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How to cheer up fiancé when he’s overwhelmed?

October 8, 2020


Hi ladies!

I’m new to this sub but have been lurking for a few months now. My fiancé (25m) and I (24f) have been engaged since March and together for nearly 5 years. We are very much happy and in love — we have a really solid division of labor and mutual respect for one another in our lives and home. Since COVID, however, my fiancé has been feeling really uneasy about his job, which he LOVES certain aspects of but hates others.

Eventually he wants to start his own business, and is totally capable of doing so, but I’m currently in school and we rely mostly on his income, so making that jump wont be possible for now. Sometimes he gets home and I can tell that he’s just so frustrated and tired and upset because of his work. What can I do to help him get through these hard days and the next couple of years that he might need to work there? I take care of cooking and cleaning and keeping our home a calm place for him to rest— but do any of you have tips or tricks for inspiring him to stay strong?

Tldr: fiancé is super stressed out because of work- how can I help him feel better and support him?

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Post Information
Title How to cheer up fiancé when he’s overwhelmed?
Author Medium-River558
Upvotes 61
Comments 23
Date October 8, 2020 2:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Linké_when_hes_overwhelmed/

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

No offense, but focusing on being an inspiration shouldn't be your burden. Give him space and don't cloud him with details of your day when he first gets home and if you don't do that anyway, then it sounds like you're doing the best you can.

Stressed out men seem to respond quite favorably to head massages and a meal though.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]Medium-River5586 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

🤣🤣🤣 duly noted!!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's not wrong.

[–]Medium-River55811 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!! I’ve been catching myself doing this when he gets home and then realizing how upset he seems :(

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

When a man's main purpose is in jeopardy, he can appear a little unfeathered. Focus on being a soft spot to land and if he asks for your support with something, be there for him while he works this rough patch through. :)

[–]Medium-River5589 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for this!!! It’s so well put. I’ve been feeling anxious about not doing enough to help him through it, but soft spot to land I can do!!!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i just love this woman. She gives such good advices. 💕

[–]Eosei18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If the plan is that in a few years you will graduate and get a day job and he will start his own business (especially if there is plans to have kids too), this is probably good practice for that time, as it most likely won't be stress-free. You could ask him, if there's anything you could do for him. Other than that I don't know what to tell you if you are already doing all the things and he doesn't have any wishes, except maybe make a point to appreciate the money he brings in. And, perhaps starting his own business isn't an option just yet, but finding a less stressful job for the the time being might be worth suggesting, for both of your sanity's sake.

[–]Medium-River5583 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! Thinking of this as a trial phase also really puts things in perspective, I just don’t want him to burn out 🤣

[–]Eosei4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh yes you're right, it's really important to keep the bigger picture and future goals in mind.

[–]EdwardHoverhands13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men, by and large, like to present a tough front. The dead-last thing you want to do is force him to open up to you therapy-style. "Helping a man relax" is akin to you seeing him show weakness, at least in many men's minds, which means they won't stand for it. Forcing help can and will backfire harder than a broken car engine.

However, it shows excellent thoughtfulness on your part to offer to help. Most likely, he'll say no, but offering is key. So... start by asking: "Is there anything I can do to lift your mood a little?" If he says "no" or "I'm fine", believe it and abort mission; let him relax on his own. At that point, it's not out of line to ask: "How about a beer? Do you want a porter or an IPA?", but that's the maximum you should do at this point. I, personally, don't want physical touch when I feel stressed, sad, or vulnerable, but every man is different. If you know for sure that he'll like it, offer that too; keep it nonchalant, like: "Hug?"

If you have a pet, I got a hack: send in the pet to jump on him. Play it off as a semi-joke: "Well, you turned me down, but maybe [pet's name] can lift your mood." Dogs in particular are great at comforting the vulnerable. And unlike with a person, a man who wants to put up a tough front won't have a problem with a pet comforting him.

[–]Medium-River5581 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank your for your response! I think this is what I was getting at in OP, I don’t want to attack him with “therapy” like convos but want to help alleviate any other pressures day to day

[–]morganKxoxo5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Help create a relaxing place for him. You said you already cook and clean the house, that’s awesome. Does he enjoy playing video games? Maybe you could get him a new game for him to play and wind down. Does he like spa stuff? You could draw him a bath and turn off the lights, set out some candles and nice music and let him have a nice relaxing bath. Mainly just find out his love language and take action through those things to make his life easier.

Also just try to be a safe place for him to vent. My husband comes home frustrated from work most days and just wants to vent, he wants me to listen and hear him out NOT try to tell him my opinions on what he should do to solve the problems. So just listening is very valuable

[–]EdwardHoverhands1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A candlelit bath for a man, and with music to boot? Not saying he'll hate it, but it sounds like something a woman would enjoy, rather than a man. Men usually prefer a shower or a hot tub, either in a clean brightly-lit room or outside, respectively. Plus, a candlelit bath reminds me of a creepy "Daruma San" spirit ritual; I would not find it relaxing AT ALL.

[–]CrystalW1871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband LOVES candlelit baths, especially after a stressful day. I usually just hop in the shower because I don’t feel like messing with all of it, but he will take the time to light the candles, pour in some bubbles, turn on some music, set up the bath exactly to his liking, etc. It’s funny because in general, he typically doesn’t notice or care about aesthetics or the details of his surroundings, while I care too much about that stuff.

I’m sure plenty of men feel the way you described, but I’m also sure that plenty of them would love to be surprised by a candlelit bath at the end of the day. It depends on the preferences of OP’s boyfriend, but I think setting up a bath for him would be worth a shot!

[–]amergent6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Blow him.

[–]DunboyCastleInTheSky2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

While you want him to associate you with his happiness, you shouldn’t be the only source of it. He needs to find ways to destress after work.

When my boyfriend comes home after work, we hug and kiss as soon as he comes through the door and I ask him how his day went. Then I follow up with asking him to tell me more. If it’s a short synopsis and he’s not enthused, I leave him alone. If he’s going into longer stories, I take the time to listen and ask questions.

[–]Medium-River5581 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! And yes he has a lot of other sources of happiness I think, like family and friend engagements, but I feel like they can’t make his life easier like I can lol

[–]IcarusKiki1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Give him space when he’s stressed and continue being a soft spot to land

[–]clitorophagy2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]LuanHenning0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's an interesting take on it bdkdbdjdbjdbd

[–]LuanHenning0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, surely space is very important.

I myself don't like people trying to help me when I'm stressed out, I rather be alone for a bit.

The thing is that there must be something very bad in his work to make him so stressed out. You can give him space or make him a massage today and he would get a little bit better, but the underlying problem would remain.

The way to actually solve this is to solve whatever problem he has at the workplace, or to find another job if that's not possible.

Do you think It's possible that he's feeling hold back by the relation in regards to starting his business? That may be worth a conversation.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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