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How is it that my traditional, conservative husband seems to be way lest "sexist" than the majority of femnist's husbands I know

November 26, 2021

I hear friends/family and see a ton of reddit posts where all these apparently super feminist
Women somehow have married the absolute worst men, despite claiming to be femnists. My husband is super traditional and would be the most sexist in there heads, but when I see the way their men treat them and disrespect them it blows my mind. Especially on Thanksgiving. My mom and sister were discussing how their SOs pick on them when they haven't done certain chores. And on Twoxchromosomes I saw a woman saying her husband expected her to cook and clean the whole Thanksgiving meal and was shocked and had no idea what to do (seriously, I cannot imagine being married to someone so dumb they can't figure out how to cook a meal) when she told him he was going to cook the whole thing.

I enjoy cleaning, cooking and child care but when I am slacking my husband does not criticize. He steps in to help. He doesn't refer to watching our kids as 'babysitting." He adores them and realizes I need showers and naps sometimes. He likes to cook to give me a night off and is good at it. If the baby has been fussy all day and I haven't got to laundry or sweeping he doesn't complain but helps. He never yells at me or picks on little things I do or requests I dress up for him all the time. I don't get how even though my husband would be considered sexist in their heads for being the breadwinner and believing in gender roles, he does a lot more than their husbands.

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Post Information
Title How is it that my traditional, conservative husband seems to be way lest "sexist" than the majority of femnist's husbands I know
Author LaynieFloyd
Upvotes 167
Comments 62
Date November 26, 2021 2:47 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]Key-Progress-8873 74 points75 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Conservative men accept that women & men are different, and therefore will accept women as they are. This does mean that (genuinely) conservative men will be less judgemental.

[–]amyfannu134 54 points55 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like he’s just a good dude :)

[–]Kay_Lore 89 points90 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Because at least traditional men believe in supporting and providing for their family no matter what, even if it means having to do some of the “woman’s” job. They understand that cooking, cleaning and childcare is just as big of a job as breadwinning is.

Many modern men seem to think that a “strong independent woman” can do it all while he’s allowed to do little in comparison. And while they definitely try, it doesn’t go over well.

[–]RPslimjim 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Modern men think an independent woman can do it all because Independent/ moderate women act like they can do it all.

They said they don’t need a man right? That assumes they can do both a man’s and woman’s job.

[–]Kay_Lore 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

They can't do it all. That certainly doesn't stop them from trying though. It's because we were practically born being told that we can do it all, and that we should. I don't blame men or women for believing this -- it's just what we we've been told by everyone in society.

That's why the whole "mental load of motherhood" thing has only just started in modern times. Women are now in the workforce, being a SAHM is frowned upon, and women are still expected to do most of the childcare and homemaking. Women are also more detail-oriented so a lot of the things that men don't care about they will take it upon themselves to do it. Women are now realizing it's impossible to be a perfect mother, wife and breadwinner all at the same time. The rest of the world hasn't exactly caught up.

[–]RPslimjim 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’d say that modern day feminism contributed/ created everything you just said. Yeah it’s sucks trying to do everything. That’s why men and women compliment each other.

I don’t feel bad for independent women. I just watch them struggle to find a mate.

[–]Kay_Lore 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do think there is a difference between a woman who makes her own money and knows how to look after herself versus a career woman who is so absorbed in that that she doesn't have time for other things. The former can still be "independent" in her own way while still prioritizing finding love and starting a family. I don't necessarily think those two things have to be mutually exclusive.

[–]RPslimjim 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree with you there. A woman can definitely be independent but strong in her feminine energy. Ultimately I think that’s what many men want today. I enjoyed our discussion.

[–]Kay_Lore 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]RPslimjim 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m not MGTOW. Look at the user name. I’m a red pill man.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]RPslimjim 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m not complaining. I’m stating an observation. I didn’t think RP women were independent in the sense that I mentioned above, so I’m showing a dichotomy between the two.

[–]GrislyMedic 51 points52 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Because feminist men say they're feminist only because they believe if they agree with everything she says she'll touch his wiener or they're overcompensating for something terrible they did in the past.

[–]All_Lurk_No_Post365 28 points29 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This is the most simple answer: it's nicknamed the "sneaky fucker" strategy for beta men trying to get laid.

[–]Decent_Operation171 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stealing bits from Bill Burr I see

[–]RPslimjim 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many trad con men know that women are the compliment to men. He doesn’t mind stepping in from time to time to give you some space to recharge because he knows it’s a tough job.

Also, you seem to be in your feminine energy which is what truly drives us men. A man will literally go to the ends of the earth do his family when the wife is supportive and peaceful.

You’re doing wonderful and I’m really happy you posted this because it shows men and women how each party in a hetero marriage compliments each other.

[–]riskykitten1207 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have wondered the same about my husband. He is very much not like the stereotype. I got downvoted a ton for defending conservative men when it comes to taking care of a newborn. My husband does not mind changing diapers, doing feedings, and just picking up any of my slack in general. He never complains.

[–]RPslimjim 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because conservative men take care of their families. That’s traditional. It always has been.

[–]HappilyMrs 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My husband is great, takes care of me, works alongside me where it's needed, looks after our son without calling it babysitting. He is also very liberal (as I am), and definitely feminist (he has actively called out his male friends for behaving in inappropriate ways to women, doesn't count rape jokes as just "locker room banter", feels women aren't given equal pay and that women should be safe from rape and harassment in any public space regardless of inebriation and clothing. He believes toxic masculinity is bad but positive masculinity is great). We live a traditional sort of life, because it suits us personally, but neither of us really feels it suits everyone.

I dont think it's about lib/cons, trad/prog. It's whether he is a decent man or not. Sadly, an awful lot of men don't know how to be good men, just like a lot of women dont know how to be good women.

[–]FlappyDolphin72 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

According to some people in the comments, men who hold that view just want to get laid

[–]HappilyMrs 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure there are plenty of performative feminist men who do. I'm sure there are plenty of men who pretend to be more trad than they are to get laid too. Manipulative people gonna manipulate people.

[–]JadedByEntropy 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They expect it because "ugh.. men" "men are so dumb" and thats just "how they are". They don't expect more...they just criticize them for being scum and dont actually have standards. Men bite back and become what their expected to be...abusive.

The men who accept being caled toxic and being put down constantly to their face, online, and behind their back arent exactly winners.

[–]mysterygurl_ 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Was the referring to taking care of their child as “babysitting” part inspired by a recent AITA post? Cause I saw that post too👀👀

[–]amadexodus 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I saw both that post and the post OP referred to in r/TwoXChromosomes. It’s hilarious when the ***hole doesn’t hear themselves in their post. But when we’re talking marriage and family, both indicate a sinking ship and it’s not quite as funny.

[–]purplepansy88 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In my experience men who call themselves feminists have sinister motivations.

[–]RPslimjim 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Kaleidoscopiquant22 points [recovered] (17 children) | Copy Link

Have you considered that perhaps these women are drawn to feminism because they're stuck with men who are demeaning and unhelpful? It's easy to love men when you have a wonderful one in your life. If your partner is more of a drain than an asset then independence and taking control might be the most appealing option.

[–]Key-Progress-8873 21 points22 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Dumping him and finding a good man will always be better than dominating a weak man and trying to control him into a better version of himself. That never works and will always perpetuate misery, both for the man and the woman.

[–]Submersiv 3 points4 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

The problem is the "finding a good man" part is much harder to do than say. And gets exponentially harder the older you get as a woman. That's the reason this entire epidemic of unhappy middle aged women exists right now. Women who believe in feminism waste their prime years being "independent" instead of working towards finding and building a family. Then they're forced to pick from a pool of subpar men according to their now overinflated standards, since the men they want aren't looking at their age range at all.

Controlling a man into being a better version of himself IS possible, and IS better than being alone, which will inevitably happen if you dump your man at 40+. The way to controlling him is not by dominating him, but by leveraging the natural feminine way to deftly guide and support him into it. Too bad feminism has turned those women into the domineering types and have severely crippled their natural ability to leverage their femininity.

[–][deleted]  (12 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Submersiv 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Where did I recommend going after a weak man?

Of course you're not going to see these women out there admitting to everyone they're unhappy. Would you? There's also a big chunk of the female population that are on anti-depressants, the most there have ever been, and rising every year. Plenty of studies show the reality of what's going on, it's not just reddit that talks about it.

You should learn more about men if you don't understand the fact that men have no inherent societal value unless they build it. And as a woman you can be a huge inspiration and contributor of that drive.

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Submersiv 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Like I said, women today have lost touch with the inner femininity that allows them to build up their man. With how long feminism has been pervasive in the culture, it's not even a surprise that women now don't even understand how indoctrinated they are in the lies that have crippled their ability to maximize their contribution to relationships. Yet you don't even have to look back far in history to see how it was properly done in the past. That's what the entire point of a muse is, for example. Men and women have gotten to this point after 2 million years by complementing each other, men couldn't build themselves into the great men throughout history without women supporting them. That's just pure logic and facts. You can either complain about being helpless or you can go figure out how women in the past and even some women now build up their man. Or you can choose to suffer the consequences of your own delusion, but then you'd be on the wrong subreddit.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Submersiv 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

It's apparent you're just too naive about men and women too. Believe whatever you want, life will correct you in due time.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]RPslimjim 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

One of my plates is a single middle aged woman. All of her friends are single and middle aged and hate the fact that they haven’t had kids yet or that they have to freeze their eggs or that they haven’t found a good guy yet.

It’s out there, you may not see it because it’s not on your circle. Coming from an African American family, it’s very prevalent.

[–]_sotheniwaslike -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

THIS! 🙌🙌🙌

Being alone is stupid. Also wasting your prime years on independent pursuits is stupid.

[–]thepretendchristian 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In modern day western culture we’ve become incredibly spoiled, especially men who weren’t raised with strong family values and work ethic.

They expect college to be paid for by someone else. They expect jobs to be handed them and if they can’t easily find jobs then they expect the state to pay for their needs. They expect women to pay for half of everything. They expect women to have sex with them and if they can’t find an easy lay they expect porn to be accessible. They expect someone else to raise the kids at a day care center or at school. They expect life to be easy peasy lemon squeezy. They expect a lot of things to be placed gently in the palms of their hands.

It wasn’t a question between my parents for my father to take up a second job. He worked a full time job Monday thru Friday and worked a part time job on the evenings every other day. My mom didn’t have to work and only picked up jobs here and there because she wanted to (her money went to vacation trips for the most part). My father never once made my mother feel bad for not working. Even when they got into fights, he never used it against her. He was raised knowing that it was the man’s primary concern to provide financially for the family. He also knew how to cook (honestly, no offense to my mom, he was better cook than she was) and would cook for us when he could because he enjoyed it. That’s the culture he was raised in as a Catholic Italian born in the 50s. These men know understand their role in the family and their family comes before anything else.

If your culture is family first, things tend to just fall in place the way it should. Not perfectly-no one is perfect- but it just clicks. It makes sense. There’s no competition in a loving relationship, there’s no sacrifice to great when it comes to your spouse or children. Unfortunately, mainstream culture isn’t family oriented.

[–]SnooRobots5509 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think framing this observation as a liberal vs conservative is an unproductive way to look at things. There are kind people, and there are less kind people, it's only a statistic that tell us that ie conservatives are less empathetic than liberals, but your life is not a statistic.

By trying to look for some overarching pattern based on your very anecdotal experience you're not doing yourself any cognitive favors.

[–]yourbadformylungs 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men that openly claim to be feminist or liberal turn out to be more sexist than some of the conservatives in my experience.

Although there’s definitely conservative, traditional husbands that can be pretty sexist and biased as well.

[–]Pola_Lita 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These women may have come to feminism only lately. Or they may have had the idea that their husbands would change over time. Or he may have actually changed for the worse or it's only now that the behavior really matters in their lives.

Personally, I would have no clue how to shop for, cook and serve a Thanksgiving dinner for 20 or whatever amount of people come in an average extended family. I can call for pizza or barbecue for 4 or 5, but that's it. It doesn't mean I'm dumb.

Do you know any couples wherein one votes left and the other right, but they still love each other very much? It's like that.

My husband is sexist and it was a non-negotiable with him that we live a gender rolled relationship, but that doesn't mean he's thoughtless or unkind to me. Feminist beliefs don't automatically mean a person is thoughtful or even healthy to be around, either.

We're working on our own babies but I've never heard his ex complain seriously about the way they cared for theirs when they were together.

Generalizing about people based on their politics (or worse, the internet) is never a good idea.

[–]anothergoodbook 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think there are lots of good and thoughtful responses here.

I wonder also if these women expect the lowest common denominator from their men and then get it because that’s what they expected.

How many of these women genuinely ask for help and then accept the help they receive. Or do they correct and demean their husband? And then complain he didn’t help (I’ve seen that dynamic a lot in my husband’s family).

[–]Submersiv 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, that's because when both sides are aiming to do their natural part properly, there's more room in the relationship for empathy and understanding. Meanwhile these sad feminists don't understand what men need out of the relationship and don't give it to him, so the whole time the man feels no gratitude for what he brings to the table and thus has less patience when things actually need to get done.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]cartmaninfit 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I believe what she's referring to is the "bad" choice feminist women seem to make in men besides their values (and/or more "good" men existing on the traditional side than the feminist one).

Judging by your tone you are also one to talk about bitterness...

[–]PracticalRaspberry23 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I don't think your husband is traditional. Traditional men don't know how to cook a meal since that's not expected by them according to gender roles. To be honest he comes off a lot modern and liberal by your description.

[–]Submersiv 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That doesn't make sense since there are traditional men who work as chefs. Knowing how to feed yourself is a basic human skill that everybody should know how to do. Especially now when it's so easy to learn off youtube.

[–]PracticalRaspberry23 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My mother says that's because chefs cook outside the home and they might cook inside the home if they want to but it's not expected by them. For example my cousin's husband is a chef in his own restaurant and rarely cooks inside the home. This happens in traditional families.

[–]RPslimjim 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true. If a traditional male spends his 20s working as a single bachelor then marries in his 30s I’m sure he’s learned how to cook.

[–]PracticalRaspberry23 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

No they stay with their parents so mom cooks. I think you here have a westernized version of traditional which I don't understand. What do you even call traditional?

[–]Ionotropic_effect 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

My husband knew how to cook basic meals for himself. He didn’t live with his parents until marriage-he had his own condo he purchased after graduating and getting a job and lived alone. His mom didn’t come over and cook for him and do his laundry. I think everyone, men and women, should know basic life skills: cooking, cleaning, and simple home/car repairs. It’s just smart planning.

Edit: perhaps it varies in other countries, but in the US many people don’t live at home with their parents until marriage, especially men.

[–]PracticalRaspberry23 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I think that too but in my country you are considered modern if you believe that.

[–]Ionotropic_effect 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, different countries, different cultures. One isn’t worse or better than the other, just a different way of life. In the US, if a man lived, unmarried, with his parents until his mid thirties it’d be seen as very odd.

[–]ZombiFelineTuba 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because Liberals think women need to be STRONG and independent which means do all the work while the the conservatives don't think that while the Centerists are middle ground

[–]rerechan12 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's about conservatism or feminism. It's just an individual thing. You found a great husband. Congrats!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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