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I'm 15 want to be a housewife, I feel really isolated and everyone at school is bullying me

October 5, 2021

Hey, I'm 15 and I feel really trapped in this society. My mom is a radical feminist and I just tbh want to eventually get married to a man and be a homemaker and that is what I want. But I feel really trapped and alone and there is no one to talk to and I told my best friend and she just laughed at me and thought I was joking and when she realised I wasn't she didn't want to talk to me anymore and she told everyone in my school and now everyone is laughing at me and bullying me and telling me to go back to the 50s. I don't know what to do and I really don't want to tell my mom or anyone really I am so scared of that I just don't know anyone who thinks the same and I feel so upset and isolated I just think it would be great to speak to some women similar to me and also if you've gone through similar that would be great or if you're my age. And just I don't know what to do

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Post Information
Title I'm 15 want to be a housewife, I feel really isolated and everyone at school is bullying me
Author Laurag06
Upvotes 96
Comments 40
Date October 5, 2021 8:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My advice would be to respond to these people with absolute confidence and kindness. People are very attracted to that, and it's difficult to bully someone who doesn't give a crap about what you're saying. Kids are notoriously cruel; they still aren't fully developed socially, and you're all going through a tough time physically and mentally, which leads to kids taking things out on each other. It's not about you, so don't take it personally. Enjoy being a kid. Focus on the things that make you happy, whatever those are, and you'll find people who also love those things to hang out with. Especially in school. It's the easiest time of your life to make friends, so don't worry about losing some. Join some clubs/extracurriculars that interest you, get involved in the community through volunteering or church (if you're religious), and you'll be meeting a wide variety of people in no time.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Having things doesn't make you happy. Money doesn't make you happy. Pleasure is not happiness.

Happiness is contentment and inner peace.

Only two things in life create happiness:

  1. A feeling of accomplishment.
  2. Relationships with other people.

If you are wise enough at 15 to know this, then you have a huge head start, and head starts are important, because we don't have all the time in the world. Four score and ten years may seem like a long time, but it's not.

If you have a dream, no matter what it is, someone is going to try to stand between you and it. Someone is going to try to drag you down. Because that's what losers do. They try to make others join them in perpetual defeat.

That means you are going to have to fight, even if that fight is just believing in yourself when no one else does.

[–]Yung4Yrs[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage."

[–]cats5483 42 points43 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

first of all, i think its great that you decided you want to be a homemaker at such a young age. im 18 myself, so just a few years older than you. i also got bullied in high school, however for different reasons. i advise you to ignore them. focus on your schoolwork and your hobbies and build good habits. do some community service. these bullies do NOT understand you or your goals. you know yourself the best out of anyone.

[–]Laurag06[S] 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

THanks it is really hard everyone in my year knows and no one has come and supported me or sympathised with me and I feel so alone. So it is hard to ignore it but I am trying thank you. And nice to talk to someone similar, have you told friends/family about what you want?

[–]cats5483 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i know it can be hard. ive told my mom about my desire to be traditional. she was a housewife herself for most of my childhood and has a lot of conservative values, but she had to start working once she divorced my father. she also had a lot of casual sex, and thinks its a bit odd that i dont want that. overall, she supports me. it might be different for you since your mother is a radical feminist. eventually you should tell your mom although it will be difficult. she'll have to accept that you are your own person with your own aspirations and values.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]LivelyLychee[M] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do not pet the unicorns, especially when they are 15 YEARS OLD. You’re done here.

[–]cbunni666 26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hmm. I was once 15 and I had the same feelings you had at that time so I'll chime in. I never bothered to tell anyone. Not because I was ashamed. I guess I felt it was no one's business plus I wasn't sure if I would change my mind later because, well I was 15. Lol. I too wanted to get married, have kids and be a housewife. I wasn't expected to become a housewife. Although once I found my husband and got married, I was bombarded with "so when are you gonna pop out a baby??" to the point I started to cut off people. It scared me and I didn't feel secured emotionally or financially to start having kids. My husband and I were still in our early 20s and we're already having issues on conceiving so I didn't want to hear it.

I would say, since you are here asking, don't give up on what you want but do remember you are only 15 and you're more than welcome to continue or change your mind. Don't let those around you control or discourage you. In the end they aren't paying your bills, they aren't putting food in your child's mouths, they are just there. My best advice is beware on who you marry. You want to marry for love and share the same values. Your husband should want a wife, not a slave.

[–]_johnfketamine 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. The ways and amount that I have changed since 15 is unmeasurable. I didn’t really level out and fall into my “true form” for lack of better word, until around age 24. It’s awesome, encouraged, and totally healthy to have goals, but you have no idea where you’ll end up down the road.

[–]riceweight 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey, I'm about to graduate college. I study Computer Science. I understand and empathize with the exhaustion and the hopelessness that a lot of people our age feel. Why work? Why try? The world is going to shit anyway. Why do anything except cozy into our little cocoon where we feel safe and protected (by a man) and do the little cutesy things that we like to do? Why do anything difficult and not absolutely idyllic?

I will say this – high school is rough and everyone is immature. Even past high school. Even into young adulthood. My female friend in Montana gets side eyed for having grown up/gone to college in California and wanting to work a high powered career. I sometimes get double takes from people when I say I want to have kids before 30. It all depends on where you're from, where you're going, your environment. This isn't a large scale feminism vs trad conflict, it's just tribal behavior.

You are 15. As a 21 year old who very distinctly remembers being 15, you will be someone COMPLETELY different in 3 years. Even more so in 6. I used to be where you are now. I used to fantasize about being a SAHW with kids and a loving dominant husband who completely provided for me and I just had to do a little cooking and cleaning in a cute apron. But now, I want to find a steady software engineering job with good insurance, maternity, and vacation benefits that exposes me to men who are my type (nerdy and intelligent as fuck, Asian, well educated) and allows me to create a well supported future for my family. 15 year old me could never.

If I made the decision at 15 to forego college, to date, to settle down, my life wouldn't look like it does right now. I would have missed out on so many experiences. I hold my college experience as something so so valuable to me – not just because of the very fancy credential I've earned, but because of the habits I've learned and unlearned, the friends I've made and unmade, how much I've learned about other people and myself, the vast, vast horizons I've expanded. Your world is as large as you make it. Make it small from the start, and you will struggle to accept new input. Make it large from the start, and you'll learn to filter out the chaff and only hold on to the important things. My anxiety and depression dramatically went down during college, because there are so many things to keep track of that the triggers for these mental things just.. faded into the background.

A general rule of thumb: When you have two options, always pick the option that creates more opportunities and challenges you in healthy ways. (with the very obvious caveat that you shouldn't do things that will harm you permanently)

University or community college? University (if funds allow).

english/psychology or engineering? Engineering. (if you're competent enough)

You will ALWAYS have the option to be a stay at home mom. (Just date, marry, and quit your job.) But once you miss your chance at education and employment, it is VERY difficult to decide you want to later on. I'm a student instructor right now at my college and the reentry, older students struggle the most. Their brains aren't as elastic as the younger students. They have family commitments that make it difficult for them to follow along in class.

To tie back into your post. You seem like a lovely young woman. You must be hurting from the mean comments that people make about you. Your high school peers are just being jerks. But your mom? She wants to see you succeed in the way that she best knows success – financial independence and a healthy identity in yourself without a man. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Growing up is tough. Not caring about other people's opinions is tough. It requires a lot of self respect, self discovery, and honestly, some of it just comes with age. Have a little patience, keep your chin up, and find things that you're interested in. I wish you were my little sister so I could text you and comfort you more. (But also don't trust random adults on the internet ahh).

I still have a very private fantasy about being a little housewife taken care of by this very strong, dominant, yet kind man. But as I've progressed more in my college career, I've realized that that sort of life, while idyllic for evenings and weekends, would absolutely bore me and kill me inside. I've come to realize that I love teaching and education. I have some ideas on how to tie that into my life, but I am so, so infinitely glad that I followed my peers into Computer Science. The net is cast wide, and now I have the option to make big bucks as well as specialize later on in teaching. I'm glad I have financial freedom and the ability to make decisions such as buying a house, going on vacation, and getting clothes tailored. The means to fund my children's education and a better childhood than the one I had. I'm glad I have choices.

So yeah, feminism is about choice and you can choose to be a SAHW. But think about the paths you can take to expand the number of choices you have. Because, and I say this to my high school self as much as you, it is MUCH too soon to limit your choices.

This was very long. I hope pushing education as the best option for a young woman isn't against rule 5. I genuinely am concerned for this community as a role model for young women who haven't discovered themselves yet and are picking SAHW as the path of least (educational, effort) challenge.

[–]softrevolution_ 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You have great advice here, so I'm going to stick to the practical and tell you that it's never too early to learn the skills that go into making a home. There's so much out there for free online that I can't begin to list it! Home Ec 101 is pretty awesome, and check out Alena Kate Pettitt while you're at it, she's a good role model.

[–]Teacup000 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're not alone! I wanted to be a housewife from a young age and told my peers. I remember at 15-16 being considered a bit weird and old-fashioned for it, but I knew what I wanted and I didn't care much if teenagers thought it was dumb.

One of my peers told me when I 15 that I would be popular in my twenties. It didn't mean much then, but that did end up being the case. I got married at 21, am 23 now, and am a stay at home mom. I'm very happy!

My advice to you is that there's no guarantee when you'll meet the right person, and money is always helpful starting a young family, so study hard, consider getting an associate's or bachelor's, and save as much as you can.

I got my bachelor's in business and pushed to finish before I got married. It was tough starting out, as I had little passion for it. I worked a lot of the time I was in school and managed to pay for my degree and save up about $10k. This was hugely beneficial when my husband and I wanted to try for a baby and buy a home.

I hope you find what you're looking for in life :)

[–]uniq0rn_qlitter 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can’t and won’t please everyone. I know being this age is so hard, but I guarantee in 10 years you will know the names of only the amount of people who went your high school that you can count on your hands. If you remain friends with any of them, you will be able to count them on only one hand. So take what they say with a grain of salt, try to find your people and your way, and do your best not to care what others think. They do not define your value or worth.

I just want to add though though that while being a homemaker is a very important job, it also holds a great deal of responsibility. If you plan to have children someday, you will be there first teacher. If you plan to be a wife, there will be a lot of duties for you to complete. Most men I know don’t want just a beautiful face or body. Looks do fade after all. While visuals are important, it’s also important to have a mind. Men really need someone to talk to, who understands them, and listens to them. So try to educate yourself on things you want and need to know so that you will be happier in your future role.

[–]SecretFeminine 18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Being a homemaker is a lovely goal if it is what you want. That being said, I think there is value in knowing how to support yourself financially. Why? I think the reality is that you open yourself up to a lot of potential abuse (financial and otherwise) if you don't have the wherewithal to get by on your own. Plus we don't know when we will die. If I were a widow, the last thing I would want to have to do is rush off into a new marriage for financial reasons.

[–]Laurag06[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, I will keep trying in school and do my best

[–]A-Promise 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My mother was widowed when I was a baby and chose to work part time. She never remarried because she never wanted to and luckily she never had to because she had an education and skills.

[–]biitchstix 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've wondered just how bad highschool must be now and well... this answered my question.
The bad news is I don't think there's anything you can do about your peers. I've lost many many friends over the years due to my politics and values (I live in an extremely liberal city) and I've kinda just learned to deal with it. I can imagine thats a lot easier said than done when you're around them every day though.

I'd recommend getting involved in something outside your school if you're feeling isolated. Maybe join a church (even if you're not particularly religious you will likely be able to find people there who share your values, they usually have youth programs.), or volunteer somewhere (I personally really enjoy talking to seniors, they always have stories from a better time lol).

[–]Laurag06[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I am questioning my religion atm. My parents aren't religious, i am unsure and thinkg that there must be something more out there. Volunteering sounds like a great idea thanks!

[–]JaneDough21 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry that happened to you. This may sounds pretty weird but, what do you at school and what type of reunions and speeches for students are made?

Well, now to the problem. I think that you could tell them that as feminism is about having the women to do free-choices, they should not be burying their noses in what you want to be in the future, and if they do they are behaving in a sexist way . A little take of their own stream of ideology.

At the same time you could ask them directly what they see wrong with women being housewives. They are as important as female scientist, musicians, sportswomen, etc in society.

Or perhaps because housewives are related by the new feminism about being a woman that is at the knees of the man. Doesn't that count as sexims because feminists say that there are not gender stereotypes? Then why do they portray the wife as a submissive and not capable of doing anything without the man's help?

[–]Laurag06[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a bit confused by your question tbh? I'm not sure exactly what happens with reunions I've never had to consider it. They just tell me it is messed up and that they think I am stupid for wanting that.

[–]JaneDough21 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I did not explain myself clearly, sorry for that. Well, here in Spain we have some speeches where they bring people to teach us things or give us new perspectives (these things are common on Spanish highschools).

The ones I used to have were about feminism which was the most common conference they gave us. I remember one that was a monologue about a woman, who after being abused by his ex-boyfriend, she started to hit her husband ("i slapped him because he was not listening to me").

She told us that men were bad and sexist and would abuse us. She always answered the questions made by the girls but never answered to the boys who had their hand raised. Basically, she was adoctrinating girls to atract them to the new wave of feminism.

That was just one example over trillions of conferences we had in our highschool about feminism.

So I thought in your case that a teacher or someone giving a conference tried to impose their opinion or adoctrinate other students.

[–]A-Promise 19 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'll tread carefully because of rule five, but this is relevant to your question so should be okay: feminism is meant to be about choice. You can choose to do what you want with your life. If you want to be a homemaker then you are allowed to make decisions in line with that. If your friends are mocking you for your choice, then they are not feminists, they're just jerks.

My choice is that I want to have marriage to a Christian man wherein we follow Biblical principles when it comes to headship in a marriage. My choice is that I want to be a SAHM once I have children because that's how I prioritise family and career. My choice is that I want to be feminine in my appearance and character, it's just who I am. It isn't anti-feminist to make those decisions so your mother should support you if you do choose to talk to her about it.

The only warning I will give you is that you shouldn't neglect your education just because you don't see yourself having a career. There is value in education and the wisdom it brings. I studied Child Psychology, a degree that helped me to build a career and will help me to build my family one day. If you decide not to go to college then that is fine, but at 15, focus on school, the hobbies you enjoy, spending time with your family, making better friends, and learning the skills that will help you in adulthood and marriage.

[–]Laurag06[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I guess you're right but it appears that society has taken a huge turn and wanting what I want is to them wanting something which was much worse and people worked hard to change. Like I know hopefully my mom would support it but I thought that about my friend and also she is quite pushy and she is trying to push me down the science and maths route and I know I am not what she wants or expects. I am just really nervous and anxious about it all.

I am not sure exactly what I will do before I get married but thanks I will try with it until then.

[–]A-Promise 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honestly I think your schoolmates have a twisted view of feminism and that's probably a combination of immaturity and prejudice.

You aren't beholden to your friend and you don't have to study math and science if you don't want to but you also don't have to give up math and science because you want to be a homemaker. Pretty much every woman of the older generation I know at Church has a degree, even the women who are homemakers. It's not unattractive to be educated or to be skilled.

[–]Due_Practice8634 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. They really have a weird view of what feminism is. Real feminism is about realizing that women's choices are valid., Not just the choices you think a woman should make. Deciding to be a a homemaker isnt any less of a valid choice than choosing to be a lawyer. To make fun of homemaking is to demean the all work that all the women before us did.

[–]Due_Practice8634 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Im a feminist and have a great exhilarating job at a fortune 500. Thats my thing and I love it. The people mocking you should remember there was a time women would get mocked for saying she wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, or accountant by tradionalist who thought a woman's place was only in the home.. The reality is both choices are valid. To invalidate being a homemaker is to invalidate the domestic work that women did for centuries and act like it is beneath anyone one to do. It is not. I will leave you with this advice...apologies for overstepping but A-promise makes the best point. the reality is that many marriages end in divorce and Ive seen a lot of women whose marriage dissolved when they were in their late 30s/early 40s and left with no work history or skill set to support themselves. So even if the goal is to be a homemaker I do encourage you to still take your education very seriously and learn a skill/hobby that you can always support yourself with if needed. Many times by learning hobbies/skills or going to church/ volunteer work it does help you meet people that are more compatible with you for partnerships. Good luck!

[–]civilgoldfinch 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Its really weird how a couple of years ago or when i was a kid it was normal to dream about having a family. Like i thought all girls did that. But anyways ignore them they are just bored with their lives and have to pick on someone to make themselves better.

[–]Laurag06[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ig I wish it was like that now! It is easy to ignore one person but it is like everyone I know

[–]C0NDITI0NBLACK 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to find other like minded individuals and keep your private life separate from people that don't respect your views. If you want to be a traditional woman then thats incredible, have your father or your brother help you out when it comes to choosing traditional men that will take care you.

[–]ChrimsonChin988 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Their opinions/beliefs are not their own because they have never had a career or been a housewife. They're just parroting beliefs they picked up from others (family, teachers, friends, media etc.) So really they don't have a clue what they're talking about; it's essentially nothing more than bluff.

People do this all the time (especially kids) to make themselves seem superior, meanwhile they're just talking out of their asses. If you were to challenge them and ask 'why' questions they will soon run out of answers (because they are just parroting someone else's opinion, they will not have a good reasoning behind this opinion, since they haven't really given it much thought and will be unable to give a better answer than standard horseshit)

[–]purple_pansy88 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you live in the UK? The UK is woke central. Being 'cisheteronormative' and right leaning or libertarian over there is like a crime and parents have no authority and everything is abuse, sexist, racist, transphobic. I moved away to raise my children as soon as I had the chance. I couldn't breathe. I'm devastated that this is my ancestral homeland.

[–]zino193 -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Life is not always about expressing yourself. It's also about adapting and fitting it. Same as as a homemaker you will adapt to your partners needs, strengths and insecurities.

Same thing here- actually you should consider it training. It's not a coincidence why traditional cultures emphasize fitting in and popularity - that's a good soft skill but also transcends and helps you build relationships.

[–]Laurag06[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks though I've spent the past few years trying to fit in and I've been really unhappy. It seems completely different trying to fit in with people who have no respect for what I really want and trying to adapt to a husband who (hopefully) loves me for who I really am

[–]zino193 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I won't argue. You're young and you'll see life is not about you and how you feel.

Or you won't and just end up building resentment towards a world that won't be kind and adapt to your wants and needs for free.

The red pill isn't about hacking your way trough what you want. It's about doing what it takes. Male or female - you do not make the rules, you just learn them and play the game to the absolute best of your ability so you win.

[–]Zealousideal_Tea_735 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Always Remember all of that ridicule will be temporary. There are other women who wanted the same things and got made fun of or ostracized and ended having the life they wanted while the jokesters ended up realizing they were right all along. There will be a time where the last becomes first and the fist becomes last.

[–]unefilleperdue 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just to add to this, I’m 19 and had similar experiences in high school. I would suggest watching Mrs Midwest on YouTube if you haven’t already, she kind of addresses the topic in some of her videos.

[–]wintry-windy 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm 19 y living in Latin America, and I feel the same. I don't have any will to be a business woman, I don't see the point on it, my only dream is to have a stable family and take care of the people I love, and because of that even my therapist scolds me. They say that if my husband divorces me I'll have nowhere to go- well, my company can also fire me, what has a even bigger chance of happening since I'll be unhappy as hell. They say that my husband may abuse me, well, I can as well be abused at my company, specially considering how sensitive I'm. But no matter what they say, I'm not going to change my nature because of society's views of me. My solution was, I found a boyfriend in a culture that's more accepting of women like me, and understands and valorizes me the way I'm. So don't lose your hope not let the vision of other people dictates how you should be, love yourself first always. Wish you luck!

[–]Yamahooooo 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My girlfriend is in the same boat, she is 18 and people often judge her (especialy from family) for wanting to be a stay at home mother. Do as you please. If your mother was a true feminist she would want woman to do as they please.

[–]chowchowfluff 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just wanted to say that please don’t let what anyone else thinks change what you feel strongly about doing for your life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a homemaker. People bully people that they think are different than them. It’s not fair and it makes the person being bullied feel terrible. When I was in my teens (now am 32) I wish I would’ve had the same kind of conviction about what I wanted as you seem to. Instead I tried to conform because I was bullied for one thing or another and thought if I was just more like everyone else that I’d fare better in life. I wish I would’ve been more true to myself in my teen years. I hope you continue to pursue your dreams and seek out people to align yourself with that respect that :).

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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