Hi ladies, about a month ago I made a post asking if you all thought there was any chance I could reunite with my exhusband of 5 years and heal our family. I took everyone's advice to heart and I just want to share the progress so far and how happy I am. A lot of it is thanks to all the advice on this column, which I've been reading and keeping up with over the past year. I still feel sometimes like I'm "faking" it...trying to evolve myself into a better woman and it feeling a little unnatural, but the more I practice, the better I become.
We've been having dinner together as a family once or twice per week the last month, and its been fairly split between him inviting me over and me inviting him over. I'm so happy to cook for him and show him what I've learned since we were together 5 years ago - my house is clean and organized, we all sit together and enjoy a meal, the girls do their after-dinner chores, etc.
Yesterday it was his day with the girls and he invited me over for a family day. I just hung with them all day. We went out to breakfast, took the girls to swim class, and then he dropped us girls off to get mani/pedis while he went to watch a game & have a beer at a bar. It's insane! All I had to do was be an enjoyable person and just be down for whatever and he took care of all of us. Afterward we went to home depot and picked out a fan for his bedroom and I helped him mess around with taking the current light fixture down. He made dinner for all of us later and he was trying to figure out how to make salmon and pork at the same time but on different temps. I was in the kitchen doing some dishes to help out and said "sure glad you're in charge of that one!" ...which is a Laura Doyle line Im pretty sure. Guess what - he did, he just figured it out. In the past, I would have tried to tell him what to do.
He said something that stuck with me, "the whole time we were married, all I wanted you to do was say 'okay' sometimes. Not even all the time - just half the time would have been great."
When we were together I always had something to say about EVERY LITTLE THING. I know in retrospect it was mostly insecurity, like I wanted to comment something maybe he hadn't thought of so I could sound smart. He's so super intelligent and 8 years older than me, I just wanted to make sure I impressed him too. Turns out, being a know it all is not impressive, just super annoying and makes everything more difficult.
There's some light flirting, we hug at the end of the night, but nothing more. Everything we've done so far has been family related and with the girls. He's had a few long term girlfriends since we were last together and with the most recent one he's had a difficult few months. They've been on again off again before I ever reached out to him. He has expressed what I already figured was happening - she wants commitment but he isn't willing to do more than "date" her. I am trying not to be too nosey about it. He expressed that the drama with her makes him sick to his stomach and it got worse when she realized we were spending family time together. He told her that he couldnt give her what she wanted and they should not be more than friends.
He says he is staying "open" to the possibility of reconciling with me, but also that ge can't "date" anyone right now. I didnt press him on it. Told him he has time and what happens is up to him. Even if we just become friendly co-parents, everyone's life would be better. But of course, I'm hoping for more. :)
Anyway, thats the update, thanks for listening! I'm always open to hear your thoughts, advice, or concerns! This has become like a little journaling ritual for me and really helps me process what is happening. I also feel like I can't be fully open with my closest IRL friends because of how skeptical they'd be, so it really helps to have this community of women to talk to!