I feel bad

HobbesTheBrave · 2017-02-08T12:19:09+00:00

I just feel like once you realize how difficult some of these men's lives can be, your inner shrew is automatically dissipated. There won't be anything to complain about anymore.

Few things make women as attractive as realizations like this one do.

JackGetsIt · 2017-02-08T14:12:17+00:00

All I can do is try to respect what he's doing.

Any single women reading that can do this will have men falling all over their feet. Men are starved for respect in 2017. Respect is male currency, attention is female currency.

Great post OP!

r3mememember · 2017-02-08T16:32:25+00:00

A woman who is appreciative of her man gets +2 to her RMV. A 6 instantly becomes an 8 with sincere thank-yous and actions that demonstrate appreciation.

It's so valuable because so many women set the bar so so so low.

Willow-girl · 2017-02-08T14:34:31+00:00

I think your privilege comes more from being upper-class than being female. Life isn't such a Wonderland for us working-class women! :-o

The cows don't poop on me any less than they do on my boss, lol.

teaandtalk · 2017-02-08T10:30:45+00:00

It's awesome that you've realised this! When people talk about 'privilege', it's easy to tune them out...but in reality, we all have different types of privilege, and acknowledging them is a really important thing to do in order to be a well-rounded human.

In terms of your relationship, are there any changes you'll make now that you've realised all these privileges?

He won't let me contribute financially

So how else are you going to contribute? Think about the ways in which you can provide value (homemaking, frugality, emotional support, social organisation, etc) and make sure that you're using your place of position and privilege to make his life better.

the_baumer · 2017-02-08T11:39:48+00:00

I have but it didn't occur from a gender perspective, it was more economical. My boyfriend has had way more financial hardships and employment challenges than I have, and it really opened my eyes to how tough it can be out there for people who want to work and learn and yet companies don't give him a chance or refuse to help him in any way. You really are on your own and there is no such thing as loyalty or job security when it comes to employment. His parents also did a poor job teaching him anything about saving money and basic personal finance goals, whereas my dad starting teaching me when I was 10. So I helped him with that too and now for the first time in his life he's not living paycheck to paycheck.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T13:25:48+00:00

After any particularly crappy day at work for him, or a particularly good day not-at-work for me, I tell my hubs how thankful I am for his hard work ethic, drive, and commitment to providing for us.

I use that guilt and new found appreciation to make myself better, to make his life easier, and to bring us both more joy.

thisisnotforyou_ · 2017-02-08T14:17:15+00:00

I'm 100% not sure the privilege you're comparing between your and your husband's jobs is a privilege because you're a woman though. It's a privilege because of your job choice and his job choice, not because you are female and male. A man in your job would likely be dealing with similar clientele to you, and a woman in your husband's job is likely to be dealing with a similar clientele to your husband. Obviously that's not to say you should make any less effort to be his soft place to land after a shitty day at work!

Female privilege is when in the same career men have to put up with shit women don't.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T12:56:22+00:00

While I agree that this has little to do with gender and everything to do with life choices, I have had those little moments of realization that I've found a keeper, someone absolutely perfect for me. He'll pull me close to snuggle me in bed before we get up in the morning, or he'll be in a great mood despite currently working in a job with no future, because it's what he could find in the area. He's always so happy and kind and hardworking and that's such a rare combination.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T16:05:43+00:00

Your bf is a very lucky man. Cherish each other.

Rivkariver · 2017-02-08T19:18:22+00:00

After my family fell apart and I left my ex I had nowhere to go and no income, and I had to work at jobs with mean bosses unexpectedly and live hand to mouth, yes I had a new appreciation for how hard many men work. I haven't always lived in a cushy bubble but even so I live with the knowledge that any woman who had feminine wiles can find a man who willingly takes care of her because he finds it fulfilling.

Contrary to many I see nothing immoral about this truth, as long as everyone is honest and happy. But I do feel very grateful for it. That said, I have a lot of things that make me weak (health) and not thrive in a 9-5 job so personally I don't feel guilty for the way things are. I've been nearly homeless before so it's not always magical.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T21:34:53+00:00

You are amazing.

All I can say is for you and your So to cherish each other. Not many relationships have the level of love and empathy you guys have.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T21:35:12+00:00

Your bf is a very lucky man. Cherish each other.

[deleted] · 2017-02-09T21:01:16+00:00

My father, the most important man in my life, has always been an inspiration to me. When my mom was pregnant with me, they took a conscious decision for her to stay home and him to work. I've seen him working long hours, dealing with bosses and clients and he's often exhausted when he comes home. So whenever I hear talk about "male privilege" I look at it as an excuse. If men have so much privilege, then why do they bear the burden of feeding a family? It isn't easy, and even today I have no idea how to repay my parents for all they've done for me, my mom through my upbringing and my dad through his determination

winterfrostland · 2017-02-10T13:15:24+00:00

Western society hates men, men in western society do not have all this privilege and these awesome lives that everyone says they do. The only thing that can help at this point is if women take steps to even the odds. It is absolutely not un-masculine to ask for women to help, things should not be as degenerate and unfair as they are right now.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-02-11T16:34:47+00:00

Are you talented with art ? I work hours a day refining my artistic talent but still have not found any work with it.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T15:40:39+00:00

Yesterday I just had a revelation on how much privilege I have as a female.

I think it is wonderful that you appreciate how hard your boyfriend works, and that it is his goal to provide for you and your family. But, it was his decision to pursue a career in the unpredictable world of construction. And, it is also his decision to prohibit you from contributing financially to ease this burden. I believe that there is a vast difference from showing respect and appreciation and being an apologist.

In no way do I believe that being a conservative, RPW woman requires me to apologize for my upbringing and success. I worked hard in school and in my career, and I am currently enjoying the fruits of my labor. My husband did the exact same thing. I see no logic behind the assertion that his 60+ hour work weeks are somehow more important or more difficult due to his gender. We both experience stress, we both push ourselves, and we both make sacrifices. Our life is structured this way, because we decided it was the best for us. Just like your boyfriend decided to structure his life in such a way that once you are married there will only be one income.

[H]e knows if we get married he'll have to provide for me too, because he won't let me contribute financially. He wants to do it all himself. I sense he's a bit resentful of how good I have it as a female, but he'll never tell me this to my face. All I can do is try to respect what he's doing.

Again, this is his own personal decision. If he prohibits you from providing financially, then you have nothing to apologize for. Personally, my husband and I believe that more income diversification and financial security are better than less, so we both work. We don't both need to work, but we do. Hello retirement by age 50 (or earlier) for both of us! I personally would feel slighted if my husband prohibited me from working, and then resented me for not working. That seems a little illogical. Again, you can respect and appreciate all of your boyfriend's hard work without apologizing.

My post might lead people to believe that my husband's hard work goes unappreciated. If you told that to him, he would probably laugh at you. He is told morning, noon, and night how much I love, respect, and appreciate him and the way that he has decided to lead our family. I am in a position to truly sympathize with how stressful and difficult his life can be at times between work, helping manage our home, and keeping up with family and friends. That's why I show him respect by never complaining when it is clear that he is too tired to unload the dishwasher, or put away his laundry, or the lawn has to go one more day without being mowed. It is for the same exact reasons that he doesn't complain when he has to eat from the work cafeteria instead of a home packed lunch once and a while, or if the mail sits on the counter for a couple days, or too many pairs of my shoes start to pile up in the mudroom.

CleburnCO · 2017-02-09T01:27:16+00:00

Nope. Everything I've achieved from my high salary to my tight physique has been the result of my effort and discipline, not my vagina.

Title	I feel bad
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	26
Comments	37
Date	February 8, 2017 9:59 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-bad.86940 https://theredarchive.com/post/86940
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5srt1z/i_feel_bad/