~ archived since 2018 ~

I can admit im scared of my beauty fading away

July 7, 2022

Hello ladies. It is well known that men are attracted to youth, I am scared of aging because I know I wont be as beautiful anymore when I am 50 something years old.

I am scared that maybe my future husband will seek out a younger woman. Is it all just a matter of taking care of my body and appearance and staying kind?

How can I make sure my future hubby sticks around? Edit to add: I take great pride in my looks and body and my femininity is very important to me. I do everything I can to keep my boyfriend happy!

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[–]Strixt 44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes looks fade. You can eat healthy, stay fit, and pamper yourself but eventually age is a slow torturing evil force.

Which is why you don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you are an Instagram model and all you do is market your body and face and that’s it. You screwed up. Diversification is your goal!!!

You shouldn’t be just looks. You should be the the first person your man looks to when he has a problem he can’t solve. Or a need he has to be fulfilled.

This can take many forms and is not limited to but can include, cooking, housekeeping, planning vacations, keeping time, getting things in order, establishing a home that is consistent or constant with its organization, taking care of the small things so he has no worries, etc etc etc.

As another commentator said. Make him feel like a king. Which in all honesty is easy as complimenting him, sexing him, and feeding him. It’s very funny but it just isn’t that hard. At least it isn’t as hard as these news articles like to make it seem!!!!!!!!

You will become apart of him and he apart of you. As yet another commenter said. Men always look. But men are visual to a fault. Humans are visual creatures for goodness. We can’t help but look at things that move. Just like a dog can’t help but look at a squirrel or bunny when it moves.

He shouldn’t be indecent about his looking and if he is he should be corrected. But ideally you’d pick a good man who will grow with you. A man that will see the value that you bring him and how you make is life better. And how he would be devastated if you weren’t there to be his partner who reminds him of the small things he forgets!!!!

One thing I miss about watching Kevin samuels is how he’d bring up something like. “A man doesn’t need a women who is headstrong or willful. He goes to work and he fights and has to be strong and deal with willful people all day. He doesn’t need to come home to more fights. No man wants to come home to that.”

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Men are always going to look but that does not mean that beauty is the only thing of value.

We promote it so heavily on RPW because we live in a culture where things like "healthy at any size" exist. Women chop off their hair and dye it Caribbean Blue and then let it fade to Atlantic Ocean Blue. We wear yoga pants and t-shirts and call that dressed. In this market, wearing a dress and fixing your hair IS important to get the attraction of a man. It sets you apart because many women are fighting against femininity or a look-conscious approach. But looks only get you in the door. They are not everything and will not sustain a relationship long term.

Relationship market value is very important. What you bring to the table, how you make his life easier and more enjoyable - these are just as important as looks. And in my experience, men value loyalty above -- well I won't say above all things but above a lot.

My FIL once said that he would never leave my MIL because she stayed with him and took care of him when he was sick. She demonstrated a loyalty that he would answer with loyalty. My husband (and we've discussed this) recognizes what I've stood by him - from dating him when he was all potential and not much else, through job losses, to believing he'd be a good father and giving him children (this is specific to us and not considered loyalty for all men).

He may look at other women but other women are an unknown. He has the option to leave me and date a woman 20 years my junior. That would be a gamble though.

My approach is to be a woman who his friends tell him that he is lucky to have. The men I know who are still dating tell horror stories of the market. Be pleasant, be loyal, be an asset and he won't leave you for a younger model because most younger women ONLY compete based on looks.

[–]LoveWitchXo[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you so much ❤️

[–]brushshstrokes 39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are men who stay faithful to their wives as they age. It's in the emotional bind, the way you treat him and the value you add to his life

[–]32vromeo 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One thing I think the average women doesn’t realize is how much of a disservice they do themselves by letting themselves go and gaining the additional weight. I say if you keep your physique in check, dress well and maintain hygiene and soft and feminine understanding and outlook on life, you’ll make yourself irreplaceable. Especially considering we already know men initiate only a small percentage of divorces. Furthermore if you have his kids and not someone else’s. Continue to add value and he ain’t going nowhere

[–]whyregretsadness 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


Has yet to be maintained in my experience though

[–]Travel_Amazing 67 points68 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Provide value outside of sex and hell stay forever

[–]henrycatalina 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

From a man married 45 years and 68 years old.

For many men and me your wife kind ofcalwats looks the same unless you gain excessive weight. My wife looks amazingly like she was at 25 or 35 per my altered vision. . It kind of imprints on your mind like a drug. EXCEPT...if my wife goes off angry and pissed off, frowning and ranting about something. Or like when she decided sex was off the table for 2 years, but ok, she was still attractive. Worked through that one.

Lucky me my wife's not gained any significant weight and while several children had some effect she's still looking great in yoga pants. She's a year older than me.

I'm about the same shape also but it is clear my wife doesn't have the same distorted vision. Those pecks might do 40 push ups but all she sees is I might fit an cup. Then I'm not getting any taller so the 5 foot eight stature is no longer occluded by my overconfidence. I just treat all this as shit tests. A compliment never hurts.

Stay fit and make your husbands home a place he walks in the door without walking on eggshells. Encourage him to stay fit. Treat each other like a prize and seek to meet the prize description.

[–]yourbadformylungs 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have heard many comments on this sub about how being feminine is key after hitting the wall.

Have grace, elegance, and a healthy, happy mind body and soul. Be secure with yourself and learn to enjoy building up yourself and others. Tap into your feminine instincts. Be an empathetic warm woman for your husband to come home to.

Have a passion for something, anything, have something to pour all your passion and energy to outside of those around you.

Ultimately we are all going to age someday no matter how much we try, all we’ll have to show for it in the end is our character. Work on that, and grow throughout your life so you can be the best you can be.

I would say whats really going to keep a guy around is if he loves you and actually enjoys you as a person. Personally I don’t believe in divorce so once he’s your husband theres a serious level of commitment, especially with children. Any good man shouldn’t be up and leaving you just because you’ve naturally aged. I understand valuing a more youthful looking appearance in a woman but completely throwing away a quality women after years of investment and is quite low. In fact, if you feel like a man would leave you after marrying him or spending a long time with him just because you’ve aged, I don’t think he’s a quality man for you and you deserve someone who appreciates you for what you can control, not for what you cannot.

[–]OLOWalsingham 32 points33 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Main thing - make him feel like a king and he ain't going anywhere! Not sure if this is allowed but I suggest a Catholic man. I'm not saying they are perfect but if you can find one with a strong faith they have a strong understanding of the sacrament of marriage. Mainly death do us part, adultery (even in thought) being a sin, and marriage being for the procreation of children and getting each other to heaven. None of that includes trading in for a younger model. I am not saying other men are not capable or that there are not catholic bad eggs out there but it might be somewhere to start. On this topic I have suggested Red Pill women to lots of friends but find the red pill men reddit ( maybe i am on the wrong one ) to not really align fully with what I thought RP men was about. It seems to be a bit frat like and sex obsessed in a bad way and some of the posts sound unlike any HV Men i know in real life . Sorry for the tangent!

[–]LoveWitchXo[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is good advice although I am not catholic nor super religious so I wouldn’t want to be hypocritical if that makes sense. Also many in the mens sub go to release a lot of anger which is why it’s so different haha.

[–]Impressive_Produce_3 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely get yourself a catholic man ^ totally agree

[–]Lots_SaltyAss_Wife 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not worried and I'm young with first white hair. Well I know one thing to do is drink water, working out, and skincare. That's all you can do that will help yourself. Also a good husband will love you as you age.

I even seen men find it weird to be attracted to young woman as they get older in other subreddit threads as well, which is great because I assumed only men want young women in 20s, what a relief to hear lots of older men liking women within their age range. . If you know your husband loves you he will stay with you even with age as a factor because you have the whole package, personality, history with him, how you care for each other, etc. It would be dumb for any man to leave for a young woman.

[–]jenna_grows1 Star 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband sent me a photo of a swimsuit magazine cover where the model displayed her c section scars. I told him that I was happy it was being normalised but I’m always scared of pregnancy because no one perceives that as beautiful.

He replied saying that “a man will always feel like the mother of his children is the most beautiful woman in the world”.

Now I know it’s not true for all men. But I know that’s how HE feels and that’s all that matters.

[–]TheBunk_TB 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What many women don't know:

There are many men that desire long term loyalty on a reciprocal level.

I think that it is a minority of men that desire to trade "a 50 in for two 25s".

Be a happy person while being with a happy person that you enjoy keeping happy.

[–]warm20 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

high quality men are aware beyond their monkey brain chatter, they don't really give in to keeping that the center of their life, they are more than content with a special connection with their wife

just treat him and yourself well, take care of your health and be active that is plenty of beauty for just being healthy both mentally and physically at your age range, he will love you emotionally and physically for that

[–]whyregretsadness -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


When they stop trying so do I

[–]warm20 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


When they stop trying so do I

when someone stops trying, finding out the root to why they've fallen and helping aid it back to a healthier place is a better approach and vice versa for you, you'd like someone to help you get out of your own rabbit hole if you've fallen, it just feels better that way it's a healthy approach of growth with ongoing calibration when flaws or spikes happen

that's the basis on an unbreakable/unshakable relationship where both are aware and are trying to make it happen instead of just cutting each other out, when something arises, they work through it together as a team

[–]whyregretsadness 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t mind the downvote as I didn’t give context

I asked why they stopped trying. What I received was, you should accept me however I am I accept you however you are. Leave me alone. I don’t need or want to talk about this.

Trying to understand was met with defensiveness and stonewalling.

I never stopped trying to be the best version of myself. They did because they didn’t feel like it.

[–]Rose_Tremiere 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've had the same fears nearing 40 but since I understood the value of true femininity a few months ago, it has helped me considerably. First of all, I realized that age also brings assets looks wise, paradoxically. When I started paying attention to women in the street, I saw that no matter their age, some women simply glow with femininity while others don't. It's immediately obvious that they take care of their appearance and their body, that they're polished and put together, that they dress in a feminine style they're comfortable with. All of that gives them confidence and it shows. I think it's easier to know what your style is and feel beautiful without having to follow trends when you're middle-aged, whereas younger women who want to stay classy and feminine have to deal with a market where many girls are blatantly putting their assets on full display because that's what they see on social media 24/7.

This paired with treating your partner like a king and making him feel like a million bucks, as you already do, is IMO a pretty sure-fire way to keep him around. As others have said, he may look, sure, but if he has everything he needs and desires at home, he won't go seeking it elsewhere.

[–]dubufeetfak 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Im 27m. I have friends of all ages and while we all appreciate beauty, its far from the requirement.

Beauty might be what catches your attention but character is what keeps you.

I wouldn't be worried about beauty fading away, everyone knows thats part of life and you don't really want a husband that's in for the looks.

Staying healthy (i dont mean extra fit) is more appealing at that age imo as you don't want to spend life with someone who isn't healthy because of their own actions (excluding cancer and similar sicknesses that there is almost nothing you can do to prevent)

Also confidence is beautiful way more than physical beauty.

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]LivelyLycheeModerator[M] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Advice must come from a red-pilled perspective. Suggesting to weaponize a marriage so that it’s more of a hassle to separate and to use dread on men are both awful ideas for RPWs looking for healthy long-term relationships. Removed.

[–]Latter_Ad_6840 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think I communicated my perspective clearly, I'm not suggesting weaponizing marriage, that would be really toxic. The fact is that having marriage and that kind of lifetime commitment does provide peace of mind. Building a bond is irreplaceable but it feels like an audition until marriage in my opinion. I mean it's not a trap, it's a fair exchange.

Also about dread, I mean it's also healthier for women to have interesting and fulfilling lives with hobbies and friendships but it also so happens that it raises RMV and relationship success, I don't think the goal is to purposely dread someone, it's to have a life you truly enjoy and the side effect is that someone will be more scared to lose you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Once you have children it won't really matter as much imo, he will have to hand over a large chunk of income for their care and Itll take his RMV down.

Untrue. There are some women that will turn down a man with kids but it doesn't work the same way as men not wanting a woman with kids.

Men will stay for the kids but that is a terribly reason to let yourself go or to stop trying in a relationship. Instead of having a great relationship you will be cohabitating friends with kids. It's not the same at all.

And this:

There is also dread

Doesn't work as well for men as you think. Women and men are different. A good way to piss off a man is to flirt with someone in front of him. It's disrespectful and that is a blow to a relationship dynamic.

[–]Scared-Tea-8911 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think they are talking more in terms of time/income (child support, alimony) going to the kids and the ex, not the fact that women don’t like dating dads!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm don't think I understand the distinction you are making. If his Relationship Market Value is lowered because his time/money is taken, then he will be less appealing. I've not seen this play out in real life. There ARE women who would not date a father -- which is what you would expect from a declining RMV -- but for the most part, by the age we are talking about (late thirties and onward), kids and income are not that much of a deterrent for women when choosing a man. There are even some younger women for whom it is not a deterrent.

If women will continue to date him, then his RMV isn't significantly lowered.

She's trying to make the case that once you are married, he needs to stay with you because he will be less appealing on the market. I do not believe that to be true.

[–]Scared-Tea-8911 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think it depends on how custody gets arranged, how child support is managed and how much he ends up owing, etc… if she gets ½ the value of the house, and ½ the value of the retirement accounts, he will be financially starting over, maybe going back to renting, with some additional monthly expenses and weird time sucks (driving to the ex’s house, picking up the kids, weird scheduling with potential romantic partners etc) that reduce his RMV. I don’t think it is worth staying in a relationship if it makes him truly unhappy, but I also don’t agree that you should discount the hefty financial, emotional, and practical/time management tole of divorce!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But suggesting that there is a personal barrier to divorce ("hefty financial, emotional and practical / time management toll") is different than saying that a divorce lowers RMV.

There is the "cheaper to keep her" contingent along with men that are simply unwilling to make the leap. Some men will take an unhappy marriage and cheat rather than divorce.

As u/livelylychee wrote - it's not great to weaponize marriage. Sure, marriage locks you in. It doesn't lock you in enough to rely on the legal constraints to keep a man who is set on leaving. The OP is saying that she's worried he'll stray with someone younger as she ages. Simply having a marriage certificate is nowhere near sufficient to keep that from occurring.

[–]Scared-Tea-8911 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is not great to weaponize marriage. I don’t remember all of the original post - my only point is that in a lot of cases, divorce financially and emotionally impacts people negatively for a long time, and it can be difficult for men to recover and begin dating if they are bankrupt, paying child support, living in an apartment, strapped with legal fees, trying to figure out daycare for the kids on their own, etc…

[–]Scared-Tea-8911 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree - BUT, having a marriage certificate (as opposed to nice words about “loving you forever”/being boyfriends, etc.) does provide a financial incentive to 1. Vet whoever you marry and or have kids with very thoroughly and make sure you are sure of your decision, and 2. Work on issues as they arise to improve the relationship, as the financial cost to leave is much higher once you are married, and the probability of second marriages working out is much lower.

[–]Latter_Ad_6840 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't mean let yourself go after that at all, I'm just saying women get peace of mind after marriage and having kids. Our biological purpose is to reproduce with a mate that we deem suitable and who will stick around to protect our children, we are nervous until then. Marriage helps with that, once I get married, I will breathe out one of the deepest sighs of relief. Other things are obviously important too, it's not the end-all-be-all. But it's just helpful to the psyche and to the knowledge of aging.

>Doesn't work as well for men as you think

By dread I don't mean go out and flirt with other men, I mean just remain desirable. Nothing toxic implied in that. If you work out and have an interesting life and make sure not to sit on the couch eating potato chips and getting fat, you are less likely to have your relationship nosedive.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Removed. This isn't advice.

[–]ash5991 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I also struggle with these feelings. When I confide in my husband about it be tells me not to worry, he will also be older too and will still be attracted to me. It's a different kind of beauty. Just like when I was pregnant, he was attracted to me in a different way than when I was 19 and now that I'm 31. I think it's important to find a partner that is capable of growing and changing with you. Always take care of yourself, but I'm trying to relearn that aging really isn't so bad, just different, and there's plenty of older women I find beautiful and attractive. I think the beauty of youth is a thing our society focuses on and fetishizes to a certain extent, when in reality aging is just another part of life. And our journey as a whole is quite a beautiful thing.

[–]anxietanny 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men and women are both attracted to youth, and it leaves all of us, including your future husband. Make sure you are with someone who is present in the moment with you, so you can enjoy your youth as much as possible. What I’m finding now that I’m pushing 50, I don’t wish I wore more makeup and made myself look beautiful; I wish I’d taken advantage of my physical capability and lived more.

[–]Captainsgirl 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Beauty is truly more than just youthful good looks. Yes, it's important for us to take care of our bodies and presentation, but cultivating kindness, integrity, humor, wisdom, compassion, are all just as much and even more important. I just turned 42, and I can tell you that nothing I do at this point is going to make me look 22. But that's okay! I nourish my body, mind, soul, and heart. I am pleasant and often even playful with my husband. This morning he was teasing me about something and I jumped into his lap and pretended like I was going to bite him while we both laughed like little kids. I do my best to take care of him, his children, and his home every day of our lives together. I make sure I am always there for him emotionally or if he needs someone to bounce thoughts and ideas off of. I adore him and I try to show him and/or tell him that every day. I don't worry. Men look, but all I can do is be the best me, the me that a man would be foolish to walk away from. And I didn't marry a foolish man.

About a year ago, he saw me kind of studying my face in the mirror and he asked me what I was doing. I admitted that I had noticed some crinkles around my eyes and they made me feel old. He reminded me that my eyes crinkle when I smile, then told me that he thinks it's beautiful that I've spent so much time in my life smiling that it's a permanent part of my face now. I love that.

[–]LoveWitchXo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s beautiful!

[–]zaftig_stig 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a reality we just can't avoid, but something I keep hearing over and over is men are very attracted to confidence. While they obviously note physical beauty, it's confidence that really draws them.

That gives me some peace of mind except I personally need to build my confidence.

[–]Conical90 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

May I add, I’m a 31 yrs old man currently dating a 53 years old woman. Ofcourse she looks like she’s in her 50s but that doesn’t bother me much because she has long straight hair (goes down her butt), she always dresses feminine, always take care of her look, makeup, eyelashes, nailpolish, perfect hygiene. Not only this, but she’s also a wonderful cook, takes good care of me, breakfast & coffee ready in the morning as well as my lunch made for work ready. She treats me like a king and she never complains about anything, she let me do pretty much whatever I want, anytime I want. The guy above who said to provide value outside of sex and he’ll stay forever, is right.

We’ve known each other for 10yrs, been dating for 3 going on 4. And it feels like we’ve been dating for a few months only

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you are that scared,have you thought of dating older man like 10-18 years older?

Ofcourse your youth will attract him,maybe he will ask you out as the guy will probably get excited going with younger woman,in that moment you can show your feminine side,dress cute.Then he will get attracted to your personality.So that you don't have to worry about aging as guy is already older. I have seen this happening a lot ,even see agegap sub,look how they treating their wife.Some woman are actually average looking but still they getting good captain.

Edit-Wait,you mentioned you have boyfriend.So sorry for not reading properly.Well then continue to be good partner and wish you good luck

[–]TheFruitofKnowledge 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There's probably a self-selection process going on such that the men who are dating women significantly younger are on average more hung up on looks/ageing.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean older man who actually don't mind long relationship.

[–]TheFruitofKnowledge 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only derive your self-worth from that which is under your control.

[–]Oftenblazed 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


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