Hi Red Pill Ladies. I wanted to share with you something that my husband said recently and maybe get some feedback.

So I've been a lurker on and of for a while but only recently subscribed and started commenting. One of the reasons I wanted to get into RPW a little more is that in the last few months I've become the sole breadwinner for my husband and our two year old daughter and it made me feel kind of unfeminine. Before the situation became that way I didn't think those gender roles were that strongly instilled in me but I guess they were.

So I've been trying to break out my girl game pretty hard this last month or so, working ten to twelve hour days, doing errands on my breaks and coming home to cook and clean. At his point I should say my husband has some eating issues, he could honestly go days without eating if nothing appeals to him. I try to make sure I cook to his tastes, and include side dishes and salad for him because he once said he liked that. He likes when I cook but a lot of the time he tells me I don't have to clean, he feels like he should do that because he's the SAHP and he says I should spend time with our daughter instead of cleaning. I get frustrated because he complains when he can't et and he complains when the house is messy but when I take that as a hint he assures me that he doesn't mean it that way and tells me I should spend time with our daughter.

So anyway everything came to a had the other night when I came home with some stuff we needed from family dollar including a new trash can, when my husband complained that there was no meat in the house and that was the only thing he could work up an apatite for. I happened to know there was bacon in the freezer and offered to make him a BLT which he said he would eat. I started the bacon but my daughter wanted to play with the new trash can so I turned it over for her and she crawled in then out, then she wanted to play in it standing and I was trying to fry bacon and toast bread and cut lettuce and tomato. So I put her in the trash can without thinking much of it she seemed entertained for the moment. I went back to sandwich making, and well you can probably guess that she knocked the trashcan over with herself inside and burst out crying. My husband rushed in from the other room where he was supposed to be taking a well deserved break from childcare with some video games, put two and two together and started screaming at me "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?"

I felt so guilty and ashamed yet still angry that he was speaking at me like that but knowing that it was my fault. I couldn't say anything I just scooped my daughter up and took her to the bedroom to calm down. She had definitely hurt herself a little, on top of scaring herself, from the way she was crying.

My husband has actually been criticizing my parenting a lot since he became the primary care giver and it makes me feel pretty awful, so this incident made me really question my competence as a mother and really hit my self esteem hard. It took a few hours to feel my husband out and make sure he wasn't still disgusted by me and I told him how awful I felt, and he told me that part of the reason he reacted so strongly was that I was trying to cook for him and it wasn't right for our daughter to take a back seat to his needs when he's an adult and he can meet them himself but she's two years old and misses her mom all day.

So to respect my husband's wishes I'm trying to be more realistic with my ability to meet his whims and needs. I thought that he would like me more if I made a nice dinner from scratch every night and cleaned so he wouldn't have to, but I guess what he wants more than anything is for his child to have a doting mother.

So the next day on my break I bought lunch meat and cheese, hot dogs, and hamburgers. Stuff he likes to eat that isn't a hassle to make for either of us. When I came home the house was clean and the living room rearranged to a much cozier set up.

Still I'm not really sure where to go from here, I feel like being a RPW is more complicated when there are children involved, or maybe I've just been too tunnel-vision on pleasing my husband that my daughter became a hindrance in my mind instead of the charming, fun, learning, growing, bubbly goof ball who needs a lot of attention, that she is.

TLDR: Female Breadwinner (me) over-compensated trying to please my husband. Two-year old daughter suffered for it and husband didn't like that one bit. Now I'm trying to find balance.