How much control did you relinquish?

azngirl7689 · 2017-04-25T12:04:41+00:00

If you want to speed up the proposal do Mr.Bee's three step plan. You can find it on weddingbee. Tell me if it's manipulative but I found it to be useful. Sort of like showing that you have value and presenting yourself as a woman who has things going for her.

loneliness-inc · 2017-04-25T12:51:27+00:00

This is where religious people have a huge advantage. Before you ever start dating it's known that both parties want marriage. There are clear guidelines of what's acceptable and what's not. It spares people from dating for 3 years only to find out s/he has a completely different view on marriage/children.

crownoffeathers · 2017-04-25T12:04:34+00:00

You should know his plan and be a part of his plans. Does he want to live together first, date for 3 years, buy a house before marriage, get that promotion at work?

I could never live with "maybe some day".

RubyWooToo · 2017-04-25T15:35:07+00:00

First and foremost (and I've said this here many times before) I was adamant that I would never move in with a guy before we were engaged and the wedding date set. I made this clear to my husband when we were 6 months into the relationship and he asked me to move in with him. Many of my friends spent years playing house and then getting the "marriage is a piece of paper speech"; no effing way was that happening to me.

Second, if a guy is super into you and wants marriage and children, you won't have to force anything! When were dating, my husband would talk hypothetically about where we might want to live, what our kids might be like, etc. I never felt anxious about bringing up the future with him, because he was thinking about it, too. If you're dating someone seriously who avoids those subjects like the plague or gives you some platitude such as "I like to take things day by day", take it as a red flag.

Also, I would never give a guy an ultimatum, but I knew for damn sure how much time I was willing to spend in a relationship before cutting my losses. In my case (based on my age and how long we knew each other as friends before dating) I thought that 2 years was reasonable. He proposed on our 1 year anniversary, and it was such a joyful surprise!

cynicalhousewife · 2017-04-25T14:36:14+00:00

Luckily it never got to that. Our relationship progressed very quickly. I became pregnant soon after we met. Both of us are very direct people who don't like to waste time. He had been wanting a family and a wife for years and this was the first thing he actually told me in our online message exchange. I was actually impressed by the fact that he had the confidence to tell me that before even meeting me and he was so sure about what we wanted. We met up and instantly liked each other enough to make future plans. We saw each other a few times that week and after that we moved in together and I haven't really been away from him since.

isabeavis · 2017-04-25T19:33:07+00:00

I gave an ultimatum.

I had left a very good job to move with him overseas for his job (after living together for a year); my expectations were that he would propose soon afterwards. He didn't (probably because I kept crying about it).

I was offered a better job back home, and I told him to decide because I was no longer playing house without some sort of security and commitment. He proposed.

I wish I had followed the advice in the link below and just enjoyed not working and made improvements for myself in those days. I did after all, CHOSE to leave my job to follow him. If I was uncomfortable with him supporting me without us having a bigger commitment, it was my responsibility to not leave my job and stick to my convictions.

To answer your other question, we were married three years after we started dating and we were 28 & 30 years old.

RubyWooToo · 2017-04-25T13:38:27+00:00

We knew we both wanted marriage and kids, because we met online and those things were spelled out before we even met. We've always been so direct that we just started talking hypotheticals at about 8 months. Then after a year or so of dating, maybe 16 months total, I just asked what his timeline was. It never threatened him, but we're also 29 and 32 now and knew that dragging things out wasn't an option for either of us.

pennynotrcutt · 2017-04-25T19:20:30+00:00

I graduated college, and he hadn't proposed yet. I had an internship in a far away state for the summer to finish up my last few credits and they offered me a permanent position. I told him that there was nothing really tying me down to our city and that I was really considering it. It wasn't an ultimatum, per se, but it was definitely a step up or I'm gone type of thing. We did date for 3 years prior but that's only because I was still in college and my Dad would have never allowed me to get married until I finished school.

Landry86 · 2017-04-25T19:33:01+00:00

It's not a very good sign if you're asking this

Title	How much control did you relinquish?
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	8
Comments	39
Date	April 25, 2017 8:12 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-much-control-did-you-relinquish.87219 https://theredarchive.com/post/87219
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/67f89y/how_much_control_did_you_relinquish/