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Husband is making me incredibly sad

October 13, 2019

So I thought my husband and I were having a nice date night.

We pick up food for the night and he actually turned to me and said:

“I bet that women gets hit on a lot. She has eyelashes for miles.”

This is upsetting so I start crying and he’s yelling at me. Then told me it wasn’t anything like he said.

This is the same guy who didn’t believe any guy would flirt with me. He never compliments my make up or anything. But what’s really upsetting is I’m crying and it doesn’t matter to him. He’s yelling this is bullshits and I’m stressing him out.

I just don’t know what to do?

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Post Information
Title Husband is making me incredibly sad
Author cassandrarose39
Upvotes 0
Comments 14
Date October 13, 2019 3:12 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/husband-is-making-me-incredibly-sad.290102
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dh560l/husband_is_making_me_incredibly_sad/

[–]misscleanex10 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like a drunk captain to me.

Maybe it's time to get off his ship.

Edit: you didn't follow the posting guidelines on the sidebar so this answer was very incomplete given that we now know you've gained 100 lbs during your marriage and that he left a woman much larger than you, to date you, a much smaller woman at the time. To many men that feels like the ultimate bait and switch.

You can't change your husband's feelings or words and he can't negotiate what he's attracted to. We can call your husband an asshole all we want but we don't have him as an audience and quite frankly, that's not productive. We have you and we can tell you steps for moving forward, however. The way I see it, you have three options here:

  1. Status quo. Inaction. Continue with life as is and make no changes, however don't be surprised about animosity and him pointing out other women. Again, not excusing his behavior but he's not our audience and we can't change him. You can only change you. If this is the route you continue to choose, don't be surprised if sympathy from others wanes.
  2. Do something about it like she did. If you want things to return to how they once were like you're reminiscing about below, this is the only option.
  3. Walk away from the relationship so he can find someone he's attracted to and you can find someone who can accept your weight.

[–]cassandrarose39 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

He doesn’t drink

[–]misscleanex0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Drunk Captain doesn't necessarily mean your husband is an alcoholic. Drunk captain is a euphemism for not so great a captain. Captain Hook is a great example. He was horrible to his first mate.

Having also been in a ten year old relationship married to a guy who engaged in this exact behavior, I can tell you that life became significantly better the second I stepped off his ship and I found a captain who doesn't make me feel ugly or fat. (Something somebody who is neither of those things should ever feel.) Unfortunately, it didn't hit me that my future with him would be pure misery until after he started, well, hitting me.

Unless you've severely let yourself go and your husband is harboring animosity about it, it might be time to consider walking.

Love is respect. It isn't your OP. You're being ripped to shreds and then he's gaslighting you into not trusting your own instincts or feelings. All while disregarding your problems as actual problems. This is very Narcissistic behavior. This is a way to keep your confidence down so you can feed his emotional needs.

Editing because response was given before knowing all the details.

[–]cassandrarose39 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

I severely let myself go. He doesn’t hit me but I do feel ugly and fat.

[–]PolitelyRefined4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


Take a gander at the top few posts. You'll probably find it very relatable and validating.

[–]Meusulus7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Leave his dumb ass? All good men know better than that! It's abusive to say no one would flirt with you (aka you are beautiful and he wants to hurt your self-esteem to bring you down to his level because he knows he doesn't deserve you. Ol' Classic low self-esteem guy). It is also abusive to yell at you. It's called triangulating when someone brings another into a relationship this way when the behavior isn't 10 times more apt to happen to you. He is pulling your strings on purpose, hun. I wish I would have listened to me when someone was pointing out these things to me. Read up on narcissism. I bet he brags on himself a lot and over-exaggerates his accomplishments too and is very cynical and speaks badly about people too?

[–]cassandrarose39 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think he’s a narcissist but I do think he has something. A mild form of autism. He totally misses a lot of social cues.

[–]Meusulus-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is he willing to get help for it?

[–]pm_me_old_maps3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think the compliment on the other woman is enough to warrant crying over or breaking up on it's own. The reaction after is worrisome, if he started yelling at you though. That's not right.

[–]melitele31 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

In general I think you overreacted in this situation. Him complimenting other woman shouldn’t really make you this upset. You need to work on your confidence. I think he doesn’t react to your crying because he thinks you are blowing this out of proportion.

Other issue though is him saying no one will want you or never complimenting you. But I don’t know what you should do with this fact. Maybe when you aren’t emotional anymore and not crying you can sit down with him and tell him (without making it look like you are blaming him) that lately he hasnt been complimenting you and that restaurant scene has made you sad because you wish he said more nice things to you? It is quite peculiar to be honest... did anything in your appearance changed dramatically since you two met?

[–]cassandrarose39 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

I gained 100 pounds and I feel like it’s my fault for everything. He doesn’t make me feel good about myself. I honestly believe he’s never felt lucky to have me it’s always he rescued me so I’m the lucky one.

[–]melitele3-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Did he ever compliment you before you gained weight?

[–]Tatiannah[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Where did you drop your crown? You need to go pick it up. And drop that garbage like a bad habit.

[–]gimpgirl5550 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you're just oversensitive and should get over yourself.

If you want him to treat you better you need to look better. Worked for me.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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