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I don’t understand how we’ve gotten to a place in society where everyone needs to be coddled and told they are perfect

January 25, 2022

I’m talking about things like when people say they have mom guilt and other moms assure them they are a great mother.

Or “you are beautiful as you are.” We all know we ALL could probably be doing more. (Myself included)

I have a list of other examples that are probably too controversial.

It’s like nobody wants to face the truth and accept we all have limitations and need to work on ourselves. Sometimes we need to just suck it up and go for a run.

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Post Information
Title I don’t understand how we’ve gotten to a place in society where everyone needs to be coddled and told they are perfect
Author imnotabotoraboat
Upvotes 161
Comments 42
Date January 25, 2022 11:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Amongtheruins88 73 points74 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

It’s the ideology of mediocrity. Everyone is just 100% perfect just the way they are, and they deserve to have everything they want. I can’t stand that lazy and entitled mentality. People should be able to be honest with themselves and recognize theirs flaws. Self improvement should be a constant, we should always strive to be better than we were yesterday. Few people want to take a step back and reflect on things they need to do/be better at. It’s better for people to elevate themselves to a higher state of being than to instead attempt to drag the rest of society down to their level.

Also, we need to get rid of the mindset that we deserve things simply for existing.

[–]StoopidISFJwastaken 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People look outside for validation, when they believe exactly this on the inside. They have an idealised version of themselves that they want to be like, and when they don't see themselves matching up this ideal, they can't help but put themselves down, hate themselves. As such, in order to somewhat value themselves, they look toward the only place left, outside. They are wrong, obviously, but isn't it a bit harsh to immediately judge them as half-assed?

[–]The_InfernalExplorer 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Basically communism, sheesh

[–]Amongtheruins88 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I mean, it literally is related to Marxism, which is the ideology behind communism. Ideological subversion and cultural/social engineering are major threats to our society.

[–]The_InfernalExplorer 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. Communism is the epitome of dependency and laziness

[–]Amongtheruins88 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Meltingintocouch 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Also the epitome of total control over the populace by government

[–]WeWearMirrors 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think it's a reaction to all the pressure in our environment.

Used to be that people only needed to compete with other people in their social circles. Now, we need to keep up with a world of strangers on the internet. The pressure is intense and constant - I think that's partly why people try so hard to reassure themselves that they're good enough, no matter what.

[–]BumbleBitny 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol maybe we're the softies but I really think it's this. Let's take mom's for example they're constantly being bombarded with influencers that are able to wake up before the kids hit the gym get their hair and makeup done before the kids even wake up (because her and her spouse both work social media so they have a flexible schedule) have a cleaning lady (that they don't mention having) so her massive house is perfectly clean, they do gentle parenting and their kids are always so behaved (because the influencer cuts all of the tantrums out of the clip). Had a job that makes her high 6 figures but appears to be home with the kids throughout the day (because there's a nanny she doesn't mention often).

I believe every woman and excel at different areas in her life but she can't be amazing at all of them. Influencers give the illusion that the average woman can have it all if she just works hard enough and we know that's absolutely not true. It's a new phenomenon that we've never had before. Celebrities never tried to claim they were just average women. We knew they led completely different lives than us. Influencers however (at least the mommy ones) try and relate to the average woman as much as possible because that's the majority of her audience. So she's not going to frequently mention all of her assistance she gets to help run a house and a business. Because she doesn't want her audience to realize she's no longer (or has never been) relatable.

[–]MysticalMelody 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the kindest take. Thanks for sharing it.

[–]SeaGems 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves. People are addicted to flattery. They don't care if that person fixes their problem, or improves themselves, they do it to feel good about themselves and make everyone like them.
"You're perfect the way you are" is such a disingenuous platitude, it's how you know someone's not your friend.

(Fun fact, Dante considered flattery so evil that it puts you in the 8th layer of hell where you're plunged into feces. Which is super fitting imo.)

[–]Blackhawk24792 Stars 42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Feels before reals as they say in the TRP sub.

I’ve personally found ignoring all the bullshit to be very effective. No social media, no mainstream news; better for your mental health.

[–]KaiPecos 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

How did we get here? Well 50 years of feminism. Our society has abandoned patriarchy and is becoming more gynocentric. We are just seeing the manifestation of a female primary mean girls clique being manifested onto society at large.

[–]The_InfernalExplorer 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Eg twitter and cancel culture is like a giant mean girls playground

[–]Manybadgers 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

they are full of hate

[–]Sensitive-Sell-2584 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

disagree w this personally. it is not typically gynocentric or matriarchal to act with feigned concerned towards the mediocrity of other women. a generalised “woman’s point of view” is not a set of fixed values such as is seen in patriarchy. and our society has not abandoned patriarchy - hence why u can pretend that it has. and in these playground terms ur using, the “male primary” is just as cliquey ?

[–]KaiPecos 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

LOL! you made an account just to respond to me

you'll find this interesting I'm sure.

[–]Sensitive-Sell-2584 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

i’ve been wanting to join in anyway but im shit w technology so. dyou find it funny that someone disagrees w u ?? LOL

[–]leinlin 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wanna hear the controversial ones!

[–]LanaTownsend 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I come from an Asian background where shaming and brutal honesty are commonplace. Asians are big on shaming and there needs to be a bit more of that imo. I've never bought into those inane beleifs that we are all "perfect and beautiful at any size". Instead, my mother and grandmother would greet me with, "Have you gained weight?!?", "Why do you look like that?", "You have crows feet", "Don't eat're going to blow up!" etc My self-esteem is healthy enough that it rolls off my shoulders.

Advice from friends and family are usually meaningless when it comes to certain things because in most cases, they're only going to tell you what they think you want to hear.

I notice there's little focus on women's self-improvement in today's modern feminist culture. We're just perfect because we're women, and if you dare criticize a woman - you're a misogynist, fat-phobe, body-shamer, etc


[–]HappilyMrs 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wonder what the prevalence of depression, self-harm and suicide is in the cultures where constantly grinding other people down is the norm.

[–]NambaThalaShinchan 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Japan's suicide rate is lower than the US if that tells you anything at all...

[–]anonavocado0 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Accountability is the key to growth!

[–]lilacmaze 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think media and the internet create a lot of unrealistic standards that people compare themselves to

[–]aussiedollface2 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Self love is great, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of facing reality.

[–]Throwaway2303061 Star 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're talking about women, specifically...Was there ever a time when women told each other the truth? What was that time?

A woman who "tells it like it is" will be considered caustic and has to take whatever social consequences come along with that.

A mother can tell her daughter the truth, which the daughter will ignore.

Or, a woman can be beyond caring about social consequences, in which case she usually needs to be old and have social clout that she built up in her younger decades. The no bs granny is a stock character in fiction--Oleanna Tyrell in Game of Thrones, for example.

[–]2ndElle 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't understand the problem with reassuring others.

A lot of people are stuck in perfectionism & perform worse than if they would let go of their perfect image of how they feel they should be. What's wrong with stimulating that? If a mother is trying the best she can, but is overfocussing on her flaws and shortcoming - why not point out she's doing a great job otherwise.

[–]metajenn 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is kind of why I'm so vicious with who I let in my life. All of my friends have no qualms with calling me on my bullshit and don't have fear they'll take it the wrong way if I call them on theirs and we all get along great.

I have no time for this kind of nonsense, The truth can hurt but a comfortable lie ends up hurting more.

[–]her_crimson_tablet 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100% agree. I think you'd like "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins :) Also "Coddling of the American Mind" by Jonathan Haidt

[–]FriendCountZero 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it's really hard to keep friends. I drive people away by treating facts like facts.

[–]Sea_Bookkeeper_15331 Star 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Same. I lost too many female friends simply explaining that no, his phone didn't die, he's not going through tough times, hes just not that into you. Apparently I'm not supposed to point out the obvious truth. 🤔 If you ask me my opinion I will give it.

[–]FriendCountZero 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You would think that would be a relief to hear. At least then they can move on and find someone who is. That makes you a good friend. Man, people would rather drown in their own fixable problems than admit they were wrong.

[–]Sea_Bookkeeper_15331 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I thought so too. I'm not gonna feed you BS. I guess they disagree.

[–]soror__mystica 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this is a side to the feminine principle that is mistaken for magnanimity when in fact it is a kind of ingratiating infantilization. I'd even go so far as to call it "toxic femininity" simply because it encourages inordinate passivity and complacency. Young women are told they are "perfect" and therefore do not develop or challenge themselves to become better. Little kids who do not win in competitions are never without consolation prizes. These people then learn that it is their prerogative to be fawned upon regardless of merit. Entitlement is taken to be empowerment. They are encouraged to "be themselves" as opposed to "being their BEST selves." To them, there is no such thing as potential as they are already "perfect."

This stunts the growth of people - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They project the ever-forgiving and endlessly benevolent mother archetype onto reality, and anything which deviates from that is deemed a negative influence. This is the opposite of progressive. People should learn to take constructive NEGATIVE criticism because that is an indispensable part of reality.

Both of the sexes should not be endlessly coddled. What seems like untiring "positivity" is really a dissociation from reality. Schools, for example, should challenge their young students. Hierarchies should not essentially be tagged as a bad thing as it allows for healthy competition, positive aggression, development of one's skills, and a sense of achievement and progress. Too much egalitarianism ought to hurt people. It erases reality and the individual, and promotes inordinate collectivism.

This also explains why SOME women would much rather invest most of their resources on a depreciating asset - that is, physical beauty - and then suddenly find themselves faced one day with the decline brought about by old age with not much else to offer. Young women are privileged insofar as they may simply "be" to prove successful in the dating world. I mention this because some women assume that if the world isn't offered at their feet then it isn't worth it.

Anyway, bottomline is people should take the good with the bad. Friction develops and strengthens character, and so learn to lean into the negative as much as the positive if it has something constructive to offer.

No, women, you are not 100% angels. Drop the act; otherwise, you would be clinging to a stifling rose-colored and naive worldview that sees trifling occurrences as catastrophes.

[–]abacabbmk 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

participation award generation

that being said, examples where we lie to not hurt someone's feelings appears to be more of a woman thing than man thing. "Dude, you're fat." or something like that arent uncommon phrases if called for.

[–]StripperWhore 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's what we value. We value the ego boost of superficial beauty vs giving to our partners, character and dignity.

[–]uniq0rn_qlitter 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I progress more when I am reassured. If I feel fat for example, I would rather someone say that I am beautiful. It is more motivating to me than saying you’re fat. Saying I’m beautiful makes me want to do more things that make me more beautiful like go to the gym, put on makeup, dress nice. Having encouragement and positivity around me makes me want to be better especially if I’m feeling low, so I don’t actually agree with your post.

[–]HappilyMrs 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because it's absolutely tedious for people to go through life feeling like crap about themselves, and when push comes to shove most people are not perfect and just want to feel valued.

I don't see there's any harm in supporting others and stopping them from hating themselves. Life is tough enough as it is. Kindness costs nothing.

[–]YourBoyPet 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its probably an overcompensation for past attitudes. It might even out eventually.

[–]henrycatalina 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How did this happen?

Maybe smaller families and too much focus on kids when if you have several kids you start making your kids adults earlier.

I told my kids, God gives you a set of cards. Play them and don't fret about your intelligence, looks etc. Make the most of what you have.

The objective of raising kids is to make the responsible adults as soon as possible. This requires giving freedom to fail, standards of behavior enforced, and security of love.

Freedom requires responsibility for your actions. One must remove blaming others for your misfortune. Today, blame on others is an acceptable

Opinion masquerading as facts. Yea, this might be number one.

[–]tinylittletoad 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm content with mediocrity, but I don't expect praise or validation for it.

I know there are things I probably could improve but I am not interested in improving myself for my own reasons.

There are problems in my life and things I'm not great at that I know exist but I am not interested in fixing them. I don't want a trophy for just existing and I don't live to seek approval from random people.

I understand that people who reach for the stars make great contributions to society, but it's not going to be me.

I don't know who I hate more, people who constantly compliment people all the time and give them superficial praise and validation and tell them how perfect they are, or critical, nagging bitches with their own high standards who like to push them on everyone else.

[–]Iambeejsmit 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can get behind this

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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