"He chose his job."

FleetingWish · 2017-06-03T16:46:32+00:00

That's a bit like saying "she chose to be mainly a stay at home mother". She doesn't see it that way, because she see's it as her duty to take care of her child. Ultimately that is such a dominant part of her value system, she doesn't even see it as a choice, but it absolutely is. She could choose to do many other things, but this is what she chooses to do because it's what is most important to her.

Similarly, he has a choice too, but it's no more of an easy choice than the one his wife has to make. She feels a sense of duty to her child, while he feels a sense of duty to his family. He works hard so that he can take care of his wife and child. He see's it as his duty to make sure they always have a roof over their heads and food on the table, to make sure his wife never has to work (so she can take care of the child). He takes the hard job to make sure that they never have to worry about money, or even live paycheck to paycheck. So, yes, he could make another choice, but he cares for his family too much to take the easy way out. It is such a dominant part of his value system, he doesn't even see it as a choice.

neveragoodtime · 2017-06-03T19:46:09+00:00

What's weird is that she has pity for women who choose to have a career and are unable to attain a desired work life balance, but she has no pity for men who choose to have a career that doesn't allow them to have a desired work life balance. There's no such thing as balancing a full time job with family because family is a full time job. Women used to understand this before they stopped trusting men to do their job and decided they needed their own careers. Imagine if a woman could invest as much time in her husband and family as she did in a career. Are women as bitter about doing their paid job as they are about doing the laundry for their husbands?

okaygirl123 · 2017-06-03T15:32:20+00:00

There's a lot of answers to your question, and all of them contribute at least a bit.

One thing I can think of off the top of my head is that men are more disposable than women, so women have safety nets no matter what they do. Men don't, hence they tend to gravitate towards jobs that pay more in order to build a family, but they are a lot more stressful.

It could also come from the male desire to work for success. Men tend to work a lot harder, much more stressful jobs and make more money because that is what they are inclined to as a gender. Women, on average, choose easier jobs, and they generally come with less pay.

Also, looking at male interest in entrepreneurship, I will say that men are risk-takers, hence they have no problem with gambling their lives virtually. If you observe, women aren't like that, instead they prefer safety and comfort.

Society is another factor I would say. At least where I'm from, men are encouraged to take higher paying but high stress jobs so that they can maintain a family. Quite a lot of times I see the husband having done a MBA and in some tough job while the woman majored in something like English and is now sitting at home looking after her kids. So basically, men have to sacrifice themselves so that women can do what they wish to.

Keep in mind that these are all basic generalizations and individual opinions can differ. They may also not be entirely accurate, I'm sure the more experienced users can give you a more comprehensive and accurate answer.

kekerae · 2017-06-03T19:42:54+00:00

My husband significantly changed his career path after our marriage. I think many women would easily feel resentful over this or have a "this is not what I signed up for" attitude. I am incredibly proud of my husband for pursuing a career that he felt would make him happier and give his life more meaning. I think that he did choose this career as a challenge to himself, in a way. It was a long hiring process with many opportunities to be weeded out and yet he excelled at each level, it was very character building for him.

I am grateful I am able to be a stay at home mother even though I often feel overwhelmed by long days at home with our child, especially when he works overtime. But I know it's a choice we made together and that I wouldn't be having 100% perfectly happy or easy days if I worked out of the home either.

I do feel it's disrespectful for the mother to be so dismissive of the challenges of her partners work. It would be no different than a mother venting to her husband about a really challenging day at home with the children and how dinner didn't turn out so good and that she couldn't keep up with the housekeeping and he simply said, "you chose to have kids and be a SAHM". How rude would that be? Very.

I don't think men necessarily choose a career to impress a woman although there are certain masculine jobs out there that I think women find attractive, depending on the woman. Ex: fireman, successful trades-person, doctor. I think it's a secondary perk they enjoy after entering the career, perhaps.

I don't feel I would have as much respect for a man who simply stays in a job that he doesn't enjoy or that didn't allow us to have a decent quality of life. I'm not talking about living lavishly, because we certainly live modestly on a single income, but I mean being able to keep food on our table easily and give us good extended benefits, etc. We have choices in life and I dislike people who complain about things that are changeable, men or women. That's why I'm happy with my husband's career choice, even though it actually presented a lot of unique challenges in our life, it took guts for him to take a big chance.

lebogglez · 2017-06-03T21:11:18+00:00

Women like this are the reason for MGTOW. If I as a man take on the task of providing for you and the family and trust you with my flesh and blood (the ultimate form of trust and respect) as well as all the things I have earned through that job then you better not complain how I did it as long as I do and also don't jump ship the moment there's a temporary hiccup. There's a difference between providing advice to your man and complaining about him behind his back or nagging.

The moment I hear a woman utter something like that mother I know there's no point in being loyal to her and I need to minimize my dependence on her as much and as quickly as possible because she WILL betray me. If you can't support your men's decisions then leave him, instead of vomiting toxic bile behind his back (talking about that mother here). If that's too inconvenient then realize what your man does for you and stop nagging.

As for the question why men do these jobs women wouldn't do: while it may be true for betas to do them to get women it's certainly not true for alphas. Alphas want to leave an effect on the world and change society, women come to them as a side effect. Men don't cure cancer and invent the internet to get laid.

Banincoming · 2017-06-04T04:31:40+00:00

Can you imagine how unceasingly she'd be hating on your boyfriend if he'd "chosen an easy life" instead of "chose a hardship"?

[deleted] · 2017-06-03T16:09:16+00:00

However, she responded "he chose his job. He chose to have a crazy life when he could have chosen something easier. Don't feel bad for him for his choice."

I think she may have mistaken you showing respect for your boyfriend for feeling pity for him.

And it also got me thinking, why do men make "hard choices" (jobs that require long hours, cutthroat jobs, high pressure performance jobs), is it simply testosterone or proving their worth?

Because it's what we tend to enjoy. We like going out and dominating things and making our world what we want it to be through the sheer force of will, hard work and intellect. Women tend to enjoy other things. There are exceptions to each, of course, but this is how it tends to work out.

[deleted] · 2017-06-03T21:53:25+00:00

Do men take on difficult and arduous jobs just to impress women? Just to prove their abilities?

Yes. When attractive women are around me at work, I naturally work harder and try to do the best job I can, all in hopes of impressing her and displaying "leadership" status. It's in my DNA, and cannot be shut off.

loneliness-inc · 2017-06-05T03:12:48+00:00

Her comments aren't fair. Here's why.

In order for a man to be successful, he'll have to be willing and ready to put in the time and effort.

A man can choose to take an easier route and be less financially successful, but let's face it - financial success plays a big role in female attraction to men. Unless he has some other super character trait which is keeps her attracted despite his low income, it's important for a man to have a solid income even though it isn't the deciding factor.

So for her to make that comment is to not understand anything about male/female dynamics.

Ask yourself - if your BF was content being a cashier at the local grocery store which has more favorable hours, would you have the same respect for him or would you start to see him as "lacking ambition" ?

mrsdazed · 2017-06-05T03:24:56+00:00

The important thing that the mother forgot is that, her husband, also chose her as a wife.

And I think she should be flattered that someone who chose hardship over easy way also chose her to be someone he wants to spend his life with. At least she knew he's not choosing her because she's an easy way

downvote_isnt_disagr · 2017-06-05T20:44:13+00:00

Imagine the only source of your validation, respect and love comes from what you provide to others from your job.

That's why they do it.

peculiarmiss · 2017-06-11T20:14:25+00:00

My SO chose "the easy job" over one that would provide a significantly higher income. Many people in our circle say that he lacks ambition, but I respect him more for his choice because of the reason for it: his daughter. He's a "single" father (in that he's not with her mother), and his job is set hours and enables him to spend way more time with her than he would be able to otherwise.

I guess the point I'm making is that there are men who chose family over a career. It's just seen as an anomaly by society, so they don't get the credit for it that a woman making the same choice would.

somebody_iswatching · 2017-06-26T07:20:17+00:00

Everyone should have equal respect from the lowest janitor to the highest CEO because someone's job doesn't Define them as a person nor should it indicate the way they be treated. The sacrifices people make everyday don't get appreciated often enough. Everyone needs to eat and put food on the table regardless of what opinion comes out of the mouth. Respect everyone.

Title	"He chose his job."
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	June 3, 2017 3:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/he-chose-his-job.72920 https://theredarchive.com/post/72920
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6f1pmk/he_chose_his_job/