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Has anybody else noticed that when you are looking for a partner, you don't find him but...

November 28, 2020

But when you stop looking and are more relaxed with your life, someone you absolutely like just pops into your life out of nowhere? I used ro think this was a cliche, but it is valid in my case.

Just curious if any of you has experienced this.

It applies to me. If I try and actively seek out a man by signing up to online dating or even messaging guys I find interesting on the Internet, it just doesn't work out in the end. Either I don't like them physically speaking, or we have completely different views or I have that nagging feeling that it's just not right.

But when I stop entirely and mind my own way, it seems that life somehow brings me the best person ever that I wouldn't even dream of.

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Post Information
Title Has anybody else noticed that when you are looking for a partner, you don't find him but...
Author Davidoff24
Upvotes 105
Comments 39
Date November 28, 2020 7:21 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/has-anybody-else-noticed-that-when-you-are-looking.732661
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/k2jh9e/has_anybody_else_noticed_that_when_you_are/

[–]ddouchecanoe37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I haven't had the same experience, but I have a somewhat similar one.

I have noticed that the amount of people who express interest in me has gone up since I have been in a LTR. I have even experienced a person falling in love with me. I hoped and dreamed about men like them demonstrating any interest when I was single, but it was rare at best.

Now that I have been in a relationship it feels totally different. I don't wear a ring or anything, but its almost like my relationship can be sensed by others and increases my perceived value.

[–]Davidoff24[S] 23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think some people are emotionally damaged if they seek out a bond with someone who is already taken. It's like they like to suffer, they like to be the victim. Or they like a bit of fun on the side without the hard work of a LTR and try their luck. I just cannot comprehend why someone would express their interest on people who are already taken. The minute I find out someone I like is taken, that's it, I'm 100% out and any emotions whatsoever instantly die off.

In terms of your perceived value, you are right. I'd feel the same if I were in a good relationship. Keep it up!

[–]ddouchecanoe6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree, but aside from the person falling for me, the others have largely had no idea I was taken. We are not married, I don't wear a ring.

Also thanks- There is a lot of value in partnership, whether others see it or not!

[–]golden_eyed_cat8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think they seemed more happy, relaxed, feminine and cheerful when they were in love with someone, which is why they were perceived as more valuable to the opposite sex (not necessarily because they were taken).

[–]the_ranch_gal20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wish! I've been single for a longgggg time. Whether I'm looking or not, I cant meet anyone that I like, haha. But I'm happy for you!

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

some of us are forever alone...

[–]Mrswizardwizard10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This did not work for me lol. It was actually the opposite - I made a dating account on Plenty of Fish (something I wouldn't normally do) and was talking to my partner the same night. Within a week we were in a relationship and now we've been together for two years. He informed me this week that he bought my engagement ring and the proposal will be soon.

I think it's good advice to balance it: don't be easy or desperate, but also don't close yourself off from oppurtunity 😊

[–]Davidoff24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow. Congratulations! All the best.

[–]JadedByEntropy14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

No. And it's a cliché as insulting as "a man will appear when you are good enough for him" and a thousand other messages given to singles.

That's not how life works.

Yes, when you are relaxed and yourself and not uptight and desperate you attract better attention. But it's not some kind of thing that just happens to you. You didn't find the big secret. It is not helpful or useful.

"Stop looking" or "give up" is really terrible advice.

[–]Pesces2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

a bit harsh, but this guy is right

[–]Davidoff24[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, I got this one wrong then.

Can you please explain how it actually works? Thanks.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

exactly...people dont just fall out of the sky and into your lap.

I hate the 'there's someone for everyone.' crap.

[–]JadedByEntropy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

There really isn't. Most people are not compatible and not all the world's people fit together in perfect pairs.

I really hate the "I bettered myself so the universe gave me the perfect man....you should work on yourself"

Like, no... you didn't earn him and it's not because im not good enough. They certainly aren't. Ive found the faster you get married the less mature the couple and the more challenged and likely to fail.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I really dont know why you are so cynical - I’ve asked the universe for loads of stuff and got exactly what I wanted, including a fine, handsome rich man: I’m just waiting for him to be delivered.


You know what they say - all good things come to those who…. We just have to be patient, coz the universe has got our backs!

[–]JadedByEntropy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats the most entitled thing I've read in a while...

Nieve is a good word. Was waiting on the /s but no

I think you will find that hope doesn't fulfill itself. The universe doesn't protect you from yourself or care about your happiness or life. Things don't happen without a cause, and just thinking positive and wishing will let you down.

Any success you have with manifestation is based on confirmation bias and lack of experience that doesn't luck your desires. Privilege goes a long way to confirm this universe-helps-me bias.

[–]wannaberunner1315 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

🙋‍♀️ my husband found me when I was determined to be single for my last year in the Navy lol

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]milkycocoa-puff2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww this is cute. Happy for you :D

[–]PANTHERA_L302 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah

[–]BeauteousLadyMiya2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This happened to me! After I stopped dating for awhile, my current boyfriend just seemed to pop out of nowhere, and appear when I least expected it. Then, what got us closer together was when we studied together for one of our finals. That was when our romance started to bloom 🥰

[–]AkrasiaMonkess2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My boyfriend found me; I never went out of my way to find him. I am such a case proving what you say. It is easier to keep an abundance mentality not doing anything and letting the universe to bring what it brings than it is to keep it while actively looking for someone.

[–]luxeluxeluxe7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

No. If you’re a very attractive woman you’ll always have men approach you. An attractive woman doesn’t have to ‘look’ for suitors. She’ll naturally attract men regardless. If a woman needs to ‘look’ for a partner it indicates she’s got some sort of flaw. Men look for and pursue women. Women should never look for and pursue men.

[–]Davidoff24[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men tell me I'm insanely attractive and yet very few approach me. And the ones that do, I do not like. The ones I very much like I find out later are in relationships already because I suppose good quality men are already taken. So I'm depressed. I mean I get men jump into random conversations with me like at the supermarket or whatever, but nothing comes out of it. Some days I just wanna hide away forever, cause I don't kbkw what's wrong with me.

[–]cornatthemob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In these grocery store examples do you say open ended comments that show you'd be open to further communication. For example, "we should make dinner together sometime." Sometimes in these pubic spaces it can help to drop a stronger hint that you would give your number if asked.

I was recently walking my dog, a man began chatting with me, I could tell he was interested (and I was too) so I said, "we should all go on a walk sometime" and he quickly took that signal and asked for my number. It's tough in today's dating culture of apps/dating online to flirt in real life! Also good men don't want us to feel uncomfortable so they may be more hesitant than their normal nature because of the current culture. Good luck! ♥️

[–]FoggyDanto0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get men jump into random conversations with me like at the supermarket or whatever

Yeah those random conversations are a man trying to hit on you.

Men go the random way because it's 'safer' just in case a girl shows no interest or plainly rejects you or even ignores you & refuses to reply. Approaching a woman in public can be a frightening experience because a man could even be approaching a married woman unknowingly and so men have to act safer.

So once a man manages to get the conversation going, which is the hardest part and sees the lady is interactive (replies and is active) he may let the girl know he's interested in her and get her number.

But if she's not active in the conversation making the conversation with her to be a pain in the and leading to awkward silences, he'll just end it by saying, 'hey <insert name> nice to meet you'

So some ladies may be genuinely non-interested because they're in relationships or whatever but others may be single but unintentionally scaring away potential suitors

[–]Mrswizardwizard4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But she does have to put herself in a place where potential good suitors might meet her. A bar is a shit shoot for finding a good partner. I signed up for a dating site because I wanted to find someone with the same values as me. While I was putting myself out there, my bf is still the one who chose me and messaged me first

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]milk4440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you think that online dating equates to women pursuing men because technically we have to swipe right on them?

[–]Artistecm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have no trouble attracting men, but they're are not what I looking for. I'm at the point where I do not even care about dating because what's the point? It getting a bit tiring having to start a conversation with them and seeing it leading to nowhere. So, I am at the point where I'm just giving up and living my life. If I am meant to to be single for the rest of my life, then so be it. It may be lonesome, but annoying to hear others asking why I don't have a man. Idk, I'd tell them I am not what he wants or looking for. I don't see a point stressing on trying to prove my worth to a guy. 5 years with an ex taught me that. And everyone got flaws.

[–]dov-alice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats how I met my partner. I wasn’t looking and he had jus given up on looking, then suddenly we met.

[–]Think4Yoself1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are probably better at sniffing out desperation and validation seeking behavior than men, but men aren't slouches at it either. And that's the most unattractive mindset a person can have.

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Abundance Mentality. If you act desperate, you don't sell; if you act like you are good, others are attracted to see what is good.

It's known in sales and in TRP. Being hungry may be good motivation to get off your duff and sell/hunt/act, but it's a terrible vibe to have when actually dealing with others.

[–]Davidoff24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. And I also think the perfect partner for you is a gift. Life's gift you just have to also work to attract in your life. That is how I explain that electric wave you feel, that sparkle and that feeling you absolutely know he is the one.

When I actively search for one, as in online dating or social media in general or whatever else, it just feels forced and I don't get that divine energy.

[–]SmittyFromAbove0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thought I was reading my law of attraction sub for a second because that's how it can work.

[–]Purple_Assignment0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Or someone you don't like?

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

COVID stopping you from reading books huh

[–]doyoueverstfu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]junior_primary_riot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is actually good advice. I’ve heard good things about rock climbing and hiking clubs/interest groups.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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