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Friendships with non-red pill women

March 21, 2016

Hello everyone! First time posting in this sub. I was raised pretty red pill due to an Asian cultural background but grew up in the West. I've been really enjoying reading the posts!

I'm seeking some advice. I'm currently in a relationship with an incredible red pill man although it's quite new (only three months). I'm 27, he's 33. He's extremely busy with work/business/travel but I keep myself occupied when he's not around with exercise, reading and spending time with friends.

My question is about my friends. We are living abroad right now in a country where the majority of expats are couples in their mid/late-30's and families. It's a bit hard to socialize with them due to schedules so I've made friends with some single women.

Except they are the masculine/feminist type women. I value their friendship because they're always so willing to spend time with me but I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

I already feel terrible spreading my judgment online. But I'm anxious to spend so much time with these non-red pill women because their aura really affects me - I'm generally pretty soft-spoken, reserved and playful but it's always quashed by these women since I feel I have to fight to say something around them. However, since we're expats it's already difficult to make friends especially with women my age.

With one girl I've made plans to go travel with her to India (this was before I met my boyfriend) but I'm not looking forward to it, to be honest... I would rather travel with my boyfriend. She's the type of woman to redeem her single life with travel and I really hope not to be like that.

Any thoughts? Am I being too judgmental? These ladies are happy for me and my relationship so they're not telling me to drop my boyfriend or anything. But sometimes it's difficult to be around them although they're loyal to me as friends. Advice?

Many thanks :)

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Post Information
Title Friendships with non-red pill women
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 11
Comments 24
Date March 21, 2016 9:58 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The danger here for you, is that first time you and your man have some big problem and you feel like confiding or getting things out of your head. You talk to one of your new girl palls and all the sudden you flip in your brain and now you're one of them. Because it feels good to be validated when you're hurting and you are without family to draw from, it's going to suck you down to the ground. You don't want that now so don't make any room for it later.

I'm a loner and it's no biggie to me not to have gal pals, but the few women i share my most trying times with are NEVER going to team woman the situation. It's happened to me before and I made such a disaster of the situation because of it that the relationship was lost. Then i was not only alone, I hated myself because I could see how I placed myself in the position to be open to that kind of thing and to act on it.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's interesting you mentioned being careful about having problems, I never thought about them perhaps team woman/not team woman the situation. Thanks for the awareness, the good thing is I have my parents to talk to about this stuff and they are very traditional and supportive.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Glad you have your family! I like your style and you are refreshing to read!

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you darling!

[–]ReclaimingFeminity3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As far as the man-bashing goes, take a page from Laura Doyle - if you hear it starting, shut it down by changing the subject.

[–]blondie_brownie 5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I would rather not have friends like the ones you've described, and just be alone. I believe that the people we choose to spend our time with have a lot of influence over how we grow; so, you really need to consider what effect these women are having on you and your attitude. I wouldn't go on the trip to India, and I would slowly distance myself from the friend group. Learn to be comfortable with being alone, take classes and meet people that way, try meetup (or a similar). Look for women who you admire and aspire to be like.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's true, our friends do influence us a lot. I already booked the air ticket with her so I think in terms of respect I'm not going to bail on her, but I might slowly fade out. Although that girl is attempting to work on herself and lose weight, so I'd also hate to not support her. I did meet a married woman who I get along with well and she's wonderful, so I think I'll try to call her tomorrow! Thanks!

[–]zoebear22 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

While I don't believe the above to be a hard and fast rule, there is a lot to be said about the importance of who you surround yourself with. I think it's wonderful to be around people with diverging opinions (ie. differing religions, political views, anything really) to my own as long as they add something positive to my life. Maybe you have other shared interests or something else. From what you're saying about these people however, they seem to be bringing your mood down and encouraging negativity. Bad news! Focus on making friends!

Also, regarding the trip that you are dreading. Life is short. Cancel if you can stomach it. I know I sound brutal for this but it's just not worth it!

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes you're right, and they're generally not adding anything positive to my life because it's always complaining and talking about themselves, not actually having real conversation. Whenever someone says something to me I tend to ask some questions, but when I speak to them they always bring the conversation back to themselves. I'm usually pretty patient with people but last night really irritated me (a friend refused to walk 50 meters to use the escalator instead of the elevator, stuffed her face with tempura and wouldn't stop agonizing over her uterus). Agh, now I feel awful. But you're right, I think I need to slowly fade out...

[–]Littleknownfacts8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't think the problem so much is that they are non-redpill, it's:

a) they are single, if you are in a relationship is best to hang out with other women in relationships. And...

b) >Except they are the masculine/feminist type women. I value their friendship because they're always so willing to spend time with me but I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

It sounds like you don't really like them at all. In this entire post you haven't said one good thing about them other than they are willing to hang out with you. That is an awful reason to keep anyone as a friend.

That more than anything is why you should distance yourself from them.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, now that I think about it, I suppose there isn't really anything I really like about them besides that they hang out with me. There's one girl who is pretty negative and overweight but she's trying to lose weight so I feel a bit bad to cut a friendship because I know she needs support. She's also told me she looks up to me because I dress well and take care of myself. So I'd hate to leave her just for my own conscience (regardless of everything I've said about her) to be a good person and help someone else.

[–]gabilromariz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Help yourself. She is a grown woman and capable of asking for help if she wants some. It would be quite sad to see you slowly becoming bitter and angry like they are when you just wanted to help

[–]timeforstretchpants2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was me! I moved to Asia at 26 and initially had a hard time finding good female friends. Keep looking! My friends came from my time volunteering and taking language classes. Classes are doubly good because even if you don't make great friends, you'll be learning language/cooking/art/whatever.

And the good thing about expat life (where I was, anyway, ) was that every few months new people would move in.

[–]StingrayVC2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

I already feel terrible spreading my judgment online.

Making truthful observations are not passing judgement.

As to your post, I'm introverted so giving you advice from my POV is simply, entertain yourself. Presumably, you want more than this. I see two choices, try harder to find women more like yourself or try to keep the focus with these women on things you have in common.

It doesn't sound like they are trying to bring you down, your relationship down or your man down, so can you focus on things that you all do have in common?

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am introverted as well and generally keep to myself, but I still need someone to talk to sometimes or else I'm in my head ruminating too much. There's one girl who I do enjoy going to the spa with so maybe I might just keep to that and not go out as much with her. Thanks for the advice!

[–]MistressCelius1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's judgemental; if you said any of this to them they would judge you as judgemental when you only made some truthful observations. Don't be surprised if there's a time if you had to put out these observations, they will cut you off rather suddenly and in a very loud, negative manner.

I have a friend similar to your bunch of friends. You have two choices:

1) Continue to hang out with them. Just don't focus or bring up some "triggering" aspects of your lifestyle. ie: healthy lifestyle (unless asked for help) or relationship issues or even give tips about said lifestyle (unless they ask... And even so, prepare to give them "trigger warnings")

2) Do the slow fade out and find new friends.

I'm slowly reconnecting with said friend; although she is rather militant with her own fiance. I want to reconnect with her and we both genuinely care for each other, but I don't like to walk on eggshells around her.

Careful where you tread, friend.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think I might keep one friend on standby because she's trying to be healthier and try dating, and just as a person (red pill regardless) I feel like she needs my support in working on herself. But I'm definitely careful when I'm with her, she likes to complain a lot and eat fried foods very quickly...

[–]MistressCelius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, I understand that. I get that too. She labels me as too clingy, as it is with the case with you.

Now, you can encourage and reinforce her good behavior (eating healthily, inviting her to the gym, etc.) but there are some topics that you might not want to touch with her (ex: fat acceptance and other junk like that)

My friend actually cut me off just for talking about fat acceptance and our differing views on it.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ouch, sorry to hear that. I had a close friend from grad school that cut me off because I decided I wasn't atheist anymore. Sometimes it's OK to let go of certain people for sure!

[–]gabilromariz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know couples are harder to befriend but it's worth it. Try to befriend women you wouldn't mind (or even enjoy) trading lives with. This tip alone has me pursuing friendships with people whose advice I can trust :)

I suggest slowly fading out of this single girl group and try to befriend those older couples and perhaps some locals. Why befriend other expats only? A good way of doing this would be to invite one family over for dinner. (here is a quick option:

[–]fhigurethisout0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

but I'm having difficulty managing their strong personalities, negativity, self-absorption, man-hating mindsets. Not to mention, they're all overweight/obese while I'm quite careful to keep my figure.

the people who are closest to us influence who we are.

do you want to be influenced by these types of people? what value are these women contributing to your life?

[–]TheSlicemanCometh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are a combination of the five closest people to you.

If you want to let feminist crazies in that proximity, know the risks involved and assess your values and who you want to be as a person first.

[–]DimeTime12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I totally understand this. Many of my girlfriends are the same way. I also planned a trip abroad before I met my SO, and actually ended up having a wonderful time, but like you, also would prefer traveling with him.

I try to make my time with my non redpill women friends educational. they don't necessarily need to change my opinion about things. We just have fun and I get to experience another view of things.

[–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bit late to the party, but hadn't logged on in AGES either, so... Anyways, here's my 2p:

I have one in person, close female friend. She is married, poly, bisexual, very masculine and brash, a big drinker and horrified by the concept of parenthood. And I love her to bits. We have dinner parties, we talk about our husbands and acquaintances and families, we cook together, we swap books, we watch terrible films, we go shopping, we help each other and each other's husbands out whenever there is trouble or a "mission" to complete. Whoever or whatever she is, we get along. However girly and feminine I want to be, there is ultimately a tomboy in me that prefers that sort of company. And there's nothing actually wrong with women like that, especially if they know what they're doing and are genuinely happy.

But when you're talking about someone you find it hard to be around, when you're not looking forward to time with them, when you find yourself getting frustrated being with them, when talk about them so negatively, when you talk like you might be settling because there are not other women around... that doesn't sound right. If I did not have my friend I would have zero close female friends my own age. My tastes just don't match the demographic I live in. And, regardless of what RP men say about girls with no friends, you sometimes have to learn to be cool with a bit of quiet.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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