What is the problem? (Neutral phrasing: use words like "we," and "our" so that you aren't trying to off-load problems at your SO's feet when there's actually plenty of blame to go around)

I'm not sure how to phrase this neutrally so if you have an idea for how to word it better please let me know and I will be happy to edit. I think its great that my husband feels comfortable around me, but he does not brush his teeth and rarely bathes with soap anymore. How can I talk to him about this...can I even talk to him about this?

What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues?

Of course I am not perfect either! After the baby I had a massive episode of depression. I stopped wearing makeup and lived in pajamas. I've since been working really hard on this. I now have a feminine wardrobe, wear makeup often, and much sexier pajamas :P. I'm not perfect about this every day, but I do really try. He never said anything to me about this, but I noticed our relationship wasn't faring as well so I worked really hard to get better and improve.

Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested?

I wonder if maybe he is dealing with depression too? Sometimes it seems like it, but he does not like to talk about feelings and its not good for me to try and pry it out of him. During the past year he lost a job, a grandparent, we found out that we cannot have more children, and we had a lot of problems with transportation. Things just kind of fell apart for 6 months. :(

He is working now, but he's not making as much money as he used to and I think the bills have been stressing him out to boot.

What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem?

I tried to talk to him about the tooth brushing before but I don't think he sees it as a big deal.

I miss when we both used to get dressed up to go out. I miss feeling like he wanted to look nice for me too. :(

How long has this been an issue?

We've always had differing views on hygiene, but it's gotten worse during the past year.

Are you making a mountain out of a mole-hill? If a woman you really despised came to you with this issue, would you still think it's a legitimate concern? Or would you tell her she's throwing things out of proportion?

I don't know, am I? Is this something I should ignore? I came here instead of asking a friend for advice because I know a friend wouldn't have good advice to give but even asking them might make him look bad somehow. I also don't want to ask a generic relationship advice forum because people might just react and tell me to divorce him or something and that's definitely overkill. He didn't divorce me for going through PPD. I want to be there for him too.

How's your bedroom life right now? Are you taking care of his needs emotionally and physically? I've been trying to but it's kind of difficult...I never refuse, but he never initiates and sometimes turns me down. It's not that we're not attracted to each other. He tells me he loves me all the time and still acts flirty.

He has uncontrolled type 1 diabetes, and he very rarely checks his blood sugar. I can't even talk to him about this issue, he gets very upset. Because of the unregulated blood sugar he now has to take medication to have sex. It's also why we cannot have anymore children...some kind of nerve damage. We are both only 30. I try to really encourage him and tell him that maybe it's good -we can really focus on our one kid. Also there are lots of ways to have sexual intimacy...

But I know it must be incredibly difficult for him, it's been really difficult for me too.

We thought we would be having baby#2 by now and everyone who was pregnant when we had our son is pregnant again or already with a second baby. It's weirdly upsetting, and he wont let me talk about it with him when I need a shoulder to cry on. :(


This form is very helpful. I feel kind of bad for being so upset about brushing teeth...I wonder how I can help him without annoying him.

I know that he should probably go talk to a doctor about feeling depressed (if that's the issue) but...

I cannot get him to go see the doctor for anything. I told him that since we are married now I think he can add me as an authorized person, and then I could make the annoying phone calls for him...but he doesn't want to deal with the hassle of getting that done either. So how can I help? Just keep trucking along with the housework and the awesome meals and trying to please him?

I don't know. Feeling lost and alone, and not sure what to do. Thank you for reading this and helping me!