Growing up I wasn't very much of a girly-girl, especially didn't help that there was zero feminine women in my life to influence me. Currently I've been working on cultivating a feminine spirit and learning to be soft and loving but I felt a bit of a mismatch with how I felt on the inside with how I felt on the outside. I wasn't a complete tom boy, I just dress like an average college student, basically a combination of leggings+hoodie+sneakers+messy bun. I spent no effort on my look and only dipping into my feminine side for events like weddings and baby showers.
I prided myself for a long time being 'uncomplicated' , 'low maintenance' and 'practical' but since I've been reading here I'm realizing just how masculine my attitude was towards my appearance, those were all traits men look for in cars but not necessarily in women.
I'm slowly in the process of transforming my wardrobe to be more feminine but working with pieces I already had I decided to dress up and go out just to go shopping for a bit. Earlier this week I dressed much cuter for school and when I asked one of my class mates to help me he immediately got up and came over to help me, while in the past this same classmate would have ignored me or just make me ask the professor. I wanted to experiment more with dressing feminine and see what other conclusions I could gather. So I this morning I got out of the kiddy pool and hopped right into the deep end.
I put on a flirty silky polka dot top something like this, wore a pair of skinny jeans (not feminine but working on it) that really show off my small waist and long legs, a pair of high heels, and some dainty gold hoops, a really classy somewhat conservative look but still showed my figure underneath. I have been growing my nails out and painting them soft pretty colors lately and went ahead and put on makeup (just concealer, mascara and a nice pink lipstick, all very natural but still pretty). Most importantly I've been working on my demeanor, I have a neutral expression on my face most of the time and have been trying to smile more when people speak or make eye contact with me. I wasn't forcing myself to smile at everyone but just a natural happy peaceful look. Dressing nicely made me want to be seen so it felt easy for me to drop the resting bitch face. I felt as pleasant on the inside as I do on the outside.
So how did it go? Well at first my boyfriend asked me "you sure you want to go to the mall this dressed up?" I don't really dress up for the poor guy so it was exciting for him, if anything, the one thing I learned was how much a guy appreciates being seen with someone that takes care of their appearance, he had a small sense of pride guiding me through the mall and talking to me throughout the day, even helping me off the escalator. In the past he had no reason to do so because I presented myself as capable, but suddenly wearing heels and being on moving stairs he had the desire to help me.
We went to the mall mostly for him so it wasn't like I dragged him there but I was window shopping a bit for myself. The most noticeable thing was how many guys turned to take a second look at me, even while with their girlfriends. At first I thought maybe I dressed too out of place , but women paid no attention to me. The attention was different. At one point I saw a guy take a triple take looking at me and then his girlfriend, who was dressed in sweats and a hoodie. I think many guys enjoy the soft feminine side of women and it's seen less and less these days.
The least surprising thing is how much employees wanted to help me, every store I went into I was approached by employees asking if they could help me, especially from men. Normally when I'm in this same mall it's quite busy and if I need something I have to hunt someone down. I magically became approachable, like people were drawn to me. Afterwards I went to the grocery store to pick up dinner and I couldn't believe I was -that- woman. By that I mean the 1 random woman I see at the grocery store that's dressed up to the nines in a nice pair of heels and her hair perfectly in place. Even the cashier recognized me and immediately started a conversation while in the past wouldn't say much. I was instantly inviting.
In the past before I started reading redpillwomen I actually thought the only way Women could draw attention from men was by wearing garish colors, booty shorts, crop tops, what ever is in fashion or other overly revealing clothes, basically a forever21 clone. What I've learned is that you can't really stand out if everyone else is doing the exact thing. I never had the issue of standing out because I tend to dress in ways that hid me. But I also realized how unfair it was to myself to hide my body, I am pretty lucky that I don't have to work hard to be thin or have nice hair but my current wardrobe obscured everything about me that is feminine.
My final thoughts:
I think if you are having a hard time with being approached by men this would instantly up your game, in addition to online dating. If you already have a partner then absolutely dress for them. It sounds weird but I felt like my partner respected me more for dressing up, mostly because I honored myself first by taking care of my appearance. It also made his role as the provider/ protector more fulfilling for him and apparent. I think all in all: dress like a prize and men will always feel like they won.