A tl;dr background: It has been a year since a long term relationship I had has ended VERY VERY badly. We were hating each other by the end of it. That relationship had it all: ups and downs, a lot of love, a lot of hate, cheating, being cheated on, verbal abuse and just generally was very mentally consuming.

Since then, I've liked a guy, who although had a long distance relationship, was ready to sleep with me & others and didn't take his girl seriously. Took me a few months to get over him.

Another guy, we were "seeing each other" for a few months, before finding out he kept chatting without telling me with his ex; even though they were just friends in his opinion, all our mutual acquaintances told me she wants him back. That, along with my jealousy, led to fights and breaking it off.

After that, I've been single for a couple of months, thought I was okay to start dating again, and so I did. Went on my first Tinder date, which was 4 months ago, and I've seen this guy ever since. We're still dating, we're not official. All was good, until I realised I'm getting jealous for small stuff - which I tried to excuse by telling myself that I must start really liking him, therefore I care more and more and I get jealous.

Things I got jealous on:

  1. A girl friend living with him (and 4-5 other guys), and him telling me (before I got to meet her first time) stuff like: You have to meet her, she's so much fun! (This kind of stuff makes my heart drop) - I guess it's my insecurity, because I know I'm not fun. I'm 22 and serious and an adult and so on.

  2. He called her "love" once when I was around and I heard it. Fucking heart dropping (We're in UK, people here use LOVE everywhere, but I'm a foreigner and NOT used to this)

  3. He has another girl friend (they are a bigger group of girls and guys) who for some reason I can't like. I haven't met her yet, even though we were at the same party once at the guy I'm dating's house. But out of all his friends, she never tried getting to know me or talking to me - everyone else did, I was this guy's new girl and they wanted to get to know me. This girl also I think has a serious case of "bitch resting face" because she looks dead serious 100% of the times I see her (times when I am with the guy I'm dating, which makes me feel like that's why she doesn't like me and looks so serious). Anyway, this girl apparently drunk texts him (and his other friends too, that's what he says) on whatsapp or on their facebook chat group. When I found this out (recently), it was because it was midnight and I caught a glimpse at his phone. I told him something like "your phone is buzzing", not telling him who he was. A bit later when I ask who it was (he had a weird expression on his face reading his phone screen), he says it's his sister. I loose it and tell him I know it's not the sister and we have a fight and we go to sleep angry.

I tried getting over it, telling myself that they are just friends, in a bigger group, and even if she might like him, he doesn't like her so that should make it okay.

But then there's also him reading my messages and sometimes not replying - but updating his status on Facebook.

And when I did tell him what I felt, that I was unhappy or during our small couple of arguments, he tells me it's because I'm insecure.

So I will believe him. I'm too jealous. I'm insecure. I am too demanding (I honestly feel like I wish he didn't have those girl friends or that he would reply to my messages, because that would make me feel like I'm the first one for him, like he is for me). I feel I am the one who loves more. Who gives more. And I feel a second choice sometimes.

I need to overcome this, or learn how to do "just dating" feelings - as we're not official yet.

How do you learn to be strong? Confident? Not jealous? How to girls / women let their SO be 24/7 (just an example) around another woman and be okay and not have trouble sleeping at night having weird, overreacting thoughts?

Please if you took the time to read this write any advice you have. Anything which could help. I feel like I'm ruining this relationship and will ruin every future ones. I need to find peace of mind because I can't go on like this...