How to be irreplaceable aka bring value

redditisplatinum · 2019-10-03T20:11:24+00:00

Loyalty keeps a relationship together. It cannot be replaced. No matter how some other girl is more beautiful than you, if you’re loyal to him, he can’t replace you with some other beautiful girl. He might have a crush on her, but he knows deep inside that loyalty is important. The girl he has a crush on cannot stay with him long enough. Crush is temporary. Loyalty is permanent.

my_chopin_liszt · 2019-10-03T19:01:15+00:00

Well, the answer depends on the man’s needs, wants and his circumstance.

What you should ask yourself is how you can add value to the type of man you desire. Think about what you’re looking for in a husband and what you can do to bring him value. What my husband value may not be what other men value. You see what I’m saying?

For example:

I won’t date men with consumer debt, therefore I don’t have consumer debt.

I won’t date men with anger or controlling temper, therefore my temperament also reflects that.

I won’t date men who are overweight or out of shape, I’m also fit and healthy.

Just a few examples.

Y_U_NO_LEARN · 2019-10-03T21:39:51+00:00

If I may humbly submit my view:

My wife has an enormous amount of actual skills. She speaks a foreign language, has attended multiple cooking classes, was a nanny for a few years.

Being skillful with people and the domestics is very very attractive to a red pill man.

[deleted] · 2019-10-03T20:04:52+00:00

I shall answer as a married woman. I think part of it is just finding a human that you are compatible with. My husband loves me because I'm high-energy and he is low-energy. I am spontaneous and he likes to plan. I am loud and confrontational and he is passive and afraid of conflict. We both have qualities that the other person needs. We're each other's yin and yang.

I think men also like goofiness and a sense of humor. Now, I do not have a GOOD sense of humor. I have a painfully wholesome and corny sense of humor. But I'm always joking around and being silly. Guys approached me a ton and asked me out a ton when I was younger. I think laughing a lot and being in a good mood make men want to stick around. When I was suffering from depression (and not hiding it very well) I received far less male attention.

I'm definitely not a doormat. I'd say my husband is the leader of out relationship. But I'm not his groveling servant. I'm second in command! If he's the President, then I'm the Vice President. If he's the CEO, then I'm the CFO (like figuratively-I suck at money so I could not actually do that job).

I still tell him how I feel. I still tell him when I think he's wrong. Being irreplaceable to a guy isn't about letting him walk all over you. Trust me, when you do all that you become much more replaceable. Just like so many women want a man to take-charge, so many men want a strong second-in-command, not a doormat. They might think they want a doormat. They want somebody who loves and respects them to hold them accountable and help them become the best version of themselves. Women are supposed to be men's helpers, right? Who was ever helped all that much by a doormat. We're like their behind-the-scenes strategists. They need our input. We need to be kind and build them up, but we also need to be direct and no-nonsense (maybe not every relationship is like men-just basing this off my lived experiences).

How to show all of this on the first date? Let him lead and defer to him, but don't hold back if you have something to say. Be yourself. That's most important. You want somebody compatible with you, not a false version of you.

And if you can loosen up enough to joke around and be silly, I don't think it hurts.

Kara__El · 2019-10-03T19:27:18+00:00

Irreplaceable seems like an unrealistic goal for dating. I'd say I'm "irreplaceable" to my husband, but until we were engaged, I don't think I could have made that claim. If you're looking to "lock down" a good guy, you might simply need to work on your exposure to them. Date. A lot. There are so many good men who could be marriage material and if you're not meeting them because you're being overly picky or you're refusing to date online or you're too shy to join a church group, then you're wasting your best years.

As for showing your worth on a first date, there aren't a lot of ways to do that, without coming on too strong. Be friendly and polite. Ask questions. Listen to his answers. Give genuine thanks if he treats you in some way. Lightly highlight your feminine traits, such as by talking about your last cooking adventure. If you're going down the list of why he should marry you, you're going to scare him off.

seahawkguy · 2019-10-03T20:02:54+00:00

Have a personality. We all grow old. I would rather grow old with someone average looking but fun than put up with someone who is hot and is a raging bitch. When the looks fade, the fun personality will age well but the raging bitch will not.

Put in effort. Too many women just kick back and cruise. So many men. So many dates. No need to try. So be the one to ask the guy out. Be the one to create a fun experience. Guys like to kick back and come along for the ride too.

Why I date my gf and will marry her next year? She cooks, she coupons, she plans vacations, she hides snacks in my lunches, she’s thrifty, and she’s hilarious. And most importantly she’s loyal to me. I have no trust issues. She barely talks to strange guys. I know every single guy she knows. Low drama, in 4 years we have never even yelled at each other. It just works. What would any other girl bring to the table that would be better than what I got now?

RedPillMissionary · 2019-10-03T20:17:40+00:00

Screening is important too. Every woman is chasing the tall, handsome, popular, successful guys. Those guys usually have commitment issues, so they're not worth the effort. If you surround yourself with good people, maybe churchgoers or intellectuals, you can be valued for something that never grows old, your intellect. Your beauty and fitness can be reserved as a gift for that one person and appreciated in private.

infinitymouse · 2019-10-03T19:22:22+00:00

I’ve wondered something along these lines. The RP community in general talks a lot about “the (dreaded) wall,” and there’s SO much emphasis on SMV for us. I keep wondering...sure we can work on ourselves and settle down when we’re young and pretty, but what stops him from trading us in further down the line? Sometimes it feels like no matter what amount of non-aesthetic value we bring, our age is ultimately the most important thing. And age is coming for all of us, no matter how gracefully we deal with it. So I’d love to hear, what keeps a man around when his lady turns out to be human?

frencharethebest · 2019-10-03T21:52:11+00:00

i can give you a big secret women like attention from a man

man like respect from a woman

to show him respect its quite simple dont challenge him or contradict men hate

being in a competition with women. it doesnt mean agree with everything he says

but when you have a different opinion just expose your fact nicely and a feminine way

and he would love so much the conversation with you

FluffyLlamaPants · 2019-10-04T00:21:28+00:00

Being irreplaceable was something that I dreamt of before I got married. One man, who will be my "other half", my inseparable twin, my soulmate! Ah, this must be what true love smells like....(narrator: it wasn't.)

As I got older...much older, the picture of what being irreplaceable to a man actually meant gradually became clearer. More often than not, it meant a man that hangs his very happiness on you (a hell of a weight to carry,big you ask me). A man who's looking for a mother figure, while growing more incapable of "adulting" with each year. A man, who cannot and will not let go of you because he simply doesn't know how to function without you.

That's not romantic. That's...well, at some point, that becomes incarceration for one of the people in that relationship.

Now being a woman that a high value man CAN live without but would rather not? I'd rather be that.

Fatty5lug · 2019-10-03T19:50:05+00:00

Seems like you have the looks part down. How to be important in your partners life is unfortunately dependent on the type of man your partner is.

I am early 30s and a physician so I can only speak for this group. Most look for somebody equally as solid career wise. Most do not want to be the sole provider. Out of the few who opted for a txt book trophy wife (absolutely nothing wrong with that), some seem to regret their choice though trying hard not to show it. It is not easy to be a one income household these days unless you are in a well paid field but that comes at the expense of your quality free time.

If your partner is someone who wants a trophy wife there is higher risk of him trading you in for a newer model. If he is the type who looks for a true partner then you need to work on yourself to be his best partner in life. You can either be a second income as well or absolutely take care of all domestic duties and leave the rest to him. The more you can offer the more “irreplaceable” you are. Much easier said than done obviously.

My current gf is a phamarcist. She gets along with my family and is a great cook. I value her a lot more than the amateur models I was going out with before. Most try to cash in while they are young and pretty without even putting anything else on the table other than beauty. It is a valid strategy for them but I am just looking for something else.

prettyprincess91 · 2019-10-03T22:08:58+00:00

I don’t think this is something you can show in a few dates - what you can show in a few dates is that you are worth continuing to date.

Learn useful skills that would also make you a great friend to have.

I like wealth management and investments. This is a good one as most people are terrible with money but understanding how tax codes work, how liquid investments vs. CDs, etc. is enormously useful. I’ve been saving 60% of my income for several years so I can comfortably live off the passive income in future and enjoy discussing how to frugally live the good life (travel, ski, sail on a budget). A man being able to discuss investment strategies with me is both very intimate as it requires a lot of trust and often something people do need advice on.

Another person mentioned foreign languages, if you like to travel this is a good one. Arts and crafts are also good - really anything you can become passionate about which will be useful. I paint and often gift people framed landscapes as housewarming presents. People who can’t paint think these are amazing - I consider them 4 hours of time.

Standard “adult” skills such as cooking, cleaning, sewing, budgeting to me are table stakes - meaning these should be expected and not thought of as “special” unless you are truly outstanding. My mother is an example of this: she made the drapes, tablecloths, pillows, and furnishings in every room of the house I grew up in as well as my brother’s living room and everything looks professionally made.

macktheknive · 2019-10-03T19:47:09+00:00

No long list, but a thought.

Understand the commercial and financial realities of Life in the current era. Don't bring a massive student loan in a worthless major, consumer debt and/or loans. Don't be an anchor on the guy. Even for a quality male with his shit together, it can be hard navigating this world some days. We don't need additional anchors.

Stay in shape, don't plaster yourself in tattoos because the rest of the hive does it.

Simple stuff really.

Frrrosty · 2019-10-03T21:50:35+00:00

Speaking as a single, unmarried man: for me to consider marrying a woman, I would want her to be good with children (#1 priority), at least a decent cook or willing to learn, take care of her body and appearance, and be submissive. I don't care too much about how many cool things she can do. These are my personal feelings, and I'm a pretty traditionally minded man (I want to be the sole provider for a large family some day).

randomizer3000 · 2019-10-03T22:42:46+00:00

without being a doormat. How can I show my worth on those first dates ?

I've been out and dating a lot more lately, so this is something that I can actually answer. I tend to meet most online, so the IRL ones get handled a bit differently. These are the questions I look to answer on 1st/2nd/3rd dates.

(0. Have you manipulated your photos to look thinner/healthier than you are irl? Assuming you haven't I'm probably at least moderately attracted to you. I don't swipe spam.)

Do you reciprocate by nature? If you're actively participating in conversation with full sentences, that's a plus. Not looking at your phone is a plus. If you don't offer to pay for a token round of drinks or something on the first date, that's a negative (I won't let you actually pay, but if you believe your time is that much more valuable than mine I'll go look elsewhere. I'm looking for a partner, not a prostitute.). Planning a date yourself after the 4th-5th when you've determined interest level is also a plus (this depends on the guy though, tbf). Thank you/"I had fun" texts after a date are great.
Are you adaptable/will you follow my lead? Looking for someone that I can take to dive bars and to the pool hall, or to upscale places. If you can only handle one of those ends of the spectrum, that's a problem. If I can't plan a normal date because you have a million ways that you want things to happen, I won't plan a date.
Is there chemistry? I tend to be pretty slow with this stuff, but if you move away if shoulders brush, or don't lean in if I put my arm around you, I'll assume you just aren't into me. Physical touch is how express and receive affection best, so if you hate being touched informally/non-sexually we won't be a good match anyway.
Can I really talk to you? I assume I will disagree with you about some things, and am fine with that. Are you? Can we talk about politics/morality/culture/religion without putting your back up? If I have to ELI5 everything, also makes things difficult.

Hope this helps, that ended up being harder to put down than I expected.

raymondreamer · 2019-10-04T01:18:19+00:00

There's too much negativity in these forums, at least amongst the RP men group.

To become irreplaceable you have to first think about what that really means. Being high value can be different to different people, it's all in how they interpret you and what you specifically offer them.

As a high value middle 20's guy with a lot of redeeming qualities, the last thing I am looking for is sexual appeal as that is too common and often the only thing those type of women offer.

I've simply lost interest in those games. Rather, I am looking for someone who can help me continue to build my life and enhance my experiences.

You're obviously going to pair well with someone who is a lot like you, and has similar interests, but it is your subtle differences that is what's going to keep your relationship aligned and always growing.

You want to find someone who adds to you and helps you become more aware of yourself, that is, in fact, the major point to relationships. They are a mirror to who we are and offer opportunities to see within ourselves.

All you really need to do to become irreplaceable is to become deeper as a person. Spend more time with yourself, and find out who you really are.

Who's to say what you want right now, isn't some delusion of what you think you want because you're still trying to prove something to someone?

How do you know what you want, is what's actually best for you? Do you even know who you are?

Figure all these things out first and the moment you do, you will begin to see there is a bigger picture to your life, and your interests may change, or they may be directed with more clarity.

All we want is someone who is real, and we would like to be real ourselves. I believe it still takes a partnership to achieve ultimate consciousness and our optimal state of reality.

HoedownInBrownTown · 2019-10-04T10:50:03+00:00

Clean his snood and ride him good 💯

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-10-03T23:02:52+00:00

The only way to be truly irreplaceable is to date so far down that you are literally the best option he will ever have. No one wants to do that.

The idea is to make it so your man doesn’t want to replace you. Be malleable, be open to his requests, be able to let him do his own thing, be supportive when he needs it, cook for him, clean etc. make it so replacing you isn’t a worthwhile option, and you won’t be replaced in the vast majority of cases.

If you’re a 6/10 looks wise at 27 with no meaningful career prospects, and you somehow land a 9/10 successful man, that’s when you should expect to be replaced eventually. You can not ever realistically make up for the difference in that consistently. When the man can clearly get someone significantly more beautiful than you is when you should worry. When it’s the difference between a 7/10 and an 8/10, very few men will make that trade in based on looks alone if you have a good relationship to fall back on.

If you’re relatively even when it comes to SMV, just be the best partner you can be, and be sure to take care of yourself.

PowerUpTheLighthouse · 2019-10-04T04:34:37+00:00

For a good man you won’t have to “prove” your worth, so much as be your worth when you’re with him. You’ll just naturally show him what you are all about, from your values to your goals in life, by being congruent with what you stand for or believe in. There is no right or wrong answer, but the more your beliefs, values, and goals align with his, the better the chance for long term connection. Values include things like honesty, trust, openness, forthrightness, loyalty, kindness, ambition, forgiveness and honor. Goals could be marriage, family, church, start a business, travel, socialize, etc.

Instead of putting emphasis on the tactics of how to do something (like what should I say? Or What should I do?) look at the overarching strategy that will serve as a beacon to guide you to say it or to do it naturally, without much thought. Like moths to a flame, is the human mind to what we focus on. Focus on showing your values and that’s exactly what you’ll do. And if you do that, you’ll attract the right kind of guy, or repel the wrong kind of guy.

_Ulan_ · 2019-10-04T05:02:34+00:00

If a girl manages to stay around for a little bit, I'll end up getting some form of addiction to her. It is not a defined value she brings, or a particular action. But after 5-6 months I will shape my life with that person and from that point on I will feel the miss if she isn't here.

There 's more time needed to share a life, and to meet my family etc... But after 6months I definitely make a genuine place in my routine for a person.

MyNameIsSaifa · 2019-10-04T16:09:54+00:00

Being a genuine and caring person and not a total headbanger that's a pain to deal with will put you in the top 10% easily.

SorinTPX · 2019-10-03T19:45:29+00:00

It’s a lot more than have a great personality and being confident in your own skin. In my opinion, that is just part of the bare minimum requirements for someone who wants to be my partner-in-crime.

I think the biggest thing for me is that she is more or less independent and that she has her own interests/hobbies apart from mine. Of course there are other basic things like is she employed, does she still go to school, does she drive/have her own vehicle, etc.

Bringing value to a relationship means that you are complimenting an already existing value of mine, bringing a new value to the equation, or vastly improving a value of mine that I am not as proficient in as you (if that makes sense). This, ideally, works both ways. Granted, this doesn’t always work out since relationships aren’t taken all that serious nowadays and you’ll get varying levels of commitment based on how serious/important the relationship really is to you or your partner.

Anyway, hopes this helps and I’ll edit this comment soon because I need to read OP’s post a few more times to make sure I didn’t miss or overlook anything obvious lol. Have a great day :) !

MyInternIsHighLikeMe · 2019-10-04T01:45:01+00:00

To a mediocre man, a pretty girl is a prize. Any man you’d truly want to marry is busy with something far more important than pretty girls. Bring something valuable to his mission in life AND be arm candy and you’re worth locking down. But in the end you must understand that to a man who’s truly on a mission, every woman is replaceable.

TheBunk_TB · 2019-10-04T12:04:40+00:00

Don't sh*t test and know how to carry on a conversation.

razor_sharp_007 · 2019-10-03T22:43:37+00:00

I’m a mid 30s guy, 6 figure income, no kids, two homes and decent shape physically. I’d generally say that I don’t have any trouble finding good women to date.

I look for women who are extremely nurturing and modest (Jackie O, Laura Bush) while also being sexually available to me 95%+ of the time. Able communicator, passionate about raising children (see nurturing). Lastly and most importantly, in terms of making her irreplaceable, I look for a willingness to help me meet my goals with abilities that are complimentary to mine.

As a simple example, I love hosting big dinners. I love choosing guests, making introductions, pouring drinks and I can cook for 12-16 people. But I love when a woman loves cooking for large groups of people and gets pleasure from seeing them eat and compliment her good food. I derive pleasure from bringing them together but none from the cooking. If she derives pleasure from cooking, to me that’s a good complimentary aspect to the relationship. When a woman shows me that her abilities compliment my own, and thus helps me reach my goals-well that’s basically what causes me to fall in love.

luckyme1315 · 2019-10-03T21:34:38+00:00

No one is irreplaceable so you’d have to lose that word from your vocabulary. I think the bottom line is, what are you bringing of value to the relationship to make your partner’s life better? everyone has different needs in that aspect. If you’re not making his life better he won’t be sticking around.

If I look at my marriage, I make more money than my husband so I bring him a better quality of life and no stress about being with some chick who will drain his finances. He brings me someone intelligent and dependable who always has my back, whom I can turn to every time I need advice or help and I always know he has my best interests at heart and won’t yell at me or put me down. This is worth way more to me than someone who makes bank because I make my own bank. KWIM? This is just a very quick take on it, we enrich each other’s lives so much more than what I just wrote about 🙂 it’s just an example of perceived value.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-05T04:37:15+00:00

I was able to stand out because of the way I was living my life. Very wholesome, stay home if I wasn’t at school or work, spent my free time with my kids (I was a single mom), I didn’t drink or do drugs, I didn’t spend my time at the club or had friends who spent their time there, I went to church twice sometimes three times a week, I cooked a lot, and I really believed in the whole proverbs 31 or Ephesians wife. I mean I was pretty obsessed about it before my husband.

This worked for me because we live in a very feminist time and I offered something different. That sets me apart.

I didn’t do anything special during the first date. I wore a dress and was too nervous to talk a lot. I thought I wouldn’t see him again but he called back after the first date. We went on an intense hike up a very long and steep mountain for our second date. We both were in great shape at the time. I think this showed him I could keep up with him physically. Next we did a swim at the ymca date. But these dates helped loosen us both up and see how we both behave in action. It also took off the pressure to just stare at each other trying to find things to talk about the whole time.

My husband said he was just looking for a woman to love him and someone who could be a good mom. He loves it when I cook for him, when I don’t nag, when I provide sex for him, and coming home to a clean house. He’s pretty simple. He said he could never trade me in because our history is special and he wouldn’t ever have that with someone new. Him and I have weathered some severe life storms together.

[deleted] · 2019-10-06T20:42:43+00:00

Honestly, I'd say being a pseudo-traditional wife with a part-time job or some sort of work-from-home job would be your best bet. Ask yourself why a man should even bother marrying you. Is there anything you would consistently do to make his life easier and more comfortable? When he comes home from work is his life not really any different than if he lived alone and just hired prostitutes or kept sex friends?

Being pretty and having a good personality are important (though what pretty and personality are to a man differs between men subjectively). However, what attracts a man for a real relationship is what you offer as part of a family unit. A man is going to have an income and he can do his own house-keeping and he can accept not having children though he often would very much like to have children of his own. Being pretty and having a good personality make living with you easy from an eyes and ears perspective. You aren't hard to look at and not killing brain cells by listening to you.

That doesn't sound like something a relationship can be built on, though, and it isn't. What do you actually bring to the family? Are you going to be a second income source along with the expenses your presence and any children bring in? If so, he has no reason to marry you. He can live comfortably on his own with just his own income. If not, he could easily be using you for money. What do you bring that makes the man's life easier and more comfortable to be worth the extra expense and the usual difficulties in life marriage always brings.

If you're both working and then you both come home and share the house work and child-rearing, then why did he bother marrying you? If you both were single you'd both be doing your own house work anyway and probably less of it as it wouldn't be double the people and without the extra work of child care (assuming you both want children).

Are you going to raise the children or will he or are you going to give them to daycare and then public/private schools to raise your children instead if you're both working full-time? If the parents won't raise their own children, why should he marry you? If he is a stay-at-home dad and raises the kids, the vast majority of men would feel deeply unhappy and stressed as men have a strong instinctive urge to go out and work and little in the way of nurturing instincts. So, depression.

If you are a traditional wife, though, he comes home to a home without needing to do even more work (except maybe mowing and trimming or some other physical thing which he'd generally get endorphins from anyway), good homemade food instead of buying bagged chicken from Publix or fastfood, children actually being raised by their family instead of strangers and with their parents' values, sex (very important, men get stressed easily without easy access to sex, there's a reason prostitution is so profitable), and the deep satisfaction of providing for and protecting his family which men's instincts are very strongly geared towards. Not to mention receiving respect and affection from a woman who has, through her familial work, earned his admiration and respect and shared devotion to each other. This is stuff he can never achieve or have on his own. ONLY through a strong and healthy marriage to you.

What do you get out of this? You get the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want without being weighed down by work and stress, something your man would love to have but would rather give to you because he knows he cannot have it for himself and he wants you to be happy. You get the satisfaction of watching your children grow and knowing it is you who made them into the men and women they one day become and the happiness of spending so much time with them in their lives. You get the warm, true happiness of looking at your husband and children and what kind of family they are and their own happiness and knowing that you are the one who made them that way. You get the postcard family. But, it's real.

fuckyouredditx2 · 2019-10-04T09:05:15+00:00

Beauty is cheap, it's everywhere. To answer your question...... if you have to even ask that, you're not that girl.

NextForever · 2019-10-05T18:54:07+00:00

What makes you different?

If I wasn’t for my dedication to cello/surfing/comedy, I’d extremely replaceable of a man. There a nearly infinite guys with more attraction, but my art hopefully renders some intangible value.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-10-07T14:27:24+00:00

What do you do for a man that he won't get from another woman?

I always thought that being pretty and having a nice personality was all that I needed to find someone.

Plenty of that around.

I’m 27

And approaching the wall

How to truly be irreplaceable to a man without being a doormat.

Submissive =/= doormat. Learn the difference.

How can I show my worth on those first dates ?

Put him first. Care about who he is and what he does. Honestly care. Take yourself out of the equation, and LISTEN to him. When asking him something, listen to the response, and do NOT interrupt when he's speaking. Wait for him to finish.

One of the biggest things my wife does is, when she asks my opinion on something, she shuts up until I'm done, not just when I stop to pause/breathe. Because men formulate their opinions; they don't just talk to relate to others like women do. If you ask his opinion, he's going to put effort into it. And if you reward him for it, if you really listen and give him time to think and speak, he'll probably marry you for it.

Because the majority of modern dating women are self-centered and narcissistic. If you truly, demonstrably aren't, you'll get him.

fuggedabuddy · 2019-10-19T21:09:51+00:00

I can’t teach a female how to cultivate sexual tension, but that’s what a first date needs. Not a whole lot. Just enough to make the guy really want to see you again. Personally, I know I always got further when I let myself get a little cheeky and funny with conversation

Title	How to be irreplaceable aka bring value
Author	mairymb
Upvotes	131
Comments	188
Date	October 3, 2019 6:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-be-irreplaceable-aka-bring-value.288432 https://theredarchive.com/post/288432
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dcv1nf/how_to_be_irreplaceable_aka_bring_value/