~ archived since 2018 ~

How to avoid branch swinging

September 13, 2019
410 upvotes

Hi lovelies,

Lately, I keep running across posts (on this subreddit and beyond) by women who claim they're in good relationships with good men, but are "bored" and not feeling it anymore and are considering breaking up/divorcing and I just felt like I had to say something about it.

Basically, this post is about the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance, and how we can consciously use that to our advantage.

There are some studies that show assuming a straighter posture will make you feel more confident. This is because your brain is trying to avoid cognitive dissonance (confusion) by finding reasons for why your posture is so dominant. "Maybe it's because I'm a confident person," your brain thinks. There are studies that show that if you want an acquaintance to like you, you should ask them to do a favor for you, and not the other way around (you doing a favor for them). Their brain will try to avoid confusion by finding a reason for why they did a favor for you. "I must like that person," their brain thinks.

I think a great deal of this can be extended to love, and I've felt it extend to love.

Some of you probably heard that story of a husband who wanted a divorce. His wife agrees but on the condition that he carries her into bed every day for a month. After the month, he finds that he fell in love again. Whether it's a true story or not, it resonates with a lot of people because it captures some truth about how emotions work.

We don't have to be slaves to our emotions. We can gradually change and direct our emotions through conscious action. Our brains will find an emotional "excuse" for why we're performing certain actions.

My own example: I've been with my partner for almost two years and love him as much as ever. But recently, I had some stresses with work and I mostly neglected cooking and noticed we didn't have sex for 3 or 4 days. This was just a week or two but around that time, I noticed that my feelings were waning ever so slightly. I was slightly annoyed at him for no reason, since he was behaving the same as usual. But, I was behaving differently. Fortunately, I knew what was going on so I consciously decided to take some time to make a nice meal and get myself in the mood to be really submissive and giving during sex. After that night - really as the night was progressing - I felt my emotions come back with a vengeance. It almost felt like I had I crush on him! I was giddy and excited.

So it's slightly sad that when the wife is unhappy in a marriage, she seems to look first at her husband. What is he not doing for me? Can't he be better? Sometimes a conversation is had and the husband makes a bunch of improvements which tragically only makes him love her more. Her feelings remain unchanged. Her feelings probably changed in the first place because she was putting in less effort than before. Feeling slightly disrespectful, then behaving disrespectfully, then feeling more disrespectful can spiral out of control. The solution is for the wife to consciously act in a respectful and loving manner, and be patient for her emotions to come around.

Don't get me wrong, if the husband is abusive or something, obviously don't do this. This post is specifically for the common case of "my husband is such a great guy, I don't know why I'm so bored!" And of course this theory doesn't only apply to women. If a husband starts losing interest in his wife, it may just be because somewhere along the way, he got comfortable and stopped putting in the work to please her. This is why some relationship books suggest that the wife always share her hopes with her husband, so he can have a chance to fulfill them.

Edit: Whoa I got a star! That's so incredibly encouraging! I owe a lot of my current happiness to randomly finding this subreddit so I hope to show my gratitude by contributing/participating more in the future :)

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Post Information
Title How to avoid branch swinging
Author LeilaintheDark
Upvotes 410
Comments 37
Date September 13, 2019 7:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-avoid-branch-swinging.253151
https://theredarchive.com/post/253151
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d3u2oo/how_to_avoid_branch_swinging/
Comments

[–]biggy_sauce55 points56 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Such an interesting view, you might be right and we need more people like you in this world.

People are getting shorter attention spans which lead to the bored bit and needing to always be entertained, and your solution is basically to self reflect and be disciplined, which is refreshing.

[–]godsknowledge12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

might

She is right. In terms of psychology it's called inhibitory control:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inhibitory_control

[–]Marie_198623 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love this!!

[–]Pezotecom43 points44 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sidebar material.

Branch swinging can make a girl's life miserable, same as for a man to not respect his partner and go sleep with other women.

[–]GreedoGrindhouse10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brilliant

[–]normalizor10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good to know people like you exist! Makes me more hopeful

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I should be able to give stars, but technology is hard.

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hey /u/LeilaintheDark, you have been granted a star for your awesome theory post! Keep up the good work.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

😂 You just need to let one of the mods know. I intend to star this as soon as I get to a computer.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–]Sobinia7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Someone give OP gold! This post was so helpful!

[–]cknyakina6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn... This is an eye opener.

[–]AdmiralPolyester5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Today's culture doesn't promote self reflection, if something is wrong it's everyone else's fault.

Its good to see some one with genuine self reflection.

[–]RainySeasonInPH5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Excellent piece.

Slight correction:

Sometimes a conversation is had and the husband makes a bunch of improvements which tragically only makes him love her more. Her feelings remain unchanged.

Her feelings for him will get significantly worse. Male compliance generally inspires female contempt.

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh I hadn’t even thought of that. You’re completely right! Might change from fading interest to pity to disgust.

[–]pickles-n-noodles4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This was so beautifully said. I will remember this forever. You might have just changed my life.

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, I'm glad! 2 years is still the honeymoon period depending on who you ask so I intend to remember this stuff decades down the line :)

[–]DeannaDoesDallas3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Personally I think it’s our failure if we get bored. I try to liven things up at home and elsewhere. It keeps the flame burning bright after 2 decades!

[–]LeilaintheDark2 Stars[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow that’s awesome, congrats!

[–]DeannaDoesDallas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–]kung-fu-alice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

An amazing post...thank you so much.

[–]Ausaris_5627 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Careful now. The feminist lynch mob will hang you for treason if you keep talking like this lol

[–]Dolliesimpson1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this, thanks for sharing your insight. It helps a lot!

[–]blimpette1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is actually great. Thanks for sharing.

[–]TuhTodayJr 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Okay I just started looking through this sub. As rp male I find this very refreshing and a breathe of fresh air to see how much self awareness y’all got. Kudos to all y’all

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Petting 🦄

[–]TuhTodayJr0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean ?

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're petting the unicorns. Mods gonna getcha...

[–]TuhTodayJr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yikes.... didn’t know

[–]Sleepyjosh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for the insight 🙂

[–]Selrisitai0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having read this entire post, I still don't know what "branch swinging" is.

[–]heybells20040 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Excellent Advice

[–]heybells20040 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]roryairy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg I have exactly this problem! Thank you so much for opening my eyes

[–]0fflinemode-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy, i just witnessed an unicorn.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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