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High-level comment in /r/askmen about why high-value men won't commit

March 23, 2019

This comment in /r/AskMen sums up a lot of what people don't realise about finding a good man..

If you want a man with his s**t together, you need to have yours together too - and add actual value to his life. Living with/committing to someone has lots of downsides, so you'd better be worth it.

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Post Information
Title High-level comment in /r/askmen about why high-value men won't commit
Author teaandtalk
Upvotes 95
Comments 17
Date March 23, 2019 9:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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Original Link

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

When I was dating my fiancé, his life was a complete mess the first two years. During the those chaotic years, he definitely put up with a lot of awful behavior from me. I was doing things like - complaining about my day, panicking over nothing, over loading him with texts, bullying him when I felt insecure, getting sad for no reason.

In the third year, he got a well paid job and started flourishing in his career. The amount of bullshit he could deal with from me was diminished greatly. He actually started bullying me back and calling me out when I had bad behavior.

The way I got him to want to commit to me, actually? I worked hard at my job (I'm a musician). He saw that I was committed to my life passion and dedicated to my service to people. I also eradicated my negative behaviors (my complaining and panicking modes), and I sucked it up and took responsibility for myself.

High value women cannot be childish and immature. Be an adult, be a good life partner, and a high quality man will find you.

[–]vi3tboiii6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

when you say you were bullying him and than he started bullying back, was it just making snide comments to bring each other down or what?

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor46 points47 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Winners attract winners. If you were killing it at life as guy or a girl then the only person you want to spend most of your life with will also need to be a winner.

Also: dating will always be easier the younger you are, regardless of gender, because people are more forgiving if you don't already have your shit together.

But many young women fail at relationships because they grew up using fictional characters (especially from dramas) or celebrities as role models.

The problem with fictional characters and celebrities is that they're not living in the same "world" as you are. Even people who live in different countries could be experiencing different "world"s, depending on local cultural norms.

The best role model for anyone still growing up, is someone local to you, who has their shit together --- someone real, who deals with the same realities you have to deal with. Someone real enough for you to befriend and talk to.

It's also easier to make friends with a wider variety of people when you're younger.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree. We spend too little time looking in our own back yard for those who are successful and have their shit together and trying to figure out what they did and this is why we have so many people trying to be some sort of social media influencer these days.

[–]freyalifestyle 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

How do we find them if new in town & no experience w healthy role models?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They don't need to be your role models. You can learn more from people making poor choices than you can from people who make all the right ones.

[–]HobbesTheBrave8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The problem with fictional characters and celebrities is that they're not living in the same "world" as you are.

I've lost count on how many teachers had a fixation on Mr. Darcy and Austen. And how many guys who started assuming that girls who read fiction are just like that. Oh, you're one of those. I'll go talk to that girl over there instead.

[–]cilachi8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, just look for your guy in university. Be cheap so he doesn't have to spend money on you all the time. Let him study. Keep a schedule. Give him space and enjoy yours.

[–]padpump27 points28 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I would like to add that “having your shit together” is just another fantasy to be chasing. Humility would be a better indicator for both sexes.

Nobody has their shit together. The earlier you realise that. The earlier you can relax and make sure you give others the opportunity to do so as well.

Actionable advice: Stay in the moment. Realise that you are loved already by opening your heart and be receptive to the love.

Touching your heart (chest) while smiling will help you accomplish that. 😁💓👋

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ehhhh, there are a lot of people who have their shit relatively together. Things like having a job, a stable living situation and enough money to get by are the sort of things we're talking about, not having everything perfect.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nobody has their shit together.

This is not the case in the least bit.

[–]ManReggie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Heaps of people have their shit together.

If you want a man with their shit together, have your shit together.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would like to add that “having your shit together”is just another fantasy to be chasing.

Not even remotely true.

[–]kmjyu1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes! I agree 100% realize you aren’t shit and actively work on it knowing you’ll never actually get it together. Meet a partner who also knows they aren’t shit but are actively working on themselves. And at the same time, you need to believe in your partner and your partner needs to believe in you so you can keep each other accountable for growing and support each other when you feel like the world is out to get you.

Edit: okay, looking back on the responses above, When I think of “having your shit together” I think making others believe you know what you’re doing and how you’re going to run the world some day. I guess I’m naive for assuming everyone has a job and enough to get by?

[–]padpump1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I personally only think Superman has his shit together. Unless kryptonite of course.

[–]thatmom3971 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How does a 20-something woman with her life in good order still seem like she’d want a man in her life? Seems like young men prefer needy women.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amen to that!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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