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How can we better appreciate our men for their hard work (dating)?

June 12, 2020

My boyfriend works in truss manufacturing. It pays decently, but it's a tough job. His shifts are from 5a - 2p during the week days, the job is very physically demanding (long stretches of swinging a hammer/standing/squatting/climbing), and he's frequently dirty or dusty when he clocks out because the sawdust sticks. In the summer, the temperature of the facility he works in goes up into the 90s, so the sweat/grime/dirt is even worse. He also has to work with other guys that he does not like due to their crudeness and the way they're constantly breaking each other's balls. Despite all of this, he's determined to stick with the job for just long enough so that he has the credentials to get a better job in construction later on. And he's told me before that part of why he does the hard work is "for me."

I regularly tell my Captain how I respect him for powering through, what a tough man he is for taking on such a demanding job, etc. However, we don't live together, so I am limited to a degree in what I can do to make him feel like a king when he's around me (e.g. I can't have food and a sweet kiss waiting for him when he gets home from work). And even though he looooves the way I look, I sometimes feel like wearing a dress and looking pretty is not really what will help him rejuvenate after a hard week, like I'm sort of flaunting the privilege of looking nice every day because I'm spoiled enough to not be working my ass off and getting my hands dirty like he is.

To the ladies whose men have demanding jobs/careers, what else can I (or, rather, we) do for my (our) Captain(s) to really build him up when he's not at work and we're together?


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Post Information
Title How can we better appreciate our men for their hard work (dating)?
Author amadexodus
Upvotes 98
Comments 18
Date June 12, 2020 2:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Muchadoaboutcass60 points61 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

100% agree with the love language comment.

My Captain also has a demanding job outside and I’ve been able to work from home so among all obvious things (making myself look nice, clean our place, make home made delicious food)... I show my appreciation for my man by simply not nagging him. When he comes home, I give him a kiss, ask if he needs anything, then I leave him the heck alone. In your case, don’t overly call or text him. Don’t beg him for his time.

Don’t complain (even if it’s not about him). don’t bitch about people or nag even for little things like, “babe, I know you’re tired but can we play tennis”. Rather, “let me know when you wanna play tennis”.

He’s working so hard for his future and it looks like yours too.

Give him a future he wants to be part of. Beautiful, traditional, virtuous wife, clean/comfortable home, no drama. There’s no one thing for you to do, but rather a lifestyle you offer.

Then, sometimes, out of complete no where, you can look him dead in the eye and honestly say, “I’ve never met a better man than you”

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband has a demanding job as well. He likes massages. Touch is his love language so he likes when I massage his scalp or his hands. If that’s something your bf would like you can find lots of tutorials on YouTube.

Making cookies and bringing them over when he gets home...

What is his love language? That would be the thing to do regardless :)

My husband takes pride in that he does the “dirty work” so I don’t have to. Being proud of him and letting him know how much I appreciate his hard work. I let him know how sexy he is in his work boots and dirty jeans and all sweaty swoon.

[–]amadexodus[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


I let him know how sexy he is in his work boots and dirty jeans and all sweaty swoon.

All of this oh God oh yes. My guy doesn't like to be felt up when he's all dirty/sweaty, so I'm limited to telling him so in those cases.

What is his love language? That would be the thing to do regardless :)

I have not asked him directly about the 5 love languages. But I would say physical touch and a combination of quality time/acts of service.

[–]GraveyardZombie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Unexpected thankful blowjob

[–]findingmywayforever5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This has been difficult for me at times. I try to do a good job and support by helping out in little ways that i can. My last bf...I would buy groceries or sometimes little gifts for him just to help him not worry. Those little surprises are things that i figured would work, but he just remained idk if it was me or him?

[–]DunboyCastleInTheSky11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

1) Cooking lunches and/or dinner.

Example: I made sesame chicken for my boyfriend last night because he had to pull a 12 hour shift alternating between working with his hands and being in an office. We also watched his favorite show. I’m making our lunches next week because he’ll be working late then.

I live with my boyfriend so I try to make things as relaxing as possible when he comes home because work is stressful. Before we lived together, I’d show up with food and whatnot at his place or invite him to mine for food and whatnot.

2) Getting him things he likes.

Example: had a horrible day at work a few weeks ago. Called me to tell me earlier in the day so I got him clothes I thought he’d like, his favorite wine, and his favorite dark chocolate.

3) Men like to be spoiled too. Maybe suggest a weekend trip somewhere? Or even just going out and doing an activity you both enjoy.

Example: Next weekend we’re going to a place we don’t like to explore the town, walk by the river, and eat some great food. Then an activity we both enjoy, hiking.

I know we’re in the middle of a global pandemic but we still go hiking, nature walks, playing sports together, laying out and reading a book, going swimming together, etc. There are so many things you can do outside that don’t involve other people and there’s a lot of things that you can do inside as well.

[–]DigitalVanity3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like a dream <3 Wish you many more years of togetherness!

[–]withwhimsyandgrace2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What about preparing some freezer meals (lasagna, pot pies, etc) that he can just pop in the oven after work while he showers? I’m married now, but my husband loved when I did this for him so he didn’t need to think about cooking :)

[–]85thredditaccount1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I give him back massages after work! I love to do it, I let him either lie there in silence or (more commonly) he will tell me about his day. We used to work together so I miss the stories. It’s a great way to be a soft place to land and makes him feel relaxed and happy.

[–]neverendingtasklist5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I live separately from my boyfriend, he works full time in a demanding career, ( I work full time/ am a part time student) but I make it a point to run errands for him and clean his whole home weekly if possible. I also make an effort to ensure he always has a warm dinner if we're together, or even if I know hes working late, I'll leave dinner for him and his house tidy for when he gets home so he doesn't have to worry. Additionally I listen to what he says he likes and celebrate him with little adventures and surprises everytime I can to break up the monotony. I could never do so many of the things he does for me, or work as hard as he does. I just try to make his life easier when and how I can without being overbearing.

[–]DunboyCastleInTheSky14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Considering he’s just your boyfriend, I wouldn’t be cleaning his home weekly. Everything else sounds lovely though. I love that you help him with errands and meals!

[–]neverendingtasklist2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I feel it's something important that helps him tremendously or I wouldn't do it. I cleaned houses as a side job for while so it's easy for me. Leaves some of his off time free to spend resting or for us to spend together. Which he and I both prefer. ☆

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's definitely your choice, but it sounds like he's getting all the wife benefits without making you a wife. Does he look after you as well?

[–]neverendingtasklist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe it's odd, but I would rather treat my partner the same before and after marriage in matters concerning care. Yes, of course he looks after me or we wouldn't be in a ltr.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough. I will caution you, just as someone who has seen a lot of friends 'play wife' without ever getting married, be careful that you're not giving him everything without him playing his role too.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Removed off topic

[–]Ashley_said_what0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I absolutely love all the comments because I'm also going through this and thought I was the only one giving so much space and love and not getting much in return (according to my friends, I thought it was normal because my partner and I are v supportive) and this was agreed with both me and my boyfriend. But again, how would my friends know anything about my relationship? I'm completely happy the way things are. But ONE QUESTION though. Yes we need to pamper our captains and shower them with love, but don't you ever feel lonely sometimes and to think that it'd be nice to get some attention and affection back from him? Because that doesn't happen (because he's always busy working, stressed out) - anyone has any feedback to share? How do I express this to him without sounding needy or clingy?

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