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Happy Update on trying again with exhusband

February 24, 2020

Hi ladies, about a month ago I made a post asking if you all thought there was any chance I could reunite with my exhusband of 5 years and heal our family. I took everyone's advice to heart and I just want to share the progress so far and how happy I am. A lot of it is thanks to all the advice on this column, which I've been reading and keeping up with over the past year. I still feel sometimes like I'm "faking" it...trying to evolve myself into a better woman and it feeling a little unnatural, but the more I practice, the better I become.

We've been having dinner together as a family once or twice per week the last month, and its been fairly split between him inviting me over and me inviting him over. I'm so happy to cook for him and show him what I've learned since we were together 5 years ago - my house is clean and organized, we all sit together and enjoy a meal, the girls do their after-dinner chores, etc.

Yesterday it was his day with the girls and he invited me over for a family day. I just hung with them all day. We went out to breakfast, took the girls to swim class, and then he dropped us girls off to get mani/pedis while he went to watch a game & have a beer at a bar. It's insane! All I had to do was be an enjoyable person and just be down for whatever and he took care of all of us. Afterward we went to home depot and picked out a fan for his bedroom and I helped him mess around with taking the current light fixture down. He made dinner for all of us later and he was trying to figure out how to make salmon and pork at the same time but on different temps. I was in the kitchen doing some dishes to help out and said "sure glad you're in charge of that one!" ...which is a Laura Doyle line Im pretty sure. Guess what - he did, he just figured it out. In the past, I would have tried to tell him what to do.

He said something that stuck with me, "the whole time we were married, all I wanted you to do was say 'okay' sometimes. Not even all the time - just half the time would have been great."

When we were together I always had something to say about EVERY LITTLE THING. I know in retrospect it was mostly insecurity, like I wanted to comment something maybe he hadn't thought of so I could sound smart. He's so super intelligent and 8 years older than me, I just wanted to make sure I impressed him too. Turns out, being a know it all is not impressive, just super annoying and makes everything more difficult.

There's some light flirting, we hug at the end of the night, but nothing more. Everything we've done so far has been family related and with the girls. He's had a few long term girlfriends since we were last together and with the most recent one he's had a difficult few months. They've been on again off again before I ever reached out to him. He has expressed what I already figured was happening - she wants commitment but he isn't willing to do more than "date" her. I am trying not to be too nosey about it. He expressed that the drama with her makes him sick to his stomach and it got worse when she realized we were spending family time together. He told her that he couldnt give her what she wanted and they should not be more than friends.

He says he is staying "open" to the possibility of reconciling with me, but also that ge can't "date" anyone right now. I didnt press him on it. Told him he has time and what happens is up to him. Even if we just become friendly co-parents, everyone's life would be better. But of course, I'm hoping for more. :)

Anyway, thats the update, thanks for listening! I'm always open to hear your thoughts, advice, or concerns! This has become like a little journaling ritual for me and really helps me process what is happening. I also feel like I can't be fully open with my closest IRL friends because of how skeptical they'd be, so it really helps to have this community of women to talk to!

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Post Information
Title Happy Update on trying again with exhusband
Author NeitherPainter
Upvotes 143
Comments 18
Date February 24, 2020 7:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]whatdidshewrite63 points64 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Man many of the posts on this sub are wholesome and make me happy. When I read posts on TRP I feel pessimistic.

Sorry this is completely off topic. Let me know if I should delete this.

[–]Wolfssenger5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men finding RP philosophy feel like they've been lied to in a pursuit they've been at for their entire adult lives. For women it's more of a slight adjustment to what should have been somewhat obvious already. You can imagine the difference in emotion (see: red pill rage).

Both responses (when dealing with the opposite sex) are inherently selfish, but one is far more societally sustainable and far less emotionally harmful. You can guess which.

As such they're two sides of the same biologically driven coin, but I agree entirely. This sub is comforting; TRP is depressing.

[–]clamblitzsux16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is awesome. Honestly, makes me think to my own relationship and reflect on my actions and words. It’s true, when you let him take lead 9 times out of 10 he will take care of you!

[–]NeitherPainter[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems to be that way. Men are amazing!

[–]memelia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]covfefeismydrug8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was wondering about you! I’ll keep rooting for you-it sounds like you’re making amazing changes in your life. I’m inspired!!

[–]NeitherPainter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you :)

[–]akihonj16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well I wish you all however it works out the very best of everything keep us all posted because your restoring my faith that humanity might have a chance.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wish you the best. I’m the one whose parents and aunt and uncle reconciled and remarried. I think you are approaching this very well. I’m glad you’re not pressuring him to do anything, and that you’re ok with just staying co-parents. It certainly will be better for your girls. Good luck, girl!!!

[–]NeitherPainter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! It's an inspiration just to know other people have done it successfully. :)

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is such a great update! I am so happy for where you are right now, it will make all the difference I am sure for both of you but especially your kids.

[–]ragnarockette5 Stars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love that line!!

[–]zsadiist6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

LOVE IT!!! Keep it coming!!!!

[–]NeitherPainter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having recently reconciled with an ex that I always loved, but could no longer deal with.... I just want to say that reading this post made me weep. I’m so happy for you and it’s very refreshing to see someone else trying after being split up.

[–]toomanytocount0072 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awwww. Prayers for you to reconcile!

[–]StepfordInTexas1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m happy you’re seeking progress, but I still want to caution you. Guard your heart. Don’t let your emotions cloud your logic and ignore red flags, and by all means don’t turn into a plate.

[–]NeitherPainter[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I absolutely will not. I laid out what I hope for in the best possible scenerio (we get remarried and live together in happy monogamous relationship and raise our daughters together) and what I hope for in the absence of that (a friendly cooperative coparenting arrangement where I respect and honor him as the girls father, but no intimacy). I'm obviously not asking him to decide now. I set my intention to wait 6-12 mos and see how this pans out. I'm waiting until if/when he's ready to commit to me before being intimate and also will ask him to get an STD screen beforhand, just to be safe. :) Thanks for looking out.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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