~ archived since 2018 ~

I tried dressing feminine for a day and this is what happened

September 30, 2018

Growing up I wasn't very much of a girly-girl, especially didn't help that there was zero feminine women in my life to influence me. Currently I've been working on cultivating a feminine spirit and learning to be soft and loving but I felt a bit of a mismatch with how I felt on the inside with how I felt on the outside. I wasn't a complete tom boy, I just dress like an average college student, basically a combination of leggings+hoodie+sneakers+messy bun. I spent no effort on my look and only dipping into my feminine side for events like weddings and baby showers.

I prided myself for a long time being 'uncomplicated' , 'low maintenance' and 'practical' but since I've been reading here I'm realizing just how masculine my attitude was towards my appearance, those were all traits men look for in cars but not necessarily in women.

I'm slowly in the process of transforming my wardrobe to be more feminine but working with pieces I already had I decided to dress up and go out just to go shopping for a bit. Earlier this week I dressed much cuter for school and when I asked one of my class mates to help me he immediately got up and came over to help me, while in the past this same classmate would have ignored me or just make me ask the professor. I wanted to experiment more with dressing feminine and see what other conclusions I could gather. So I this morning I got out of the kiddy pool and hopped right into the deep end.

I put on a flirty silky polka dot top something like this, wore a pair of skinny jeans (not feminine but working on it) that really show off my small waist and long legs, a pair of high heels, and some dainty gold hoops, a really classy somewhat conservative look but still showed my figure underneath. I have been growing my nails out and painting them soft pretty colors lately and went ahead and put on makeup (just concealer, mascara and a nice pink lipstick, all very natural but still pretty). Most importantly I've been working on my demeanor, I have a neutral expression on my face most of the time and have been trying to smile more when people speak or make eye contact with me. I wasn't forcing myself to smile at everyone but just a natural happy peaceful look. Dressing nicely made me want to be seen so it felt easy for me to drop the resting bitch face. I felt as pleasant on the inside as I do on the outside.

So how did it go? Well at first my boyfriend asked me "you sure you want to go to the mall this dressed up?" I don't really dress up for the poor guy so it was exciting for him, if anything, the one thing I learned was how much a guy appreciates being seen with someone that takes care of their appearance, he had a small sense of pride guiding me through the mall and talking to me throughout the day, even helping me off the escalator. In the past he had no reason to do so because I presented myself as capable, but suddenly wearing heels and being on moving stairs he had the desire to help me.

We went to the mall mostly for him so it wasn't like I dragged him there but I was window shopping a bit for myself. The most noticeable thing was how many guys turned to take a second look at me, even while with their girlfriends. At first I thought maybe I dressed too out of place , but women paid no attention to me. The attention was different. At one point I saw a guy take a triple take looking at me and then his girlfriend, who was dressed in sweats and a hoodie. I think many guys enjoy the soft feminine side of women and it's seen less and less these days.

The least surprising thing is how much employees wanted to help me, every store I went into I was approached by employees asking if they could help me, especially from men. Normally when I'm in this same mall it's quite busy and if I need something I have to hunt someone down. I magically became approachable, like people were drawn to me. Afterwards I went to the grocery store to pick up dinner and I couldn't believe I was -that- woman. By that I mean the 1 random woman I see at the grocery store that's dressed up to the nines in a nice pair of heels and her hair perfectly in place. Even the cashier recognized me and immediately started a conversation while in the past wouldn't say much. I was instantly inviting.

In the past before I started reading redpillwomen I actually thought the only way Women could draw attention from men was by wearing garish colors, booty shorts, crop tops, what ever is in fashion or other overly revealing clothes, basically a forever21 clone. What I've learned is that you can't really stand out if everyone else is doing the exact thing. I never had the issue of standing out because I tend to dress in ways that hid me. But I also realized how unfair it was to myself to hide my body, I am pretty lucky that I don't have to work hard to be thin or have nice hair but my current wardrobe obscured everything about me that is feminine.

My final thoughts:

I think if you are having a hard time with being approached by men this would instantly up your game, in addition to online dating. If you already have a partner then absolutely dress for them. It sounds weird but I felt like my partner respected me more for dressing up, mostly because I honored myself first by taking care of my appearance. It also made his role as the provider/ protector more fulfilling for him and apparent. I think all in all: dress like a prize and men will always feel like they won.

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Post Information
Title I tried dressing feminine for a day and this is what happened
Author GettingMyShitInOrder
Upvotes 182
Comments 46
Date September 30, 2018 2:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Awesome field report! So encouraging when you see these kinds of results after such seemingly small changes.

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I agree, it wasn't too difficult and took me less than 30 minutes pick an outfit and to get ready, which is a worthwhile investment!

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I dress quite feminine most of the time. It is rare for me to wear something truly casual. I am the only girl my fiance has known that has such a strong preference for feminine clothes and he says I am often the best dressed girl in the room. He thought when he first met me I was just doing it to impress him but it is just who I am and what I enjoy wearing. There will be men who check you out, flirt, and generally not care that their wives or girlfriends are right there and some will stare even when I am on my fiance's arm. Even though I have a pretty big rock on my finger, I have still had male cashiers randomly give me things or random people offer to buy me drinks while out. Sometimes guys can not help but to randomly tell me that I am pretty. I even get this attention from guys more conventionally attractive than my fiance. He said at first it made him uncomfortable because it made him feel concern about how easy it would be for me to run off with some guy I perceived to be better, but he believes now that I am smitten with him and don't really believe there is a better guy out there for me. He has never dated someone before where this was a regular occurrence so there was an adjustment period. Now, he seems to have a real sense of pride about being out with me and doesn't get phased.. He also came to understand that by this point in my life I am so used to that kind of attention that it doesn't make me interested in the random strangers providing it. I do not wear revealing clothing either. I do not own a single pair of shorts, a miniskirt, bikini, skinny jeans or leggings. I most often wear dresses with a pretty vintage silhouette (fitted bodice, flared skirt) and do not typically wear high heels. (I am already unusually tall for a girl and enjoy comfort.) I don't even have the most conventionally attractive figure right now. It is just rare to see a woman going about everyday life looking so feminine and I think it triggers attraction in a lot of guys.

[–]Mewster18181 Star5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Meanwhile my husband only cares if I'm wearing his favorite color( I can wear a hideous tracksuit and as long as it's green he'll compliment me.) xD

Before I knew it my entire closet is filled with mostly green... which does look a tad silly from my perspective.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honestly, my wardrobe has more teal in it than any other color. My fiance's favorite color is bright orange. It is part of why he has such an attraction to gingers. I am a warm autumn and can wear orange pretty well, but I told him that wearing orange with copper hair was going to be a bit of a visual disaster, so he should pick which he prefers. I now go every four weeks to keep my hair copper colored and then wear whatever color dresses that I like. 😂

[–]Mewster18181 Star0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It honestly makes me appreciate how simple fashion can be to please my guy. Long hair? Check. Blonde? Check. Green? Check. xD

Only thing I can't do is switch to contacts since I have really, really dry eyes and it's just not worth the discomfort regularly. But luckily that's not a big thing for him.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great field report!

And fwiw, I think skinny jeans can be feminine if they are paired with the right things. You should feel "right" in whatever style you chose to wear.

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I love wearing dresses but surprisingly my partner loves jeans more so I wanted to dress for him 😊

[–]psmica 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

ALWAYS WORTH IT! I have tried to dress at least put-together (no college gear, no sweats, no athleisure unless it's to the gym) and it makes a huge difference on how professors, men, everyone treats me. Especially in college, it's so refreshing for guys to see a girl who cares what she looks like. And, it never really takes that much longer to get ready either. I always pick my outfits in advance, so some light makeup and a casual hairdo take 20ish minutes. Totally worth the self-confidence boost.

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm still trying to figure out what to wear to school that is feminine if you have any tips?

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

At one point I saw a guy take a triple take looking at me and then his girlfriend, who was dressed in sweats and a hoodie.

Not gonna lie, this made me laugh out loud.

In the past before I started reading redpillwomen I actually thought the only way Women could draw attention from men was by wearing garish colors, booty shorts, crop tops, what ever is in fashion or other overly revealing clothes, basically a forever21 clone.

So you've learned the power of being a well-put-together, classy lady. Congratulations! Many never figure it out. Great field report.

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I hope to keep heading in this direction!

[–]xRedWolfx 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

Honest you genuinely believe that looking classy and put-together has such a huge positive effect? I do notice men staring at me or trying to establish eye contact (which I return if I'm interested), but it hasn't necessarily led to any men asking me out or heavily pursuing me. I barely can get them to even approach me for a regular conversation despite making eye contact, smiling etc.

Also, I've always been put-together and well-dressed, but I've been receiving way more "criticism" from my peers when I show up in skirts, blouses, heels to graduate school. Both women and some men ask me why I'm dressed like this and whether I'm having plans for the day. I've also noticed some odd up-down staring from some girls or women at my clinical rotation sites. I'm somewhat starting to feel very uncomfortable and self-conscious.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

do you genuinely believe that looking classy and put-together has such a huge positive effect?

Yes, but for three reasons. 1) Looking good makes you more approachable, 2) Looking good makes you higher value, so more desirable, and 3) Looking good makes YOU feel better/more self confident, which boosts your attitude and generally pumps up potential outcomes for your day.

I've been receiving way more "criticism" from my peers when I show up in skirts, blouses, heels to graduate school. Both women and some men ask me why I'm dressed like this and whether I'm having plans for the day.

This is classic crab bucket mentality. You respect your body and appearance, and they don't. The ones who criticize you, what do THEY look like? Do they look as nice/attractive/mature as you? I guarantee they don't - with one exception. Other attractive women, sensing competition, may attack you as well.

Am I right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, you are absolutely right, but how do I best deal with this? It really makes my school and workplace incredibly uncomfortable. I try to be pleasant whenever I get a sense of passive aggressive behavior but is that the right way to approach this?

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be the better woman. Nothing aggravates the petty, backbiting, shallow bitches of the world better than being graceful, desirable, and impenetrable to their barbs. They seethe, they vomit bile, and they claw ineffectually... and make everybody hate them even as you are showered with love.

It's ugly, but it's true. It's a corollary to the saying, "The best revenge is to outlive (and live better than) your enemies."

EDIT: Also, there are always other ladies - actively classy, or quietly pleasant - around. Cultivate them. Build your own desirable, delightful circle of friends. Not every woman around you can be unpleasant (unless you are studying in University in an X-studies department, that is).

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

In the past before I started reading redpillwomen I actually thought the only way Women could draw attention from men was by wearing garish colors, booty shorts, crop tops, what ever is in fashion or other overly revealing clothes, basically a forever21 clone.

Yeah, this couldn't be further from the truth, and I'm glad you picked up on what most (quality) men find attractive. An understated yet classy wardrobe is very sexy, says a lot about your personality (e.g. "I'm not seeking attention, but I still want to look good for me"), and will undoubtedly draw more people to you than the "loud" wardrobe many other women (and men!) tend to wear. Honestly, I think both sexes prefer a more conservative yet stylish wardrobe. I mean, for you, would you be attracted to a "flashy" guy in a $200 designer hoodie, $300 jeans, $250 jordans, and a gold watch/chain? I don't know, if I were a girl, I feel like that type of shit would nauseate me. Decent people don't need to pile on the status-wear (in the case of men) or overly sexualize themselves (in the case of women) to look decent. They just look decent in and of themselves. Slight tweaks, as in your case making your outfit a bit more feminine, can therefore make a huge difference.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course! Just stopping in H&M with my boyfriend There were Lots of colors like burnt orange, mauve, etc that were really unappealing to him. Things like soft pink sweaters and pastels were much more appealing to him!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What do you consider "loud" wardrobe for a woman?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like I said, anything that would oversexualize the woman. Super short shorts. Super low cut crop top. Things like this. It might work to get a high school/college kid's attention, but I don't see this being a viable long term strategy to gain and keep the attention of a quality man you'd like to spend your life with.

I think the male equivalent would be wearing things that show off status -- overpriced clothes, watches, chains, sunglasses, hats, jewelry, etc. Or perhaps guys who work out and only go around in muscle shirts to show off their bodies. I do not believe quality, K-selected women look at guys like this with anything but a disappointed sigh.

[–]simplisticallysimple10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Now imagine if you wore an actual dress

[–]merel--21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think that really matters. As long as it shows off/exaggerates your waist/hip ratio and you look more put together. That's why it worked.

[–]Pie_0211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dresses always get my attention.

[–]Javi_is_cute2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But where are the pics of the clothes! ?

[–]GettingMyShitInOrder[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry, the current state of Reddit makes me fear posting personal pics here :/

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We don't recommend it on RPW anyway. If you did choose to post pictures, our rules say that you have to blur out your face so you aren't doxxing yourself.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good for you!! I sincerely love the triple take. No cleavage is necessary to look eye catching and inviting. Such a fun read! Yay!

[–]light-----------dark1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amazing read - thanks for sharing!

Good on you for exploring outside of your comfort zone.

[–]SushiWizard1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Can you give me some advice on how to dress more feminine? Not sure where to start. I look feminine but dress masculine or like I don't care - to be honest I really hate putting on makeup. I also like more professional clothing and men's watches. Ugh I guess I want to look feminine but also still be myself.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Dresses, a small amount of easy makeup (mascara, tinted lip balm, brush), and hair that's not tight up against your head. You can wear a blazer and a corporate-style dress if you prefer!

[–]SushiWizard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That sounds hot tbh. Dunno why I never thought of it before. Thanks :) what do you mean by brush and hair that's not tight? My hair tends to be flat..

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you pull your hair back tightly in a bun or ponytail, it will look severe. Loose hair is good! For volume, have you tried adding a bit of texture with a sea salt spray?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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