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How to show your captain love

April 12, 2020

So this may go against mainstream ideology where men are stoic and all that, but I find that my captain responds very well to me being proactively loving.

I keep his house and take care of his children and cook his meals, but he could have a housekeeper do that. What I'm talking about is the more interpersonal interactions you have with your captain.

For me, when he does something for me (whatever, go get groceries during this virus, fix the dishwasher, et cetera) I make sure that he knows I'm grateful. My usual tactic is to either hug and kiss him or sit in his lap plus hugging and kissing and straight up say "thank you for that!"

I also make it a habit to try to proactively tell him every once in a while that he is amazing. Example: "Hey guess what? You are such a great dad and partner! Here is why (list reasons why.) And here are recent examples (list recent examples.)

I also try to make sure proactively that he knows he's attractive to me. Example, playfully smacking his butt and saying "dat ass doe" which always makes him laugh and smile.

What little things do you do to make your captain feel loved? Any good tips?

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Post Information
Title How to show your captain love
Author Captainsgirl
Upvotes 143
Comments 27
Date April 12, 2020 6:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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Original Link

[–]lovemylilfamily43 points44 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I try to show my hubby love by speaking his love languages. Words are important to him but not as much as acts of service or intimacy.

If it seems like he needs a little boost I try to make extra sure that I initiate sex that night. He appreciates a dresser full of clothes, so I make sure to keep his dresser well stocked.

Those kinds of things.

Edit: I also try to constantly treat him with respect. I’ve found that speaking to him with respect ensures that I get respect back.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is so insightful! People do have different love languages and it's so important to try to understand their love languages. My husband seems to have a love language that is very based around language and touch but there are others for sure! Great comment!

[–]lovemylilfamily12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks! I’m a big believer in love languages and the Love/Respect model of relationships. In my experience my husband craves respect and I crave love. If I give respect to my husband, I receive love in return. At least that’s how it usually happens! Lol

[–]cherrykitty8722 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whoever said that men don’t want love and affection was wrong! Men do want this, from a very special woman. The most stoic, serious, and stern men can sometimes be the ones who need love and cuddles the most. Though, this depends man to man.

My captain is VERY serious and quiet. He seems emotionless and calm, constantly. Almost like he’s constantly in deep thought. When we’re alone, he’s always latched to me , holding my hand or touching my thigh, laying with me. I sit on his lap or play with his hair often. This affection means everything to him.

He also loves massages and my scratching his back. He falls asleep sometimes!

[–]balixxe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice to read

[–]the-food-historian36 points37 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Aww, that's sweet! My husband loves to hear stuff like this, so every so often I do the same thing. I also like to email him with a running list of things I love about him. My love language is service and gifts, but his is verbal and physical, so I have to remind myself a lot to do the stuff HE likes.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love the idea of emails! I have occasionally written my Hubby a love letter and later I found them in his coat pocket which melted me because he wanted to keep that close. But you're absolutely right that people have different love languages and it's important to dial in on your partner's.

[–]dogbeaches9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for pointing out stuff that HE likes. It is so easy to do what is innate, and your own love language - but (being new here) I am working on reminding myself to speak in a language other than my "own" when trying to show love

[–]trenchfootbaby9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

His love language is acts of service, so I do that!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Sex. If I don’t initiate most days, the rest of what I say and do will ring a little hollow.

STFU. If he wanted my complaints or feedback, he would invite me to give it. On that note, listen a lot and talk little.

Ask before grocery shopping if there is any particular meal he would or would not like this week. Tailor the menu to his preferences in any case.

Words of validation. “You have been doing so well with X. I really admire that. You have a real talent for Y. I believe in you, I know you will absolutely smash Z goal.” Make 100% sure your delivery of this is sincere.

Expressions of gratitude. If he does something for me, he is not looking for appreciation or acknowledgement, he is looking for gratitude. Use the specific word “grateful”.

Service. Pick up shoes from the door and polish them. Hang up his coat. Plate his meals and bring them to him at the table. Make sure he gets his plate first. Never ever tell him he “missed dinner”. His home is not a restaurant; the kitchen is never closed. Make sure you keep tabs on his laundry; never let him run out of shirts, underwear or anything else. Don’t leave chores for him to do “when he gets home”, he has already been to work. Keep his home clean, tidy and comfortable.

Respect his space. If you need to bring him requests for money or anything else, never do it over a meal, or within his first hour at home, or when he is clearly engaged with something else. Ask him when it would suit HIM to talk about something.

Use words of affection often.

[–]TheBunk_TB0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Pick up shoes from the door and polish them

Props for having a grasp of the skill. This is a great thing that means a lot, even when they are distracted.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My father taught me as a child and I would do it for him since my mother wouldn’t.

I learned a lot of useful skills but more in wisdom from spending time alone with my father. I fear sometimes that we discourage girls from spending time with their fathers in favour of spending it with their mothers instead. They need time with their fathers. A girl’s father is her model for a man’s behaviour, for better or worse. If he is a poor father and husband, then anything even slightly better seems to be a great offer as a potential husband.

If her father is a constant disappointment, if he breaks promise after promise, if he is unreliable, if he isn‘t her safe harbour in the storms of life, she will not understand that those are the qualities she needs to look for in a husband and will strike up relationships with other unreliable losers.

If she learns to rely on his judgment and wisdom, when he tells her a boyfriend is unsuitable or of questionable character, she will heed his warning. She will benefit from his wisdom and his years of experience when managing her career, finances and other things a young woman may need counsel on when starting out in life.

[–]TheBunk_TB4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a healthy outlook. Book material

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great insight, and so reminds me of my own father who I am still super close to as an adult. My dad and I send jokey texts to each other most days because we have the same goofy sense of humor. But at the same time, I know 100% that he would give me a hard truth if I needed it or be my champion and defender if I needed that. Honestly my dad is one of my best friends. And I married a guy who is a lot like him. They are even both very successful engineers who came from hard family lives. I definitely think that the way my dad treated me growing up and now informs the way I expect to be treated. Not like a princess that can do no wrong, but like a woman who is worthy of respect and love and even a life full of gentle ribbing and laughter, with a man who can take a gentle joke as well as he gives it.

[–]saltlamp6711 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My boyfriend is very loving and adores affectionate attention in return. I definitely give him space but I just love showering him with kisses and squeezes and scratches and hugs! The point about making him feel desirable is so important too! I compliment him all the time and always let him know when I don’t want to keep my hands off him.

[–]85thredditaccount6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thank him for every little thing, not excessively, just a smile and a genuine thank you. I give him back massages on days I see him after work. We work in the same field and it’s a very stressful one so he enjoys that as a way to unwind. I give a lot of genuine heartfelt compliments, and I try to do little things to make his life easier. I surprise him with little gifts from time to time. I try to respect his introversion and need for space by not texting 24/7 even though I easily could.

[–]ALaurenB1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Showing lots of love and appreciation verbally to him. Making all his meals, serving them to him at dinner, and doing most of the laundry and cooking so the house always looks clean/presentable for him after a long day. I present well, meaning when I come by his work or go out I make that I look nice as not to embarrass either of us. When I make desserts I make enough for him to take to his coworkers since I know it makes him extra proud when they compliment my cooking. Within the first hour of him, typically, getting home from work I let him have some time alone and enjoy his meal.

His love language is physical touch so I do that as often as a I can. I have a sexual disorder, so intercourse is not as often as he’d like but it’s always when I can give it.

[–]CeruleanRabbit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the most important thing is to ask him how he wants you to show love.

I’ve had a lot of men try to show me love how they want to show it and it’s a massive turn off. It says “I don’t get you and I don’t care. Please show appreciation for my minimal effort, because I did this for the praise, not to actually please you.”

So I really, really, want to make sure I don’t pull that same crap on my man by giving him what I think “men want”. I absolutely have to ask and research and test and validate in order to get his individual preferences right. It goes way beyond love languages, though that’s a great starting point.

[–]Hammocknapping3 Stars0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I keep his house and take care of his children and cook his meals, but he could have a housekeeper do that.

He could have a house keeper do those things, but a housekeeper can’t keep our house, take care of ourchildren and cook our family’s meals.

You aren’t doing those things just for your husband’s benefit, you are doing them to benefit your family because you’re all on the same team. Same goes for him picking up groceries or fixing the dishwasher. That helps the whole family, not just you.

I’m all for celebrating the small things, but making a grand production whenever he does something for the family (aka doing his part) then you start to get into chore play. If he loves you and he love his family, part of the reward is knowing he’s helped the team. He isn’t a puppy who needs a treat every he’s a good boy.

I show my husband that I love him by working with him to accomplish our shared goals. I show him I love him by making recipes with fewer dishes so there’s less clean up and more time to make out after dinner. I show him I love by keeping myself busy so he can work on his hobbies without having to worry about me. And, I also tell him I love and appreciate him every day.

[–]i_cri_evry_tim5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yes you are important too. Sigh.

[–]Hammocknapping3 Stars-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think my husband just might own his shit more than others. He’s not waiting for a cookie and a good boy when he does something, he’s looking for the next project that he can tackle.

He gets appreciation (both verbal and sexual/physical) multiple times every day, but if I threw a parade every time he did something around the house it would lose its meaning.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry, I guess I just find this language very dismissive, and maybe it isn't meant to be. But the way I took it is telling my husband that I'm grateful for his acts of service with hugs and kisses is "throwing him a parade" or "treating him like a puppy."

You may well do things differently and that's totally fine; but I don't think that kissing my husband and telling him thank you is really worthy of being called "treating him like a puppy" lol

[–]Hammocknapping3 Stars3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Words mean nothing if your actions don’t back them up. Your post is supposed to be about showing your husband you love him, but you focus on verbal affirmations. How do you actually show your husband you love him? Keep in mind, that the question is really “How do you show your husband you respect and honor him?”

The Married Red Pill has a weekly thread about owning your shit. Men who are truly high value own their shit without the expectation of praise or reward. While a thank you (preferably given through sex) is a nice bonus, men who are internally motivated do not require it to continue with their mission. If I sat in husband’s lap, showered him in kisses and “oh thank you daddy”s every time he did something around the house, that’s all I would be doing when I was at home. He gets ample verbal and physical praise, but no I’m not going to bow at his feet every time he vacuums.

My husband is retired and it is his job to keep our house running. If I noticed the dishwasher wasn’t working (which is unlikely since he’s the one who handles the dishes) and let him know about it, it would be fixed within 24 hours if he was able to manage, or a repairman would be contacted or a replacement ordered. There would not be several days worth of hand washing dishes and the loud slamming of the door repeatedly to remind him it was an issue.

I’d challenge you to focus less on verbal affirmations and see how you can show your husband you love him through your actions. I tell my husband I love him multiple times a day, but I would be an absolute miserable failure as a wife if my husband didn’t feel loved without those verbal affirmations.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I legit snorted at the "Oh thank you daddy!" comment. Then I went downstairs and strolled past his office. I said "What's up daddy? Can I bring you anything daddy?" in my best Marilyn Monroe voice. His face went 😬. I lol'ed.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]garbage399-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right there with you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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