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He Desired a Traditional Relationship All Along

January 17, 2022
128 upvotes

Hi RedPill Ladies! I just wanted to share some thoughts and observations concerning my boyfriend and my decision to be honest with him about my desires.

We're in our late teens/early twenties, and we've been dating for almost six months. Now, from the beginning of our relationship, I was (relatively) upfront about what I wanted. Honestly, I kind of surprised myself, because I normally do not have that much guts when it comes to expressing my feelings directly. I guess even from the beginning I had confidence in him, and he's very sweet and understanding...and sooo handsome. But anyway, my honesty started out as a gradual process. I didn't go from 0-I want to be a housewife in one sitting. I did little things, like 'confessing' to him that I preferred it when he made big decisions, even though I also wanted to be consulted. I told him how much I admire him, and how attractive his take-charge attitude is (and ladies, let me tell you, it is so attractive that I'm blushing right now just thinking about it).

He was definitely amenable to all of this. He had his moments of being delightfully 'old-fashioned', such as his insistence that he pay for dates and small gifts for me, his protectiveness and concern for my safety, and his all-around gentleness with me, but I still wasn't sure where exactly he stood on the kind of traditional relationship that I desired, where the man is the Captain and his wife is the first mate. A lot of men/boys in my age group aren't exactly mature or interested in that kind of relationship, which is understandable, especially since we're all growing up in an era where traditionalism is frowned upon. But I was honest from the beginning, and more direct than I thought I was capable of.

One thing that made me worry was when we started discussing children. I told him that I wanted to be married before I have children, and he reacted with some surprise, saying that he hadn't expected that from me. I was irrationally worried for a bit, but then he said he understood, and it was a sensible decision. Still, I wasn't 100% convinced that we were on the same page, but by then, I was falling in love so I decided to continue expressing what I wanted.

So, I told him I wanted to be a housewife. And if anything can scare away a 22 year old man, that certainly can lmao. I think I was pretty reasonable about it. I talked about wanting time for family, wanting the chance to take care of a house and kids without worrying about any stressful jobs. I told him that I would do freelance writing and editing jobs as a side-income, perhaps run an etsy store for my embroidery, but ultimately, I wanted to be a housewife after we have children. And shockingly...he was very supportive about that prospect. Afterwards, he started to talk about how I made him feel 'fulfilled.' He said that word several times, and I loved it so much. He told me that I made him want to work harder since he wants to give me a good future. We talked about logistics, expectations, etc. I'm still attempting to get the baby fever in check, since we won't be ready for that for a while :(

And recently, best of all, he told me that it was a relief to not pretend that he wanted a completely egalitarian relationship. He said that he wants to protect me and provide for me, and he wants to be a traditionally masculine figure in our relationship. I was so happy that I was almost tearing up. I'm so lucky to have found the love of my life, and I can't wait to spend the rest of it with him.

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[–]Sea_Bookkeeper_15331 Star 50 points51 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That's so sweet, I'm happy for you, but please keep in mind you're both still very young and things may change. Make sure you've got a back up and your own funds in case things go south. Always have a Plan B.

[–]whoreforglokta[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! Yes, I'm definitely planning on having a back up plan, and even after we have children, I'll continue doing a part time/freelance job. I'm also lucky enough to have a supportive family in case anything goes south.

[–]Sea_Bookkeeper_15331 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yey, sounds fab, all the best. :) xo

[–]Sad-Strength8787 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This sounds absolutely wonderful! I really recommend researching about John Gottman. You can learn skills for when difficult situations arise. Also getting married young is perfect for someone with your mindset. Things WILL work in your favor if you and your potential husband can develop the proper marriage skills.

[–]_DarkLorde 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mentioned before, but please have a back up plan or something of your own. Best wishes !💗

[–]anothergoodbook 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I forget how relatively young I was when I got married. Then I read this and I’m like, “oh yeah - 22 and 21 was really pretty young!”.

I’m glad you found someone that has the same values as you. His age doesn’t automatically discount it (my husband was the same way and he was 21).

[–]whoreforglokta[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww, congrats on your marriage! And thank you, I'm very lucky to have found my boyfriend.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's so lovely, you two will go far!!

[–]No-Independence3595 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It would be good for more women to admit exactly what they want just like you did as men take things literally and are very literal creatures and literal communicators. Most women want what you want but want men to read their minds and will end up communicating the exact opposite of their true desires such as "I want to be strong and independent!" Falsehood. If men have a provider nature and role and it's in their nature to "give" then by that logic anything you literally ask of a man he provides in full in most cases. Such is the case with Feminism.

What do you hear from men all the time? "I'm giving you exactly what you asked for" yet it doesn't make them happy. Literal communication is a good way to communicate with men honestly. Good job OP I hope you two end up happy.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For communication to make any difference, self knowledge needs to exist first. If women had self knowledge, they would be marching up and down the streets demanding a family and a provider husband. Do you see them doing that? No, they demand equality of outcome and career progression. Communication won't do anything for them.

[–]CreepyInky 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What if I told my husband directly that I wanted to be a strong and independent woman and he is fully supportive and now I make more than him and we are extremely happy and comfortable

[–]Girky333 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sweet 💕 🧁

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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