He's successful and very independent. I don't feel needed.

ddouchecanoe · 2020-11-30T07:13:53+00:00

This seems like an excellent opportunity to begin understanding where your need to be needed stems from. Taking on a motherly role in your relationship is archetypal, but not always the healthiest thing.

Also- if you have any desire for children and go on to have them, this definitely wont last forever. Have you discussed this? Or a potential mutual interest in you being a stay at home mom?

You should consider reading about love languages. It seems like one of the major ways you demonstrate love is by caring for others. Maybe you can pivot this in a way that could make you feel fulfilled in your ability to demonstrate love in a more productive way.
My guess is that if he is this put together, you could probably discuss this with him. Your approach will be everything, as you don't want to risk making him feel suffocated, but you could express how fulfilling it is to be trusted enough and invited to help him with things. Maybe you could ask if you can make dinner together, or trade off? Offer to make him a special meal and tell him you want to as well.

Relationships thrive on calm, clear communication.

lord-denning · 2020-11-30T09:30:14+00:00

This has come up before recently. This is what I said last time, please adjust as appropriate for your situation:

This is a type of test. He is showing you that he is a top notch provider. Now it is your turn to step up.

Find other, feminine ways to add value.

Can you really turn your house into a home? Can you make it a place that he absolutely loves and can’t wait to come back to in terms of decor, textures, ambience? What kind of routines can you set up when he arrives?

Can you make meals that are absolutely stupendous and that he brags about to his friends and yet are healthy and help you both meet your fitness goals? (Edit: your suggestion here could be that you take turns cooking for each other, with you taking charge during some of the weekdays when he will busy in the office, and then knock his socks off and still be 50/50).

Can you adjust your wardrobe so that you are a credit to him in public and shows his good taste and ability to marry the best, and that at home he cannot keep his hands off you?

Where else can your wifely support take things to the next level? Dinners with the boss and family, creating networking opportunities, making things socially excellent?

And critically, can you save his money and show that his contribution is valuable and will never be squandered or taken for granted? Can you show him ways that you will set up and run the household and your life together to help him achieve your family’s financial goals faster?

He has shown that he is a maximal provider. Now it is your turn. Do not fall into complacency by just providing good sex as some here are suggesting. Think carefully, take his input and put forth a strong effort to use all this extra free time to back your man up and show what feminine skills you can bring to the relationship. It is crucial to do so.

barooka · 2020-11-30T07:32:52+00:00

I’m like your bf. Also why it’s hard for me if a girl gets too involved in my life. Maybe he has some trouble sharing his space and wants everything exactly the way it was.

Try to invite him into a hobby of yours. Introduce him to your life. Invite him to hang out with your friends or family. Cook him a great meal or something you can make together. Get him a thoughtful gift maybe something he always wanted

LateralThinker13 · 2020-11-30T16:06:42+00:00

I'm going to ask you what I often ask on other subs:

What do you bring to the table? Where does your value come from?

We know where his comes from. Competent, professional, even cooks, etc. So what do you bring?

I'll tell you what you CAN bring:

Companionship. Soft place to land. A caring ear. And a mother to his children. These are what set women apart from THOTs.

Anyone can cook and clean. He has the income handled. He has an assistant. So look at what he can't easily pay for.

Companionship. Partner. Confidante. A shoulder to lean on. A second opinion. A cheerleader. A lover. A mother.

That's what you should focus on.

ALSO: talk to him about this. Ask HIM what you bring to the table... and what he's looking for. I guarantee he'll surprise you.

liveyourbestlife83 · 2020-11-30T11:57:27+00:00

Did you tell him your feelings?

If you haven't get off of here and got talk to him first.

MemberBenefits · 2020-11-30T09:52:43+00:00

If I understand correctly you don’t feel like you are contributing if you’re not needed. The need to be needed comes from codependency and is extremely unhealthy. Have you look into attachment styles because anxious-preoccupied might ring a few bells for you and your man sounds like he’s securely attached. This will be a problem for both of you in the relationship, he will get tried of reassuring you and you never feel good enough for him.

All attachment styles are formed in the first couple of years of life so also look honestly at the relationships in your family, you will see patterns of behaviour and this will make more sense. Yes you can become securely attached but not without a lot of soul searching and therapy is definitely something to consider <3

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2020-11-30T15:14:45+00:00

Examine your need to feel needed. Did this ever backfire in previous relationships? Did you become too maternal? He sounds like an ultimate provider, and if children are in the future then he has definitely set the stage for you to be able to focus all your energy on them and him which is amazing.

If children are a ways off still, how can you add value that is not maternal? I would take the initiative to walk the dog on your own, ask his opinion on relevant things in your life (job, hobbies) and truly LISTEN to his input. Are you giving and adventurous in the bedroom, and also expressing feminine vulnerability?

I too have a very independent and self sufficient man, and oftentimes he seems to enjoy our silent cuddling and lots of physical contact (see Love Languages); I like being a calm and sensual refuge for him. I also make him laugh a lot ( I'm still surprised how much he loves when I act childlike and silly, but he really does. He instigates it now so I will do it, and I know it brings him joy).

Think of the ways ONLY YOU can add value to his life: tenderness, touch, listening, unwavering support, silence, little surprises, intimate jokes, etc. Write down a list of what you bring to the table. Good luck!!!

Davidoff24 · 2020-11-30T08:02:32+00:00

I am sorry you feel this way. Your feelings are valid though. I think you should approach this situation very tactfully and slowly. Day by day just try and change the routine a little bit so that you have some control. Also, I really think having children changes your relationship for the better. Sounds like you have it all, a successful husband and you looking after the house (even though minimal at this point), so children could be welcomed. I am sorry if this was too personal to touch and I wish you all the best.

Brandonxxxi · 2020-11-30T12:47:35+00:00

Then find ways to be useful to him. It’s not hard to make him breakfast in bed in the morning for example. How about start offering to clean up the place instead of hiring a cleaning lady? You would save him some money. Just do something, instead of sitting around waiting for your needs of feeling needed being met. Ask him directly what can you do for him.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-11-30T18:00:49+00:00

You could be supportive and loving.

aussiedollface2 · 2020-11-30T17:52:48+00:00

Umm this sounds amazing hehe! Seriously though, just look for unique ways you can be a value add. It’s very hard for someone to provide themselves with emotional support for example which is where you step in xo

metajenn · 2020-11-30T21:14:53+00:00

better whip out them stilettos and lingerie.

(it's a joke)

But seriously, if he's got all these things figured out, I'd look to the areas he can't outsource.

subconciousunshine · 2020-11-30T18:45:30+00:00

this is why marriage is important in a society so you can feel needed to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Animalcrossing4eva · 2020-11-30T21:35:28+00:00

You just need a baby. Get married and have a baby and you will be so thankful that he doesn’t need you.

Title	He's successful and very independent. I don't feel needed.
Author	PieBeginning7549
Upvotes	98
Comments	23
Date	November 30, 2020 6:50 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/hes-successful-and-very-independent-i-dont-feel.329467 https://theredarchive.com/post/329467
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/k3qq6q/hes_successful_and_very_independent_i_dont_feel/