~ archived since 2018 ~

I gave an unlikely match a chance

October 30, 2018
94 upvotes

Ok... So I went on a first date this weekend. The guy send me a message on OkCupid, only reasons I responded is because he wore a plastic viking hat in one picture which cracked me up and he has a pretty good job. He wasn't attractive, at all really, not some extremely interesting bio or cool hobbies or whatever. We started talking and he made a lot of viking jokes and all of them were actually funny!

So, after a week or so of talking we went out for drinks. I went by bike to the pub we were supposed to meet and he sat outside waiting for me... He was even uglier in real life but once we sat down and started talking everything changed.

He has such a magnetism to him, I don't think I've ever been so instantly attracted to a man. He has a vibe that screams "Don't fuck with me", he was sooooo fucking confident, so intens. Also he was very clear about what he wanted, a soft and caring girl to be the mother of his children. He actually asked me how I felt about having children in the next few years... Who even says that on the first date?!?!?

I was just being my soft, receptive and slightly giggly self. Having fun, drinking my drink and at one point he leans forward, looks me straight in the eye, smirks and says he is going to tell me something shocking. I'm actually startled by this... He says he is going to kiss me at the end of the evening and there is still some time to run away if I don't want that to happen. Well... That made me a little warm on the inside to be completely honest.

So we kissed (which was great) at the end of the evening and I texted him when I was home. I told him I really liked spending time with him, he responded with asking if I also really liked him. I played it coy and said I liked him but wasn't sure if I really liked him. He responded that he was quite sure about that.

This guy... I swear to god... He really knows what he's doing. I went from being very neutral to doing a happy dance when he texts me. Now the challenge is making him work for it a little bit. He is ticking basically every box on my man wish list, except for physical stuff and I don't even give a shit about that with him!

So I would go out with everybody who seems slightly interesting on dating apps! Maybe he happens to be something very special even if you don't really expect that and if he isn't you can always cut a date short.

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Post Information
Title I gave an unlikely match a chance
Author merel--
Upvotes 94
Comments 42
Date October 30, 2018 2:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-gave-an-unlikely-match-a-chance.67770
https://theredarchive.com/post/67770
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9sooeq/i_gave_an_unlikely_match_a_chance/
Comments

[–]Kara__El4 Stars96 points97 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Men are terrible at selecting pictures of themselves. I always tried to choose someone I thought I could be attracted to, as opposed to someone immediately gorgeous. People are always surprised when I tell them there wasn't a spark when I met my husband. Well, of course not, this isn't a Disney movie. He looked like his picture and hadn't lied about his height. There was conversational chemistry and as we got to know each other, his neutral appearance became very attractive to me.

It's so hard to share this with women, here. I've tried and have often gotten the response that they shouldn't have to settle. Fine. Don't settle. Keep dating Chads and swiping right more and more desperately as you approach 30. There's a reason they say all the good ones are taken. It's because they are... by women who are able to put aside their desire for a gorgeous social media prop and get to know an actual person. Kudos to you for giving this guy a chance.

[–]DontThinkChewSoap24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well said. You’ll notice that (for the most part) all the women on Instagram for example that have “gorgeous” men are young and are “exploring the world” while they are in their early 20s and aren’t ready to settle down. The accounts that have multiple children, a nice house, and go on vacation are those who have normal looking (even physically unattractive) men as husbands. Women always accuse men of only seeing someone’s worth if they’re attractive, but women are just as guilty especially when it comes to a man being bald or shorter than 6’ tall. There are standard pretty boys or bad boy, mysterious types, but one of the biggest crushes I ever had when I was a teenager was on a teacher who was actually bald. He wasn’t old, maybe mid to late 30s, just had a clean shaven head. He was completely intimidating and it was all in his behavior, though he by no means had an ugly face and also clearly worked out. Young women will always be picky until they realize they realistically you can’t expect you have a perfect Prince Charming waiting for you if they want to settle down and have a fulfilling life. It’s not all about looks.

[–]Kara__El4 Stars7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I actually realized the same thing, when I was dating. Most women I followed, when I had social media, had very average looking husbands. The few with gorgeous husbands were vapid and shallow women from high school, who still went barhopping in their late twenties.

[–]merel--[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've actually been in a relationship with one of these "gorgeous, travelling guys". He was fine, I guess, but never in months made me feel the way this guy did in a couple of hours.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a reason they say all the good ones are taken. It's because they are... by women who are able to put aside their desire for a gorgeous social media prop and get to know an actual person.

+1

/u/pearlsandstilettos

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

+1 Star from /u/Whisper . Yay for you!!

[–]WhisperTRP Founder108 points109 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Male attractiveness is almost entirely behavioral.

This is why girls look at men's personal ads and always think they are unattractive losers. Because an ad like that cannot show a man's behavioral traits.

[–]merel--[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I try to react to every guy who sends me a nice message, because maybe they're really amazing!

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Play him some Heidevolk music! :-p

[–]merel--[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well... That's awfully specific 😅

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But I didn't even mention it should be Vulgaris Magistralis!

[–]merel--[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ooooo because of the Viking thing ... I'm sorry I'm pretty slow...

[–]1savysavage41 points42 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Be careful. Personally I’ve had the same type of experience and now I view getting into such major future topics like kids and marriage super early (first date) as red flags. My ex did that and it was just a way to information gather to use to manipulate. Not saying everyone is like that but I’m careful of anyone who is “too good” to be true. They usually are. Logic trumps emotions. Stay smart.

[–]LookingForEquanimity14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree! A first date should be fun. It weirds me out when these things are brought up right away. Communicates to me they are looking for just anyone.

[–]merel--[S] 19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

We were talking for 4-5 hours or something and attraction was established pretty early on. It wasn't a 20 min coffee date, then it would have been slightly creepy.

[–]Kara__El4 Stars29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband and I had the most organic conversation on our second date, about appropriate timelines for engagement and marriage and kids. It was actually less threatening because it was so obviously hypothetical. Context is important and if you don't think it was too much, you're the one with the most information to judge.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP is Dutch, so I assume date was also Dutch. Dutch people are often this upfront. Not a red flag.

[–]Ihatemost7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it varies from one situation to another. OP seems to say that the conversation flowed into that subject very naturally. Generally speaking, it takes longer to see if there's chemistry rather than seeing if long term goals are similar (that's fairly straight forward). Sure first dates are fun, but it gets draining to do these multiple times only to have it fail because of something that could've been discussed on the first date.

[–]merel--[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It didn't come out of no where. We had a conversation about how dating rules are bullshit and I would like to talk about past relationships and what went wrong (see how they think about their exes is very telling). I see it as a good part of vetting, seeing how someone views the short-term future. Some guys are liars and psychopaths but I they are a huge minority.

[–]Stilllearnin27 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Love bombing. IMO

[–]adviceneeded-me0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

⚠️ Point noted!

[–]WhatTheEwok 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Good on you. I'm glad you gave him a chance. Now here's something I don't agree with.

Now the challenge is making him work for it a little bit.

Ummm....why do women do this? I don't understand the game of what this is trying to accomplish.

[–]classylassy2818 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women like being chased. From little girls playing to old women scooting away in the old folks home lol.

[–]WhatTheEwok3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good point. When I was young, girls also didn't like it when I pulled their hair....funny how things change.

[–]classylassy281 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a part of playing hard to get. It's engrained lol

[–]merel--[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I understand. I was more talking about not jumping him until we're exclusive. I don't want to sleep with guys who aren't at least a little bit serious about me. Not acting like I'm not interested, that's just dumb.

[–]NationalMouse6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It CAN happen, ladies, if you are always warm and open minded about meeting people. Your story is similar to mine... I met my fiancé on Tinder. His bio was kind of boring, his pictures were very vanilla, and he had his head completely shaved, which I hate, but he did mention that he likes to travel and was 6’4” so I figured I’d at least talk to him (because that’s 2 checks on my list). Our first date? He invites me to a gala so of course I accepted! We were both dressed up to the nines and we had never even met before. As soon as I looked at him I thought, he is waaay cuter in person and his hair was grown out into a nice comb-over which I LOVE so the ugly shaved head was gone! We’ve been together pretty much ever since.

[–]Taliahood 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is this what the dating up or down post was about? Lol he sounds great and super fun. I had an ex this reminds me of. An ex for religious reasons. He was an orthodox jew and I was... not. Lol. But otherwise so much fun.

[–]merel--[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, he seems like a lot of fun! But only the first date so I'm trying to be calm.......

[–]suzannehatton 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]MrTrizzles2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Eh. Sounds like a TRP sentiment. If he’s a normal guy who is into you he will more likely be trying to seduce you than anything else.

[–]radioheadcreep0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Glad you had fun... just be mindful. Passion and attraction are so important. But so is keeping true to your values. I can easily get swept up in that and ignore my gut or the red flags.

[–]merel--[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know. ;)

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points [recovered]  (8 children) | Copy Link

If two people are happy, then they are happy. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness or their seeking of happiness.

That being said, if one partner does not find the other person physically attractive, then I just don't see, in the long term, how it can work.

My observation and experience is if a woman feels a "vibe" with a man she thinks is physically unattractive, one of three things are going on

A) They are in a dynamic where he has massive social proof. Think an old ugly college professor and his 22 year old hard bodied beauty queen student for the semester.

B) In some way, by looks or mannerisms, he represents a proxy for the male dominant figure in her formative years ( basically a strong reminder of her father based on his features and behavior)

C) The male has some association with applied violence. It's not kosher to say, not PC, but women react strongly, with strong emotion, to men who have seen and inflicted a lot of violence. It's not something that has to be discussed, it's something many women pick up on very quietly and mostly something they can't pinpoint. I am not saying random violence, esp to women is OK. I'm also not saying these guys will suddenly start punching a woman or robbing a bank.

My guess he's triggering STRONG EMOTIONS. But this is not the same as triggering STRONG ATTRACTION. Odds are he's met you and maybe it's a transitional point in your life. It's a more polite way to say you "gave him a chance" because it's likely other options weren't exactly to the brim. And that's fine. Life is about highs and lows. The other issue is you see his status beneath yours. Which might function short term, but it's a poor pathway to actual respect. If a woman describes a man most interesting initial qualities and points out his job nearly first, that's not a pathway to real sustained attraction.

If it was me, if I knew a woman found me physically unattractive to start, I'd rather just move on to be honest. I'm sure some TRP guys, even some core guys, would take it differently or do something differently, I would just see it was a waste of my time and her time. I'm happy to share my life and experiences if I felt the other person was all in, I don't know if I'd be so down for that if she basically came to terms that she felt my status was beneath her and that she was actually doing me a favor.

"Nick, I refuse to be the goodie bag at your breakup pity party" - Norah. "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist"

[–]merel--[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, this doesn't really help anybody. The girls here are looking for a good husband not a hot husband.

Because he has such a dominant and masculine energy I think he is super hot... There are plenty of happy relationships where the woman is more attractive than the man, it's a dynamic that is proven to work.

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being considered "more attractive" on a social baseline in a couple where both parties are actually physically attracted to each other is entirely different issue.

I'm not looking to doxx anyone or have them doxx themselves, but in this kind of situation, questions arise regarding the woman

A) What is her current SMV/options?

B) What is her age profile?

C) What is her weight profile?

D) How much success has she had in the past regarding getting commitment from men she wanted CONSISTENTLY?

E) What is her current credit/financial situation?

F) Has she been recently Alpha Widowed?

G) Have the majority of her female "friends"/female relatives recently all gotten married and/or have kids and/or living the perceived "Trad Con" dream and she is not?

No one has to answer these questions here. But a woman wanting to be with a man she finds zero physical attraction for makes no sense at all without deeper context.

If you are NOT physically attracted to the other person, it just won't work long term. This is not even a basic Red Pill concept, this is a basic MATING concept all throughout human history where people had a choice in partners.

Whatever he said to you in terms of "Smooth Moves", he's likely used over and over again with other women. Early commitment talk is a red flag.

It is a massive status hit for a woman to be alone romantically. Most women can't handle it.

I am not here to kill your dreams. I am here to say before you get too invested, look past the EMOTION of the current situation. Without true physical attraction on some level, it just won't work. I'm not reinventing the wheel here. What I am saying is not madly radical in nature.

There are fewer red flags in a Chinese Embassy than the ones rooting out in this thread.

It is nice to meet someone you feel you really connect with and that's pretty rare. I understand being lonely is plain ass for everyone, men and women. Time is short. Talking to people is hard. I understand all these thing. I understand the desire to be with someone you feel understands you. This is very human.

But this won't work. If you aren't physically attracted to the person, it won't work.

It's your choice. Good luck. I hope if you choose this path, that it does work out for you both.

[–]merel--[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The deeper context is that looks don't matter a huge amount to me. It's more about who he is and what he makes me feel like...

Are you jealous or something?

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Being considered "more attractive" on a social baseline in a couple where both parties are actually physically attracted to each other is entirely different issue.

I'm not looking to doxx anyone or have them doxx themselves, but in this kind of situation, questions arise regarding the woman

A) What is her current SMV/options?

B) What is her age profile?

C) What is her weight profile?

D) How much success has she had in the past regarding getting commitment from men she wanted CONSISTENTLY?

E) What is her current credit/financial situation?

F) Has she been recently Alpha Widowed?

G) Have the majority of her female "friends"/female relatives recently all gotten married and/or have kids and/or living the perceived "Trad Con" dream and she is not?

No one has to answer these questions here. But a woman wanting to be with a man she finds zero physical attraction for makes no sense at all without deeper context.

If you are NOT physically attracted to the other person, it just won't work long term. This is not even a basic Red Pill concept, this is a basic MATING concept all throughout human history where people had a choice in partners.

Whatever he said to you in terms of "Smooth Moves", he's likely used over and over again with other women. Early commitment talk is a red flag.

It is a massive status hit for a woman to be alone romantically. Most women can't handle it.

I am not here to kill your dreams. I am here to say before you get too invested, look past the EMOTION of the current situation. Without true physical attraction on some level, it just won't work. I'm not reinventing the wheel here. What I am saying is not madly radical in nature.

There are fewer red flags in a Chinese Embassy than the ones rooting out in this thread.

It is nice to meet someone you feel you really connect with and that's pretty rare. I understand being lonely is plain ass for everyone, men and women. Time is short. Talking to people is hard. I understand all these thing. I understand the desire to be with someone you feel understands you. This is very human.

But this won't work. If you aren't physically attracted to the person, it won't work.

It's your choice. Good luck. I hope if you choose this path, that it does work out for you both.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

A body can respond physically without visual input. She will associate him with the psychological input. I have seen it work for people.

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe over the short term, during the Honeymoon Phase, in the beginning, but since TRPW is a COMMITMENT STRATEGY sub, that implies the LONG TERM.

Over the LONG TERM, if you have zero physical attraction for your partner, it's just not gonna work.

This isn't just hamstering, it's bionic level hamstering.

There is when a relationship is OVER. Then there is when a relationship ENDS. Many are over and yet never end. Some never end until someone dies and yet are over long long before that.

I can duct tape my feet to my car's steering wheel and head down the freeway. I could technically make it work. But it would surely suck ass eventually for me and everyone else on the road. I could say to myself, well it's not the end yet. But as I speed down that freeway with my big toes trying to turn me into a NASCAR hero, it's all over from the beginning, I'm as good as dead.

Here is the general danger of the hamster - Men will simply refuse to talk to women ever again. I mean an actual real conversation. What's the point if her way is the only way and no other rational discourse matters? If men don't talk, and many don't, women cannot formulate COMMITMENT STRATEGY. Without any kind of commitment strategy, odds are, he's not going to marry her.

More Hamster = No Ring

More Nagging = No Ring

More Ingratitude = No Ring

No Sex = No Ring

There's a whole host of things that prevent getting a ring, an out of control hamster is one of them.

This is stuff that is discussed here all the time. The more a woman's hamster is let loose, two things will happen. The man will pick up on it and will see her as non marriage material, or two, she will pick a truly shitty man. It happens all the time, women TALK THEMSELVES INTO A SHITTY DUDE. Then talk themselves INTO STAYING.

Being the best version of yourself means you have to start doing some things that feel like utter crap. It means delaying gratification. It means being objective over status, loneliness, horniness or anything else. It will feel like utter crap to walk from a guy who might be a decent enough chap but offers zero physical attraction. How will it feel a month from now? A year? Two years? 5 years? You know what else feels like crap? Duct taping your feet to your steering wheel and flying off an overpass.

As soon as the OP determined this guy was a zero to her on the physical attractive scale, it was then IMMEDIATELY OVER. When it ENDS is a different story.

[–]merel--[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

zero physical attraction

I feel pretty physically attracted to him.

women TALK THEMSELVES INTO A SHITTY DUDE. Then talk themselves INTO STAYING.

He isn't a shitty dude, don't worry.

As soon as the OP determined this guy was a zero to her on the physical attractive scale

Never said that and after a couple of hours he is ranking pretty high.

Women and men are different. For men looks are a non-negotiable, for a lot of (not all) women it is negotiable, if he is amazing in different ways and makes me feel feminine...

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I maintain I've seen it work (long term), but upvoted for eloquence. Maybe my favorite comment on this Reddit thing ever LOL.

Edit: maybe this man just smells amazing. I think people can sense when somebody would be a good/healthy match genetically through smell (something about complementary immune systems).

Still smiling over the duct taped foot-steering :-p

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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