I don’t understand how we’ve gotten to a place in society where everyone needs to be coddled and told they are perfect

Amongtheruins88 · 2022-01-25T23:31:25+00:00

It’s the ideology of mediocrity. Everyone is just 100% perfect just the way they are, and they deserve to have everything they want. I can’t stand that lazy and entitled mentality. People should be able to be honest with themselves and recognize theirs flaws. Self improvement should be a constant, we should always strive to be better than we were yesterday. Few people want to take a step back and reflect on things they need to do/be better at. It’s better for people to elevate themselves to a higher state of being than to instead attempt to drag the rest of society down to their level.

Also, we need to get rid of the mindset that we deserve things simply for existing.

WeWearMirrors · 2022-01-26T03:41:10+00:00

I think it's a reaction to all the pressure in our environment.

Used to be that people only needed to compete with other people in their social circles. Now, we need to keep up with a world of strangers on the internet. The pressure is intense and constant - I think that's partly why people try so hard to reassure themselves that they're good enough, no matter what.

SeaGems · 2022-01-26T04:08:29+00:00

This is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves. People are addicted to flattery. They don't care if that person fixes their problem, or improves themselves, they do it to feel good about themselves and make everyone like them.
"You're perfect the way you are" is such a disingenuous platitude, it's how you know someone's not your friend.

(Fun fact, Dante considered flattery so evil that it puts you in the 8th layer of hell where you're plunged into feces. Which is super fitting imo.)

Blackhawk2479 · 2022-01-25T23:26:45+00:00

Feels before reals as they say in the TRP sub.

I’ve personally found ignoring all the bullshit to be very effective. No social media, no mainstream news; better for your mental health.

KaiPecos · 2022-01-26T16:11:05+00:00

How did we get here? Well 50 years of feminism. Our society has abandoned patriarchy and is becoming more gynocentric. We are just seeing the manifestation of a female primary mean girls clique being manifested onto society at large.

leinlin · 2022-01-26T12:28:44+00:00

I wanna hear the controversial ones!

LanaTownsend · 2022-01-26T20:17:57+00:00

I come from an Asian background where shaming and brutal honesty are commonplace. Asians are big on shaming and there needs to be a bit more of that imo. I've never bought into those inane beleifs that we are all "perfect and beautiful at any size". Instead, my mother and grandmother would greet me with, "Have you gained weight?!?", "Why do you look like that?", "You have crows feet", "Don't eat that....you're going to blow up!" etc My self-esteem is healthy enough that it rolls off my shoulders.

Advice from friends and family are usually meaningless when it comes to certain things because in most cases, they're only going to tell you what they think you want to hear.

I notice there's little focus on women's self-improvement in today's modern feminist culture. We're just perfect because we're women, and if you dare criticize a woman - you're a misogynist, fat-phobe, body-shamer, etc

No.

anonavocado0 · 2022-01-26T11:51:01+00:00

Accountability is the key to growth!

lilacmaze · 2022-01-26T15:01:35+00:00

I think media and the internet create a lot of unrealistic standards that people compare themselves to

aussiedollface2 · 2022-01-26T01:29:04+00:00

I agree. Self love is great, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of facing reality.

Throwaway230306 · 2022-01-26T16:33:39+00:00

If you're talking about women, specifically...Was there ever a time when women told each other the truth? What was that time?

A woman who "tells it like it is" will be considered caustic and has to take whatever social consequences come along with that.

A mother can tell her daughter the truth, which the daughter will ignore.

Or, a woman can be beyond caring about social consequences, in which case she usually needs to be old and have social clout that she built up in her younger decades. The no bs granny is a stock character in fiction--Oleanna Tyrell in Game of Thrones, for example.

2ndElle · 2022-01-26T11:57:37+00:00

I don't understand the problem with reassuring others.

A lot of people are stuck in perfectionism & perform worse than if they would let go of their perfect image of how they feel they should be. What's wrong with stimulating that? If a mother is trying the best she can, but is overfocussing on her flaws and shortcoming - why not point out she's doing a great job otherwise.

metajenn · 2022-01-26T01:29:29+00:00

This is kind of why I'm so vicious with who I let in my life. All of my friends have no qualms with calling me on my bullshit and don't have fear they'll take it the wrong way if I call them on theirs and we all get along great.

I have no time for this kind of nonsense, The truth can hurt but a comfortable lie ends up hurting more.

her_crimson_tablet · 2022-01-26T00:59:59+00:00

100% agree. I think you'd like "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins :) Also "Coddling of the American Mind" by Jonathan Haidt

FriendCountZero · 2022-01-26T02:26:20+00:00

Yeah, it's really hard to keep friends. I drive people away by treating facts like facts.

soror__mystica · 2022-01-27T17:37:51+00:00

I think this is a side to the feminine principle that is mistaken for magnanimity when in fact it is a kind of ingratiating infantilization. I'd even go so far as to call it "toxic femininity" simply because it encourages inordinate passivity and complacency. Young women are told they are "perfect" and therefore do not develop or challenge themselves to become better. Little kids who do not win in competitions are never without consolation prizes. These people then learn that it is their prerogative to be fawned upon regardless of merit. Entitlement is taken to be empowerment. They are encouraged to "be themselves" as opposed to "being their BEST selves." To them, there is no such thing as potential as they are already "perfect."

This stunts the growth of people - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They project the ever-forgiving and endlessly benevolent mother archetype onto reality, and anything which deviates from that is deemed a negative influence. This is the opposite of progressive. People should learn to take constructive NEGATIVE criticism because that is an indispensable part of reality.

Both of the sexes should not be endlessly coddled. What seems like untiring "positivity" is really a dissociation from reality. Schools, for example, should challenge their young students. Hierarchies should not essentially be tagged as a bad thing as it allows for healthy competition, positive aggression, development of one's skills, and a sense of achievement and progress. Too much egalitarianism ought to hurt people. It erases reality and the individual, and promotes inordinate collectivism.

This also explains why SOME women would much rather invest most of their resources on a depreciating asset - that is, physical beauty - and then suddenly find themselves faced one day with the decline brought about by old age with not much else to offer. Young women are privileged insofar as they may simply "be" to prove successful in the dating world. I mention this because some women assume that if the world isn't offered at their feet then it isn't worth it.

Anyway, bottomline is people should take the good with the bad. Friction develops and strengthens character, and so learn to lean into the negative as much as the positive if it has something constructive to offer.

No, women, you are not 100% angels. Drop the act; otherwise, you would be clinging to a stifling rose-colored and naive worldview that sees trifling occurrences as catastrophes.

abacabbmk · 2022-01-26T02:17:13+00:00

participation award generation

that being said, examples where we lie to not hurt someone's feelings appears to be more of a woman thing than man thing. "Dude, you're fat." or something like that arent uncommon phrases if called for.

StripperWhore · 2022-01-26T14:32:46+00:00

It's what we value. We value the ego boost of superficial beauty vs giving to our partners, character and dignity.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2022-01-28T05:17:43+00:00

I progress more when I am reassured. If I feel fat for example, I would rather someone say that I am beautiful. It is more motivating to me than saying you’re fat. Saying I’m beautiful makes me want to do more things that make me more beautiful like go to the gym, put on makeup, dress nice. Having encouragement and positivity around me makes me want to be better especially if I’m feeling low, so I don’t actually agree with your post.

HappilyMrs · 2022-01-31T18:29:19+00:00

Because it's absolutely tedious for people to go through life feeling like crap about themselves, and when push comes to shove most people are not perfect and just want to feel valued.

I don't see there's any harm in supporting others and stopping them from hating themselves. Life is tough enough as it is. Kindness costs nothing.

YourBoyPet · 2022-02-03T04:24:42+00:00

Its probably an overcompensation for past attitudes. It might even out eventually.

henrycatalina · 2022-02-03T12:19:18+00:00

How did this happen?

Maybe smaller families and too much focus on kids when if you have several kids you start making your kids adults earlier.

I told my kids, God gives you a set of cards. Play them and don't fret about your intelligence, looks etc. Make the most of what you have.

The objective of raising kids is to make the responsible adults as soon as possible. This requires giving freedom to fail, standards of behavior enforced, and security of love.

Freedom requires responsibility for your actions. One must remove blaming others for your misfortune. Today, blame on others is an acceptable

Opinion masquerading as facts. Yea, this might be number one.

tinylittletoad · 2022-02-08T03:01:32+00:00

I'm content with mediocrity, but I don't expect praise or validation for it.

I know there are things I probably could improve but I am not interested in improving myself for my own reasons.

There are problems in my life and things I'm not great at that I know exist but I am not interested in fixing them. I don't want a trophy for just existing and I don't live to seek approval from random people.

I understand that people who reach for the stars make great contributions to society, but it's not going to be me.

I don't know who I hate more, people who constantly compliment people all the time and give them superficial praise and validation and tell them how perfect they are, or critical, nagging bitches with their own high standards who like to push them on everyone else.

Iambeejsmit · 2022-02-08T21:01:37+00:00

I can get behind this

Title	I don’t understand how we’ve gotten to a place in society where everyone needs to be coddled and told they are perfect
Author	imnotabotoraboat
Upvotes	161
Comments	42
Date	January 25, 2022 11:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-dont-understand-how-weve-gotten-to-a-place-in.1097539 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097539
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/scqyjc/i_dont_understand_how_weve_gotten_to_a_place_in/