How to be a good wife when your mother was a bad example?

0005000f · 2019-12-21T19:24:24+00:00

Just the fact that you're aware of this, means you're already ahead. She is showing you what not to do, which can be a valuable lesson if recognized as such.

WildTenderness · 2019-12-21T19:45:29+00:00

I'm in no way an expert, but what has helped for me so far is just being mindful. I try to be as observant as possible and identify any triggers to behaviors that may ressemble something my mom would do.

For example, my mother is quick to anger and can become very irrational in that state. Although it doesn't happen as often to me, it does happen and I'm trying to break the cycle. One of my triggers is driving to a new location and getting lost (I'm a very anxious driver). Knowing this, I avoid driving to new places or make myself as present as possible when driving to make sure I can prevent an outburst.

Another thing is to practice if you have a partner. Catch yourself in the act of being critical or resentful towards them. Carefully pay attention to times you may have a negative feeling towards your SO. Depending on the issue, figure out ways you can identify or deal with triggers and work on understanding that nobody is perfect.

As for books, definitely one that discusses the topic of mindfulness. I don't have any particular ideas on hand but I'm sure a quick Google search can help you :) good luck!

DetteBavis · 2019-12-21T23:52:50+00:00

I love my mom, but I often feel that Martha Stewart taught me more about homemaking than my own mom did. There are actually a lot of authors that I look up to as mother figures. Laura Doyle taught me to be a good wife, but Jennifer L Scott taught me to be feminine. Shauna Niequist taught me to cherish what's important in life. Find your author-moms and let them teach you what your own mother could not <3

PrincessTeex · 2019-12-21T22:14:28+00:00

Research sacred feminine, mother and queen archetypes.

rosemaryvetiver · 2019-12-21T22:24:22+00:00

My mother, bless her heart, is who I honestly don’t want to be. While she’s hard working in her career, that’s all she’s focused on. The house is constantly in a state of chaos and clutter, she’s overweight, her marriage to my father is more of a business partner than a loving relationship, and all she does in her free time is scrapbook and watch TV.

I’ve taken it upon myself to find other role models to follow in my life, whether it be other family members or others (Mrs. Midwest, anybody?). When I’m older, if I have children, I don’t want them to suffer the same feeling of negligence that I felt with a mother who prioritized her work over me.

Kara__El · 2019-12-21T19:37:50+00:00

My grandmother was just telling me how proud she is that I keep my house so clean, when I grew up with a mother who literally never cleaned. My mother was overweight and frumpy and put more energy into being my friend that being a mom or wife. A framework for what not to do can be just as helpful for one on what to do.

buncodowi · 2019-12-25T13:23:22+00:00

This is such a great question. I need to do something about this. My mother and father are together but the relationship remains rocky. I'm so thankful I wasn't raised in a single parent household but I can't help but think that I don't know how to be in a Happy and healthy relationship.

What I need is a guide. Like, a 1950 style video series depicting how to be a good husband. It really sucks that most of the 1950 instructional guides was aimed towards teenagers and housewives. I'm sure guides on masculinity and husbandhood could be gleaned from some of them but I wish there was one for men.

I'll have to piece it together or maybe start reading Fatherly. I never heard of the surrendered wife though. What did you like about it?

ny-lady · 2019-12-22T01:47:53+00:00

My mom did well but as a teen I didn't see it as much as I do now. She wasnt perfect but she taught me to be a good person.

Look up to who you need to even if its a thread here to gain insight or improve. I know many didn't have great parents and its not your fault just don't stay there and be a victim of your childhood. You can heal, improve and grow, always, its never too late.

Natuasi · 2019-12-22T16:44:02+00:00

Do exactly the opposite of what she did.

Title	How to be a good wife when your mother was a bad example?
Author	bowlcutboy1994
Upvotes	79
Comments	22
Date	December 21, 2019 7:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/edtxfj/how_to_be_a_good_wife_when_your_mother_was_a_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-be-a-good-wife-when-your-mother-was-a-bad.302498 https://theredarchive.com/post/302498