I have no had a good life so far. I have done bad things and bad things have been done to me from a young age. I need help.

My captain and I currently have no money. He is working on his new company and I am working on my own projects and supporting him full time (emotionally and financially too, believe it or not.)

I have cut down on my drinking BIG TIME and now am left with having to cope with my emotions and painful memories without self-destructing. I need someone to talk to and who can guide me.

I want to talk to my SO, but I don't think that would be any good. He is very busy. I think he would rather focus on work than on me rehashing the same issues over and over again.

How can I get free counselling? Are there resources online?

Also, how can I deal with some issues of resentment or loneliness when I tell him something and he responds with "I'm sorry." and that's all. I don't know. I shouldn't expect too much from him and I often keep things to myself but that leads to more pain and loneliness.