How to stay interesting as a housewife?

OLOWalsingham · 2023-01-26T14:34:21+00:00

“They’ve all left me behind”

Wrong attitude! Remove yourself from the competition you have already won. Sounds like your husband adores you.

babyegirll · 2023-01-26T12:59:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sparklesandbunny · 2023-01-26T15:02:13+00:00

Hi, I identify with your story a lot especially earlier in my marriage when we lived in the bay area. :) I am guessing you are in a tech-heavy place like that?

My husband still tells people about my past accomplishments (10-15 years ago at this point) and it used to bother me for the same reason it is bothering you!

However, I went to a mom group in the South Bay and EVERY MOM was a SAHM with an impressive resume. I loved that group. One day, a few women were joking about "the tech trophy wife." I didn't know what they meant so they clued me in: the trophy wife for a man in that area was NOT the hottest youngest blonde he could capture. A trophy wife was the most accomplished woman a man could get to raise his kids and stay at home. I looked around and it made hella sense. Apparently, it is a well known phenomenon. Apparently, so resent it? I actually think it is something to be proud of!

I guess what I am saying is: don't take it poorly! He is bragging about you because he is proud of ALL of your roles. People, you included, are MORE interesting because they have a rich and varied life. <3 Let him brag and show you off. He got a trophy wife :)

SpaceFluffy · 2023-01-26T13:09:40+00:00

Have you thought about taking up a hobby? Becoming skilled at something no matter how niche is always something to brag about.

CountTheBees · 2023-01-27T00:25:56+00:00

There are some lovely comments here and I agree with them :) I just wanted to offer some help about this specific thing:

I can’t contribute to conversations

Work dinners are a gruelling trial at the best of times! Spouse's work dinners are even harder because you don't know who anyone is, and can't "talk shop" to cover up social unease. I mean, I sometimes feel uninteresting at my own work dinners, so it's definitely a combination of effort/skill/luck.

Take a different view on what "contributing to conversations" means. Maybe in the past you were the witty/funny one, or the one that knew the most trivia/facts, or the one that made sure everyone felt included or started new topics, and now you're not that person in the conversation anymore. But you can always contribute without playing your old role. You can laugh at jokes (there's always jokes) and sometimes that's enough. And people really like people who laugh at their jokes and engage with their topic. Listening, laughing, and asking questions goes a very very long way to making a positive impression on people. The important thing is that at the end of the night, people like you, not want to hire you. Right?

If you want to say something, talk about something that happened in your day/week, even a simple interaction that happened at the store -- early in the conversation, just to get yourself out of the "shy/quiet" box. It doesn't have to be lengthy at all, just some observation of quirky human behaviour is enough, so that people to get a read on your character/voice/mannerisms and for you to dip your toes into the conversation, and jump in more readily later. It's always awkward if the first time you enter the conversation is as a comment on someone else's - for some reason that always makes them stop and say "Pardon?" I've found, probably because they haven't learnt to attune their ear to the frequency/volume of your voice (or I'm just too quiet). If you follow this up with occasionally asking questions or saying "Wow!' or "That's so interesting/good to know/awful" in subsequent topics and following along with the conversation, nodding, laughing, etc, everyone will see you as a bubbly engaging woman.

rosesonthefloor · 2023-01-26T19:33:21+00:00

It seems like a lot of commenters have already given you some great advice! The one thing that I would add is, when you have time, look into volunteering.

Giving back to a cause you care about is also something you can be proud of, along with what you’re doing to raise your family. It’s also a great way to boost self-esteem, mood, and feel accomplished. And you can even tie it in to your past work experience as I see you’ve worked for a nonprofit before. It can be as little as a few hours a month.

I see you have young children so it might not be super realistic right now, but think about it!

Wickedjoee · 2023-01-26T15:54:49+00:00

W wife ngl

shaelinnn · 2023-01-26T13:14:03+00:00

i dont post here very much but i think if these ppl are so close minded that the only thing that makes you interesting is STEM stuff...who cares what they think? you seem so nice and you rly care about your family and the world needs more ppl like that! it dont matter if your in some kinda lab some place

jenna_grows · 2023-01-26T17:17:28+00:00

My husband is also really proud of my academic and career successes. But I don’t think he would ever want me to go back to the hours I worked when I was single and spent all my time at a really prestigious firm. He also has the comfort that he doesn’t have to do all the intellectual labour when it comes to raising our future kid(s) - especially so as they get older and need career advice and help.

You have skills very few people, let alone SAHMs have! It’s awesome!!

Yes, I still struggle with having left that world for a smaller corporate - even though I’m so much happier now. There’s definitely a loss of prestige and, on paper, I know I’ve got a less impressive brand now.

I don’t really have advice, because I know what it’s like to want it all. But maybe you can complete your degree part-time / distance learning. And, if not that one, something else. You could also freelance. Just keep yourself stimulated and engage your intellect, at your own pace and on your own time.

paniter · 2023-01-26T22:50:02+00:00

If you want to be interesting, be interested and learn about the work he does and all relevant information. Being interesting is hard work.

anothergoodbook · 2023-01-26T23:33:45+00:00

Being a mom doesn’t mean you can’t have any other interests. It can certainly be nice to have other things to talk about with your husband as well as pursing hobbies for your own enjoyment.

I listen to podcasts of varying topics that give me something to discuss. Many times I bring it up as “so and so made this point, what are your thoughts?” And it tends to open up a whole conversation. I also enjoy reading somewhat for this purpose, but I also was part of a book club at one time that really helped with getting being around other people and allowed me to have deeper conversations around this I’m interested in.

One of my biggest fears was (and sometimes still is) that I’ll be left behind. Taking a different path is not being left behind, it’s taking a route totally separate from theirs.

redditheadedstepdad · 2023-01-26T23:47:59+00:00

Yeah set up charity for kids and be the damn director. When you hang out with your husband shake down the table for cash.

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2023-01-27T01:06:56+00:00

He gets to go home to you every day. Sounds like a winner

(also if you want to keep it juicy sounds more like you need some more excitement outside being a mother. Being a Mom is a sensual essence in itself. However we all need variety)

Throwawaylikehay · 2023-01-27T03:29:49+00:00

Thank you for posting this!

Crazy-Vast-7948 · 2023-01-27T04:13:31+00:00

I'm in the STEM field and I feel you. I currently work in it and although it's great on paper, after a full day of work I have no energy to build a home. That energy that makes home a soft place to land is spent when I also need to recharge.

Until I am married I don't see why I should sacrifice a disproportionate amount of time for my boyfriend to advance his career with nothing to show for essentially, but what you are living is the dream.

That being said if you are feeling unfulfilled or disrespected that is something different entirely. Maybe listen to some podcasts about your field? Network with like minded women? Carve out some time to maybe pursue that as an interest. Maybe there is something about yourself that you are neglecting.

josephius132 · 2023-01-27T08:25:51+00:00

I mean the question is, are you still interested in sciences? There is no harm in reading articles and keep up with academic without being there actively.

malazanbettas · 2023-01-27T09:09:13+00:00

I’m sorry but Hello Baby Duckling 30x a day is just the sweetest thing 🖤 you sound like a wonderful wife and person 🖤🖤

LocalCap5093 · 2023-02-01T04:31:52+00:00

Omg are you me?! My husband is also in tech in west coast and ALSO loved me being in stem (not a grad but I have two degrees almost done and have done a lot of outside work) but now I’m just a SAHM mostly and I feel…. Like I’m not who he got with. Like I am… but I’m more simple?

I’ll come back to this post- tbh I’m having some wine and it got me a bit tipsy and my native isn’t English so I don’t want to not make sense -

So far I’ve picked up a class to keep my education going, I’m also reading a ton!! I’m planning on starting content regarding science so I’ll still be like a science wifey.

WannabeWulfie · 2023-02-03T23:30:59+00:00

Something that might help is whenever you get some free time you could do your own form of study at home.

Doesn't need to be an official course or anything like that, but it sounds like you're naturally an intelligent person that enjoys learning :) and that's awesome!

Just spending a bit each day researching or reading up on a topic you find interesting, buy a small text book to take some notes down in. Just because you've decided to be SAHM doesn't mean you have to stop your journey of study. This way as well you don't have to deal with the stress of uni assignments and deadlines, you can just learn about what you like, when you like at your own pace. Maybe down the line you could consider returning to study as a mature student and getting the papers then, but for now you can still fulfill that desire to keep learning and fostering your intelligence.

Hope you find some way to strike a balance and feel fulfilled going forward. :)

AutoModerator · 2023-01-26T12:30:00+00:00

Title: How to stay interesting as a housewife?

Full text: When we met I was building an awesome STEM career and was starting an Ivy-level graduate program. I dropped out without even finishing my first quarter but my husband still drops school/program name when introducing me to people, lol. I was burnt out and feel way more fulfilled currently as a SAHM but I still feel like the pedigree was a large part of why he chose me.

However, my husband’s job has him interact with tons of fascinating, successful, ambitious people, including women. West Coast tech scene so lots of pretty young women too.

Meanwhile I read “Hello, Baby Duckling” 30x in an hour and get my daily sense of accomplishment from vacuuming.

I try to keep up with interesting developments in my former world/his current world so I always have at least some things to talk about, but I fear I’m just not interesting at all anymore. Mostly we talk about our baby’s new developments and our household and that’s about it.

Same goes when we dine with his colleagues; he brags about things I did years ago but there’s really nothing new to say about what I’m up to and I can’t contribute to conversations. They’ve all left me behind.

Any ideas?

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Title	How to stay interesting as a housewife?
Author	tddyddtdd
Upvotes	110
Comments	31
Date	January 26, 2023 12:29 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-stay-interesting-as-a-housewife.1222792 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222792
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10lqpd0/how_to_stay_interesting_as_a_housewife/