As some brief history, my (28F) ex bf (28M) broke up with me in a fight about three months ago. We spent the next month going back and forth - one of us chasing the other and the other pulling away, we would switch off. I went on a few dates but did so purely to help me get over my ex. Now, my ex and I have been friendly - he comes over with dinner 2x a week and spends the night. We usually hook up and cuddle at night.

History: We went to HS together, and throughout we were the best of friends and he had a major crush on me. I was always the one that got away/he never had a chance with. A few years post HS, we meet again, begin to date, move in together, get a dog together, have a very toxic, tumultuous relationship. Lots of fighting, arguing, drama with family and friends - this relationship lasts about 2 years. We don't speak for a few years and I get myself into a very bad situation legally and called him for support out of the blue. When we met again, he was sweet, kind, loving, and would talk about us getting back together, getting married, kids, the whole nine yards...but would insist he is not ready. Despite talking about moving forward, he would always say that this isn't a good time in his life, and he's not ready to have me in his life, but would continue to pursue me.

So, now, we are here - we dated for a year, he was very distant and would keep me at arms length and was not a good bf to me. His focus was work and his buddies. He owns a very successful business which he started on his own (lot of luck played into it) but now he is making nearly 1mil/year whereas I make just around 60k. He hides his wealth and only a few know about it. He has never dated any other woman, and never showed any interest in other women other than myself. He continues to say that I am a good woman but he is not ready for a relationship with me or with anyone else. He spends his time working on his business and career goals and in the passtime drinking with his buddies.

I am EXTREMELY hung up on him. I feel as if he never gave me or our relationship a chance and a lot of the problems we had could have been worked through, but he was simply too drained from work to give me anything. He says he wants a family, kids, marriage, but now is not the right time.

Do I keep him as this FWB thing that we are doing now? We had the 'exclusivity' talk, which was weird, but agreed to only see each other. I am afraid to go no contact bc I am scared I will lose him completely. I am afraid I will never find a man I love as much as him/find someone who is able to provide for kids like he can/have that intense chemistry with. I have dated numerous other men, and I was able to drop them in a heartbeat but with him it's different and I feel like I would do almost anything for him. Not sure if it is love or if I simply want what I can't have.

Any advice on how to move forward is appreciated. I try my best to do NC but can only hold it up for a week or so.

EDIT: Want to add that he lets me use his credit card on Amazon which I have been spending about $100/month on, and he pays for Netflix that only I use as well as for my internet...another $40/month or so...He specifically said he won't cancel them. I get so many mixed signals from him. He is very hot and cold. He told me that when we originally broke up, that that was one of two things in his life that was the hardest on him. I think he is unable to let me into his life again, out of fear/it is hard to truly 'connect' with him on a more vulnerable level, but when he lets his guard down and opens up he is a whole 'nother person.

​

EDIT 2: Wow, thank you all for your replies. This is what I need to hear - all of it. I wish I knew you in real life so you could give me a bit of a butt kickin' in person, but reddit will do :) Thank you again..I have always been a silent redditor but think this post will be the beginning of me posting/commenting consistently as I feel like I got a lot off my chest and a lot of really good feedback from you ladies.