably, you want more than this. I see two choices, try harder to find women more like yourself or try to keep the focus with these women on things you have in common.

It doesn't sound like they are trying to bring you down, your relationship down or your man down, so can you focus on things that you all do have in common?

MistressCelius · 2016-03-22T00:01:58+00:00

I don't think it's judgemental; if you said any of this to them they would judge you as judgemental when you only made some truthful observations. Don't be surprised if there's a time if you had to put out these observations, they will cut you off rather suddenly and in a very loud, negative manner.

I have a friend similar to your bunch of friends. You have two choices:

1) Continue to hang out with them. Just don't focus or bring up some "triggering" aspects of your lifestyle. ie: healthy lifestyle (unless asked for help) or relationship issues or even give tips about said lifestyle (unless they ask... And even so, prepare to give them "trigger warnings")

2) Do the slow fade out and find new friends.

I'm slowly reconnecting with said friend; although she is rather militant with her own fiance. I want to reconnect with her and we both genuinely care for each other, but I don't like to walk on eggshells around her.

Careful where you tread, friend.

gabilromariz · 2016-03-22T20:58:05+00:00

I know couples are harder to befriend but it's worth it. Try to befriend women you wouldn't mind (or even enjoy) trading lives with. This tip alone has me pursuing friendships with people whose advice I can trust :)

I suggest slowly fading out of this single girl group and try to befriend those older couples and perhaps some locals. Why befriend other expats only? A good way of doing this would be to invite one family over for dinner. (here is a quick option: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWzDuqpFImY)

fhigurethisout · 2016-03-28T07:34:01+00:00

but I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

the people who are closest to us influence who we are.

do you want to be influenced by these types of people? what value are these women contributing to your life?

TheSlicemanCometh · 2016-03-28T22:35:34+00:00

You are a combination of the five closest people to you.

If you want to let feminist crazies in that proximity, know the risks involved and assess your values and who you want to be as a person first.

DimeTime1234 · 2016-03-28T23:18:45+00:00

I totally understand this. Many of my girlfriends are the same way. I also planned a trip abroad before I met my SO, and actually ended up having a wonderful time, but like you, also would prefer traveling with him.

I try to make my time with my non redpill women friends educational. they don't necessarily need to change my opinion about things. We just have fun and I get to experience another view of things.

SuperSlavisWife · 2016-03-29T21:34:32+00:00

Bit late to the party, but hadn't logged on in AGES either, so... Anyways, here's my 2p:

I have one in person, close female friend. She is married, poly, bisexual, very masculine and brash, a big drinker and horrified by the concept of parenthood. And I love her to bits. We have dinner parties, we talk about our husbands and acquaintances and families, we cook together, we swap books, we watch terrible films, we go shopping, we help each other and each other's husbands out whenever there is trouble or a "mission" to complete. Whoever or whatever she is, we get along. However girly and feminine I want to be, there is ultimately a tomboy in me that prefers that sort of company. And there's nothing actually wrong with women like that, especially if they know what they're doing and are genuinely happy.

But when you're talking about someone you find it hard to be around, when you're not looking forward to time with them, when you find yourself getting frustrated being with them, when talk about them so negatively, when you talk like you might be settling because there are not other women around... that doesn't sound right. If I did not have my friend I would have zero close female friends my own age. My tastes just don't match the demographic I live in. And, regardless of what RP men say about girls with no friends, you sometimes have to learn to be cool with a bit of quiet.

Title	Friendships with non-red pill women
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	11
Comments	24
Date	March 21, 2016 9:58 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/friendships-with-non-red-pill-women.86073 https://theredarchive.com/post/86073
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4beic2/friendships_with_nonred_pill_women/