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Have you ever been that ex girlfriend?

April 11, 2017

Based on this insightful comment by u/Shaela90 from the "Men settle" thread:

Woman #1:

...A hot, entitled, somewhat smart and very socially savy woman(think an at least nice looking woman with a lot of fashion sense, class, culture, expensive hobbies and interests - not a tasteless, basic bitch) providing for her (sometimes) at the expense of his personal financial/lifestyle improvement. Relationship ends after a while, either as the guy gets fed up of having most of his money sucked in or she leaves, as she found a better provider/partner.

Woman #2:

Only after living through this experience, these otherwise pretty alpha guys learn to value a woman who loves them to bits, is not as hot or entitled, maybe smarter but definitely not as socially-savy, who they eventually marry [...] What I can see in them is a loss of drive though, their wives never manage to stimulate them to achieve and be more. With time, their attraction to their wives drops, as these women don't really know how to keep it flowing, being too eager to please, too homely, too motherly, too invested in the relationship, too upfront.

Have you ever been either of these two women? What happened with the relationship? How can RPW help you improve to either keep the spark or become more marriage material?

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Post Information
Title Have you ever been that ex girlfriend?
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 13
Comments 24
Date April 11, 2017 9:49 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]Shaela9010 points11 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Problem with the first kind of woman is that, if she expects to be fully supported by her SO, then she always HAS to come with something new, keeping him entertained and hooked. In most cases, that takes a lot of dedication, time and money, with no guarantee of success. If she doesn't need him to support her while at the same time being 'better' than him, then why waste time with someone you cannot look up to?

Problem with the second woman would be that she is too ...real and pragmatic and not at all versed and imaginative. Attraction and love need so much more than a home cooked mean, sex on demand and a sunny disposition. These two work fine for a guy who's been devoid of them his whole life but your usual promising man could get decent sex and catering pretty easily, especially in a larger city, where he could also afford to live by himself.

Sex on demand, every time, just the way he wants it gets boring after a while. A partner who never challenges him gets boring after a while. Spending so much time trying to be the perfect wife-material woman, perfecting her home and polishing her demeanor also gets boring after a while. This does not mean we should all become complaining, lazy bitches. It just means that sometimes, men also like to look up to their women and feel they need to up their game to be worthy of us, or else we just might find someone better.

Being an entertaining companion would surely help. Having interesting and unique hobbies/things to say helps a lot as well. Now, I am not trying to bash hard work here at all, but ofc, a tired miner or oil worker will not really be in the mood to listen to his wife's rants about how cinematography came to be and will think she just slacked off watching movies instead of cleaning up. But in a large town with different attractions, having the know-how to pick an interesting movie, concert or new upscale bar for your man and maybe treat him to it, will surely spark some interest, even after 10 years together. Him seeing you trying out new styles, dressing better and also giving him advice, will also earn bonus points. The point is to try to diversify your interests so you always know something knew, which you could share with him.

Not sure my opinions align with the RP in this regard though. And more importantly, everyone needs to figure out WHAT kind of relationship they aspire to have.

[–]prophet_of_love points points [recovered] | Copy Link

"Sex on demand, every time, just the way he wants it gets boring after a while."   This sounds like a rationalization. I've never encountered a man who left a relationship because the sex was too good and too consistent.

[–]paesmith1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I don't really understand this logic either, although I really do want to understand it. I get that men want a challenge, but when I think of a woman refusing her husband, all I can imagine is him slipping off with someone else who won't tell him no.

I can understand why a man would get bored if his wife had the same meals on the table every week, never changed her style, etc. Perhaps the boredom comes from that lack of variety, instead of her consistently doing what he wants?

[–]Shaela90-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nor have I. Yet, how do you define good sex? In my point of view, attraction is an important component of it. And attraction is fickle, it always needs some switching, twisting up, change of scenery/roles, some element of surprise, you get my drift.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

In my point of view

You're projecting. No man EVER left a woman simply because she provided sex on demand. He'll likely leave her if that's all she offers and she offers it to all, but not if it's just for him.

[–]Shaela90-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You might be right, I just find it hard to believe male sexuality is that simple. I don't think a guy would leave a woman he likes just because she's less adventurous in bed, but I'm sure they like diversity, otherwise at least the lingerie industry wouldn't be so big. I've also heard lots of guys categorize and comment this. Not saying its a must, yet I bet there's a difference between good and good enough.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is a huge difference between good and bad sex for men. However, almost universally, one thing and one thing alone determines what is good sex and what is not--enthusiasm. If it conveys a woman's enthusiasm to have sex with a man, it's good. All bad sex, for men, boils down to not feeling the enthusiasm. That is why men hate starfish/duty sex. Not because he didn't have to work for it, but because he knows he isn't wanted.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Investment banker friend story time...

She was woman #1. She was higher status and richer than her husband before she married. She had all the benefits from her swanky job...she always got VIP tickets and lounge benefits and rich people circles. Anyways, after 15 years of marriage and 10 years of SAHM life, the husband cheats and apparently one of the reasons was he complained she didn't have her benefits like she did before. So cue her desperately trying to win him back by networking with rich people again and getting free event tickets. Following what you said, she always had to keep working to get him "hooked," except she wasn't the one to leave him.

[–]Shaela901 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe the poor guy just got fed up of always feeling like a second hand citizen in the relationship and was looking for some appreciation elsewhere. Don't know, these two just seem like people desperate to get in a relationship in the early stages without ever assessing their wants and needs.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, true. I'm sure there were loads other reasons anyway. But there's a RP saying that a man marries you because he still sees you as his sexy girlfriend, and he hopes that you'll never change (into frumpy soccer mom). So perhaps she was already too high in her game to realistically keep up who she was before she married.

[–]Shaela900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I cannot like/emphasize/love/you name it that saying enough. Exactly on point.

[–]LOST_TALE1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I haven't experienced it but imo it's the guy's fault or his surroundings (which may or may not be his fault)* except for part .X., which is reasonably low effort high yield for woman to do for their partner.

If the guy runs out of meaningful purpose to accomplish, I can see that he may turn inward what he already has and try to shuffle it. In other words, to find the problem in what he has instead of what he doesn't. For example, replacing a perfectly fine ally.

You could just have made a lacking choice of a man, however since this is RP we want to know how to deal with it.

.X. I suggest becoming intimate with his aspirations (why do only married politicians get to have partner in crimes?). Now you can assist him with not just the home but outside the home business. Foreign female diplomacy amiright? Be like a pro agent for the family helping him accomplish things outside the home (while also retaining past comfort if you prefer).

This assumes he has something more than family (family centric extra goals such as strategic long-term survivalism or Multi-generational wealth management also counts). But those goals aren't run of the mill mini-extras, if he has them at the level I imply, he stands out.

If the dude has no more life, maybe help him develop one, or find himself lol

[–]LOST_TALE0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So either:

1.He has plenty outside aspirations but he clearly doesn't valuate you high enough to even bother telling you when you seek it. Or you simply don't want to enter that part of his frame (huge part).

Problem: When it comes down to it you are as far as the mass of strangers from him when it comes to that=> Possibly a near completely limiting ceiling on his ability to love you. solution: You love him enough to want to know.

2.He doesn't have outside aspirations

problem: Bored, instead of being busy fighting the war, he's looking to change what he already has good.

solution: He should get one. You can help him.

[–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see it as:

type 1: woman who thinks she's too good for him (and he agrees) type 2: woman who thinks she's lucky to have him (and he agrees)

Woman 1 doesn't treat him super well, and he's always pursuing her and chasing her down for affection. More likely that she doesn't need his $ (she comes from more $ than he, makes her own $ etc.).

Woman 2 treats him like a king. She's likely to need his $, make less than he, etc.

Sort of corresponds to treating him like beta/alpha. I've almost always been type 1. Just transitioned to Type 2 :)

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[–]bowie7471 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One more time! /u/Shaela90

[–]rrroserrred0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is my first time posting on here, but I have been coming here off and on for awhile.

I think I am going through a situation like #1. Though I'm young and just in grad school, my life is really starting to fall into place. My 6yr LTR just ended. I had discovered RPW about a year ago and was really working to STFU, cook/clean 100%, everything. I was trying to be wifey. I was really trying to improve his life, be supportive, and not be argumentative. I did nice things because I wanted to, not because I wanted something in return or was tallying it all up to use against him later in an argument. I didn't hang out with other [straight] guys, even platonicly. We lived next to a fire station and when I walked by it every day I actually would avert my eyes so that I would be loyal in my mind (god this sounds so stupid admitting this) and not see the hot firemen and lust after them. I'm not even religious! lol

He dumped me the evening of my first day at my new high-powered internship and busy schedule (2 part time jobs/internships, full course load, domestic work, homework, our relationship). He said he was in love with someone else, that he knows from his socialist political group. He said all the nice things I did just made him feel guilty. I guess he wasn't good captain material? This was in February, so it's all still really fresh and I probably will process it more as I move forward. He did make some remarks though about how great my life was going for me and how he basically has no clue what he is doing or wants to do. He goes to school, but hasn't pursued internships or part-time work on campus or anything. ... The irony is that he has a trust fund and I am from a much more modest background (and am much more generous them him, who is very stingy to boot)! I guess I should be glad that I now have the opportunity to find my real captain, but right now I think I need to go into monk mode or something. This might just be a fear of/insecurity about dating though. I was a virgin when I met my ex and really don't know where to begin again. I feel like I've just had a divorce! I'm 25 now and my heart is exhausted. I'm not a hateful person, but this is making me a bit crazy and I don't like feeling hateful and mad.

I can't sleep and am writing this impulsively. I probably shouldn't have this be my first post on here, but w/e I'm going for it. I know you ladies on here will be honest! Rip into me if you think I deserve it. And, yes, there is always more to the story. Thank you for any advice, insights, and wisdom.

[–]ElfFey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why on earth would we rip into you, you need to take some time for yourself and heal. You feel like you went through a divorce because biologically that is exactly what happened. Your mate left.

But ok, if you really want it: Never trust a socialist!

[–]littlest_cat points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Huh. I guess I was the #1 kinda gal. My ex used to say "I always learn something when I talk to you." or "You're so fun/entertaining."

It used to get on my nerve. "Am I just there to entertain you?"

I am only 17 just to keep it in perspective.

[–]mwait4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being combative and argumentative, especially in response to a compliment, is not an attractive trait in a women. Nor is it remotely RPW.

[–]Foerderkorb points points [recovered] | Copy Link

My Husband should consider himself very lucky. After he went to the night walkers many women would have quit - I stayed. But now the Power in our House is shifting. I am in charge of finances now, and he hs no access to the money I earn. He swore to be monogamous and sex is aplenty. He lost value.

[–]mrpthrowa5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

this sounds like a very healthy relationship.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all, and this is off topic.

[–]theScarlettWomanModerator | Scarlett[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

All posts and comments here need to be from a RP perspective.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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