How to deal with extremely blue pill advice from my parents?

ragnarockette · 2021-02-12T13:47:51+00:00

Is it possible your parents feel they may have made some mistakes in their own life and are trying to “right the wrong” with you?

swiggaroo · 2021-02-12T12:29:46+00:00

I think this might have to do with you being an only-child much like I am. I can imagine that both of your parents are seeing in you a projection of themselves, they want the best for you, and based on their live experience they most likely to be independant and doing well for yourself because they trust that you have what it takes to achieve that.

Overall, being a stay-at-home-lady who focuses on creating a lovely home and to focus on hobbies, whether that be education or crafts, sounds lovely to me, I do think that being independant and capable of fending for oneself is very important, that is the mentality my granny taught me who was born in 42. She never actually had a job, but she did learn to be a professional semstress with certifications and everything, so in case that something happened or went wrong and she stood all by herself, that she could live a decent life without having to worry.

If you love what you are doing, if you can see yourself doing lots of academic work, go for those degrees. After all, it's knowledge. If you love the jobs that come with it, go and do them. I do think it's important to have the option open. Getting the degree doesn't mean that you will spend your life actually working and being aggressively pursuing a career.

I think you should really sit down with your parents and talk to them about what you hope to achieve in life. You, and them as well, need to draw a line between the things you want, the things they want, and also the things that are reasonable.

meganano · 2021-02-12T18:39:25+00:00

Maybe she learned from experience and doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes she did. Encouraging someone to get an education is not “blue pill” or “red pill.” It’s just a good idea. How much debt you go into, based on the program you choose, is another debate entirely.

packo33 · 2021-02-12T14:41:43+00:00

I think they wanting a good job for you is good advice, it is not red or blue. The issue is what would be your priority in life. At some stages in life you have to choose, but it does not seem to be your current situation.

Also bear in mind that many men would like to have a partner that shares the burden of bringing income home. Additionally, depending on the local divorce laws, it could be a huge risk for a man to marry a zero/low income wife. A risk some will not be willing to take.

All in all, they are life decisions that you have to take by yourself.

kstevens58 · 2021-02-12T13:40:23+00:00

You're 24. What your parents say is little more than a suggestion at the end of the day.

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2021-02-12T18:00:57+00:00

Hmmm it’s not any pill to have career aspirations.

They’re being cautious. Basically it’s providing insurance for you so your husband isn’t your be-all-end-all. We all go into marriages/relationships with happily-ever-after in our minds but sometimes life happens. Spouses die, people get divorced. What’s going to happen if you’re a widow with kids to feed? But you’ve been out of work for x years and find yourself having to get back to the workforce? And being parents they’re trying to make sure that if you fall, you’ll land on your feet.

You can do a masters, have a career and date to find a HVM. You can get married while having a career. Sure it takes some juggling but plenty of women do it. Red pill principles talk about gender dynamics. Just because you’re a high powered woman in the boardroom, doesn’t mean you get to treat your husband as an employee at home. Careers aren’t bad. It’s when you don’t leave that ego at the door that things go wrong. Red pill is about the man being the leader/captain and you being his first mate.

Also, you should date so you learn how to vet for HVM qualities and marry when you feel is right. You’re an adult and you can set boundaries

umnothnxbye · 2021-02-12T17:14:22+00:00

Why is this bad advice? Are you waiting on some man to swoop in and provide for you? Are you single? Are you living on your own? Are you financially independent?

There is no guarantee you'll meet a man you want to marry. It makes sense to work hard and provide for yourself. Even if you had a man you should still be working hard at bettering yourself.

That being said, if it's not the career your want, look for something else. Go to school for something else.

ILoveCuteKitties · 2021-02-12T15:52:33+00:00

There really is a middle ground between living the way they are with a ridiculous age gap and being a ladder climbing feminist. Your mom probably wants a career for you because she never got a taste of one. I think it’s important to listen to your parents because they do have more life experience but realize they lived in an extreme and are advising you to live the other extreme. You aren’t going to change their minds and they probably aren’t going to change yours.

Whisper · 2021-02-12T12:31:42+00:00

You don't need to persuade them of anything, because you do not need their permission.

Just nod, smile, thank them for the advice, and then do what you were going to do.

its-mystery · 2021-02-13T07:45:04+00:00

What’s blue bill about having a career and education and nice job and being independent?

JulesB954 · 2021-02-12T19:08:48+00:00

I would tell your parents that you respect their advice, and while education and career is important, building a family is important as well. You are young now, but in order to have a successful career AND marry and have children, your time in your 20's has to be used very WISELY. You can still pursue higher education while making time to find your life partner. At the end of the day, as women, we have biological clocks. You have the rest of your life to climb the corporate ladder if that is what you want, but limited time on building a family. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is what it is. If you want to present your parents with articles, look up ideal ages on when to conceive for optimal health. I know several women who unfortunately waited way too long and now they don't have the choice to conceive without medical intervention. I wish you the absolute best going forward in whatever you decide to do.

janoycresva11 · 2021-02-16T22:47:19+00:00

I don't know how I ended up here but from a mans perspective

you should continue your studies but also try and look for a partner now at 24.

If you wait till 30 its only going to get harder and waiting til 30 to get married and have kids is just fantasy land and very risky unless you are already in a LTR. Say you meet someone at 30 then you have to live w them see if your compatible that could be another 2 years on top.

Most desirable men are plucking out girls your age for LTRs and having a family, not 30 year old women with degrees. They don't care about your degree. You are now at a perfect age to find someone you can have a family with and get married (if thats what you want).

Also climbing the corporate ladder is extremely over rated.

aigars2 · 2021-02-12T13:37:59+00:00

Argue that you can climb corporate ladder till your death (which is plain truth, I said it to my wife before having a second child) but you're not becoming any younger and want to test the waters.

emmalai85 · 2021-02-12T14:15:55+00:00

Don't talk to them about it. It's okay to have boundaries with your parents.

moonchildcountrygirl · 2021-02-12T21:58:22+00:00

Online dating (strategically and intelligently) in an amazingly direct way to obtain a relationship with the values you’re looking for. I have very similar parents, who themselves had an rp relationship but were begging me to go to grad school. I have TWO separate relatives from opposite sides of the family make their deathbed wish that i get a masters degree. I didn’t, I spent the years after college traveling, and met my boyfriend, soon to be fiancée. We just bought a house together and he wants me to quit my job so I can homeschool our future kids :-) thank GOD i dont have grad school debt holding us back!

EffectiveAmbitious · 2021-02-12T22:18:01+00:00

do your thang !

azemilyann26 · 2021-02-13T00:09:08+00:00

You're an adult. I think you can respectfully just take the good elements of their advice. You SHOULD be in school or working right now. You should value your education and be developing your talents. Even if you plan to be a stay-at-home wife and/or mother, what happens if tragedy strikes, and you find yourself trying to support your family with a minimum-wage or entry-level job? What if you never find someone compatible and you don't get married? What if your future spouse is a wonderful guy, but doesn't make a lot of money? Don't put your life on hold, waiting for Mr. Right to swoop in and take care of you.

Online dating is tricky at best, especially for a young woman with no dating experience. It may be best to find potential partners at church or through friends or a social club, etc, then hopping on Match.com and hoping for the best.

RP_Bear9 · 2021-02-13T09:23:42+00:00

I had a similar situation. Don't bother attempting to change their thinking. Just go off and live your life on your on terms. Use them as an example - then do the opposite. Its fun to rebel!

aussiedollface2 · 2021-02-13T21:23:30+00:00

I find these older people, especially men, have the luxury of giving advice in a way that’s never going to affect them. Meaning they can give out advice on the basis of whimsical ideas they have but they don’t have to live through it and also it’s not the choices they made for themselves. So I don’t think your experience is unusual, I think just be aware of it. Like you’re an adult now, you make your own decisions xo

BrownGummyBear · 2021-02-14T03:43:55+00:00

I see no reason why you wouldn’t be able to both get your masters and pursue a relationship that could lead to marriage (if that’s what you want yourself)

mpampistheplumber69 · 2021-02-16T14:12:21+00:00

Maybe the saw some mistake in their life and they don't want you to do the same. Either way, this is your life. It's not bad to abandon the life they chose for you especially at this age of yours. You're mature enough not to know what you want to do in the rest of your life, but know what is good for you know.

everlong241 · 2021-02-18T18:00:12+00:00

“hi parents, im my own person and will make my own decisions. thank you. love you.”

HonoluluLion · 2021-02-12T20:09:19+00:00

Just say... "NO" Happiness is paramount, if I've learned anything it's that lol

Title	How to deal with extremely blue pill advice from my parents?
Author	lovelysummernights
Upvotes	90
Comments	36
Date	February 12, 2021 10:44 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/li8n3y/how_to_deal_with_extremely_blue_pill_advice_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-deal-with-extremely-blue-pill-advice-from.739979 https://theredarchive.com/post/739979