How to get over my jealousy for man.

emmalai85 · 2021-12-11T18:05:47+00:00

I'm nearing 40, and I'm not single, i'm married, happily to the love of my life but he finds pregnancy beautiful, he loves my body. Not all men think you need to have the body of an 18 year old virgin to find you attractive. I gave him his offspring, but I also didn't get fat. I took good care of myself over the years, to keep up with him.

I don't accept that this is the truth. I think I increase my value because of shared experiences, because I'm pregnant with #7, that he loves me pregnant, loves pregnant sex, loves raising a large family with me, that I am willing to work hard to support him emotionally, and be there for him and be available, I'm not materialistic, I value his time and attention, if he gives me that, I worship him. I want *him* - and I am realistic enough to know women find him desirable, he doesn't have to be with me, he chooses to be.

I don't need a fancy house, or a fancy car, or clothes- and i've had those things, but I don't NEED those things to be happy, I'm happiest sitting on the front porch drinking coffee, with his arm around my waist watching the sun go down, snuggling with him on a lazy morning, curled up around his leg while he pets my hair.

Did pregnancy and getting older, change me, yes, but I am not fat, I'm capable of keeping up with him, and we are almost 14 years apart, the idea of picking a woman in her early 20's at almost 50 bothers him since he has adult age children with me now - he wouldn't want to marry someone young enough to produce his grandchildren.

Try to find someone to share memories and life experiences with, who will value you for the things you bring to their life, for the time and effort you put into the relationship.

Men and women are different, we are supposed to complement each other, not compete. We aren't supposed to be the same.

JustaTcup · 2021-12-11T20:56:59+00:00

Why on earth are you comparing yourself and your realities to a man's? I'm not really understanding why you would do that. And what are you even talking about you have to share a man? Where are you getting all of these ideas from? It isn't just the two I asked about. It's the lot of them. You need to fix the way you're thinking. Something's not right.

Jenneapolis · 2021-12-11T17:13:33+00:00

Oh I’m 38 and I definitely disagree. I have enjoyed my 30s and particularly my late 30s much more than my 20s and I’ve been both in relationships and single throughout my 30s. In my 20s I was just trying to get ahead and make a path for myself in life. Now I have my career set and I’m able to have much more fun. I know myself and I quit worrying about what people think or trying to compare where I am at in life with others. There are plenty of women out there who are married with kids and extremely unhappy, I see it with my friends. The key is not to just be married, the key is to have fulfilling relationships of all kinds. No matter your age you have to figure out how to make yourself happy before anybody else can, truly.

cheez_Ina_pan · 2021-12-11T22:21:13+00:00

TRP is not real life beyond this sub. Yes, some of the rules and principles can generally apply, but for men who have never heard of it, TRP is not their bible. Work on being the best version of yourself you can and you are already miles ahead of many women. You sound really young. Life flies at you fast. Thirty sounds so old to you now, but once you get there you won’t feel the same. It’s not a sell by date like they want to make it seem like around here. I have a very high quality husband and 3 kids at 34. I stay in shape and do all that but he loves me so much that he has major wife goggles for me even if I don’t look exactly like I did when I met him at 27. Relax and just focus on cultivating a life you feel proud of and the right man will come along. Reading the content of these subs will make you feel like you’ll never find happiness and even if you do you won’t be able to hold onto it cause you will hit “the wall”. Consider the source. I’m willing to bet a lot of the men saying those things are either really young, or are not very high quality men themselves.

MrsChiliad · 2021-12-11T17:22:41+00:00

The way to let it stop bothering you is to realize men and women are different. Of course this is an oversimplification, but at the end of the day, that’s what it is.

You’re having a hard time because you’re putting men and women in the same boxes but you realize the destination and the outcomes for each of them aren’t the same. The mistake is putting them in the same boxes to begin with.

Yeah, men generally speaking, age better than women. Men aren’t judged and don’t feel the consequences, in more than one sense, of sleeping around that women do. But we shouldn’t be trying to live the same lives and experience the world the same way. And in many cases men have it worse than women. Their looks might stay better with age, but their health doesn’t, for example. And we end up living 10 years longer on average.

You’re looking at both men and women from the female lens, which is yours, and assuming men see women the same way you see men. They don’t. Yeah if your husband used to be perfectly muscular and over time got some stretch marks and a belly that was softer.. perhaps that would bother you? (Though to be honest I don’t think so, marriage is a lot more than that, and even when speaking about physical attractiveness, this is super trivial). If you’re attractive now, get married and have kids, and because of that your stomach isn’t as flat and you have stretch marks... Honestly, men won’t care about it as much as you think. And even then, stretch marks fade, you can get back in shape, etc… all of this doesn’t matter that much to be honest.

It sounds to me that you’re lacking perspective. That you’re comparing your future, post kids, married, self with a single early 20s woman. What does it matter if her SMV is higher than yours? You’d be in different points of your lives, and by then you will have higher value in many areas that she doesn’t. If you married well, you bring value to your partner’s life and you stay attractive to them, you're not in competition with that hypothetical woman.

AriesAsF · 2021-12-11T18:13:41+00:00

Boy you sure sound pleasant to be around! I think your problems are more in your head (and your personality) than with your skin or body. Maybe start there.

ladida1321 · 2021-12-11T18:34:07+00:00

Being bitter about not being a man and coming up with all these insane and completely false “hard truths” is not attractive at all.

You’re correct this thinking is unhealthy. You might consider therapy.

mysterygurl_ · 2021-12-11T17:56:21+00:00

“If infertile, you gonna get dumped” Um, what?

PhaedrusHunt · 2021-12-11T17:49:59+00:00

I left my wife after two beautiful children together and a pretty damned good life-- on paper. Why? Because she was insufferable, an endless nag, dressed like a slob, argued with everyone all the time, and because she was extremely jealous. She worried so much about me cheating with a younger woman that I finally figured might as well do it if I'm going to be accused of it constantly.

I think some people are just destined to be miserable. Is that you? You want to keep this attitude up? You foresee doom? You'll GET doom. You have fear? You'll be eaten by it, and you'll see that you were right the entire time, that the world is out to destroy you, that the walls are closing in, that no man would ever want you. Keep thinking the way you are, that's EXACTLY what you'll get. And you'll deserve every bit of that misery, because misery, m'lady, is the vibration you're radiating out into the world. Right now, that's your vibration. Dark.

If you want something else, change your vibration. I don't know of any other way.

DoppelGangHer88 · 2021-12-11T17:17:38+00:00

That's just biology; there's nothing you can do about it.

Our bodies were designed to make babies and our hormones make us want to fulfil our destinies to be mothers. Being a mother is so important men are biologically wired to willingly take care of you your whole life, including giving their life for yours, even if you're not their woman and even if you can't/don't have children.

Women have intrinsic value based on our ability to bring life into the world; men don't. A woman is born, a man is created through hard work and discipline.

Being a woman is a privilege; there's nothing to be jealous of men about.

thunderousmegabitch · 2021-12-12T07:10:43+00:00

Wait wait wait. Are HVM supposed to be cheating on us? Do 100% of HVM want kids with not even a single one of them being childfree?

Because if either of those is true, then I can confidently declare that I don't want a HVM. I'd much rather be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. And I do not ever wish to get pregnant or birth children, so a man being comfortable with this concept is necessary.

Please someone tell me if this sub is anti-monogamy and/or anti-childree I never got these vibes from it, but after reading some comments here, I'm thinking I might have to leave it if it is.

DoppelGangHer88 · 2021-12-11T17:57:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FuzzyDice12 · 2021-12-12T01:07:24+00:00

I’m a male, love reading posts on this sub although it’s my first comment here.

You are looking only at the positives of men while ignoring the negatives and ignoring the positives of women. It’s kind of like the glass half empty/half full idea.

The other thing is, not very many men are HVM. I happen to be one. I will tell you, I love stretch marks, and some of the things you are saying, are true on a case by case scenario. But it takes a lot of sacrifice to become a HVM in most scenarios and the type of personality traits it takes, is why women are attracted to them and willing to share them in many cases.

I would settle with a 7 instead of the 9’s I can pull based on personality. If you are enjoyable to be around, sexual, feminine(very important), then that’s what most dudes want. Realistically, with HVM it’s tough to find monogamy, especially/even if they go into marriage young and feel strongly about it. If this bothers you, there are plenty of non HVM out there that will be glad to take you, but there’s a reason there’s plenty of them out there lol.

The best advice I can give here is remember you marry your husband and not your children. A lot of women seem to ignore hubby when kids are born(I’m not talking about the first 3 months I’m more than reasonable) and expect their husband to always be there while they aren’t there for him. 9/10 the dudes I know divorce or pursue outside of the marriage, some wives are ok with it, some don’t know.

As far as age, HVM IMO have a baseline of physical fitness and health no matter the age. So if you let yourself go and your man isn’t, that’s a problem. Kids are only an excuse for a short time, a HVM can provide the means that you can be at the gym for an hour a couple times a week and should encourage it. You are a representation of him in a sense. Will you age worse? Most times yes women age worse than men who take care of themselves, but if you take care of yourself it shows, not only on your physique but your attitude and energy.

There’s nothing sexier IMO than a woman who feels sexy and takes care of herself. I’ve seen 50yo women at the gym I thought to myself, “damn I’d hit that”.

luckykitty99 · 2021-12-11T23:49:16+00:00

What you’re saying is incredibly toxic and harmful to you. Whoever told you this is lying. Just keep on taking good care of yourself and you’ll be fine. Men aren’t any better than women and no they certainly don’t age better. I got remarried at age 45 and my husband is very handsome. I take good care of myself and I look great, I always have lots of male attention. Please have more confidence in yourself, that is very attractive. ❤️🥰

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-12-12T08:17:31+00:00

I don't know that there's like a secret way to swallowing it. It is what it is. You can either swallow it and adapt or spend your time moaning about how hard it is. Which wil you choose?

Beginning_Proof_2160 · 2021-12-12T08:59:27+00:00

Believe me you don't want to be a man either, especially in his 20s and for the rest of their life, You have no idea how hard is for men to be average and be looked down because he's a loser, nobody takes you seriously, it also sucks to know that people like you for only what you provide especially after being broke in your childhood and being bullied but then when you get your shit together women start noticing you, deep down you know that they want your money and not you, even your family members will look down on you if you don't provide

deep_faked_beans · 2021-12-12T14:53:31+00:00

I don't think it's as bleak as you think, or as men portray. My mum found my stepdad at age 38, and they had a child when she was 43 and they've been together for 14 years now. My nan also had a relationship at age 73, it only ended because he passed away. This probably sounds rude, but i'm just telling you because I think it'll help you, my mum also isn't like super-model attractive (and neither am I!) and is a little overweight, but she still found someone really nice that has stayed, there's really no reason to consider ending your life before 30.

And also, I don't think lots of casual sex with strangers is even something to be jealous of, I know men who do this and are miserable anyway, and it isn't true that there are no consequences for men, they can still get HIV/gonorrhea etc. If a man like this was ever interested in me, he'd have to get tested first and show me the results.

ForeverSwinging · 2021-12-12T15:51:17+00:00

This. This was/is me.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-12-13T17:01:53+00:00

Life is truly bad after 30 unless you are married with good man.

Yes, for women post-Wall it's hard. However, you seem to have rose-colored glasses on when it comes to men.

I am jealous of man who can enjoy sex life without any consequences.

Seriously? If a baby results - which they have ZERO control over, other than via abstinence or questionably reversable vasectomy currently (the only two totally reliable methods) he's on the hook for 18 years child support, no escape, no bankruptcy, nothing.

Its great that they will be valued for something they worked hard.

If you work hard to look good, you will be valued for it. Looking good isn't easy.

It is opposite for women.They don't get period,pregnant, stretch marks are less common for them.

And men aren't valued for anything except either a) top 10% looks/physique, or b) an Amex Black card. Realistically incel is a male-only term... and their ranks are growing rapidly because social media is a cancer of the mind.

Even if someone says woman are also valued in something ,it doesn't make me feel good.

That, right there, is YOUR mental issue. Get therapy.

Phsical Attractiveness of men lasts longer than physical Attractiveness of woman.

Even if men make mistakes and lose good woman,still he can get his shit together be hvm and can get younger good wife but that good wife will hit wall later especially if she had kids.

Yes, but he has to work at it for decades. A hot young 18-year-old has to do little to nothing for it. It's different value systems for different genders. You're looking at women's disadvantages and comparing them to men's advantages, which is INCREDIBLY dishonest.

Seriously, get therapy.

Also, go read some accounts of women who transitioned to male, or Norah Jones' book Self-Made Man, where she went undercover as a man for a year. Spoiler: she has a nervous breakdown and it's not nearly as rosy as you think it is.

I know this is unhealthy for me but I am getting hard time over this and it is affecting me.If you guys felt same way how do you dealt with it?How did you swallowed hard truth and moved forward?

You're the worst case of seeing only your own negatives and the other side's positives I've ever encountered. It's breathtaking.

Maybe ask some guys how they feel about womens' privileges? Or go read on TRP, if you dare...

Title	How to get over my jealousy for man.
Author	Glad-Discount-4761
Upvotes	27
Comments	72
Date	December 11, 2021 4:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-get-over-my-jealousy-for-man.1087430 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087430
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/re3tul/how_to_get_over_my_jealousy_for_man/