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Happiness

vanBeethovenLudwig
May 8, 2017
13 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

I have been thinking about this for a while. It's more philosophical than RPW, you could say.

It's always said that as women, we should know what we want in life and in a marriage before we enter any relationship with potential. Such things could be living in a specific city, living with a certain income, marrying a man with a certain job, having the job that you want, having a certain number of kids, etc.

But do you think that you (personally) could be happy if you didn't have your ideal situation? What things could you let go? If you and your partner lived in your ideal city but didn't make as much money as you liked, could you be happy? If your partner wasn't able to provide a big house and only a medium house, would you be happy? If your partner wanted to live in a rural area, but you liked the bustling city, could you still be happy?

Can you be happy in any situation?

I specifically ask this because I find its a very American mindset to dissatisfied with superficial things like income, location, materialism. A lot of my non-American friends will get by on a modest income but they enjoy life at any stage. I also came from a family culture that emphasized gratitude. My parents live an easy quiet life and they enjoy it together.

Depression in Americans is also a lot higher than other countries.

Even when I talked to non Americans about picking their partners, a lot of them don't have a huge list of what they want. I'm starting to think this is part of the ungratefulness that can manifest living in America. I also noticed some of my very very rich friends who have "everything they want" are the ones who complain the most and are dissatisfied with life. Example is the investment banker friend who chased money and has money coming out of her ears but she's so unhappy all the time.

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Post Information
Title Happiness
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 13
Comments 14
Date May 8, 2017 10:42 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/happiness.87285
https://theredarchive.com/post/87285
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/69xbww/happiness/
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Comments

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Any person can be happy, no matter what hardships they have in life. Happiness is a choice

Material and spiritual possessions help to remove discomforts. Discomfort can make unhappiness easier and happiness harder. Removing a discomfort brings happiness. Therefore, people mistakenly draw the conclusion that comfort brings happiness.

But it doesn't. Do you know any wealthy people? I know quite a few. I won't say they're all miserable because that wouldn't be true. I will say that there's plenty of misery and unhappiness among the wealthy and people of status. Having it all removes discomfort but it does not bring happiness.

Happiness comes from gratitude. When you are the recipient of something you don't deserve. This is why a person will be happy when discomfort is removed. Because all of a sudden, they feel tremendous gratitude for the removal of the discomfort. But then they get used to the new normal and the gratitude disappears. They feel entitled to their new situation.

Entitlement = misery.

Gratitude = happiness.

[–]WhySoOverHeated2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really enjoyed reading your perspective, and it inspired me to make a comment as well as I think we have a little bit of a different view on thinks. So thanks for sharing. If you read my comment I would really like to hear your opinion about it! :)

[–]akanachan4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's always said that as women, we should know what we want in life and in a marriage before we enter any relationship with potential.

This is the main reason why I didn't want to marry (fully commit) until my late 30s when I'm old enough to (presumably) know what I'm doing. But I have this luxury of time, because if there's anything in life I'm absolutely sure about, it's that I don't want children.

could be happy if you didn't have your ideal situation?

Minimum happiness requirement would mean a life where I'm healthy, living comfortably, no kids, no cats, and able to do things I enjoy.

Ideal situation would include a life partner who wants the same things in life, to happily grow old with (and ideally do a lot of disgusting sexy things together like two wrinkly teenagers). I think I've found such a person, but until he's crazy enough to drag me to a marriage registry, I'll just happily be in love and live the present to the fullest.

I'm east-asian, if that makes any difference lol

[–]WhySoOverHeated2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, I do believe this is a topic where many people will have a different view on things. Personally I disagree with gratitude = happiness since I have never put energy into trying to be grateful at all (It is on my list of goals to focus on though) because I have always mixed the feeling of gratitude with the feeling of shame, due to what loneliness-inc wrote about:

When you are the recipient of something you don't deserve.

And I find happiness elsewhere. To me, happines is when being in a state of proper challenge. What I mean by proper challenge, is being challenged to such a degree that I struggle but at the same time i have just the resources to succeed. When I feel proper challenged, I thereby lean and I evolve and get inspired and get into flow and get a rush from all those lovely hormones that are part of the body's reward system. I feel the most happy when I am just at the edge of satisfaction/reaching a goal, and then when I reach it. But, if/when I reach a goal or the feeling of satisfaction I have to set a new goal to improve myself/something to keep getting those personal victories and feeling of enjoyment and happiness. When life is too "easy" (as in no mental/physical struggle I am aware of) I feel bored more easily and life more quickly seems meaningless..

I hope to learn gratitude in a way that will make me feel better instead of feeling worse, in time (It is on my list of goals, lol). I have no idea weather my perspective is healthy or even makes sense (sorry, I am not a native speaker) but I consider myself as basically happy, so I wanted to share. My perspective means I really do feel the hypergamy pushing me all the time to get a better SMV, to become a better woman and to become better at vetting and to become a better partner/first mate/wife and become the best version of myself possible. This might also be why I don't see how the size of a house and how much money I have will make me happy; what makes me happy is trying to improve maybe those aspects or other aspects of life.

So to answer your question: I do belive you can feel happy in any situation. And when people say "happiness is a choise" I believe it has to do with the fact that you can change your perspective on what happiness is and also your criteria for when you consider yourself happy. I personally believe happiness is related to your physiology (including feelings), and you have to constantly be active in your life to feel happy, and therefore a fulfilled checklist with bullets such as

  • Got a good income
  • Got a good house

and so on, might be static and doesn't mean that you are feeling happy..

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

IMO, what you're describing here is fulfillment and satisfaction. These are not the same as happiness.

Those two require "going somewhere", achieving something etc. It's a movement from point A to point B and from point B to point C etc. Not a physical movement, a mental/emotional movement.

Happiness is the opposite of this. Happiness needs not to achieve or have anything. It's about having gratitude for what you already have even if that's nothing other than the fact that you're alive! There's no movement here, only introspection.

[–]WhySoOverHeated1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for commenting! I see your point! I have the idea that happiness is a a kind of good feeling in your stomach, mind and body, and I see this "fulfilment and satisfaction" as an easy way to achieve this, but maybe this makes the achieved feeling of happiness more fragile and "superficial" as it is not a constant thing in the same way as you describe happiness.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Based on everything I wrote here, you can understand how money does not bring happiness. It can bring fulfillment when you earned a lot of money, but it won't bring happiness. Many wealthy people derive great fulfillment and satisfaction from their chase of money, but they're miserable nonetheless.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Many wealthy people derive great fulfillment and satisfaction from their chase of money, but they're miserable nonetheless.

EXACTLY this. I've observed it happen everywhere. After they achieve their goal, they're empty. Then they're onto chasing the next promotion or project etc. I've noticed a lot of rich people unable to enjoy life because they're always thinking about the next step. They don't stop and think about right now and how it's good, right at this moment. Which is basically gratitude.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

After they achieve their goal,

This is impossible because human nature is - he who has a hundred wants two hundred and he who has two hundred wants four hundred. The goal posts keep moving as you achieve more. You can even argue that this chase after money brings about more misery! (As you pointed out)

[–]WhySoOverHeated0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe there is another way of feeling gratitude then, thank feeling like you have something you don't deserve, such as feeling lucky, or enjoying your freedom or appericiating your surroundings, and so on? I don't know.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The Buddhist in me says that life is only painful because of want and attachment.

Our Egos seek things in the world, believing that they will make us "happy", like money, love, and even children. These are all wants, attachments, desires.

And when life doesn't go our way, that we don't have our "ideal situation", that we do not obtain or fulfill our wants, we experience pain, suffering, and ultimately, unhappiness.

I do not believe that I can be happy in any situation because I do not believe that any human can be happy in any situation. I believe it is human to want, which means it's ultimately human to suffer, and that my evolution as a being is simply to be aware of this - accept and acknowledge that happiness is impermanent, and that it's okay.

I can be happy today, maybe I will be happy tomorrow, but at some point I won't be happy. And the colors will fade out and the music will slow down, but before long, the lights will come back again...

And that I just need to remember that the lights always come back again :)

[–]kekerae0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I consider myself to be happy yet am living a different life than I thought I might in some regards. When I met my husband we had no idea he would follow the career path he did. It wasn't on his radar at the time. Now that he did, it involved us moving and the location is extremely different from where we were both born and raised. Not only are the population and amenities vastly reduced but the overall culture is much different with largely different political views, different entertainment, etc. This has made us both have to work on happiness because we miss our families and support networks immensely. We are actively working to change our location in order to improve our happiness. :)

[–]Rivkariver2 Star0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a modern idea that you have to be happy, settled, career set, no insecurities, and "fine being alone" before you are ready for marriage. Men also didn't feel they needed substantial career success beforehand. People used to build their lives together. Now people are too scared to.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can be happy in any situation because I've been in many where I wasn't happy due to an extremely negative circumstance (examples: death, etc). So yes. I am actually pretty happy with my life no matter what because everything I want is in place except for a relationship.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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