I have noticed my sexual preferences changing (for the better!) over the years, so I will chronicle here what I think brought about this difference. If anyone out there has (or had!) a bad picker, would like to hear your thoughts on how you selected your mates, and if you've ever consciously or subconsciously changed it. Anyway, here's the deets!

Change Yourself

Make a list of everything about yourself you are unhappy with and pick a Top 5 to tackle. Make sure they aren't nebulous - e.g. "I'm not very nice" is a terrible goal. Set something measurable and achievable. If the goal seems impossible after a month, reduce the goal and try again. E.g., do x new hobby on Wednesdays, run 5km on Saturdays and Sundays, etc.

Self Moderate

Stop consuming bad media. Including trashy song lyrics, trashy TV shows, trashy social media, trashy experiences, anything that makes you go "Hmm, this will probably rot my brain if I consume enough of it". Eventually you'll catch yourself saying things you don't agree with, and that's fine! It means it's working. You'll begin to change the way you think and speak. But it must start from removing bad outside influences.  

Change your friends

Similar to avoiding bad influences. Get rid of all the ones you don't really like. Make up an excuse 3x in a row when they want to hang out and it should be enough. Additionally, stop talking to such people even as casual acquaintances beyond a polite "Hello, How are you?" 

Start actively looking for positive traits in people and telling them

Both men and women, everyone. Start recognising what individual aspects make them good (and bad). Don't be afraid to judge people, very critically, and figure out what it is exactly that makes them bad and good. Figure out where your feelings of admiration and repulsion come from, and explore them, and test them. Finally, say them out loud: "Hey <friend or acquaintance or family member>, I really like how you _________. I admire you very much for it." And keep noticing good things! Bad things don't need to be said out loud. You can write those in a journal instead, but it's important to at least find out why you think they're bad.

Discover what makes men masculine

You're going to fall for them, so figure out what makes men different to women. What are men better at than women? Why? What do you admire in a man but not in a woman? What do you admire in a woman but not in a man? The biggest BP lie is not that men and women are the same, it is that they can be the same. Why do men thrive on danger, but women avoid it? Why do women dislike STEM subjects, even when they're good at them? Why don't men care about the difference between cool red and warm red? Hint: it's not upbringing. 

Simply noticing these differences is enough to begin with. Eventually you'll notice some amazing things about masculinity and learn to appreciate it and seek it out.

Define three things you want in a man and compare men you know against these traits

Don't make these superficial characteristics like looks or sexual attraction. Instead, make them characteristics, i.e. "intelligent, brave, good leader" etc. Aim high, but only three traits. Then go through men you know and honestly compare them against these traits. Come up with specific examples of their actions that show they meet them/don't meet them. I started with three that were most important to me, and it seemed impossible to find men that matched all three. My current boyfriend, however, does, and I wasn't even conscious of it at first.

Background 

Since doing the above, I have changed the kind of person I am attracted to. I used to dislike masculine men, and liked feminine or dandyish men, which was a problem if I want to feel safe and protected. I used to feel a great connection with misanthropes but now I instinctively avoid them. I also aimed low and didn't quite know what I wanted. I liked men that would be too distant from me, whereas I need affection and affirmation. I used to crush on people that I knew were not good enough for me to be with. So it's quite a big jump from that to my current boyfriend, who is everything I admire, respect and need.

I believe the above steps helped me the most and I wanted to share here, because vetting is useless if you're attracted to the wrong type of person in the first place. 

And remember,

Attraction is not negotiable!