Guy gave me an incurable Std and has blocked me, I’m angry.

essdee06 · 2021-06-23T00:58:49+00:00

Sorry this happened to you. My good friend has herpes, similar situation where she was seeing a guy who didn’t tell her and left her hanging with an infection. I can’t speak for her but from what I remember, it was rough in the beginning, just trying to navigate what it all meant while also feeling isolated because she felt embarrassed to confide in anyone. I think she had a few outbreaks in the beginning that she had to treat but it has been in remission for years now. She’s dated a few men over the years and has been honest with them, and from what I understand, it’s never been a deal breaker for any of them. And as far as she’s aware, she’s never passed anything on to them. She’s now in a very stable, healthy and loving relationship with a really great guy so mustn’t have been a major issue for him :)

spaghettiparrot · 2021-06-23T06:45:43+00:00

Okay. This guy is GARBAGE but moving on. I just want to remind you of these stats:

26% of women in New York City have HSV2. That means if you gathered up FOUR women, at least ONE would have HSV2.

Your first outbreak is typically the worst you'll ever have.. Recurrent outbreaks are usually less severe and tend to decrease over time.

Most people don't even know that they have herpes, because symptoms are so mild/infrequent for a large percentage of the population.

And finally, my favorite....drumroll please....

Herpes hysteria was invented by a drug company to sell Valtrex. Girl, listen. I used to work in the marketing department at this very company. They very intentionally stigmatized HSV2 as a SALES GIMMICK because they needed a selling point for a disease that usually isn't very bad. It was a reaaaaaach, but sadly, they pulled it off. The campaign is famous in the ad world.

Take heart, my dear. Block and delete this guy forever, take your vitamins and get your sleep (a healthy immune system lessens the chance of recurrent outbreaks) and focus on you.

ddouchecanoe · 2021-06-22T23:28:51+00:00

OP, that absolutely fucking sucks!

I had a very close friend who dated a man with Hsv2. His previous partner had committed infidelity and he found out she had cheated by being diagnosed with Hsv2 three years into a relationship.

They met and liked each other and they made it work. He was very responsible with the care of his virus. There are things you will learn to prevent and lessen outbreaks and you will become better about those things as you learn them. Do a lot of digging and ask for advice from anyone who knows a thing or two. My friend dated that guy for 5 years and they had a wonderful relationship and sex life. He never passed the virus on to her.

edit: grammar

aemilli · 2021-06-23T01:06:59+00:00

This happened to me as well. I'm still trying to heal from it. Bothers me sometimes but it gets better over time. Thankfully I don't have any symptoms. I had an initial breakout period but now I don't even notice it's there. No symptoms. The only issue is informing partners about it when we get intimate. Thankfully my current partner is alright with it and we take precautions to not spread it to him. Though he accepts that he may get it from me eventually and is okay with that. So it's not the end of the world. I hope you don't feel that way because I definitely did for a period of time. I think what's worse is the stigma around it than the actual disease itself. It seems to be more of emotional pain than a physical one.

That being said, just a note to everyone else... PLEASE request STI tests before getting intimate (provide your tests as well). Don't consider it weird or too much of a hassle to do. If you are waiting for some kind of commitment before having sex, this shouldn't even be an issue for the guy to do. It's respectful for both parties.

Kind_Entertainment_6 · 2021-06-22T23:33:24+00:00

Internet hugs

It’s ok, to be really honest herpes is easily spread and it could have happened to anyone. It really could have. I know this is prob shaking up your world right now but luckily, in the grand scheme of things. This has no effect. No effect on your job, friends, family, health. There are prescriptions that can keep this at bay, and moving forward, it may even be a qualifier, and help determine men who are truly invested in you as a person.

Regarding the “‘man” who gave it to you, he was a bad egg. I feel it in my heart, that he knew, and still moved forward. I would honestly stop looking for comfort/response in him. We humans sometimes do this to ease the pain. It’s the same reason why rape victims often times deny to themselves what happened and have sex again with their perpetrator.

This man, he may come around and apologize he may not. But it’s not about him it’s about you. Heal yourself, look up how to heal herpes internally. ( yes antibodies will come up positive for herpes 2 in your blood tests, but you can change your diet to have it remain dormant). Worry about your self and taking care of your mind body and spirit. You will be just fine because in the grand scheme of this crazy life; this is an inconvenience, but it has no substantial effect, unless you let it.

Sending love and light your way OP

SunkissedBlondie · 2021-06-22T23:46:26+00:00

I am so sorry this has happened to you. This may be a good lesson for the future to be careful and stay healthy.

Get legal help IMMEDIATELY, I just did some research and it is a misdemeanor in some states. You deserve compensation as this involves your health. It may be embarrassing but dangerous men need to be held accountable.

liftingtailsofcats · 2021-06-23T05:15:37+00:00

Wow, that's so fucked up. What a ridiculous pos. Really sorry you're dealing with this OP. A shit ton of people have it, maybe you'll meet someone who got bamboozled as well. Life is crazy you never know how shits going to work out. Grieve properly, go through the 5 stages, and then let that shit go. Then don't ever be ashamed of that shit or let it hold you back seriously, it's not the limiting factor you think it might be. We are all dealing with crazy out here, everyday. Its not good or bad...that part is up to the observer.

bunny410bunny · 2021-06-23T05:32:59+00:00

All I can say is do not let it effect your self worth. Any guy that’s truly into you in the future won’t care about this new std you have. And, it’s incredibly common. Let yourself grieve that it happened for a day or two. Then, move on completely and remember your worth. You’ve got this! And just so you know in many people the virus lays dormant - it may not be a significant thing in your life moving forward. Sending good vibes!

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-06-23T11:08:54+00:00

Can't offer any advice, but damn, I would be super pissed. I'm so sorry that happened. That's disgusting and they should definitely be accountable.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2021-06-23T15:03:12+00:00

First off, I'm very sorry you're experiencing this. It's perfectly ok to take time to mentally adjust and accept that something regarding your health is now "compromised". Truly, there is a ton of shame and stigma due to pop culture regarding herpes, as well as the "sex is dirty/ bad" crowd who moralize it. If someone gets shingles or chicken pox, do we say "How dirty and disgusting! They must be a bad and filthy person!". No, however it too is herpes.

People are chastising the guy, and I'm not saying he is noble for hiding it or ghosting you, however we all must take responsibility for our own body's and lives. Any form of oral or penatrative sex, kissing, exchange of fluids, or skin to skin contact CAN result in STI transmission. Dental dams, latex gloves, and condoms can prevent spreading, but nothing is 100%.

I have watched as my ex's mom kissed her grandchild directly on the mouth while she had an active coldsore. Shit happens, and people can be clueless.

Many men are carriers and never get symptoms. Because women have hormonal fluctuations each month, your body chemistry is always shifting and therefore you'll be more susceptible to outbreaks, especially if you already have a low immune system. Take care to eat healthy food, get plenty of rest, exercise, meditate or do a soothing activity when stressed, and be mindful of signals your body may begin a flare-up especially around your period of if you catch a cold/ sickness. Taking Lysine as a supplement is beneficial, as well as lowering your intake of foods rich in the amino acid Argenine (found in chocolate, nuts, collagen/ Jello, and others), which stimulates the virus. And, you can always get a prescription from your Dr if you experience repeated flare ups.

Just know that you're not alone, and many many many people have various herpes iterations (my best friend gets a type in her eye, similar to a stye! And she is also ALWAYS saying how dirty "regular" herpes is lol. Again, she too has moral issues regarding sex).

Wishing you happiness and health!

blandpotatoesoup · 2021-06-23T16:21:37+00:00

One of my best friends (who is male) had this occur as well, only a few months ago. It was the first time in my life I really saw someone dramatically emote the full 5 stages of grief. I don't think anything will help your anger other than time, but my buddy turned to humor often and sticks with that now that hes "Over it." He is on medication and vowed to not do the same thing to someone else, so he lists his status on all dating profiles and such. I think you'll always be a little angry, and fair enough. The best thing you can do right now is live through it and embrace it, however that looks for you.

Side note: I was molested by an older child in preschool who gave me Hsv1. My mother tells it like "one day, you just came home and had a big fat cold sore on your lip." I have always been open about this with every partner I've ever had and I have successfully never passed it on once. There is a huge social stigma with HSV, and I would argue Hsv2 is worse, but the only person who ever shamed me about it was my father. These days its all just c'est la vie.

lonelymachine · 2021-06-23T17:42:34+00:00

I was in the same situation as you. Except for the part that when I found out something was wrong with my body, I didn't tell him about it. I just finished the relationship, telling him I was done and blocked him. My priority is my health and my sanity, so obviously that I cried a lot but, of course, it was not my fault. I had to move on and take care of myself. Actually I had only one outbreak since I found out, but it's been over a year that I don't have sex with anybody. I have trust issues and honestly I'm not up to meet someone new, at least for now. Just like you, my sexual history is not high and I have good habits, I don't have vices, I just had a terrible lack of luck... But the main thing is, if you're lucky, you won't get frequent outbreaks. Take good care of yourself and live your life. Best wishes.

amadexodus · 2021-06-23T19:24:46+00:00

I went through something similar a while ago. Last summer, my boyfriend (at the time) and I broke up. He was a closeted and self-loathing bisexual. Instead of nutting up and telling me about it the way I was trying to get up the courage to do with him (I'm also bisexual), he decided to have a one-night stand with a guy and attempt to end our relationship shortly afterward without telling me the truth. I loved him and knew he was lying about something, and eventually he caved and told me.

For a few months, we had no contact with each other, and I had no idea what he was doing with himself. During that time, I forgave him on my own for the infidelity, and I was ready to come out to him, thinking that the root of the issue was the way he felt about being bisexual and thinking I hated him for it, and that if he knew about me, he would give us another chance -- I know, stupid. I knew about some of his personal insecurities, and I honestly thought that we still had a similar worldview and he had just made a mistake. I found out at the end of last year from a mutual friend he's close with that he had been partying and having a *lot* of unprotected sex with men since our breakup. Some of the sex was completely anonymous and happened under very sketchy circumstances. He'd been very secretive about it, and his family didn't know what was happening.

To say I was angry and hurt would be an understatement. Obviously it was awful to hear that somebody I was still in love with was doing this to himself and falling in with exactly the toxic sexual culture I had decided to leave behind when I met him. But what made it truly scary for me was realizing that he wasn't the man I thought he was, and that I couldn't trust what he said about the circumstances of him cheating on me. For all I knew, it had happened before, he had lied to me again, and I had a disease. I got an STD test the day after I heard about his behavior, and thankfully it came back negative for everything. But I resolved to have nothing to do with him after that, as I realized the core incompatibility between us was that he was not my moral equal, and he was dangerously reckless and selfish about sex. I very well could have ruined his reputation amongst our mutual friends if I wanted to by telling them all the truth, but I didn't and still haven't.

My advice for OP, as somebody who is similarly picky, is to do a lot of thinking and reflection. Talk to yourself in your apartment alone if you have to, pretend you're talking to him or his family or whoever he cheated on you with. It'll help you get a lot of your emotions out, believe me. And try to lean on your friends and family when you need to, especially your female friends.

And depending on how long you were dating, if you have mutual friends, I would just phase them out of your life until you can trust yourself to behave around them without telling them what he did as an act of vengeance -- if you talk about it too soon, it will come across as petty and vengeful. Whether your ex knows it or not, he's selfishly expecting you not to tell them about what he did and keep the peace. That's a huge burden, and it's utterly unfair for him to dump it on you. Build up your own social networks away from him and those mutual friends in order to heal. By the time you do run into those mutual friends again, if you ever do, you'll be in a far better headspace to deal with it. And if he's around when you do see them again, you'll look like a queen and he'll look like a cowardly little bitch.

leinlin · 2021-06-22T22:57:00+00:00

I feel you, girl. I got tinnitus. For attending a concert of an utterly shallow left wing band’s concert when I was still young. One little thing messes with your life and you’re standing in front of a seemingly tainted future. But well, that’s life. Bear it. Most people now and in the span of history got it worse. People don’t like hearing that, argue it’s bad reasoning. But I don’t think it is. We’re human. Humans survived worse. You are human. So you‘ll survive this. You’re stronger than you think. You’ll make it work. All the best.

Maleficent_Agent1121 · 2021-06-22T23:27:46+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I believe you can take legal action against him for having sex with you without protection or disclosing his status.

Grevhimself · 2021-06-23T02:03:41+00:00

This is one of my greatest fears actually, I might be the few who get along with girls/women very easily but I am always hesitant to get any further.

Awaiting your good news.

Buckley92 · 2021-06-23T01:20:50+00:00

My advice? Since he ghosted you and won't listen to you or deal with you... put up pictures on social media with his first name, clear photo and city/state (not address or phone number or surname or job) stating exactly what he did, as a warning to others. No way he deserves any sympathy, respect or anonymity, and he could do this to other girls, who could then give it to other men too. He needs to be called out, yesterday.

ONLY do this if you are ABSOLUTELY 150% SURE it WAS HIM that gave you that STD. You DO NOT want to ruin his life over a misunderstanding. Could you have picked it up from anywhere else?

For Example:

'Hey everyone. This is Warren, from Manhattan, New York. Be very aware, I met him at a restaurant downtown, we were in a relationship for three months, he lied to me about not having any STDs, I contracted HSV2 off him, then when I asked him if I could talk to him about it, he ghosted me. Stay safe out there!'

AlexanderHart · 2021-06-23T00:34:01+00:00

Doesn't everyone have herpes?

lightweightdtd · 2021-06-23T09:14:56+00:00

this is 100% on you, i'm sorry but it was your choice to go for someone who is probably a fuckboy

illuuminauti · 2021-06-23T06:39:59+00:00

Unless he informed you of hacking said STD, j believe that illegal and you can press charges.

cha0sm1n1stry · 2021-06-23T19:15:55+00:00

Fear not. Instead of this douchebag you'll find decent man, most probably with less sexual history. You will marry, have kids, he'll contract a virus you had from douchebag. Everything will be to the book. Young, heterosexual women are most endangered by contracting HIV (or other STDs). Why? Because they have sex with infected OLDER men. And pass STDs on younger, more decent males.

Same with kids, made by bad boys, bucked by betas.

lookingforanswersugh · 2021-06-23T15:16:28+00:00

Thank you!!

sunnyappleslove · 2021-06-24T13:46:29+00:00

Was protection used?

purple_pansy88 · 2021-06-27T00:20:53+00:00

Are people still freaking out about herpes in this day and age? It's really not the end of the world that you have it. Just take some anti cold sore medicine if you become pregnant or experience frequent outbreaks.

It could be far worse. I would personally rather catch herpes than gonorrhea or Chlamydia. These are perfectly curable and I know that herpes isn't but they can do a lot more damage to your body.

timissick · 2021-06-23T12:07:12+00:00

Isnt that a crime?

Title	Guy gave me an incurable Std and has blocked me, I’m angry.
Author	lookingforanswersugh
Upvotes	122
Comments	102
Date	June 22, 2021 10:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/guy-gave-me-an-incurable-std-and-has-blocked-me-im.786139 https://theredarchive.com/post/786139
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/o5yxkd/guy_gave_me_an_incurable_std_and_has_blocked_me/