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How men show their love

November 19, 2017

Men typically show their love differently than women, e.g. territorial/provider instincts and loyalty/commitment, instead of fancy dinners, lavish gestures, or romantic talks.

I had a slight issue with my boyfriend the last few weeks where I felt like he wasn't paying me any attention, and I was left wondering if he even felt serious about me anymore. However, after some discussion he explained to me he shows his love in his own way:

1) Taking me to meet his closest friends 2) Taking our relationship slowly, because he actually wanted to get to know me instead of having a fast, hot and heavy affair 3) Concentrating on his career, so that he can be stable for us in the future 4) Encouraging me to pursue my interests and passions 5) Not pursuing other women 6) Offering solutions to my problems 7) Confiding his ambitions

What are the ways you realized your boyfriend/husband showed you his love?

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Post Information
Title How men show their love
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 40
Comments 22
Date November 19, 2017 10:06 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]buttercup14412 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So... must read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. You can take the quiz here: One of the best things to know about yourself while dating, and couples need to know it about each other! And the key is not knowing it so much for yourself but for how to best speak HIS language so you can give love the way your partner wants and understands it best! Mine are physical touch and quality time, tied for first place. I was very happy to find a man with the same top languages, so it's practically effortless for us both to feel very loved and cherished.

[–]TheBunk_TB7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I must politely disagree. I have ran into a few people use it as a copout for them to not learn anything about their others or to even try to understand.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's too simplistic. The main lesson is the general concept that people feel loved in different ways. That's why these days women try to act alpha because they want that in a man, and guys do "nice guy" stuff because they want a sweet girl. Those need to be unlearned.

[–]MxUnicorn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so happy someone mentioned that book, it's amazing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This book vastly improved my relationship!

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really agree with this. It's so easy to get caught up thinking that something is wrong or he doesn't love you enough if you express love in different ways. The Love Language thing is a good way to look at it but there is also the male/female dynamic to consider. My guy is like yours in that working his butt off is a way that he expresses love. That's frustrating to me since I like to have time and closeness, but it would be silly for me to not recognize the feelings and effort that goes into his way of showing love. A few weeks ago, he brought me into his office after hours to show me what he'd been working overtime on. That meant a lot. Not because I can wrap my head around most of what he's doing but because he wanted to share it with me. I could brush that off and say "spoil me, buy me things, pay attention to me" but that would be negating his show of love and affection.

I think one of the steps to having a really solid relationship is learning to appreciate how he expresses his love for you. :-)

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I'm having this idea that it's important for even the most traditional/Conservative women to be spoiled and pampered by their husbands from time to time.

TRP men might think that nice gifts, dinners and words are not as fundamental to the relationship as the points OP mentioned, but I like to differ.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Gifts, dinners, words are definitely important, but it's not the only way to show love.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Correct. I agree with the points you mentioned, i'm arguing that spoiling is just as important.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes definitely!!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The thing is, the RP community might consider spoiling to be more on the BP side of affairs, that if you do it you mostly have oneitis and are an orbiter, I used to think this way too but I came to see a lot of complaints from women that their men are paying too little attention to them even though that they're good men, so, it was obvious to me that little attention was as much of an issue as too much attention.

[–]est-la-lune5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

For me, the ideal combination is a man who has an independent life outside of the relationship, but when we're together makes me feel special. It's deceivingly simple, but works well enough to communicate abundance without triggering insecurity.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's deceivingly simple

Balance is not simple, because how many men that you know of have this ideal combination?

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Something can be simple without being easy.

[–]est-la-lune2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not going to argue my word choice lol. Easier said than done but the concept still applies.

[–]Shaela903 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I actually agree with u/yourenot_ahuman's comment the most.

Everyone shows love differently, what's important is that their partner perceives the gestures accordingly. Yet, any human being who loves and cherishes their partner will at least try to show love with those gestures that are perceived accordingly by their partner. Now when they don't, that doesn't necessarily mean they're not in love anymore. They might just very well be out of love to give (temporarily, due to stress or whatnot) or they're just starting to take their partner for granted. This is why submissiveness can only take us so far. When we're too accommodating, our partners start taking us for granted. Sure, there are men out there who have been starved of female attention for a long time or are mature enough to appreciate stability. But nobody is perfect and sometimes, a little bit of healthy distance goes a long way.

At some point in a relationship, loving gestures become 'work'. Meaning you're so used to the other person being there you have to remind yourself to be sweet and show them you you care. Basically, having high standards for yourself in regards of how you treat others. This is a trait which can be easily vetted for in the early stages of a relationship.

[–]PumpkinSubEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. I love the way you spelled this out.

[–]fetchyminx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

5) is very important.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The man I’m dating is insisting we take it slow until he is ready to commit to a relationship and the responsibilities that come with it.

[–]yourenot_ahuman[🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I only agree with 1. But even with 1 I'm not so sure. Everyone's different, and as I see where you are coming from, I think it's best for everyone including you to not listening to you under ANY situation. 😂

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Care to explain why? Gifts and romantic dinners are nice but wouldn't any woman prefer long-term loyalty over a few occasional gifts? I suppose my argument is that gifts/dinners are not the only way to show love, there are many little ways that we wouldn't have suspected.

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

wouldn't any woman prefer long-term loyalty over a few occasional gifts?

Without loyalty, there's no point having a monogamous relationship, so it's not something I'd consider as "showing love".

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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