~ archived since 2018 ~

I felt so uncomfortable when I came across this sub several months ago. I actually hated it. I hated it because I knew y’all were right, and I needed the correction. So, thank you.

March 5, 2022

I am 25. I work in finance, and have for 2 years. My feminine side was squashed so much that the idea of even trying to pull mine back out sounded exhausting.

I did it anyway, and it was, in fact, exhausting, but is now something I find so much joy and freedom in.

I began by slowly implementing some of the lifestyle changes I’ve read on the sub. I started really leaning into and embracing my feminine side by dressing nicer, putting some lotion on, making myself do my skincare routine no matter how done I was with the day, etc. I wasn’t dating when I started any of this because I wanted to become secure in myself, and I wanted to learn how to maintain these habits for myself first, so that I wouldn’t lose them in a relationship if they went unnoticed or anything.

I went about this for several months, then decided I was ready to start dating. I approached dating FAR differently this time around, and focused on holding myself to higher standards, while giving men validation for their kindness, efforts, successes, intelligence, etc.

Y’all. The number of times I have heard, “You’re the only woman who has ever said that to me, thank you!” is actually heartbreaking. The number of times I’ve been thanked for being “different,” when, after reading the sub, is really just leaning into what feels right by being supportive and genuine, is scary. It’s scary because I realized I used to be the kind of woman who didn’t lift men up, and still expected to be lifted up, and I am ashamed of that. I’m ashamed that I was so afraid of being a “pick me” (ugh), that I was willing to sacrifice years of happiness and fulfillment within marriage or motherhood in the name of liberation and freedom, when I had that within myself all along. I just needed to be myself, which, for me, meant regaining the femininity I had lost and losing the entitlement I held.

I really needed this sub, and that’s why my immediate reaction was not great. And yet, I couldn’t help myself from coming back, because deep down, I SO wanted the peace, love, joy, and humility you all had. I’m proud to say that I’m a lot closer to being the kind of woman I want to be, and I have all of you to thank for that.

Thank you for being such an uplifting group of women. I appreciate you more than you know.

Edit: it won’t let me comment yet, but I wanted to reply to u/throwawayisathing who said they’d love to see examples of validation. This is how I do it, feel free to let me know if I can improve!

I use both online dating and in person, so I’ll try to include both.

I focus in a lot on the things they bring up, as well as anything in their photos or profile that they’ve made a point to show. If they’ve made a point to fill out a bunch of questions and allowed their personality to come through, I’ll say something along the lines of, “I appreciate how much time you put into your profile! Your personality really comes through, and I like that you’re funny/witty/driven/etc.,” depending on what qualifies and traits I see. I assume those are the qualities they’re most proud of, so I want to encourage that. If they mention they’ve just gotten a new job, or just moved here, I always congratulate them and ask how they’re adjusting and if they need any recommendations for anything, since I’ve been in the area for years and know a bunch of places for food, tires, home repair, etc.

If they say something nice to me about my profile, I’ll tell them that I appreciate the compliment, and that I love xyz about their photos and profile. I accept it, give my appreciation that they noticed and complimented me, and turn it around to compliment them right back. I usually aim to follow it up with a question, too, that way they’re not having to carry everything.

I’ve found that asking questions and trying to listen more than I speak, and being sure I don’t turn it back to myself and focusing in on what he’s needing/talking about/doing, has helped me to uncover a lot of great things about the men I’ve met, serve them appropriately and respectfully as someone who isn’t their girlfriend or wife, and made it easier for us both to determine whether a second or third date is warranted. My goal is to always make them feel better than when they came into the conversation, regardless of where it leads. :)

I also wanted to thank everyone for the sweet encouragement and guidance in the comments. I’m not surprised that this was met with a hug and a warm welcome because everyone here is so kind, but it means a lot regardless. Thank you.

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Post Information
Title I felt so uncomfortable when I came across this sub several months ago. I actually hated it. I hated it because I knew y’all were right, and I needed the correction. So, thank you.
Author what_about_the_cats
Upvotes 258
Comments 20
Date March 5, 2022 3:02 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]AccidentFantastic482 45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Embracing our natural femininity is the greatest tool a woman can have. It’s ironic that modern feminism looks down on traditional femininity , when throughout generations it’s our femininity that gets us what we really want.

[–]LateralThinker13Endorsed Contributor 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Red Pill truths are hard but rewarding. It's nice to hear a success story. Thank you.

[–]KombuchaEnema3 Stars 65 points66 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

There’s really nothing more pleasurable than thanking a man when he does something gentlemanly, showing genuine gratitude, and watching his face light up because of it.

Ironically, women dream of being treated like a princess but a lot of modern women don’t want to act like a princess.

Rather than demanding men act a certain way and punishing men who don’t, we should validate, encourage, and love on men who do the right things. And a lot of men are doing the right things and being ignored, or they are told, “What, you want a cookie for doing the right thing?”

[–]Nostalchiq 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said!

[–]Bubbly_Window_6719 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women ought to act like Queens not spoilt princesses.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What a lovely post!

u/Pearlsandstilettos can I use my star power to +1 for this post?

I used to be the kind of woman who didn’t lift men up, and still expected to be lifted up, and I am ashamed of that.

This reminds me of when I started reading RPW, too, it must be a common feeling.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can!

[–]Jenneapolis 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so sweet! And I feel similar.

[–]Nostalchiq 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's great! So happy for you

[–]throwawayisathing 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's so great! I would love to hear some examples of how you gave validation :)

[–]aussiedollface2 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think men are generally starved of compliments. As women we compliment eachother all the time and men compliment us. Who is complimenting the men? Nobody. xo

[–]riceweight1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

is something preventing men from complimenting each other? I'm happy with complimenting my significant other, but it's just not appropriate to compliment single men because they always, always take it as a sign of interest.

[–]aussiedollface2 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good question! I have no idea. I’ve just never heard men compliment each other unless maybe it’s a sporting achievement or a promotion and that’s more of a “congrats” type comment. I agree I don’t compliment men who aren’t family or my partner xo

[–]NupeRanger1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

You sound like a lovely human being, an incredible woman, and any man would be lucky to have you in his life. 😊

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't pet the unicorns. Removed

[–]Meat_Mockasin 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

May I ask what line of thinking you used to have before becoming redpilled? Are we talking feminism or..?

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very sweet

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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