Has your boyfriend/husband ever asked you to change?

the_baumer · 2017-02-09T21:33:35+00:00

God no. I've begged him to tell me his preferences of hair, clothes, body type and it's always "You look good no matter what because you're you." I know that's nice but for once it'd be nice to know what he actually likes.

gunfetti · 2017-02-10T01:08:17+00:00

No, I don't think my SO has ever done that. He's asked me not to change things ("don't cut your really long hair!"). And he's suggested I try new things ("I want to see you in a crop top, you should get some for summer") but in a situations like you describe above, I think he would just laugh at me every time I went to/did yoga, or he'd compliment me when I dressed glam, or he'd tickle me and tell me to pre-game a shot or two before going out so I'm more bubbly.

I think because he never explicitly tells me to change, I am more open to the idea of changing for the things he expresses he likes.

loneliness-inc · 2017-02-09T20:23:27+00:00

My husband prefers I wear bright colors compared to my extremely neutral palette of clothes. But he has never asked me to do it, he has just expressed that he prefers it. I suppose it did make me wonder if he felt I was attractive, but that's just the hamster. Of course he does! Why would he have married me otherwise?

I have branched out in my color choices and if he says he likes a certain color shirt or dress I'll buy it because he vocalized his opinion and his opinion greatly matters to me.

Jayms · 2017-02-09T21:55:43+00:00

I can't think of a time when my husband has done this. He expresses preferences by complimenting me usually but overall he says he just wants me to be happy. I know he doesn't always agree with things I do and sometimes jokes with me about it, but he has always been supportive and accepting even if he didn't get why I liked or did something. That's one of the reasons I'm with him and adore him so much!

Moral_Gutpunch · 2017-02-10T03:29:36+00:00

Mine has asked me several times to stop agreeing with my mom on stuff. He still doesn't understand letting her do mild toxic things can keep a big toxic disaster from happening. I have no idea what to feel about that.

Last night he asked me to be more expressive and not worry about his feelings as much (he feels better with honesty when it comes up). I'm happy about it, but not sure if I can.

SouthernAthena · 2017-02-10T13:25:24+00:00

Nope, never. He did suggest that my former roller derby playing wasn't his favorite since my body got battered so much and it was hard for him to watch. He was worried about my physical well-being, but he never once told me to stop. He basically said "Do what you want" and always has. He's very supportive and trusts me to make decisions for what's best for me. Needless to say he's a little more excited about my taking up the cello :P

However, if he brought up a problem that really affected the core of our relationship, I'd absolutely listen. Awhile ago he did once or twice mention that I wasn't emotionally available or expressive and that he needs that. He never did tell me to change though. I made an effort to be more expressive and free with my feelings, and it's been better for both of us.

gunfetti · 2017-02-09T21:53:37+00:00

Yes. He has demands and I am happy to comply to meet them. When we first met, I didnt even have my ears pierced. He told me to do it and I did. He tells me what to wear at home or when we go out and I love it. I used to eat alone at bars. Now if I go out to lunch alone, I get a table and send him a pic. I enjoy having a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to demand it. It's the least I can do. Every change of me physically, behavior wise, or whatever has been a net positive result for both of us. I trust his judgement and am happy to meet his expectations.

[deleted] · 2017-02-09T20:44:38+00:00

My husband is particular about how stuff is done. I don't feel like he's directly told me to change something, but that's probably because we've been together since I was really young, so it wasn't like I had a solid routine yet.

He'll also ask me to change things food-wise, like he'll tell me when he gets tired of something I pack for lunch or if he wants something more veggie-based or higher carb or whatever.

There have been a couple of outfits that he's vetoed, but probably like 4 in our entire relationship. He just felt they were too revealing and I respected that. I also take his preferences to heart. He loves neutral tones and dark colors so that's primarily what I wear because I want to please him :)

I can't imagine a legitimate reason he would ask me to stop a hobby unless we couldn't afford it, but making someone who likes yoga quit and forcing them to try crossfit seems a bit controlling to me. I would require more explanation to make that leap, but I would be open to keeping up with yoga AND giving crossfit a try.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-02-10T09:38:12+00:00

I feel like I'm a little different. If my boyfriend asked me to join Crossfit because it's more athletic and explosive and high energy, whereas I'm a soft energy spiritual yoga girl, I actually would feel a little offended and think - well why didn't you choose a girl who already likes Crossfit?

These are major preference changes though - if my boyfriend told me he likes me wearing a certain color - that I chose for myself - then I'd make an effort to wear more of that color. And if I gained a few pounds and he asked me to lose back to my original weight, I'd certainly comply.

But if I'm already an artsy girl, and he wants me to go skiing and rock climbing with him, I feel like that's getting into controlling territory. He should have chosen a girl who already likes skiing and rock climbing, or just do it with his guy friends. If I'm naturally quiet and he complains about it, I feel like he should have chosen a girl who is more outgoing.

Maybe I'm stubborn though, so that's why I wanted to see what others thought!

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-02-10T20:28:51+00:00

He has asked me to change one or two things about myself. More of the you're still pretty shy with me, can you try not to be variety. Of which I don't mind changing.

[deleted] · 2017-02-11T02:02:58+00:00

No and that's a red flag if a guy did ask those particular types of things imo

[deleted] · 2017-02-09T23:41:56+00:00

My SO never asked me to change anything but naturally I want him to see me as very attractive. I like to ask his opinion so I can abide by his preferences.

Let's say for example hair, I like my hair pink and brown but he prefers a darker red. He still finds the pink attractive but made it clear he wouldn't like blue or green at all. Happy to comply.

I discovered he liked a casual look more than my usual alternative all black look so I'm more than happy to change my clothes in a way that appeals to him more.

He probably wouldn't mind if I remained as I was but he made it clear he would like me to lose weight and wear different clothes. He didn't force me to or do anything to make me feel ugly the way I am, he just stated his personal preferences when asked.

I'm really happy that he actually gave me clear guidelines instead of letting me in the dark.

charlotteplusplus · 2017-02-10T01:07:11+00:00

We have an implicit agreement to never ask the other to chance anything.

We can make suggestions, but this as far as we would go. Since we love eachother, a suggestion very often leads to implementing a chance. But not always, and no bad feelings when it does not happen.

We both think we are damn lucky to have found eachother, and we are not willing to compromise our future with eachother on any kind of triviality.

videlachkadua · 2017-02-11T03:32:15+00:00

He asked me to improve myself career wise through graduation. He was disappointed in me for staying at home. It took me awhile to figure it out because I was blaming my disease for everything. Now I am doing better.

MilkTeaTime · 2017-02-10T07:51:41+00:00

Yes. Gain weight, lose weight, get a bigger ass, wear less makeup, take less time getting ready, dye my hair back to brown, be more outgoing. There's probably more but I can't think of them right now.

If it's related to my body, I feel like it's out of line, as these are not things I can change overnight. But it's really all about delivery and how they're said. Is it coming from a place of malice and insult, or is it coming as a kindhearted suggestion?

Title	Has your boyfriend/husband ever asked you to change?
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	12
Comments	29
Date	February 9, 2017 8:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/has-your-boyfriendhusband-ever-asked-you-to-change.86944 https://theredarchive.com/post/86944
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5t2ijf/has_your_boyfriendhusband_ever_asked_you_to_change/