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I did it ... I switched to part time work!

MirriMazDuur
September 27, 2020
148 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

It seems that every woman my age is not just encouraged to have a career, but that we owe it to society to have one. I have always been a hyperproductive and hypercreative person, yet it seems that it is never enough. Suddenly, the dream job I landed in college is something seen as lowly for my age (27); the fact that I earn a decent living is not enough and I should earn more; being employed is silly and I should seek out to be a highly independent and driven freelancer and so on.

In the meantime, I have been living with my boyfriend for two years (I know most of you are against it, yet my context is a little different from most of you and honestly I wouldn't have it any other way) in a one bedroom apartment which I can never clean well enough for my standards. I do not have the time and mental energy to maybe pickle some cucumbers or make some home-made ketchup like my grandmother did; we often get take-away because we cannot both focus on shopping and cooking yet again. I have sacrificed my time, effort and mental space to my job and my hobbies to live a life in which I do not eat healthy or have a properly organized and sanitized home, and I felt that I was a failure.

Everybody around me seems to be able to do it all, to have an impeccable home, free time and have outstanding careers and I thought there was something wrong with me, that I am just not as capable as other women are. I blamed myself for not being up to standards, until I found out that I share the same thoughts with my best friend and until I found you ladies ... And so I got the courage to step down, the courage to tell my man that I wish to work less and earn less for our common good without feeling that I am a lazy gold-digger. I have the courage to admit that I do want my man to earn more and pay for more while I do "limit" myself to ironing bedsheets and shopping for organic tomatoes.

I will be switching to part-time work on thursady, free of the guilt of not being a modern/strong/independent/whatever woman. Thank you ladies!

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Post Information
Title I did it ... I switched to part time work!
Author MirriMazDuur
Upvotes 148
Comments 54
Date September 27, 2020 7:19 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-did-it-i-switched-to-part-time-work.272423
https://theredarchive.com/post/272423
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/j0mw10/i_did_it_i_switched_to_part_time_work/
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Comments

[–]vintagegirlgame41 points42 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Hurrah! So much is pushed on people just to support a consumerist mentality that you have to push yourself to the max to earn the most money so you can spend it on the most stuff... congrats for getting off the treadmill to do what really makes you happy!

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I never looked at this as being a consumerist issue, so that's food for thought.

[–]vintagegirlgame12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Women make great consumers, especially when they have more of their own money! I feel like the feminist movement was partly funded by an infinitely expanding economy that needs for more people to buy things.

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I am so happy that women are at the front if the thrifting and diy-ing counted culture! Also I am happy that where I live farmers' markets and small shops never died. I have been able to not set foot in a supermarket in years and I only go to the mall twice a year

[–]vintagegirlgame5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

True true! And good for you! I’ve gone 2.5 years now without buying new clothing (thrifting only), I work trade on a farm part of the year, and love crafting and DIY.

[–]-Raksu-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thrift shopping is the best! So many treasures out there. The only clothing items I buy new are undergarments, and on the rare occasion that I buy pajamas, pajamas...

[–]linkofinsanity193 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

With twice the worker supply in the work force, average wage can be lower (market equilibrium) as well. Some more food for thought.

[–]BumbleBitny24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Plus it's crazy to think about how much more money they end up spending just to participate in their rat race. "I don't have time to buy a slightly older home and fix it up slowly. So we're buying new for 50% increase on sqft cost." "I don't want to eat garbage but I don't have time to meal plan, grocery shop, and cook from scratch everyday so Hello fresh it is! It only costs about twice as much if I would have just bought everything from a grocery store and planned multiple meals around the ingredients I need." "I don't have time to deep clean my house so I just have a cleaner come in once a month to do the big cleaning, but it's only $150 a month so very reasonable." "Hubby and I don't have enough time for breakfast so we just grab something at the office cafe every morning. It's super cheap though only $3 for a coffee and a muffin." "I'm expected to look always in fashion and put together at my job. So I need to maintain bi weekly manicures, a professional dye job to keep the grays I get from stress colored. Makeup every day and adding at least 3 name brand additions to my wardrobe a season to keep my wardrobe updated."

And that's not even including the most expensive which is child cary costs.

It's crazy how much people don't realize they spend on the "privilege" of working. It was eye opening and honestly upsetting to realize how much of my income was going to the convenience tax because both husband and I were working 40+ hours and didn't have the energy or mental bandwidth to do it.

[–]BumbleBitny30 points31 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Congrats! There is two things that I can say hands down made my marriage rock solid. Quitting my job to become a house wife. And making a budget that includes an "allowance" for both hubby and myself. With the rules that how the other person spends their allowance is none of your business.

Housework and money are the two most fought about things. When you remove the fighting triggers we went from arguing maybe once a month or so, to the last time we had an argument was over 6 months ago.

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My heart grows when I read success stories, especially that people around me seem to only fight and complain. It's such a relief to find a solution-focused sub like this one

[–]UniformFox_trotOscar5 points6 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Can I ask what you were arguing about? I’m working part time and my partner REALLY doesn’t want me to. I’m considering staying home and being a house wife.

I’m just not 100% if I’ll be happy not working at all because I really enjoy my job.

[–]BumbleBitny7 points8 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Mostly house work. It was no uncommon for the conversation to go "I just got home from an 8 hour work day why couldn't you have just put a load of laundry in the wash and empty the dishwasher!?" "I just finished my 45 hour work week I want a day to relax is that too much to ask for!?"

Rinse and repeat with us switching positions and a rotation of cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, and making dinner.

[–]UniformFox_trotOscar2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Oh ok. Since I’m only part time and my bf is “handicapped” we don’t argue about housework. I do it and I don’t mind it 98% of the time.

Glad you guys were able to find a solution that works for you!

[–]BumbleBitny5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Our arguments while surfaced as housework were more. "I feel like you are not respecting my time." And honestly that's still normally what we argue about just much, much, much less.

[–]UniformFox_trotOscar2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah that seems more on brand for us too. I think all problems would be solved if our 14month old was in daycare on the days I worked. For now he watches the baby two work-week days instead of working.

[–]BumbleBitny5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

If you want my advice for that would be for you to view your lives like work. Both of you sit down and calculate how much time you both spend doing something that's not free time. Driving to the office that's work, making dinner work, giving baby a bath work. Once you both calculate ALL of the time you both spend doing tasks for the whole week calculate the time. This does two things, allows each of you to see how you compare on free time, and puts into perspective what the other person does all week long.

From there then you can start to really look at solving the time respect and getting an equal level of free time. Does baby need to go to day care, is the family better off with mama at home. Do we need to hire a cleaner to come in once a month to do the deep cleaning.

And remember free time is not "well you just have to drive an hour to work and get to listen to an audiobook" or "you just have to watch the baby play!" Free time is "someone else to tending baby or baby is sleeping and I am doing whatever I find relaxing..so unless this house is on fire I am not being disturbed."

[–]ughifeellikealoser1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Question for you - would you include the beauty maintenance which many women do (and which often costs money) in your definition of “work”?

Between 1-2 hours in the gym + transportation + 1-2 hours to get cleaned up afterwards, there’s ~3-4 hours/day that’s not technically “free time” (but that you are paying for like a service). Add to that biweekly nail appointments, monthly hair salon and dermatologist visits, hair removal (or the at-home, DIY versions of all these - but we all know those can be equally as time-consuming and never seem to turn out quite the same!), daily shaving, plucking, primping, hairstyling, makeup application, skincare, etc. and you have what amounts to a part-time job’s worth of labor just keeping yourself up.

I think it’s an interesting question because it’s not really NOT an option for (RP)women anyway. I personally don’t have a problem with doing these things and find the process enjoyable most of the time, but I can’t say it doesn’t cut into my ability to do other things at times (chores and hobbies alike).

I am curious about your/everyone’s opinion as to whether all of those hours per week should qualify as “downtime/free time” and if the same number of hours should be totally open and free for the husbands (who expect/enjoy the results of our efforts of course). Or if there is some type of hybrid solution we should be targeting? Disclaimer - I am referring here to men who spend considerably less time on their appearance than their wives (including my husband who exercises inconsistently while I am daily, and whose grooming is limited to an hour tops daily plus a trip to the barber every few months) and know every couple is different and would have to calculate this for themselves.

[–]BumbleBitny4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The gym no that's not free time to me, showering that's not either. Those are things that your partner should also be doing. Getting ready in the morning is also not free time to me but I have a 20 minute hair and makeup routine so it doesn't take long.

Everything else is free time to me. However I will be honest and say I spend far less time maintaining myself than you do. I shave in the shower everyday, and since I do it everyday it take less than 10 minutes. I do my own nails at home while watching TV. I have a stripped down skincare that takes less than 5 minutes. So my ideas my not apply to your situation perfectly.

To me it's a tricky situation because on one hand your husband does greatly benefit from the process. But on the other hand you have to truly ask yourself do you NEED to spend an hour doing your hair and makeup every day or does it take that long because it's a relaxing process and you enjoy it. Does he really truly think perfectly curled hair and a full face of makeup is his preferred way of seeing you or is he just as happy with a side braid and concealer, mascara, brows done. So I say ask him. If he says that he loves when you curl your hair and that's how he likes to look at you than hell yeah that's work time. If he says he loves your hair down or in a cute pony then I would say the time you spend is for you and therefore your free time.

[–]ughifeellikealoser0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Great points! And I should have clarified - the daily hair/makeup routine applied much more so pre-covid when I was going into work every day. I work in sales and visited my clients’ businesses daily so a full suit, heels and coiffed to the nines was the expectation (and the requirement from my company). That normally meant waking up at 5 to hit the gym, primp and still make my 8AM meeting every morning. Now that we are WFH and doing video meetings, I still have to look professional but a LOT less goes into it than before. I can get away with a lot more days of dry shampoo, haha.

My husband doesn’t need a full face of makeup or my hair styled all the time by any means, but I was being required to do it every day anyway. I guess in a way you could actually look at it as a part of my job. Salespeople at my job would not be very successful (or as successful) without meeting certain standards that make you stand out and make people want to be around you. I would say it goes it a step beyond just looking presentable and professional to show up for your office job. There’s definitely an emphasis (and financial benefit) to looking more put-together, made up, fashionable, “glamorous” etc. than the average attractive but natural woman you would see on the street. That turns the heads of all the suits in any office building you enter, making them curious about who you are and willing to sit down with you and give you a few minutes of their time. It’s quite literally my company’s business model. An interesting element to think about.

Regardless of where the pressure comes from, for many women being “done up” perfectly every day is a requirement, but I don’t hear very many conversations about whether the effort that goes into it “counts” as part of the work we do.

[–]-Raksu-0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Have a chore chart. There's got to be a way to make it work - a way to make the arguing stop.

[–]BumbleBitny1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We tried that, it didn't work. Like I mentioned earlier the physical manifestation of the issue was chores. The emotional undertone was neither of us felt the other understood or respected our time. It honestly just lead to more resentment. When person A didn't finish all the tasks and person B did. However person A had to pull two 12 hour days that week and feels perfectly justified for not completing their tasks. Person B doesn't care because two weeks ago they only had 1 day off that week and still managed to complete all of there's.

I'm sure for some people it works great. Hubby and I had the type of jobs that wanted you to be married to the work. So nothing we tried ever worked great.

[–]-Raksu-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. It sounds like the problem will continue until you're a stay-at-home housewife, then. Funny not funny lol..

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

A chore chart sounds like you are treating your man like your child which is pretty anti-rpw

[–]-Raksu-0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I meant a chore chart for both people, that both people agree on. To keep both parties accountable. Don't bring it up in anger, of course.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this is an appropriate use of "bring your captain your problem". Otherwise you can make all the chore charts you want but if you don't have buy in from your partner, you are the mom assigning tasks.

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m trying to understand why your boyfriend is happy to be the breadwinner when you are not his wife, and you are not raising his children.

What does he get out of allowing you to work part-time and subsidising your living costs financially?

I mean no judgement, it’s just I’ve been sold the ‘men don’t want to be provider and protecter’ horse-shit and I’m trying to reprogram my brain that actually some men do…

Is it just the way he is?

He’s financially secure, he can well-afford to support you and is happy to do so, because he loves you and he benefits from you being in his life?

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because it would free up time and energy for me to:

  • Take over the cooking, which he currently does, freeing up his time and relieveing him of the responsibility
  • Properly sanitize our home apart from the relatively superficial cleaning I do now; also organize all of our stuff and get rid of the mini-clutters we have right now
  • Make a budget and stick to it, also meal-planning and grocery shopping, so we do not waste money on take away, so we do not waste ingredients like we do now and so that we actually eat healthily and stop being overweight.
  • So I can make sure he always has clean, MATCHED socks and properly pressed clothes
  • We are at a point where we passed poverty and can afford rent, bills, food, etc and now have to stop wasting and start saving for the future

Since budgeting, meal-prepping (also all the sewing I can do) are money savers, not to mention that I will not be spending as much on my own transportation or work snacks, we will not be losing half of my income, but less. At the end of the day, he will not have any responsibilities outside of work (apart from maybe brewing coffee or reaching high places for me) and his daily quality of life will improve. We are not married or have children but we do plan on doing it and it's quite crystal clear for us that we will be happily ever after. We've been together for four years and he saw that I loved him through thick and thin, so he 100% trusts that I am not leeching off of him. You can read the other comments and you will see that long relationships simply evolve in this way when couples sit and discuss their lives rationally, it's not something that is "sold" in any way.

Edit: forgot to say that you are right tho, men ARE discouraged from being providers and you can't blame them for taking it, just the same as women are told to not be provided for. Also, men shouldn't provide for their girlfriends just because ... This needs to be reciprocated

[–]Upmybuttpleasesir2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you will see that long relationships simply evolve in this way

I’ve never had a long relationship so I’m quite naive on such matters.

Thank you for the clarification and helping me to understand.

I think I understand now that because you are reducing your work hours with the intention of taking on greater responsibilities in your home you will be in a position to improve yours and your partners quality of life, with his income and yours you can afford to work less hours.

He’s happy to invest in you because you have invested your time and energy into your relationship with him. And he sees a future with you.

[–]isidorakimou7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am happy for you! Well done expressing your feelings to your man. I think most of us would love to find someone who would be happy with that. It's the fact that it's difficult that forces some of us, in a way, to pursue a well paying job or career. Believe it or not, I seriously think some men are much more gold-diggerish than women, expecting women to even own a house when they don't, etc.

[–]BumbleBitny10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you were to ask my husband in the beginning of our relationship if he would want a housewife he would have laughed in your face and said he's not supporting a lazy gold digger. Then came a time when I was looking for a new job and we were moving to a new house. We decided I'd quit my old job take a few months off to pack the old house, move, and unpack the new house, then I'd go back to working. Well let's just say when he realized that me being home meant that he just had to work his 40 hours and everything else was free time he sung in incredibly different tune about housewives. Lol

[–]-Raksu-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha glad it worked out and he saw the truth!

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

some men are much more gold-diggerish than women, expecting women to even own a house when they don't, etc.

This is nothing new, some men have married for money since the idea of the dowry appeared. I mean, hell, one of the mandatory lectures here in school is a classic novel about a peasant whose dilemma is whether to marry the rich girl for lands or to marry the pretty girl he's in love with.

I think most of us would love to find someone who would be happy with that. It's the fact that it's difficult that forces some of us, in a way, to pursue a well paying job or career.

I don't think it's about 'finding' someone, but about building with them. I mean society tells men that they should help with the housework and be careful at women who just want to suck money out of them. My boyfriend wouldn't have been ok with him being the breadwinner until he saw how complicated my work was and until we lived together. Now he has a proper comparison between how we live and how his father and retired step-mother live and he also concluded that it's the better option and that I do not seek to be a leech. This is not something ideological, it's purely rational and practical and Ii think at some point any decent man will reach the same conclusion.

Edit to say thank you!

[–]clitorophagy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Housework freaking counts. Good for you and for him

[–]Rest_in_grace1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I went down to part time as well! My boss just tried promoting me to become a manager and I turned it down. Everyone there is so shocked that I did that. Where I live (nyc) money is king. I hate the fast paced life so I’m slowing it down. Congrats!

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! Take your supposed promotion as a compliment, managerial skills are soooo rare!

[–]Rest_in_grace0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Spare us the defense of feminism. It's unnecessary and unwanted here.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not interested in debating feminism with you. I'm explaining to you the rules of the sub and why I removed your comment. We do not need people coming in here and saying "but feminism really means..." and it's not the first time you've done it. Stick to RPW advice and topics on RPW and leave the defense of feminism to subs where it belongs.

[–]castlebunny0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good on you! I am 24 and made the switch to PT work last year as step one in a transition to a homemaker role. Best thing I ever did, I was surprised at how manageable it is, after never being told that it was an option for a younger woman. I just wish I realised sooner that I didn’t have to follow the crowd.

[–]NextIndisputability0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ahhh this made my heart so warm! Do what makes you happy!

[–]pieorstrudel50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is awesome! And I needed to read this! I need a career change, but not sure how to shift. I have the same feelings.... No time to keep my home clean, see my family and friends, or have energy for hobbies that I love. My career is so high stress that it is having super bad effects on my physical health. Asking to go part time isn't an option, they would show me the door. Love hearing your success!! Please keep us updated as you transition.

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

But what about a women that just never wants to work or get her own accomplishments

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What about her? No decent man wants a woman with no accomplishments

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Does it actually matter though when a guy likes someone

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes it does, a guy can 'like' someone superficially and not ever get into a serious relationship

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Uhm no he is already in a serious relationship with her for 4 years. She is one of my friends. Everytime we hang out she says she doesn't like working and isn't going back to school so because she doesn't have an education she can only get hired at basically minimum wage jobs and she doesnt want to waste her time with that. She wants to get married and be a sahm.

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

So what is your point, I don't understand?

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

No point but I dont understand why you were so quick to say a man wouldn't like someone without there own accomplishments if that's the road you also want to take given your post.

[–]MirriMazDuur[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are exceptions to rules, there are low value men, there are high value men and so on. Generally speaking, men don't like women who just sit around and have no interests and activities

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure that not everyone in a relationship considers themselves the exception to the rule as you have described.

[–]masterdarthrevan0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good for you if part time work is what u want. I always recommend everyone keeps invested in their own future , and earning for your retirement while you're young, ( ie working more when young ) cuz imo u can't depend on someone else your whole life, you never know when they'll leave or god forbid die.

[–]femmewoman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true I have a friend who never finished school and hasn't worked for years bc she's preparing to be a sahm and wife with her bf they have been together for 4 years now

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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